Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

[Carl Landrover]

^ It is definitely helpful...but I gotta say, that is a kinda of self-control in its own (not asking).

Oh definitely, even then I was glad I held back from asking.

I worry that I'm going to snap though and try to pick up off the street. I don't get want to get arrested or shot or anything.

Clean now for 9+ months, weening off of suboxone slowly now as well. I'm happy and sober for the most part. Been wanting to do coke lately though, don't really know why but I've been having cravings. I've thought about dope but haven't done any nor been around anyone using. So basically all is well for me, hope the rest of you are doing good!

-dp

This'll be my 4th time coming off suboxone and oddly enough I've craved coke every time. The first 2 times were especially odd since I'd only done it about 6-10 times, but I've gotten more versed in it over the past year and definitely crave it a lot as I'm getting closer to being off.

I actually picked some coke up last weekend and I've been craving it ever since. Even though it's caused me a lot of respiratory problems, I think part of it is the fact that I fucking love doing lines. I really don't understand why, but there is something I really love about doing rail after rail. AH! Just thinkin about it, I'd love 10 fat lines of coke and 5 lines of smack laid out in front of me right now. I can't even describe how awesome that would be. Don't even want to think about it really.



The hardest part seems to be being patient. After feeling like I fucked a bunch of things up, I'm always so eager to try to fix everything quickly and have everything instantly return to normal. It takes a lot of time and work. Cravings are there and are intense at times, but they get easier to deal with and 'being normal' starts becoming a lot easier. Each day builds off the work done on the day before.

 

[TheTampaDone]

I haven't done smack in almost 3yrs. I've been on suboxone for the entire time.

For some reason I want to use so bad that I'm trying to get my boy to bring a couple bundles from NYC all the way to Miami where he lives part-time. I don't even live in Miami, I live in Tampa and its 4hrs each way to Miami. It all sounds so damn crazy to me when I write it down.....but I'm still that desperate.

All this makes me feel like a psyco. Im going nuts .

oh, I'm brand new to bluelight and this is my first post besides the intro post.

 

[monstanoodle]

Then welcome and nice to have you here
I hope you can overcome the craving today mate, but I know how things go.

 

[TheTampaDone]

thnx monstanoodle

 

[xxkcxx]

I haven't done smack in almost 3yrs. I've been on suboxone for the entire time.

For some reason I want to use so bad that I'm trying to get my boy to bring a couple bundles from NYC all the way to Miami where he lives part-time. I don't even live in Miami, I live in Tampa and its 4hrs each way to Miami. It all sounds so damn crazy to me when I write it down.....but I'm still that desperate.

All this makes me feel like a psyco. Im going nuts .

oh, I'm brand new to bluelight and this is my first post besides the intro post.

We have all done seriously crazy things---there is even a thread on here in Drug Culture about the "Most Desperate Thing You've Done for Drugs."

An interesting read, indeed.


Welcome, dude, and good luck.

Stay strong, ya know?

 

[skibay]

I haven't done smack in almost 3yrs. I've been on suboxone for the entire time.

For some reason I want to use so bad that I'm trying to get my boy to bring a couple bundles from NYC all the way to Miami where he lives part-time. I don't even live in Miami, I live in Tampa and its 4hrs each way to Miami. It all sounds so damn crazy to me when I write it down.....but I'm still that desperate.

All this makes me feel like a psyco. Im going nuts .

oh, I'm brand new to bluelight and this is my first post besides the intro post.

I know the feling all to well of living far off the beaten trail and having no connects. It sucks when you are trying to use. However it is Great when you really are trying to stop.


It has made it possible for me to stay off the heroin. Coke well that took a bit longer as it is all over.
I did it though You just have to stand your ground and do your best not to collect any numbers.

As far as feeling bad remember one thing that it will only get better and you will feel Great when it is over.
Take vitamins and try and eat well you can do it. Honest and as time passes it will get so much easier. Cravings will always come and go sometimes you will jump on them sometimes you will work past and through them Most important thing to remember is that we all have our moments and we get back up and keep rolling.

Good Luck

 

[-Guido-]

Trying to stay clean until Friday. I got a drug pre-employment drug test. Its not easy... The last time I used was Tuesday... I'm craving a hit bad and I got a lot of money in my pocket. I want to go out and cop so bad but if I do it will fuck this job up and fuck up my future. I need this job to get on with my life and help out my girlfreind.

I tell you what, I'm going to make it until Friday. But after that blood and piss test, fohgedaboutit. I'm going to be rushing on my fucking run, feeling just like Jesus's son.

I dunno.

I called up my doctor. He is going to be recommending me to this Suboxone doctor soon. I need it.

The good thing is my parents have finally accepted the idea of me going on some sort of maintenance program. Took them long enough. Nobody understands that there is something fucking wrong with me, its sad but I need Opiates or Opiods to fucking function.

 

[xxkcxx]

Bad things:

- Loaned a girl who has been avoiding giving me $30 she already owes me, $20 MORE dollars.

