Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

[drug_wench]

gd luck to all having trouble kicking out there
im still banging sterile water which i know is pretty stupid but im weaning from evry second day to a few times a week - its my way of dealing with the need to shoot.....something
the guy at the needle exchange said it was pretty common - he even said i was looking well today and 'gd on u for getting off the gear'
i repeat i dont know wat id do without the combo of my bf and that suboxone tho.....

still havnt gone in for my second test to see if i really do hav hep C or hav just bn exposed to it tho
i guess im putting it off cos ima bit scared

 

[xyther4523]

i thought i just post up here...but im addicted to fentanyl and oxycodone(although oxycodone has never caused me problems). i am prescribed both. i stopped smoking it..but it is still so DAMN tempting. my tolerence to fent got up to 7.5-10mg (smoked)..i would smoke a big hit after big hit..it really started fuckin with me.

i constantly fought with my gf, and i would tell her she cant see me cause of a bullshit reason just to get high. i really did stupid things to get high...it was just getting bad for me (although nothin like any H addicts) but it was starting to bring me to rock bottom...then it did.

What caused me to really open my eyes was going to jail. i went thru HELL from w/d and horrible pain (i have chronic pain). i couldnt even walk. ever since i got out a few weeks ago, i have been using fentanyl just as prescribed (150ug/h) and occasionally ill put a used duragesic patch in my mouth for BT pain.

If i would have kept using fentanyl like i was, i probably would be dead right now. My tolerence was so high (who the fuck uses 10mg to get high on FENTANYL?!) that i would have ended up overdosing in just a matter of time.

just thought i would share that with yall
goodluck guys!

 

[drug_wench]

an inspirational story xyther - well done
i dont know shit-all about fentanyl but if its anything like dealing with a heroin addiction then u did well, esp with chronic pain
anything u do to handle the cravings (if u hav any) u cud share with us? i know id luv to know a few secrets!
god im craving H today....fuck subs....i want H
still, taken my dose now....too late (thank god!)
spose im just still scared shitless about this hep C scare and i want to turn to my old comfort blankets

 

[the_ketaman]

Ive tried to get on sub a few times but they make it really hard for me and in the end its not worth it but im going to rehab in a few days and im sure it will be a piece of cake getting what I need in there and by the time im done with rehab id say they should trust me enough to be able to get it at a pharmacy rather than making me travel 40 minutes to a clinic which I wouldnt really feel comfortable with coz im a different breed of addict than a lot of the people who go into the clinic, I dont want to get messed up with that crowd, they all look completely drug fucked plus its so much of a hassle, I dont even want to be on bupe for a long time.

Go for your Hep C test wench, the sooner you find out the sooner you can get treated if something is up and the healthier you will be, if your fine then it will be off your conscience. Im sure youve heard this before but HepC isnt a death sentence.

 

[Enlitx]

I have to admit, I am extremely impressed with some of the addictions you guys have managed to overcome, or at least mitigate.

For me, I will have my one year of sobriety in two days. Before that I tried methadone for two months after being addicted to OC for two years. Everything is going well I guess, I am getting married this summer and will have my bachelor degree in biochemistry within a year. Since I was able to stop using, I have managed to maintain a decent GPA and will graduate from the honors program.

Still, I am missing something. It seems like I think about opiates much more than I should for being clean an entire year. I have all these great things going on in my life, but nothing has come close to replacing that great opiate bliss. I am worried that after all this time clean, I am going to relapse. My fiancee is one of the main reasons I have been clean this long, since she won't put up with my drug induced behavior anymore, but hopefully I can learn to live life without thinking that a little OC would make my day so much better...

 

[*Love*Lite*]

^^ I agree with you!
I am kicking my month long (year on and off) habit with dope to the curb this week... cant just be numb anymore. I lost my job and I think I thought that gave me the right to check out for a while... I really regret ever using. There used to be a time when Heroin was beautiful, innocent and playful, sex was great on it, it was so relaxing and beautiful, it enhanced the DMT experience... but now it wont even let me experience DMT, ive got some mental hold up about using DMT while using dope now and I DMT!!

