Having no friends at all

[M!$TER-ED]

During the 1970s one of my favorite book series Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda, that described a training in shamanism he received under the guidance of a Yaqui “Man of Knowledge’ named Don Juan Matus. In my dreams I longed for such a teacher, a Man of Knowledge to teach me power they possessed.

As it turned out, I already had a teacher; I had not thought about until this moment responding to whoever reads this post. All along, the teacher and the student were the same.

According to my numerology chart, I am in an Age of Enlightenment, similar to the first, that occurred as a result of psychedelic exploration. I was in my late teens and early twenties when I questioned everything and left it behind.

It is refreshing to know my passion for knowledge remains as strong and as viable as it was 50 years ago. Knowledge does not change, however, my ability to understand it now is like a blossoming flower with hearty roots and sustainability. What I learned in the past got me here for this purpose.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

I apologize @washingtonbound I had a moment of clarity I felt I had to address or it would have been lost.

I think the next move for me is making connections in some type of career, which I’m slowly working on

What kind of career are you working on?
I did not return to the work force after losing SSDI in the 1970s. After my diagnosis my parents pushed me to be a responsible contributor to society even though I was receiving disability benefits I was not contributing back. After starting and quitting countless meaningless jobs Social Security decided I was capable of taking care of myself by earning enough to live on. The problem was, I had just gotten out of hospital and no where near independent enough to care for myself. Not only did I lose SSDI income, I lost Medicare too.
Because I originally had Medicare as part of my disability package, my parents took me off their insurance. I had no insurance or income and from all of the stress of working part time and smoking weed I was to the point of no return.

My point is you're never too old to start a new life for yourself. I dropped out of the work force in the 1970s and did not return until 2005. first as volunteer for 3 months and became gainfully employed April of 2006. I worked part time while attending college. I made something of myself out of the desire to do so. You can do anything when you put your mind to it.

 

[washingtonbound]

I apologize @washingtonbound I had a moment of clarity I felt I had to address or it would have been lost.

What kind of career are you working on?
I did not return to the work force after losing SSDI in the 1970s. After my diagnosis my parents pushed me to be a responsible contributor to society even though I was receiving disability benefits I was not contributing back. After starting and quitting countless meaningless jobs Social Security decided I was capable of taking care of myself by earning enough to live on. The problem was, I had just gotten out of hospital and no where near independent enough to care for myself. Not only did I lose SSDI income, I lost Medicare too.
Because I originally had Medicare as part of my disability package, my parents took me off their insurance. I had no insurance or income and from all of the stress of working part time and smoking weed I was to the point of no return.

My point is you're never too old to start a new life for yourself. I dropped out of the work force in the 1970s and did not return until 2005. first as volunteer for 3 months and became gainfully employed April of 2006. I worked part time while attending college. I made something of myself out of the desire to do so. You can do anything when you put your mind to it.

I have a real estate license and am interviewing for a vacation rental management job. Don’t know if I’d make it a career but at least can start interacting with some more people there, and learn some skills to apply to other things.

I’m also just now getting off disability for schizoaffective episodes that occurred often in my early and mid twenties. It really messed up my life for a while. Now I am realizing that real life requires things that I was ignoring entirely. A weird feeling really, a sort of in between stage.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Good ole schizoaffective disorder, it will sometimes break you or grant you the strength and ability to accomplish miracles. I think you're about to experience a miracle.

 

[Jnowhere]

I'm sorry about that. There are a lot of great women out there. A lot of women who don't get picked or chosen or helped or whatever. It's true for a lot of men, too. I hope things will get better for you soon.

Seriously, the feminist movement and all this PC nonsense, is partially to blame.

Hovever when people grow up; only communicating primarily with computers, then social alienation is going to rise tremendously.

The younger generations; have largely escaped having to deal with as many people, as earlier generations.

So naturally their socialization abilities are basically stunted.

This and all this nonsense around; these are also consequence of technology.

The world is growing colder and even more greedy.

 

[Jnowhere]

Good ole schizoaffective disorder, it will sometimes break you or grant you the strength and ability to accomplish miracles. I think you're about to experience a miracle.

Honestly, it is often misdiagnosed and could be just depression and another 2nd or 3rd issue. Shrinks care only about money.
Let's start at bottom then get into real psychiatrists, I will address real shrinks.

1. counselors and therapists: Are usually only trained in certain things and are there for a paycheck and to hand out pamphlets.

