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how are you in 1 word ?

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Unhappy, exhausted, critical.
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I didn't take any Vicodin today up until about 3pm, and out of habit and my inability to cope with inward issues, I caved again. I felt like a complete piece of shit the entire time I was high, too. I felt so fucking good for the most part earlier today, but for some reason I just thought of something that bothered me and without even thinking twice, almost out of sheer instinct, I chewed up multiple pills. I'm in the type of mood where I could really, really sit here loathing myself, but that type of method hasn't proven to be effective. Moments like this I really begin to wish so badly that I could get away from all these fucking bottles of pills. Consequently, my addiction has bound me in a very unhealthy environment for someone with my issues.
 
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Addict.

One drug alone used to be enough. Then combos got interesting. Then boring. Now I just want to escape from my consciousness, and its difficult cause I have to mix a fuckload of substances just to feel the same as one beer used to feel.
 
SideOrderOfOpiates said:
Unhappy, exhausted, critical.
1zf0c3p.jpg

I didn't take any Vicodin today up until about 3pm, and out of habit and my inability to cope with inward issues, I caved again. . Moments like this I really begin to wish so badly that I could get away from all these fucking bottles of pills. Consequently, my addiction has bound me in a very unhealthy environment for someone with my issues.
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It's good to experience the guilts when you've done wrong by yourself. Is there any possibility you could move SOo?

Tired but content
 
Asclepius said:
It's good to experience the guilts when you've done wrong by yourself. Is there any possibility you could move SOo?
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The only other place that I could see myself moving to (and being able to tolerate, pay my bills, ect.) right now would be Las Vegas, but the only friend I have who moved out there stopped talking to me for manipulating him into picking up someone to shoot me up with heroin in the back of his vehicle roughly two years ago. I haven't touched heroin since, but when we last spoke, I could tell that things weren't the same between us. We've been close since we first met when I was just 14 years old—8 years ago. Although I can see how that would warrant a bit of anger, I'm not about to do something completely on my own right now. I've mostly had everything done for me, paid for me, ect...and as much as that has not been conducive to growth, I haven't the vaguest how to live on my own. I've lived with other people before, but I simply cannot fathom going to a totally different state and figuring out how to do virtually everything while managing PTSD and reality as soon as I get there.

Currently feeling: Rockin'!
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Could do without the post-Vicodin decongestant chunks of death, but hell, I'm still alive and bitching, and I happen to look a hell of a lot healthier than I did yesterday.
 
currently feeling quadra fucked. hurting from 5 straight days working in my woodshed. i have at least 4 chords split and stacked and there is another 6 or 7 to go.

everything fucking hurts.
 
paranoid android said:
^ Fuck allergies and colds seriously. I get allergies on and off and i had a bad flu last month and my nose was so blocked up that i had a constant sinus headache and fuck do i ever hate those :! . Hope ya feel better soon.
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thanks <3 im starting to feel better now. well, the cold is subsiding, but i still struggle daily with my severe allergies. they never used to be this bad in the past, but in the past 2 years, its gotten worse. my allergies are so bad that it does affect my everyday life. ive yet to find anything that really works [tried benadryl, nasonex, zyrtec, zycam, claritin, etc.] hopefully soon, i find something that helps :\


i am: grateful.

things are looking up. plus, ive been sober for a little over 2 weeks now. i dont really feel all happy, joyous, and free atm, but i am content with where im at right now.
 
hobhead said:
currently feeling quadra fucked. hurting from 5 straight days working in my woodshed. i have at least 4 chords split and stacked and there is another 6 or 7 to go.

everything fucking hurts.
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Summer's coming, hobby. Why are you stacking cords now?
 
Thank you for the encouragement Asclepius & ugly, it feels good to be clean even though I know I'm not out of the woods yet with my addiction.

Today I am feeling weird because I am not happy nor sad nor anxious nor calm. I have been in a big rut career-wise for a year now and I need to start making decisions, even though I am the most indecisive and impulsive kind of person a person can be.

Hope everyone has been enjoying, or getting ready to enjoy their weekend. >3
 
SirTophamHat said:
Thank you for the encouragement Asclepius & ugly, it feels good to be clean even though I know I'm not out of the woods yet with my addiction.

Today I am feeling weird because I am not happy nor sad nor anxious nor calm. I have been in a big rut career-wise for a year now and I need to start making decisions, even though I am the most indecisive and impulsive kind of person a person can be.

Hope everyone has been enjoying, or getting ready to enjoy their weekend. >3
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When feelings are ambiguous and a little obscured(naturally), it can be a noble place where you can observe yourself and your life life. :)
Rootin' for ya hun! <3 ;)

Awesome nd Jammy! For no major particular reason either(seeing an old show on tv that gave me a good laugh-ah, the little things! :)), just feel good...uh, oh a fall is to come...blah nevermind ;)
 
Itchy. I'm growing my beard out because I don't need to look profesh for several weeks, and between you and me, fellow bluelighters, I kind of like looking like a bum.
 
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