LOE to everyone who is struggling with opiates out there

Karma

 

[QuasiStoned]

I am kicking my month long (year on and off) habit with dope to the curb this week... cant just be numb anymore. I lost my job and I think I thought that gave me the right to check out for a while... I really regret ever using.

Sounds a bit like me, I quit poppy pods after about 8 months of using them to get high/numb my physical pain. Got fired from my job and decided it was obviously time to quit wasting my money on box after box of poppy pods.

2 weeks clean, feeling better than ever. My only enemy is my physical pain... I should probably seek a doctors help to get on a more sensible pain regimen than just getting blasted on pod tea all the time...

Still, I am missing something. It seems like I think about opiates much more than I should for being clean an entire year. I have all these great things going on in my life, but nothing has come close to replacing that great opiate bliss. I am worried that after all this time clean, I am going to relapse. My fiancee is one of the main reasons I have been clean this long, since she won't put up with my drug induced behavior anymore, but hopefully I can learn to live life without thinking that a little OC would make my day so much better...

Wow man I know exactly what you're talking about. I haven't been clean that long but I do feel pretty much normal now BUT opiates are still in the back of my mind all the time. And now that I've been clean for the longest since I started I really want to feel that high again. *sigh*

 

[lady grey]

Does anyone know what it is like to be in love with someone who changed since they began taking opiates? My boyfriend started taking them a year into our relationship because he fractured his spine. Now i am so scared at what they have turned him into and his lack of emotional depth or feeling towards anything. He has spent all of his money and facing a court charge and losing me, but it still seems like he does not care. He did a few months ago, but over time it gets less and less. I want to hold on because i love him so much, he is my soulmate but he is not him when his on oxys. How can someone love another when they don't love themselves, all that they love is the high that makes everything go away.

I have done them with him a handful of times before but after 10 months now, i'm just tired of the lies! I miss the person i used to love!

 

[eon_blue]

Does anyone know what it is like to be in love with someone who changed since they began taking opiates? My boyfriend started taking them a year into our relationship because he fractured his spine. Now i am so scared at what they have turned him into and his lack of emotional depth or feeling towards anything. He has spent all of his money and facing a court charge and losing me, but it still seems like he does not care. He did a few months ago, but over time it gets less and less. I want to hold on because i love him so much, he is my soulmate but he is not him when his on oxys. How can someone love another when they don't love themselves, all that they love is the high that makes everything go away.

I have done them with him a handful of times before but after 10 months now, i'm just tired of the lies! I miss the person i used to love!

That's what opiates do, they completely numb-out a person. Everything from physical pain to emotional states, opiates suck the life out of a person. You become content with just being....numb. All that really matters is maintaining that contentment...which of course means that the only thing that really matters are opiates.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I put my girlfriend through the exact same thing. Even after I went through rehab and got clean it took a long time for me to rediscover how to actually appreciate being to able to feel something, let alone the love I had for her. It was completely smothered by my desire to stay high all the time.

I wish you the best. Sometimes it takes losing what we love for us to realize what it actually meant to us, and when it comes to addicts that is practically the only way.

Remember, you have got to look out for yourself, no matter what.

 

[drug_wench]

It seems like I think about opiates much more than I should for being clean an entire year.

well done on a yr but of course u r still thinking about oxy a lot - i dont know how long u used for but im guessing it was longer than a yr
a yr is still considered fairly early in recovery - u will still b suffering from PAWS

u r obviously a smart guy - i hav gained a lot of insight from ur posts
just focus on getting thru one day at a time - fuck tomorrow
the satisfaction will come back....slowly
ur natural endorphin system is still repairing itself
how about treating it as much as poss with food, sex, exercise and other things that also release endorphins?
no it will never feel like oxy but its worth it to b clean

i know im taking the easy way out compared to some of u by using suboxone but i hav just relapsed once too often
wen i went into detox for assessment last time and the nurse measured the levels of opiates in my blood she shook her head and said 'ur a burden on society - evry time u come in here for more suboxone treatment u leave and end up back here again.....just consider methadone treatment already!'
now that hurt but i kind of saw her point - so rather than going for the MMT option i decided to pay for suboxone treatment and it really is paying off

as for my hep C test, the nurse took my blood sample today for the second test
im ashamed to admit it but i was such a mess i considered picking up some heroin and skipping my sub dose so i cud hav a fix
luckily, my friends angelina and millie were going out to a stud in south auckland that millie sold one of her horses (that i trained and fell in luv with - fizz, show name 'fire in the sky'.....liver chestnut anglo-arab with blonde mane and tail and blaze and stockings to anyone who knows anything about horses) to, and they took me out there
fizz recognised me instantly, neighed and galloped over, bucking playfully and i hopped on his back and had a ride
i was so happy with his new home and i like his new owner - shes very kind to him and it took my mind off fucking hep C which i might not even hav!