2. psychologists: cure nothing. They can't prescribe meds. They charge a fortune and they don't want you to get better. You leave: That is one less client/sucker,and less money. Help them with one problem and keep subtly mentioning another problem. So after many monthes, years or decades one problem is solved.

Then a new problem to tackle, ect......While that patient is being strung along by someone who sees them as an easy paycheck. The patient if he is helped or thinks he was; then boom they are their's to exploit. Psychologists are there to ease the burden of too heavy of a wallet.

Also the psychology majors were loser and outcasts over half the time. Most had mental health issues and they were the kids always being taking to see psychologists constantly.

3. Psychiatrists: Tell them of anxiety and hopefully they give you Benzos. Maybe not as much anymore. Hand out scripts( yes, of course I know it is all digital now).
But, they basically write scripts and that's it. They charge a fortune.

I love how SSRI's, and other physically and psychologically addictive drugs; that are are politically OK to prescribe. But dangerous.

The medical establishment calls it: ADS Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome. AKA: withdrawals. That last from weeks to months after stopping.
The symptoms seem like opiod or a benzo withdrawal.

Try stopping cold turkey after years on them. See what happens.

It is tragically ironic that one of the potential side effects is suicide.

Good olè schizoaffective disorder. No.

Being misdiagnosed can be a life changer. Also, if there is a problem and not addressed, then they could cause serious problems. Ruined lives.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

I was referring to my own life, despite countless setbacks, having the wrong medications, losing out the prime years of your life and still not regretting a single a moment because somehow you miraculously get your shit together as a middle-aged adult and start living again, that's a miracle.

Besides this comment "Good ole schizoaffective disorder, it will sometimes break you or grant you the strength and ability to accomplish miracles. I think you're about to experience a miracle" was directed to @washingtonbound as an act of encouragement.

I'm sorry that you have suffered as the result of negligence and misdiagnosis. how are doing these days? Has your health improved any? If so what has changed to help you feel better? You're not alone, everyone struggles, yes good ole schizoaffective is sarcasm, it will break you or grant you super powers of wisdom and resilience. That's the miracle of it all.

 

[washingtonbound]

Seriously, the feminist movement and all this PC nonsense, is partially to blame.

Hovever when people grow up; only communicating primarily with computers, then social alienation is going to rise tremendously.

The younger generations; have largely escaped having to deal with as many people, as earlier generations.

So naturally their socialization abilities are basically stunted.

This and all this nonsense around; these are also consequence of technology.

The world is growing colder and even more greedy.

The social media/technology obsession is another reason I have trouble connecting with people. I know there are plenty of people who’ve had enough of it, but those who flex on social media make me really sick to my stomach. Reddit SJWs, those making money off dumbass AI videos, Instagram obsessed people, are all horrible. I don’t use any of it except Instagram because I have to have a point of contact for my music project. Don’t own any personal socials.

 

[washingtonbound]

Good ole schizoaffective disorder, it will sometimes break you or grant you the strength and ability to accomplish miracles. I think you're about to experience a miracle.

I think that if I’d left the drugs alone after my first episode it wouldn’t have morphed into anything. Drug induced psychosis obviously mimics schizophrenic like symptoms. Having cut the hard stuff out years ago has eliminated the episodes.

 

[bvc]

I think that if I’d left the drugs alone after my first episode it wouldn’t have morphed into anything. Drug induced psychosis obviously mimics schizophrenic like symptoms. Having cut the hard stuff out years ago has eliminated the episodes.

Having bad trips is bad enough. I can't imagine what you must have gone through. Did you have severe hallucinations?

 

[Them Witches]

Get into service work. That is the best way to meet new people that are decent.

Both of my best friends and my beloved dog dog died this year. I am alone. I am schizoaffective and have GAD, so it is easier being alone. When I start to feel alone and want to be around people, my mind shifts into another dimension or delusional thoughts take over and I forget about it. I cannot handle being toyed with or emotionally toyed with. I am too sensitive and can go from 0 to 100 in seconds via anger if fucked with. I also have a SNS disorder and have to deal with "fight or flight" for no reason. If toyed with or provoked my anger will cause my BP/Pu to hit 200/130 190bpm and it doesn't come down for 30-60mins even with medications. Another wards, I am the wrong one to get into a conflict with. I am dangerous to someone else and myself.

