lost weekend
Bluelighter
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Also I'm a firm believer in keeping work acquaintances at work and not in your personal life
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Having no friends at all
- Thread starter washingtonbound
- Start date
washingtonbound
Bluelighter
I feel like people who are loud violate my personal space and are obnoxious and offensive. Causes more anger than anxiety. If it's a big crowd at like a concert or a football game, I understand why are they are being loud, and it doesn't bother me as much. No need for it to bother me because I don't go to those kind of things anyway. If it's an individual or small group being loud for no reason in a social setting, talking in a boisterous and shrill tone, I get extremely agitated, has been the case since high school.
washingtonbound
Bluelighter
I haven't ever had a significant romantic partner. One girl I met in rehab several years ago I had a casual relationship with for a couple months, that's probably the closest thing to it. Have hooked up with some traveling, nothing ever came of those. I wouldn't say I'm not open to it but lately I've been isolating myself from that sort of thing
Them Witches
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2025
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- 797
Routine, Routine, Routine... Daily routine. Stay out of my own mind as much as possible. Still hands manic mind.
I read the Bible, NA basic text, Steven King books, the service manual for my car, and educational text relating to my health conditions & medicines, forums
I do light exercises capable in my condition, I write stuff, I do chores, I pet the doggO, I take pictures of the sunrise, music, music, music, and work on my cars.
I am getting back into service work to try to meet new people.
In the evening I relax with movies, shows, social media, respond to whomever returned my texts (which is few).
Try to get good sleep any way possible.
I read the Bible, NA basic text, Steven King books, the service manual for my car, and educational text relating to my health conditions & medicines, forums
I do light exercises capable in my condition, I write stuff, I do chores, I pet the doggO, I take pictures of the sunrise, music, music, music, and work on my cars.
I am getting back into service work to try to meet new people.
In the evening I relax with movies, shows, social media, respond to whomever returned my texts (which is few).
Try to get good sleep any way possible.
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abefourth
Bluelighter
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- Dec 12, 2025
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- 690
Do you know if any of those toxic people were narcissistic, sociopathic, or psychopathic?
Katanya
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2025
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- 162
Some might have been…I have had people with BPD in my life as well and that is an insane roller coaster…
steewith2ees
Bluelight Crew
I have no friends at all after putting them before myself for at least 30 and in one case, almost 40 years. I thought that being popular was something you could earn as I always made an effort with everyone. I hate seeing suffering and being a Registered Psychiatric Nurse for the last 24 years means that I am used to at least trying to provide whatever support is needed. When my semi - professional career cant help me try to prevent a rape in the local pub that being out in the country treats women like shit and when one friday night I decided I could probably tolerate a night in there as long as I had an acid first to keep my sharp and my alcohol intake to the minimum required to be sociable, this poor young girl appeared that I had never seen before as despite the pub being 2 houses away I hate the place so much it had been 8 years since I last went in. As my new next door neighbor was there along with the lad who ran the place with his wife as the publican behind the bar I was doing ok until all the old fucks drinking with 3 german kids no older than 20 or 21. I dont know what they were doing there, but with the gibs on them I could not help hearing them call the young lady with the alcohol problem 'the local bike' which could be theres all night as long as the kept a drink in her hand. But they could not be bothered to really speak to her about anything until I realized that the 3 of them were going to do what they wanted with or without consent. With closing time approaching I ordered a coffee as is standard for me and happened to get her attention that she smiled at me. Realising I was trying to pinch there bird by treating her as a human they took my cup, pored the almost boiling coffee I had just been served over my head before trying to smash the cup over my head, which broke instead of the cup. With blood pouring out of my head all that was left was for all 3 of them to spit in my face before the landlord, a friend of my Dads for 4 years and up untill this moment very accomodating he told me I was to be ejected for instigating the fight. As I left the entire pub clapped calling me the local retard which the hew neighbor though was hilarious. I have so much more to say but that happened back n february and everyone have spoken to since is a health professional paid to listen. Maybe I am just a fucking pig who can't keep up with the alphas.
If you read this Im sorry for taking the time out of the day. I had to vent but provided this is ignored by most my confidence to post any further will hopefully disappear rapidly.
Stee xx
If you read this Im sorry for taking the time out of the day. I had to vent but provided this is ignored by most my confidence to post any further will hopefully disappear rapidly.