thanks for the reassurance ketaman - i know its not a death sentence.....its just i hav a fairly poor liver from my previous bout of hep B
gd luck with rehab - ur doing the right thing and i hope it works out

TG - im really sorry to hear wat ur going thru
i remember the pain of being the gf of a heroin addict before i started using it (my first bf)
as eon said, it does numb u out - think of that song by pink floyd 'comfortably numb'.....thats about heroin and it describes it perfectly
oxys, of course, r similar
take it easy sweetie
remember to look after urself and hav some 'me' time
if u ever need to talk plz PM me

 

[lady grey]

^ Thanks hun, i really appreciate it Yeah oxys are way similar, just more expensive i think, he tried H too but only had eyes for oxys it seems Do you have my msn? I think it's in my profile. Would be awesome to chat with you sometime.

Thank you eon blue also, i can see where your coming from. It's been to long for me to not see that's what's going on. Your story and kind words are much appreciated babe! I have felt really alone for a while now.

 

[xxkcxx]

Does anyone know what it is like to be in love with someone who changed since they began taking opiates? My boyfriend started taking them a year into our relationship because he fractured his spine. Now i am so scared at what they have turned him into and his lack of emotional depth or feeling towards anything. He has spent all of his money and facing a court charge and losing me, but it still seems like he does not care. He did a few months ago, but over time it gets less and less. I want to hold on because i love him so much, he is my soulmate but he is not him when his on oxys. How can someone love another when they don't love themselves, all that they love is the high that makes everything go away.

I have done them with him a handful of times before but after 10 months now, i'm just tired of the lies! I miss the person i used to love!

This just makes me really sad...

This is how the guy I liked was and instead of moving on, I decided to share him love (heroin). Now I am a junkie myself and I act the same as he does toward all the people who love me.

Hearing someone who is on that side of it breaks my heart because it makes what I am doing more real. Even worse because I am still not ready to stop.

 

[xxkcxx]

I'm putting this in a separate post because I feel shitty saying this and being happy about it after what I just wrote to trancegirlie.


My piss test is tomorrow, so only like 24 hours until I can f*n use again!

 

[QuasiStoned]

Does anyone know what it is like to be in love with someone who changed since they began taking opiates? My boyfriend started taking them a year into our relationship because he fractured his spine. Now i am so scared at what they have turned him into and his lack of emotional depth or feeling towards anything. He has spent all of his money and facing a court charge and losing me, but it still seems like he does not care. He did a few months ago, but over time it gets less and less. I want to hold on because i love him so much, he is my soulmate but he is not him when his on oxys. How can someone love another when they don't love themselves, all that they love is the high that makes everything go away.

I have done them with him a handful of times before but after 10 months now, i'm just tired of the lies! I miss the person i used to love!

When I was actively addicted I used to always think about how I would like a girlfriend, but in the end I knew that opiate addiction isn't really compatible with being in a relationship. When I was addicted to opiates, I was either feeling so sick I could barely get through a day of work, or mildly high and uninterested in much of anything.

I particularly started to notice that I had stopped doing all the things that I used to do, stopped listening to music, stopped playing video games, only picked up my guitar when I was high. I wasn't even eating much back then either. I couldn't take care of myself, so I knew in my heart I certainly couldn't entertain a relationship, I had nothing to give really.

I'm sorry to hear about your problem there, I hope things get better in the future! We can all change, I'm the polar opposite of the man I was about a month ago, I have hobbies again and I'm taking interesting in life in a way that's not completely shallow. The challenge will now of course be keeping it that way, I intend to try!

