Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

[Carl Landrover]

I don't cough up blood often, just sometimes after a coughing fit, my last bit of phlegm will have some red in it. That's pretty much where I stop myself from coughing anymore.

I went running over the weekend and I specifically remember spitting some loosened phelgm into the snow and it coming out as a big red blob. It was noticeable on the white of the snow.

My lungs feel alright running, but I imagine if there's blood there's some sort of damage going on.


So...I've been thinking about going back to that dude tomorrow, which doesn't make any sense since I've got a dozen reasons not to. Almost did tonight, but had the foresight not to bring any money or my ATM card when I went to school.

 

[xxkcxx]

So...I've been thinking about going back to that dude tomorrow, which doesn't make any sense since I've got a dozen reasons not to. Almost did tonight, but had the foresight not to bring any money or my ATM card when I went to school.

That was some good foresight actually.

I know I've only been holding out for like 4 days, but even that has been hard. I basically have to force myself to take a sub in the morning before I can even THINK about making calls.

 

[xxkcxx]

nOd. nOd. nOd.


Thank God probation is done for another month


I do have a question though, it is sorta a drug test question, but it isn't will I be clean in X days if I used today, so hopefully mods will allow it. If not feel free to delete.


But anyway, I told my PO I'm on Suboxone and he said that it will make me test positive. I said no it won't because everything I have read said it won't and I've been on it several times while tested and never had a positive from it. He asked another PO and she agreed with him. He said he had a guy test positive last week and it was because of Suboxone. The girl PO said maybe I never tested positive cause I am on a low dose (8mg)?

What is the real answer? I mean, this could be a great cover if I ever test positive, but I'd like to understand why they are saying what they are saying...

 

[imnotapharmacist]

It depends on the test. It depends on what they are testing for, and what concentrations. I don't know what buprinorphine (sp?) breaks down into... hmm... research time.

 

[Carl Landrover]

^ (to KC)
I don't think it shows up unless it's specifically tested for. So a regular Panel 5 (is that the name?) wouldn't show it.

The girl obviously doesn't know much if she's considering 8mg a low dose.

---------

Same damn cravings everyday. I didn't bring money to campus again and while it's a good idea, I just spend all day fantasizing about picking something up. Snorting is almost completely out of the picture for me at this point to, so I think I'm going to bang it if I try again.

I don't know...I'm so scattered on the subject. One minute I never want to use again and I'm feelin good and proud with that decision. The next minute, I want to use right then and there.

 

[xxkcxx]

It depends on the test. It depends on what they are testing for, and what concentrations. I don't know what buprinorphine (sp?) breaks down into... hmm... research time.

Buprenorphine is metabolised to nor-buprenorphine, buprenorphine glucorinide and nor-buprenorphine glucorinide.

No morphine or codeine, which is why I don't get it.

^ (to KC)
I don't think it shows up unless it's specifically tested for. So a regular Panel 5 (is that the name?) wouldn't show it.

The girl obviously doesn't know much if she's considering 8mg a low dose.

---------

Same damn cravings everyday. I didn't bring money to campus again and while it's a good idea, I just spend all day fantasizing about picking something up. Snorting is almost completely out of the picture for me at this point to, so I think I'm going to bang it if I try again.

I don't know...I'm so scattered on the subject. One minute I never want to use again and I'm feelin good and proud with that decision. The next minute, I want to use right then and there.

Well, the office ONLY uses the NIDA-5. I know this for a fact.

And I agree about her not knowing much. I thought the same thing when she said that it was a low dose. My own PO doesn't either as he was telling me, the person who has actually been on it, that it just gets you high and makes you dependent on a new drug for no real reason.


You know how I feel about banging it, being in the same situation as you with my lungs. It always sounds like the perfect solution to me, but I really do get afraid of it sometimes. Sometimes I'll just get these pictures in my head of me in the bathroom with a tie around my around and pulling the cap off the syringe with my teeth, and sticking it in, and I feel so dirty. I can only imagine how it would be if I was ACTUALLY doing it on a regular basis and not just imagining it.