Because of my mental disorders and multiple chronic health issues (SVT,bradycardia, Hypertension II -- degenerative bone disease, neurological disorder), I am no fun to be around. I stress my daughter out, family members out, I stress women out, and I stress myself out. I have become comfortably numb and for the most part found joy in my peace & stillness. I am divorced now for 9 years and have only dated two women since. One of them I meet in the psych ward and we still keep up after 9 years as friends with benefits. We both love each other but are crazy and keep missing the mark with one another.

I have a car build that keeps me busy and I am going to give the race car to my daughter after I teach her to drive it. We are starting a go-kart school then a SCCA/NASA road course racing school. I did it years ago and it is her turn to learn how to drive like a beast.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

I’m mostly laidback I try to be objective over the many possibilities of answers and solutions. I live in the moment so my response and actions are straight from my heart, sometimes BS just for the fun of it, my sense of humor is not vicious but calculated to make you think.
I don’t take life seriously, death is inevitable, what’s the big deal? There are no mistakes in life it is or it is not, clear and simple. I am an example of perfection, there is nothing imperfect about me. I am as I should be for there is no comparison to me beyond myself. How can I not be perfect as the only one of me there is?

You are likewise perfect because there is no other You to compare with. Accept your role as a perfect you and be the person you want to be.

 

[washingtonbound]

Having bad trips is bad enough. I can't imagine what you must have gone through. Did you have severe hallucinations?

In my case it was delusions that were way in left field and very dangerous. Some auditory hallucinations but not out of control. I would become convinced aliens were out to eat me and things like that, and that I was on some kind of mission to spy on different people that were harvesting adrenochrome. I thought I was in a secret military at some point. There were other themes too but my memories of some of it have faded since I haven’t had an episode in almost 3 years and had a lot of antipsychotics afterwards.

 

[washingtonbound]

Let's just say, schizosffective disorder, is such a widely misdiagnosed, and many times, it can affect your whole life; and make getting meds, jobs, hard and other things.lol

When, schizophrenic disorder isn't a real condition. Just a catch all diagnosis; that the For-profit mental hospitals, to make money, at the expense of other people's lives.

FROM The criteria for the diagnosis; with it being wrong, many times. Even with a BS catch-all diagnosis.

From what I have heard, seen, and read; it is probably just a bad night, and then the psychological effects of that person going being stuck in the ( Cuckoo's Nest.lol).

Comined with one of countless wd's and yeah, he/she needs to be put on schitzo meds. Those are apparently horrible, one of the most used thread at BL, is the invega misery thread.

So the addiction's don't get addressed, a person with just the normal wd's is just labeled insane. ( read the description of the of the " symptoms" from a good source and look at least 2 others).

Ah that " mental illness" misdiagnosis, means that if they had a " real mental or emotional problems; that; any real problems may not be addressed.

Put on the wrong meds or possibly, no meds are needed after they get out and are probably sober.

( The mindless, drool inducing drugs don't count.)( what about all possible life destroying effects of being on very powerful( mind tranquilizers, but not in a good way)lol.

Oh, and suicide is a real risk. You know after they have their life ruined.

In fact their is a whole massive industry to enrich Pharmaceutical companies and large for-profit mental hospitals.( do they really charge insurance companies and or, even the government $1,000- $2000 a day to drug, in a bad way, and hold people hostage)?

He ain't going home anytime soon. Till his insurance runs out and he is suddenly better.lol

, A drug and or, even a drinking
problem and a bad night and if a person had a physical addiction and went into long, bad wd's.

Although, if they were addicted to benzos or gaba drugs; that they may ease, a little tiny bit.lol

Not to mention, that real issues are not addressed and they go through their life thinking they are severely mentally ill.

Suicide. Also, if people will kill themselves and kill innocent people at random in mindless massacres: What, if it happened to a person, who held a horrible grudge?

What if they didn't believe in God?

Vengeance is mine saith The Lord. I believe that and am more scared of God and also love God more than anything or anyone( God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit).

But, if they were an atheist; What if there life was ruined and they wanted to take out as many people and then, themselves.
( It has happened in America, This is early and the first day of the week. Some actually think Saturday is the last day of the week. Lol But hopefully these tragedies will not escalate.)
-----
These used a fuel and fertilizer( ammonium nitrate) bomb. What if one them knew the secret to super charging the explosion. ( The terrorists in Lebanon new it; when they murdered 241 Military personnel on a military base). I can't believe they mentioned that on news years ago.( the exact gas needed)

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, lol: early 1990's. Those guys were just domestic terrorists( white boys).

Those two blew up a government building and killed almost ( 170 people, 168?)