- Did three bags despite the fact I will DEFINITELY be dropped next Tuesday for probation.

- High dialed someone and probably sounded really creepy and in love with them despite not intending it that way and now possibly ruining how good things have been going with him lately.

 

[drug_wench]

luv to all going thru hard times with the gear
i thought midnight tokers post was a gd idea
wat do we do to conquer cravings?
evry ex-junkie nds interests to consume them to stop them from using i believe so gd post!
i mainly compete my horse, maverick
i nearly sold maverick for drugs and im glad now i didnt cos its bn rewarding turning him from an unbroken colt into a star!
we do mainly eventing, show-jumping (his best discipline), endurance racing, hunting and hav recently started dressage
got our first dressage competition next wednesday and im confident hell do his best
apart from that i play the guitar and am a big fan of heavy metal (unfortunately this puts me back in the junkie circle), i like tinkering with cars and im an all-round animal lover
oh and theres my bf paul - he helps keep me clean
earlier today i had some cravings for smack but after visitting paul (hes in rehab for alcohol) i came away craving-free
i just needed my mind taken off it
im a bit worried cos a blood test has showed up that ive come into contact with the hep C virus....i now need further tests to see if i actually hav it
well cross that bridge wen we come to it but hep B fucked my liver enough, i really dont need any more liver fuckage on top of that
i know u shud never share IV equipment but wen ur hanging out, only needle exchange is in town and ur meeting ur dealer in the suburbs (well for me) sometimes harm reduction doesnt come into play....

 

[Paingasm]

i mainly compete my horse, maverick
i nearly sold maverick for drugs and im glad now i didnt cos its bn rewarding turning him from an unbroken colt into a star!
we do mainly eventing, show-jumping (his best discipline), endurance racing, hunting and hav recently started dressage
got our first dressage competition next wednesday and im confident hell do his best

Drugs played into how I lost my first horse. Horses help sobriety imo. After I got my second horse I got clean from cocaine... I just had to give him up due to the fact that I can no longer take care of myself let alone a horse. Failed spinal fusion = no riding/horse playing.

Although I am now prescribed opis... I'd rather have my horse back and the ability to take care of him. The opis are a nice bandaid for the heart hurt tho.

Anywayyyy, good luck on with dressage test!!! Ahh I miss it

 

[Carl Landrover]

I noticed that you always talk about going with dope boy...is this his connect and he won't share with you?

I'm j/w cause I always used to go down with my friend mainly cause I was scared, as a chick, to go down to that area alone. He was always willing to give me the connect, but he just also preferred I didn't go alone.

Eventually, after maybe 4-6 months, I did though.

Re-re-re-re-relapse


Guess I didn't need dope boy afterall. Drove up and down the block not far from campus, met eyes with someone. He asked me how I was doin, said I was alright. He asked me what I needed, I said bags. He said diesel? I said yup and that was pretty much all it took.

It was pretty easy actually too. Took a little bit of time and finally being like fuck-it, make it obvious you're eyeing these guys up.

Feels good (atm) man. Now I just have to avoid meeting him everytime I'm on campus.


Slightly disappointed I relapsed, but had gone 12 days, albeit on low doses of sub, but at least I went 12 days.

 

[xxkcxx]

Re-re-re-re-relapse


Guess I didn't need dope boy afterall. Drove up and down the block not far from campus, met eyes with someone. He asked me how I was doin, said I was alright. He asked me what I needed, I said bags. He said diesel? I said yup and that was pretty much all it took.

It was pretty easy actually too. Took a little bit of time and finally being like fuck-it, make it obvious you're eyeing these guys up.

Feels good (atm) man. Now I just have to avoid meeting him everytime I'm on campus.


Slightly disappointed I relapsed, but had gone 12 days, albeit on low doses of sub, but at least I went 12 days.

Oh, no.

Hopefully, my post didn't put the idea in your head

 

[SKL]

I'm about to run out of dope, which begs the question, do I get more? I've been using almost daily for close to a month now. I'm not completely physically strung out but definitely get anxiety, muscle pain, creepy crawlies, shit like that when I'm not using. The odd thing is, I haven't been using at work, and I don't feel any cravings at work ... but as soon as I get on the bus to go back home, I start feeling physically ill (nausea, feeling like I have to shit, muscle pains, etc...) ... so a good bit of it is either psychosomatic or my mind is strong enough to cover up the physical aspects.

I started using heavily to try to numb my mind of some relationship difficulties I was in, and I dare say the dope was almost therapeutic there ... now I have sort of reached my peace about it, and feeling better, so the "therapeutic" use needs not continue.