 

[imnotapharmacist]

I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and say that your PO and his/her associates don't know a god damn thing about what they are talking about.

NIDA5 definitely does not include nor-buprenorphine, buprenorphine glucorinide and nor-buprenorphine glucorinide. The only trick left I guess it to make sure none of those metabolise into anything that'll get you in trouble(can't imagine they would). Those aren't in the SAMSHA5 either... I didn't check the spelling on that one... but if you're absolutely positive they are using NIDA5 then I wouldn't worry about it. Although... aren't you trying to set this up as an excuse? So wouldn't it be a GOOD thing for them to think your legal presciption can cause a false positive on their drug tests?

 

[xxkcxx]

^ I'm not really trying to, no. I go to every length to make sure I am legitimately clean when I need to drop because I am on thin ice as it is. No desire to get violated.

 

[drug_wench]

Makes me feel like if I'm going to relapse again I should go to the pharmacy and try banging it.

shit, carl, dont ever shoot sub
it puts u instantly into WD cos somehow the bupe doesnt go in, only the naloxone
not sure chemically why, but thats wat happens
thats why they put the naloxone in it - to deter anyone from banging it!

TG - ill add u to my MSN
if i havnt already, add me on [email protected]
anyone is welcome to do this
hope things r better for u, sweetie

my cravings r dying down a lot, now im totally stabilised on 20mg sub
seems to b the right dose for me
i shot some sterile water last night again but even the needle fixation is dying down
still tossing and turning over this hep C test tho

 

[Carl Landrover]

shit, carl, dont ever shoot sub
it puts u instantly into WD cos somehow the bupe doesnt go in, only the naloxone
not sure chemically why, but thats wat happens
thats why they put the naloxone in it - to deter anyone from banging it!

Haha, sorry I wasn't clear. I would never do that! I think suboxone works wonderfully taken sublingually.

I don't even like the difference in feel when I snort it.

If I tried shooting anything it would be H, since my lungs get all fucked up from snorting things at this point. I'm just trying not to focus on it if possible. Got sooo much other stuff going on right now.

 

[placid space]

Hey Carl. Ive been having the same problem. Ive asked around on this forum before and google my ass of but never really came across anyone having the same problem. So you also get this wheezing and crackling noise from your lungs after snorting for a while? Do you have problem breathing also ? Ive never coughed up blood tho. I usually stop using for a while (two days usually) cause It becomes too difficult to breathe normally.

Anyway havent posted anything In a while so I may rant a bit. Ive been doing H for years, always managed to keep it somewhat under control, months without but lately Im slipping. Havent been sober more that I dunno, two days since, hmm, since november I think. And before that no more than a week usually. It sucks. College that I shouldve finished like a year ago is not closer to being finished than it was a year ago. I lie to my dad about exams, I spend so much money on H that its making me really fucking depressed, plus when on H i make stupid hasty decisions that have also cost me financialy and personaly (I was feeling moody and just stopped talking to some friends (for a year!) that ive had for my whole life and didnt really give a sh*t).

I always thought a good girlfriend would turn things around but as QuasiStoned wrote on the previous page, its BS. You cannot have a proper relationship when using. And in any case dating sometimes just felt/feels too much of a bother when I could just get high, sit in my comfy chair and do nothing. My sex drive is zero. And Ive lost so much weight in the last half year that it bizzare. I looked really nice and I would go to the gym regularly lift weights and run and now I look like ive been in a prison camp. And it doesnt really matter how much I eat, muscles go away on H. And it makes me more depressed so of course it becomes one of the reasons for that extra line of H.

So basically lately im seriously considering to somehow cut myself off financially completely, open like a savings account and make it so, that i would not be able to get any money cause it would be tied up. Leave myself very little spending money, too little to score any H. Food I have at home or college and its cheap and since H is my hobby I dont really have any other pasttimes. I'll start going to the gym again but thats it. Im probabily doing that next week cause im sick of everything.