They were pissed.( also they were not exactly geniuses, lol)

About a cult compound being incinerated by the government, children and all.( many kids were let out of the compound before it became a giant ball of fire).

Conspiracy beyond them?

Sad: But violence might actually change things( don't hurt or kill people).

That would also affect and cause horrible problems and probably cause much more problems. First and foremost: Vengeance is mine saith The Lord. Then, murdering people, innocent people, over your own since of since of justice? No!

That is not an option. Peaceful protests; Or a civil war. I personally am glad, slavery is over. But that civil war was basically, all that could be done.

( side note good olè honest Abe was a wrestler( grappling( mis?)
He lost once. 300 and 1,. That is part of who he was as young man. A fighter( in a sporting way) while was according to historians and shrinks; he was a severely depressed man and possibly suicidal.

Being a tough, extremely intelligent, honest and good man; in a corrupt and evil world. That can be very depressing.

However; that was two sides of a country split, and The south rebelled. The President( Honest , Abe) was the one fighting against slavery and to preserve my country.( as a side note Abe was tough)

Teddy Roosevelt may have spent his whole adult life trying to prove he was a real man.

Abraham Lincoln didn't have to.

Besides grappling( wrestling) is a big part of UFC fights.

Don't many of the matches in The Octagon end up on the ground?

Vengeance is mine saith the Lord.( If I can't make to church, I might as well show The Lord some respect.( it is Sunday here).

Ya heathens. ( Yes GhostinIllinois, said something similar, but he was joking)
-----


Yes, I have a copy of K. Kesey's, Masterpiece.

I am very aware of him as a hippie icon( the bus, acid, and much of that stuff)( also about all the government shit at the mental hospital he worked at as a night time worker/ aide? Then since it was at a VA hospital; time to test as LSD and other drugs on the patients.

Ah, MKULTRA. Time to experiment illegally( Our own government) on people they deem disposable. That inspires trust.lol

It is one of best novels( I have read, by one of The Beat Generations, writers).

I watched the movie: I now have, a dilemma. K.Kesey doesn't exactly have a great body of work( I had to look it up to find the names of his other books) He seems like a one hit wonder? He wrote a number of novels.

Are they even in print?

What if I were to prefer his work over, Kerouac's?
His books aren't as easy to get.( K, Kesey).

Just like William S. Burroughs, I like guns.
(That is about all we have in common)!!

I have a very nice piece on one arm of a beat up, very comfortable chair I am sitting in; and a copy of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest on the other( left arm, I can be OCD).

I Saw The movie and Know to much but, 272 pages of a small paper back is nothing. But, I would rather have other wasted time; than reading a novel that I found mediocre.

Any, thoughts; on what I have brought up?
I am not a young punk. I am a middled aged man. I still can remember the 1970's as a very young kid( this is before, I was old enough to go to kindergarten), but not by much.

MK Ultra is a lot darker than just the drug experiences. Involved a lot of trauma based mind control experiences as well. Would like to say it’s a conspiracy but it’s not and very well documented if you know where to look, but I don’t recommend it.

The movie “blink twice” touches on it and I was surprised it was a mainstream film because most don’t touch that subject.

 

[washingtonbound]

Get into service work. That is the best way to meet new people that are decent.

Both of my best friends and my beloved dog dog died this year. I am alone. I am schizoaffective and have GAD, so it is easier being alone. When I start to feel alone and want to be around people, my mind shifts into another dimension or delusional thoughts take over and I forget about it. I cannot handle being toyed with or emotionally toyed with. I am too sensitive and can go from 0 to 100 in seconds via anger if fucked with. I also have a SNS disorder and have to deal with "fight or flight" for no reason. If toyed with or provoked my anger will cause my BP/Pu to hit 200/130 190bpm and it doesn't come down for 30-60mins even with medications. Another wards, I am the wrong one to get into a conflict with. I am dangerous to someone else and myself.

Because of my mental disorders and multiple chronic health issues (SVT,bradycardia, Hypertension II -- degenerative bone disease, neurological disorder), I am no fun to be around. I stress my daughter out, family members out, I stress women out, and I stress myself out. I have become comfortably numb and for the most part found joy in my peace & stillness. I am divorced now for 9 years and have only dated two women since. One of them I meet in the psych ward and we still keep up after 9 years as friends with benefits. We both love each other but are crazy and keep missing the mark with one another.