 

[xxkcxx]

^ Only a small amount of the price I've paid is measured in dollars and cents.

 

[Carl Landrover]

^
How have your lungs been? You ever cough up any blood?

12 days with no heroin and I was still coughing up stuff, though it was getting better. My relapse last Thursday definitely set me back as I was coughing up chunks again over the weekend.

I snorted sub last night thinking it wouldn't have a bad effect, but now I'm coughing up stuff (though not nearly as bad as dope) again. It sucks. Though, I'd rather just take that sublingually anyways.

Makes me feel like if I'm going to relapse again I should go to the pharmacy and try banging it.

 

[kmk.kingdom]

Yeah its weird. Using infrequently enough to avoid the physical withdrawal, but just enough to have that mental craving when your not using.

God thats me in every way I love oxy 'n benzos I know better then to be using benzo's any more seeing how I've lost a job over them, and a friend has crashed a car on them but we both seem to do oxy here, and there I'm down to abot 80mg every 2 weeks. my friend is still doing 160+mgs a week We both know what we need/should to do to stop but we simply choice not to And I can at least say I'm happy not to I love dropping 40mgs of oxy and just chillin' for 12+ hours yes I love life! 'n for less then .50 cents A mg I'm not bitchin'!!

 

[eon_blue]

I know it sounds sad but I'm jealous of all you H users. Not for the fact that you have a high tolerance or anything, it's just I only have a hookup for Norcos and they're way overpriced. My money is drained and I probably would have spent 1/5 of what I have if I had an H hookup...then again my tolerance would probably much higher to maintain

You have no idea what you're saying dude...it's easy to say you're "jealous" of someone with access to a life-destroying substance when all you really know about that person is what they communicate to you through these forums.

How about paying a visit to your local rehab/detox center and having a good look at what's become of the junkies in there?

I know I know, that'll never be you. It was never supposed to be any of us either

 

[xxkcxx]

^
How have your lungs been? You ever cough up any blood?

12 days with no heroin and I was still coughing up stuff, though it was getting better. My relapse last Thursday definitely set me back as I was coughing up chunks again over the weekend.

I snorted sub last night thinking it wouldn't have a bad effect, but now I'm coughing up stuff (though not nearly as bad as dope) again. It sucks. Though, I'd rather just take that sublingually anyways.

Makes me feel like if I'm going to relapse again I should go to the pharmacy and try banging it.

No man, never coughed up blood. That doesn't sound very good though. Maybe it is due to raw throat from coughing, but I don't know, if it continues for too long...

My lungs have actually been okay this last time around. No wheezing or difficulty breathing, just a cough that produced a bit of phlegm at the end.

I think it is because the guy's dope was better and less cut maybe? Idk, because speaking of snorting subs, when I would snort those or any other pill, I never got the lung issues I got with dope. Don't quite know what that means.

You have no idea what you're saying dude...it's easy to say you're "jealous" of someone with access to a life-destroying substance when all you really know about that person is what they communicate to you through these forums.

How about paying a visit to your local rehab/detox center and having a good look at what's become of the junkies in there?

I know I know, that'll never be you. It was never supposed to be any of us either

I agree...saying that you are jealous, "but not because of the high tolerance"...how about you are jealous, but not because of losing all your money, possessions, loved ones, friends or being homeless or wanting to quit and use at the same time so bad it makes you cry or because people sell themselves for their next hit or I could go on and on but you all know the consequences you've had and I don't think that poster will really care.

 

['medicine cabinet']

Ugh, getting back on suboxone after a week of solid dope shooting sucks. It seems like every time i go off its harder to switch back to normal suboxone mode. I decided to stop taking my subs last monday and ended up buying over the course of the week like 2 grams of some quality rocked up raw dope. Totally messed my arms up again too and that sucks. I hadnt injected in a while and was a little rusty.

But it was weird, i did my last shot saturday night after dinner and i started to feel sick when i woke up that next morning so i kicked around the house for a little then took a suboxone. It made me sick as hell and i am just now today feeling back to what i conceive to be normal. I think my opiate receptors were just saturated with the heroin, more than they were used to lately and the process of getting back on the suboxone took longer than usual. Ugh, sucks tho feeling borderline WD/PAWS.