 

[dilated_pupils]

Everyone I'm doing really good right now still staying craving free now it's been over 10 months! I can't wait to hit the year mark, it's so close! I know heroin will always be the best feeling drug but I know now for a fact that I'd rather take the path of being sober than being a junkie. I'm up at college now and all my new friends have told me how proud of me they are for being clean, even though my family/girlfriend don't understand what a feat this truly is to be sober from opiates for over 10 months.

I am still on suboxone, but I only take about 8mgs/day now rather than what I was on which was 16mgs/day. I'm doing good I can finally say it again. Hope everyone else is doing well.

-dp

 

[formanchristopher]

^ To all the posters above...girlfriends (or even wives/husbands) just cannot and never will be able to compete with what this one chick I know refers to as "Lady heroin". Personally? I had a parole officer 15-20 yrs. ago who told my now ex-wife that she's never have to worry
about me cheating, except with heroin, which she told my ex, was "my mistress". I'm here to tell you, she was right on, looking back. And what about when we're in w/d? How you can't stand anyone to even touch you, or be around you, running off at the mouth when we feel so miserable, yet we are trying not to show it? Heroin destroys relationships. And my two-cents
for anyone who continues to chase the bag because no matter how long you try to stay clean
or when you are off all opiates, you "just don't feel normal"? Get on an opiate replacement drug. Harm reduction is what it is. Not to mention, while on Sub (I take 8mg daily) or methadone, YOU CAN maintain a relationship...and even a better one if you can talk to your
partner about all of these things, while you are doing them(Dr. app'ts, Hep C tests, pharmacy,
etc.) Btw, I "had" late stage 3 Hep C, (Stage 4 being cirrhosis), and after taking the (dual) drug tx, it is no longer detected in a Hep C panel! The treatment(tx) is at times VERY hard, however it's worth it if you wanna live those extra 10-15 yrs. that you'd probably lose due to Hep C running rampant. Everybody IS different though...if you drink alcohol (drug wench?) you
are putting gas on a fire-it's THAT dangerous!
So to all, thanks for listening, and please note: I've been through it all, believe that! If anyone, and I mean anyone wants to talk, feel free. I am a constant anylizer/researcher and
I study any and everything to do with addiction and or mental health (I'm dual-diagnosis). I may not have the answers, but will gladly steer you in the direction of someone who does, if so, okay? Happy to be getting to a few of you, and I wish you all tranquilitiy.
Peace, Christopher

 

[formanchristopher]

Everyone I'm doing really good right now still staying craving free now it's been over 10 months! I can't wait to hit the year mark, it's so close! I know heroin will always be the best feeling drug but I know now for a fact that I'd rather take the path of being sober than being a junkie. I'm up at college now and all my new friends have told me how proud of me they are for being clean, even though my family/girlfriend don't understand what a feat this truly is to be sober from opiates for over 10 months.

I am still on suboxone, but I only take about 8mgs/day now rather than what I was on which was 16mgs/day. I'm doing good I can finally say it again. Hope everyone else is doing well.

-dp

^ As I was just saying(!)...it is possible! Excellent job "dp".
However, in the treatment community I am involved in, being on Suboxone counts you out, when it comes to "being clean and sober". ANY mind altering substance counts you out, but I just have to disagree, specially with Sub!
You?????????????????

 

[xxkcxx]

Hey Carl. Ive been having the same problem. Ive asked around on this forum before and google my ass of but never really came across anyone having the same problem. So you also get this wheezing and crackling noise from your lungs after snorting for a while? Do you have problem breathing also ? Ive never coughed up blood tho. I usually stop using for a while (two days usually) cause It becomes too difficult to breathe normally.

I have the same problem too...I've started at least one thread asking about it.

Do you have asthma? I know that is what they told me that I had a minor underlying asthma that was aggravated by snorting. Gave me a steroid inhaler and a rescue inhaler. After using for a bit, I tend to get bronchitis or something similar (pneumonia once) and end up on a breathing treatment and some steroids and antibiotics.