Stee xx
abefourth
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2025
- Messages
- 690
95%+ of the 100+ Psychiatric nurses I've come across have been pretty cool. You sound pretty cool yourself.
Sounds like you're a bit of a hero, actually.
Nah. It won't get ignored. And keep posting. Somebody has to counteract the pure shit being put out by bluelighters such as abefourth.
agoraphobe
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2024
- Messages
- 92
When my parents die I'll have no body else on Earth. I empathize with you deeply. Only child. Add to that panic disorder with agoraphobia and drug addiction. Plus a nasty mood disorder inherited from my mother. My point is we're all very very alone unless we're not. I really want to live in my car and move to the southwest. Like right this moment. But I'm too fearful. So I suffer forever in hell.
Deleted member 578389
Greenlighter
i have 1 friend, i met them through living at a squat for a short while.
the best way for me to make friends is to live with someone for a period.
this can be done through wwoofing/workaway.
another thing i do for loneliness, is walking through the busiest street in my city regularly, taking the same route.
and i wear the same outfit every time so i am recognizable (red is an attention drawing colour)
just to have people look at me / comment on my outfit, it fills up my social meter.
people say indoor rock climbing is a social activity, that could be worth a try.
also note what is holding you back in being motivated and having the resources to join group activities
i'm planning to get a cat, when i'm feeling grounded in stability. cat/dog such great companions
the best way for me to make friends is to live with someone for a period.
this can be done through wwoofing/workaway.
another thing i do for loneliness, is walking through the busiest street in my city regularly, taking the same route.
and i wear the same outfit every time so i am recognizable (red is an attention drawing colour)
just to have people look at me / comment on my outfit, it fills up my social meter.
people say indoor rock climbing is a social activity, that could be worth a try.
also note what is holding you back in being motivated and having the resources to join group activities
i'm planning to get a cat, when i'm feeling grounded in stability. cat/dog such great companions
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garygroundwork
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2006
- Messages
- 772
Difference between friends and aquaintances
As you get older you cut the acquaintances and/or treat it for what it is- surface level bs
But hopefully you have real life long friends (small circle) from school/uni days. May only be 1, 2 or 3 etc. But these are important. You work to maintain these. These are the friendships you value, hold onto and maintain.
As you age your circle should get smaller. And that's good.
If you have 0 and you are like 45 plus. Well it is what it is. I would accept it and do other things-Get a dog or cat and travel etc.
As you get older you cut the acquaintances and/or treat it for what it is- surface level bs
But hopefully you have real life long friends (small circle) from school/uni days. May only be 1, 2 or 3 etc. But these are important. You work to maintain these. These are the friendships you value, hold onto and maintain.
As you age your circle should get smaller. And that's good.
If you have 0 and you are like 45 plus. Well it is what it is. I would accept it and do other things-Get a dog or cat and travel etc.
I had 2 best friends that were like brothers I never had. One I was extremely close to. He died of a heart attack 3 years after my parents died. They died a year apart. Those were my 3 go tos and they were gone. Thats what pushed me into full blown addiction. The other gut I haven't talked to for a couple years until yesterday. We exchanged nice texts and that made my day. I love being alone. Always have. I have panic disorder and agrophobia. Ibhafevtovfake it everytimevi go out. But Christmas really opened my eyes to how alone I really am. Ive committed to making more connections in the new year. Go to more meetings. Reconnect with estranged family. I must. Living lonely does not help my clinical depression. If I'm going to do everything possible to improve my mental health I must reconnect to society, as bad as it might be at first.
Who fucked with my rant. WTF. Oh, I get it petty revenge. Hmm, hmm. No comment, other than fuck you.Let's just say, schizosffective disorder, is such a widely misdiagnosed, and many times, it can affect your whole life; and make getting meds, jobs, hard and other things.lol
When, schizophrenic disorder isn't a real condition. Just a catch all diagnosis; that the For-profit mental hospitals, to make money, at the expense of other people's lives.
FROM The criteria for the diagnosis; with it being wrong, many times. Even with a BS catch-all diagnosis.
From what I have heard, seen, and read; it is probably just a bad night, and then the psychological effects of that person going being stuck in the ( Cuckoo's Nest.lol).