But, of course, now I have at least a little bit of a jones going. Thing is, I don't like the way things have been going for me lately. I'm not unhappy, I'm not fucking up at work or anything, but I've been socially isolating myself and just sort of sitting around doing nothing. Y'all know the feeling I'm sure. Today I have off work, I just got high, and I'm going to try in a little while to do some prodcutive shit (laundry,cleaning my apartment, some grocery shopping,or what have you)... but man, now I"m starting to dread either (a) copping more dope and getting more strung out or (b) not copping more dope and suffering thru mild withdrawals and then finding myself another way to spend my time.

I'd been doing so good, too, up till the beginning of the month ... and I had told myself that I was going to take a month off of all drugs, but I wound up doing dope nearly daily ... circle of life, I suppose.

 

[Delsyd]

^Dude same shit here.

iv been using for 3-4 days than i take a day or 2.
Lather, rinse, repeat for the last 6 weeks or so.

Now i only have enough to hold me over for another week or so and then im done.

I know its the same shit i always say, but this time i mean it (i hope).

Ill tell you what though, i dread the day i run out beause i havent used consistantly for so long before and now im worried about experiencing withdrawls like i havent felt before. Im ready for it though.
\Got my deemster pipe packed in case of emergency.

Can i recomend that you do the same.

It may help, and i think it really will.

good luck SKL.
You're not alone brother.

 

[-Guido-]

I ended up going out and copping a bundle. Its sitting in my room. I can't use until after my drug test tomorrow...

Strangely no urge to use. The comfort of it just being there is enough to keep me calm. Earlier today I was bugging out.

 

[xxkcxx]

^ Can I ask what you are being drug tested for? Not trying to be nosy j/w if you are on probation like me or it's just for a job or rehab or something.

I'm going to be tested on Tuesday, yet went against my plan and copped and did three yesterday and then scraped about 1/4 of a decent sized bag out of a snorting pen.

I don't know if I am going to pray that a little under 5 days clean is enough (along with drinking a lot of water), or if I'm going to say fuck it and keep using while trying to come up with some way to fake and/or get out of my drug test.

Anyway, the dope I got yesterday was fucking weird...I did a bag and felt nothing except slight muscle relaxation for about 30-45 minutes. So I did another one and still didn't feel much. I didn't start to really feel it until like 2 hours after the first bag. How weird is that?

Then I got all intoxicated like and started high-texting which I never do on my regular guy's stuff.

Idk the night just sucked and today I was almost feeling like I was having a come-down from it.

 

[Carl Landrover]

Oh, no.

Hopefully, my post didn't put the idea in your head

Nah, I always felt like I was missing part of the picture since I never bought off the street. Had tried unsuccessfully 3 years ago and got burned for $40. Part of it was just seeing if I could actually do it.

My main concern is that I'm going to go there again, even if only infrequently. It's definitely hot in that area and it's sooooo close to campus. I've got 4 classes from 9:35-4:30 with a 90 minute break in the middle. Perfect time to go.


I'm sort of glad I relapsed. For one thing, I had been craving like crazy this past week and quite honestly, I'm not digging it as much as I thought I would. It's good and all, but I'm much more emotionally stable when I'm away from drugs (I'm not including weed)....I actually like myself sober. I don't understand why it's so hard for me to just live that way....guess it's a matter or time, effort, and patience.

I'd been doing so good, too, up till the beginning of the month ... and I had told myself that I was going to take a month off of all drugs, but I wound up doing dope nearly daily ... circle of life, I suppose.

I was wondering how you had been doing. I remember you posting about a new job and moving on, but then you were posting about starting up again, except you were only sniffing it. Then I think you went back to booting it.

I know you've been in the game long enough to know things start getting worse after a little while of using and the WDs certainly get worse. I'm not going to offer advice, since I'm sure you know it, and I don't really feel like I'm in the position to give it.

So I'm just going to say good luck....maybe review your posts from a month or so ago before you started up...you seemed pretty happy then.

 

[-Guido-]

^ Can I ask what you are being drug tested for? Not trying to be nosy j/w if you are on probation like me or it's just for a job or rehab or something.

Just a routine pre-employment drug screen. Standard 5 Panel piss test and a blood test.

Fucking 17 more hours of hell to endure... It shall be worth it though.

 

[chicpoena]

Actually, yeah. You and I have talked before about this, but at the time it just wasn't possible for me, but in the last week some weird shit has happened. I was hanging out with a friend of mine who is also an ex-girlfriend of mine, and I got to meet her cousin. With him, it was one of those situations where the friendship just clicks, you know? Well anyways, he just moved here from California, and I don't know how to explain the rest, but we're leaving Michigan with-in the next year, heading for Cali. It's so hard to explain all of this, but the gist of it is, I think I got something to look forward to in ht next year.

Sorry if none of this was very coherant, I'm a little...intoxicated.

Dude, I am so happy to hear that. I know I'm preaching to the choir but you really need to get the fuck out of Michigan. You'll be so much happier in California! Now that you've got a goal in mind, the rest of the pieces will fall into place

(yes, I believe in The Secret)

 

[eon_blue]

no sourcing!!!!!

Fail.

Read the site rules before attempting to post something again.