 

[Carl Landrover]

^ As I was just saying(!)...it is possible! Excellent job "dp".
However, in the treatment community I am involved in, being on Suboxone counts you out, when it comes to "being clean and sober". ANY mind altering substance counts you out, but I just have to disagree, specially with Sub!
You?????????????????

I definitely don't consider myself clean with suboxone, but it is a lot different than being involved with something like oxy or dope. Pretty close to sobriety, but definitely not sober.

I used to consider myself sober when I was just taking the same daily dose for several months. However, when I decided to taper down, I realized how much I was still dependent on substance.

Hey Carl. Ive been having the same problem. Ive asked around on this forum before and google my ass of but never really came across anyone having the same problem. So you also get this wheezing and crackling noise from your lungs after snorting for a while? Do you have problem breathing also ? Ive never coughed up blood tho. I usually stop using for a while (two days usually) cause It becomes too difficult to breathe normally.

As KC posted, she also suffers from a similar affliction. I've actually seen a few similar threads over the last few years on it. I guess we're just the unlucky ones (or the lucky, depending on how you look at it).

Be VERY careful though if you're having those difficulties, it can get very serious. Back before I realized how serious and before my parents knew, I was struggling to breathe so much that if I'd roll over in the middle of the night, I'd have to sit up and focus on catching my breath. I was starting to get winded from just doing some slow walking.

I went to the doctor and apparently was only taking in between 89-91% oxygen (I think it's a percentage?). Normally people will be around 99-100. My lips were starting to turn slightly blue.


Actually, majority of your post sounds pretty similar to myself from a few years ago. Lot of similarities with things like lying about grades, getting depressed, blowing off long time friends just to sit in my room and blow bags in front of the TV/computer, getting really thin, worrying about draining bank account, etc.

Not to scare you too much, as I have had plenty of breaks, especially with the help of suboxone, but it's 3 years later and I'm still dealing with this problem. I'd really start trying to get help now if I were you. Although, I got the same warnings a few years ago and just disregarded them.

 

[xxkcxx]

I definitely don't consider myself clean with suboxone, but it is a lot different than being involved with something like oxy or dope. Pretty close to sobriety, but definitely not sober.

I used to consider myself sober when I was just taking the same daily dose for several months. However, when I decided to taper down, I realized how much I was still dependent on substance.

IMO, being "clean" is about intent. My bipolar and depression meds are mind and mood altering, but I'm not taking them to get high, just to bring myself to the same level that others operate on normally. I view suboxone the same way (okay, slightly different since I was the cause of my condition not genetics or what have you, but very similar). Suboxone does not get me high, I honestly don't notice much effect when I am on it except slightly more energy which honestly could be a placebo effect.

So yeah, you are on an opiate, but you aren't on it for the same reasons or in the manner you were on H or Oxy or Hydros or whatever your OOC is (Opiate of Choice).

 

[placid space]

@ xxkcxx

Nope, no asthma. Never had problems breathing before .
I havent seen your thread because I havent really checked newer posts, I asked about this problem a few years ago and just figured nobody else has this problem. Yes its very similar in many ways to bronchitis.
I see that you use depression meds. Im surprised how you write that you still crave opiates so much, I would have figured it would help. Does it not help you with everyday life and the desire to score ?
I used Zoloft for a while (after withdrawing) and It really helped, also had some xanax a few times (to calm down because I craved H) and when being on those drugs I did not crave H much. I could function. If only we had doctors that are not judgemental and look down on you, I might actually get help (tho my doc wouldnt even believe my I use H, does it convince them if you give blood ?)

@Carl Landrover

I notice you also have problems staying away despite suboxone. Do you have a plan how to quit ? What is your life like otherwise ?
You say I sound similar to you. I suppose. In any case I take this H problem very seriously and will first try to sort it out myself. I was able to before (was clean for a year) hopefully will again. And this breathing problem keeps the lid on the usage a bit. And I would never consider IVing. Ever.

