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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

How are you in one word? v. 2012

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^ I hope you feel better. I was sick most of this past week too. Throat felt like sandpaper!

toothpastedog said:
ugh I crave intimacy // miss my best friend // trying to make new friends and meet new women, but it's a process, that's for sure....
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What about the woman with whom you made that funky pizza? Anyway, I know how it feels to want your perfect compliment. You're an awesome dude and only deserve the best, but on the flipside that means that you might have to wait a bit. Just keep putting yourself out there and the right person will notice you for the right reasons, hopefully at the right time.


isolated

I can pretend that the changes I've recently made, and those that have been made for me, aren't going to dull out my social life, but they are/will. Having a suspended drivers license is really annoying when ya don't live within walking distance of public transport, and the nighttime options are slim when all that is within walking distance would be a few bars. I was going to go out with some friends and just not partake, but it's just inconvenient/dangerous making them drive this far out to pick me up and drop me off when they're in party mode. And then I thought about walking to one of the bars to pig out on bar food, but decided I'm still too young to go to a bar alone, even if I don't drink. So I've ordered myself some delivery and will probably throw a few hours away to a Law&Order marathon or similar.
 
ugly said:
It seems like the amphets are a good chem for you at the moment, trees. I mean, it helps you live a normal life and stay productive. It might not be the ideal solution, but you can create an ideal solution for yourself, implement it, and wean yourself of the amphetamines if you don't like them and don't want to take them.

There are a variety of ways to strengthen your self esteem, lessen your insecurities, and help you do eye contact. These are often time consuming and challenging ways to change behavior. Pills are easy and quick. Real change is difficult and slow. Which do you feel you can live with?
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For me it was the opposite. I became dependent on that push of confidence, and now I feel I'm severely lacking without it. Of course sure for the first couple of years of abusing amp it seemed great, use to party all the time on them and my friends loved me. That slowly changed, I dunno if it was because I didn't know how to be social without them, or if I had done abuse to those parts of my brain. I had to switch off to meth because of tolerance issues, but it continued to go downhill. I did them for anexity reasons, but now its turned into your point about being able to carry a conversation. I'm to the point with meth where I feel I'm boring and not talkative/have nothing to say or comes to mind/withdrawn without them. If I don't have amps, I don't have motivation.

I dunno everyone is different, but I just feel like becoming dependent on them isn't a good idea. I'm sure I can relearn how to be social and all that, but I'm worse off now then I was when I started. Sorry your post just stuck out to me ugly :)

back OT:

Miserable
 
@RedLeader: I hear ya, that's why I moved downtown. Pretty well everything worth doing here is walkable, and the stuff that isn't is bikeable in summer. Eff a suburb; they're the cancer that will kill North American cities. For my quiet nights in, I've been working through a couple animes that are pretty good, PM if you'd like more info ;)

@Vaya: :( What's up?

ATM: Groggy.
 
tass4243 said:
m. If I don't have amps, I don't have motivation.
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I don't have motivation either, without meth. As least, not easy access motivation.

I'm broke, so don't have money to pay for anything. I have had to force myself to do yoga. It helps me a lot and its a great activity when I feel like I am a puppet without the crystal hand inside that moves me.

Yoga is on the floor on a mat and I chose to practice gentle yoga. Eventually my own hand can start to move the puppet of my outer self. I also use a few caffeine pills every so often. They are nothing like meth BUT I happened to find a bottle of them in my cabinet, so I am using them to prop myself up, at least a little bit. I have never had an enormous drug habit because I'm not rich. I can't afford to get and stay as high as I want to be.

Its a shit situation to be sure but broke is broke is fukNN BB RRrrroooke.

I can't steal anything to support my habit. I can't steal, or rob, or boost anything.

I have tried. I panic. My mom's a klepto. THAT is why I don't steal. When I was a little girl she got busted occasionally for shoplifting when I was with her. My dad rescued us... he was a cop... but I hated hated hated getting stopped when she stole. It embarrassed me so much, that is why I can't steal.

tass4243 said:
but I'm worse off now then I was when I started. Sorry your post just stuck out to me ugly :)
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Your sorry??? If my posts didn't poke someone once in a while, I'd be in here all alone! I am really upset for you because you feel worse off now then when you started. All bad. Your attention needs to be diverted away from the amphs. Even though you think you are worse now, that doesn't mean you are getting worse. If you can gather your intellect and your emotions and your heart together and make the decision that this is as far as you are willing to go you really CAN keep your habit at this level and I'm fairly certain that you can forbid yourself from upping the dose. It is so hard you'll cry, but your reason needs to be the hand that moves the puppet of outer you.

You can tell me I'm full of shit and you tried all that. I don't mind you kicking my ass as long as you think about what I'm suggesting. I'm not just over here talking like a person with a paper asshole. I know whereof I speak. Everybody is different though, and what is helping me might not help you. I don't know any magic to make it easy. But please don't think that because it is difficult, it is impossible. Difficult is not the same thing as impossible, and only you know where difficulty ends and impossible begins.


tass4243 said:
back OT:

Miserable
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I am not miserable at all right now. If I could email you some fine to replace your miserable I would do that. If I could order some fine, and have it delivered, I would. Fine must be in the air all around us though, otherwise nobody would have fine. CHeck the air around you. Maybe there is some fine in it.

If that doesn't make sense right now just leave it alone. You might come back to it. <triggering ;)>
 
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