I have a car build that keeps me busy and I am going to give the race car to my daughter after I teach her to drive it. We are starting a go-kart school then a SCCA/NASA road course racing school. I did it years ago and it is her turn to learn how to drive like a beast.

I remember you telling me you planned on going to India to work on a business with someone you know there. Based on the difficulties you describe, I would reconsider. I don’t mean to sound like I’m discouraging travel because it can be a great experience, but as someone who has similar struggles with anger, it can be extremely difficult to adapt to certain cultural norms. In my case, I almost lost it in Brazil at some of the uneducated people who have no respect for personal space, making noise constantly, unsanitary conditions in many places, overall a lot of things that grated on me big time after a while. I had good experiences there as well but I definitely struggled with other aspects.

Just something to consider since cultural shock can disturb some of us more sensitive people with neurological differences.

Going off topic a bit but I’m glad to give feedback and advice as well.

 

[washingtonbound]

I get lonely sometimes but I have a lot of great people in my life who make it a lot better. Sorry for crashing your post but if you want, I'll be your friend now. I've felt lonely for a very long time. I'm sorry for crashing your post. But I just want you to know that if you want it, I'll be your friend. I feel really lonely, I'm a misogynist and stuff and I deserve to suffer because of it. But I get lonely all my life. I know women's loneliness gets overlooked and that males need to give females the acknowledgment that they're going through some terrible things but i'm really lonely and im male and i care about you and if you need to, you can contact me thorugh dm. thanks for listening.

I definitely understand where you’re coming from about crowds. I used to have no issue with it but now it can be very distressing. But the main problem I have is with loud noise. If a crowd of people is yelling that can be very disturbing for me and I avoid it, same with social situations where people are excessively loud. I think mild ASD contributes to it.

 

[Satori446]

I definitely understand where you’re coming from about crowds. I used to have no issue with it but now it can be very distressing. But the main problem I have is with loud noise. If a crowd of people is yelling that can be very disturbing for me and I avoid it, same with social situations where people are excessively loud. I think mild ASD contributes to it.

I have the same problem with noise. Yelling is part of the trauma I deal with. When people yell or things get loud I freeze, then I flee. I think part of the reason, well, a big part that I stay somewhat isolated is to protect myself from such instances. I mean, I don't really even mean to its just like a natural gut reaction. I can't explain it. But I like quiet. Ive been meditating for 20 years and I appreciate silence.

I too have had bouts of phycosis. Its been under control for a while now but ill never forget those episodes. Its luke they haunt you you know? What really helped me was ECT. Where i had it done Ketamine was part of tge anithstesea. I had a couple breakthrough during those sessions. I had 12 total. I still need my meds but it really helped me.

I think its important, again, for us to break out of out comfort zones. Im having coffee later with a couple guys I know and im looking forward to it, and dreading it bc this particular Starbucks is very busy. I'll be ok I gotta remember, going out into the world is like taking my meds if that makes sebse

 

[kris66]

Loud noises definitely get to me now that I am tapering from benzos. To the point that if there is a repeated loud shrill noise somewhere I feel I need to leave. Very uncomfortable

 

[Satori446]

Loud noises definitely get to me now that I am tapering from benzos. To the point that if there is a repeated loud shrill noise somewhere I feel I need to leave. Very uncomfortable

Yeah, thats tough man. The brain is so sensitive in benzo wd. I can imagine that sounds are so loud. Hopefully you'll get thru wd and it'll get better.

 

[lost weekend]

I'm almost 31 now, and have had no friends for a while now. I don't have "acquaintances" or anything like that either. I still live with my mom and basically have no life at all. I started driving Uber recently and that's the only thing that gets me out of the house. The people I drive are mostly very old so I don't make friends that way either. Anyway, having no social life really gets tiring and isn't healthy. I suppose it's better than having toxic addict friends, which I did a few years ago until I got clean, but honestly being by yourself all the time is really unfulfilling. I basically just get up, drive, and wait to go to sleep. Occasionally I'll visit a kava bar or something to see if anyone there would be interesting to get to know but haven't found anyone there either. I'm getting really bored of it. I am an introvert but that doesn't mean I don't want to have any friends. Anyone have experience with this?

I don't have any friends and I'm 43 ,I did have friends but you lose touch.im assuming you don't have a romantic partner .try your best to find some one and court he/she for a while .its far better in my opinion to have a partner who you can relax with and is really your best friend anyway.friends are overated .forget about all that junk you see on tv about people your age having a network of amazing friends that just ain't real life