I hear you about how serious it can get with this breathing thing. Once It go so bad I seriously thought I was going to die. I almost couldnt breathe anymore (felt like my lungs were the size of a golf ball) and it really frightened me. Two days of that. Since then I stop before it gets bad. The worst thing is that it gets better (the breathing) when you use (once you start getting the problem) but then it comes right back again. At the worst of it I couldnt sleep lying down, only sitting down and leaning forward...I never want to be like that again.
BTW. I noticed that this problem gets worse (much worse and faster progress) If you snort with your nose totally clean and open. I have (not visible on the outside) one nostril that is inside much wider than the other. If I snort through that one I get the breathing problems immediately. Day or two. If I use the other side, the powder cannot get to my lungs so directly (a little powder always gets to the lungs I suppose and I think thats the main problem) and the problem only starts showing after a week or more. But on the other hand, once I got lots of Oxys and some Sevredols (morphine). Both are pills, no snorting (!!!). And the problem with breathing also occured which is really odd. On oxy it wasnt really a problem but on Sevredol it was terrible and almost as If I snorted H through the wider nostril.

in any case, I really wish you guys all good luck

 

[Carl Landrover]

@Carl Landrover

I notice you also have problems staying away despite suboxone. Do you have a plan how to quit ? What is your life like otherwise ?
You say I sound similar to you. I suppose. In any case I take this H problem very seriously and will first try to sort it out myself. I was able to before (was clean for a year) hopefully will again. And this breathing problem keeps the lid on the usage a bit. And I would never consider IVing. Ever.


BTW. I noticed that this problem gets worse (much worse and faster progress) If you snort with your nose totally clean and open. I have (not visible on the outside) one nostril that is inside much wider than the other. If I snort through that one I get the breathing problems immediately. Day or two. If I use the other side, the powder cannot get to my lungs so directly (a little powder always gets to the lungs I suppose and I think thats the main problem) and the problem only starts showing after a week or more. But on the other hand, once I got lots of Oxys and some Sevredols (morphine). Both are pills, no snorting (!!!). And the problem with breathing also occured which is really odd. On oxy it wasnt really a problem but on Sevredol it was terrible and almost as If I snorted H through the wider nostril.

in any case, I really wish you guys all good luck

Suboxone really does get rid of my cravings, I'm just taking ridiculously low doses of it. I was on it for a 14month period with the majority of the time taking 2mg a day. Didn't use H for 18 months then. I just don't want to be that dependant on suboxone again, especially since I'm only using whats leftover from when I had a script.

My life is just stressful with school and work right now. My school is within a half mile vicinity of where I can score off the street. I park my car less than a block away from where me and dope boy scored dope in the recent few months.

I've only used once in the past 18 days, but I still crave bad everyday. I can't really talk about it to anyone else though, so I do a lot of venting here on BL.


I definitely hear you on that nostril thing too. If I use my right nostril it feels like it goes directly to my lungs. The left one seems like it used to be better, but it's pretty bad too. It's definitely better to use than the right one, except I feel like it gets stuffed up so much quicker. Nothing more frustrating than lines in front of you, but you can't blow it. 8)

What about you? You got any plans to stop? You use an inhaler or ever get prescribed anything from a doctor for your lungs?

 

[xxkcxx]

@ xxkcxx

Nope, no asthma. Never had problems breathing before .
I havent seen your thread because I havent really checked newer posts, I asked about this problem a few years ago and just figured nobody else has this problem. Yes its very similar in many ways to bronchitis.
I see that you use depression meds. Im surprised how you write that you still crave opiates so much, I would have figured it would help. Does it not help you with everyday life and the desire to score ?
I used Zoloft for a while (after withdrawing) and It really helped, also had some xanax a few times (to calm down because I craved H) and when being on those drugs I did not crave H much. I could function. If only we had doctors that are not judgemental and look down on you, I might actually get help (tho my doc wouldnt even believe my I use H, does it convince them if you give blood ?)

Actually, I don't take those meds as I am supposed to. I never really feel like they help at all no matter how long I give them.