Comined with one of countless wd's and yeah, he/she needs to be put on schitzo meds. Those are apparently horrible, one of the most used thread at BL, is the invega misery thread.
So the addiction's don't get addressed, a person with just the normal wd's is just labeled insane. ( read the description of the of the " symptoms" from a good source and look at least 2 others).
Ah that " mental illness" misdiagnosis, means that if they had a " real mental or emotional problems; that; any real problems may not be addressed.
Put on the wrong meds or possibly, no meds are needed after they get out and are probably sober.
( The mindless, drool inducing drugs don't count.)( what about all possible life destroying effects of being on very powerful( mind tranquilizers, but not in a good way)lol.
Oh, and suicide is a real risk. You know after they have their life ruined.
In fact their is a whole massive industry to enrich Pharmaceutical companies and large for-profit mental hospitals.( do they really charge insurance companies and or, even the government $1,000- $2000 a day to drug, in a bad way, and hold people hostage)?
He ain't going home anytime soon. Till his insurance runs out and he is suddenly better.lol
, A drug and or, even a drinking
problem and a bad night and if a person had a physical addiction and went into long, bad wd's.
Although, if they were addicted to benzos or gaba drugs; that they may ease, a little tiny bit.lol
Not to mention, that real issues are not addressed and they go through their life thinking they are severely mentally ill.
Suicide. Also, if people will kill themselves and kill innocent people at random in mindless massacres: What, if it happened to a person, who held a horrible grudge?
What if they didn't believe in God?
Vengeance is mine saith The Lord. I believe that and am more scared of God and also love God more than anything or anyone( God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit).
But, if they were an atheist; What if there life was ruined and they wanted to take out as many people and then, themselves.
( It has happened in America, This is early and the first day of the week. Some actually think Saturday is the last day of the week. Lol But hopefully these tragedies will not escalate.)
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These used a fuel and fertilizer( ammonium nitrate) bomb. What if one them knew the secret to super charging the explosion. ( The terrorists in Lebanon new it; when they murdered 241 Military personnel on a military base). I can't believe they mentioned that on news years ago.( the exact gas needed)
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, lol: early 1990's. Those guys were just domestic terrorists( white boys).
Those two blew up a government building and killed almost ( 170 people, 168?)
They were pissed.( also they were not exactly geniuses, lol)
About a cult compound being incinerated by the government, children and all.( many kids were let out of the compound before it became a giant ball of fire).
Conspiracy beyond them?
Sad: But violence might actually change things( don't hurt or kill people).
That would also affect and cause horrible problems and probably cause much more problems. First and foremost: Vengeance is mine saith The Lord. Then, murdering people, innocent people, over your own since of since of justice? No!
That is not an option. Peaceful protests; Or a civil war. I personally am glad, slavery is over. But that civil war was basically, all that could be done.
( side note good olè honest Abe was a wrestler( grappling( mis?)
He lost once. 300 and 1,. That is part of who he was as young man. A fighter( in a sporting way) while was according to historians and shrinks; he was a severely depressed man and possibly suicidal.
Being a tough, extremely intelligent, honest and good man; in a corrupt and evil world. That can be very depressing.
However; that was two sides of a country split, and The south rebelled. The President( Honest , Abe) was the one fighting against slavery and to preserve my country.( as a side note Abe was tough)
Teddy Roosevelt may have spent his whole adult life trying to prove he was a real man.
Abraham Lincoln didn't have to.
Besides grappling( wrestling) is a big part of UFC fights.
Don't many of the matches in The Octagon end up on the ground?
Vengeance is mine saith the Lord.( If I can't make to church, I might as well show The Lord some respect.( it is Sunday here).
Ya heathens. ( Yes GhostinIllinois, said something similar, but he was joking)
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Yes, I have a copy of K. Kesey's, Masterpiece.
I am very aware of him as a hippie icon( the bus, acid, and much of that stuff)( also about all the government shit at the mental hospital he worked at as a night time worker/ aide? Then since it was at a VA hospital; time to test as LSD and other drugs on the patients.
Ah, MKULTRA. Time to experiment illegally( Our own government) on people they deem disposable. That inspires trust.lol
It is one of best novels( I have read, by one of The Beat Generations, writers).
I watched the movie: I now have, a dilemma. K.Kesey doesn't exactly have a great body of work( I had to look it up to find the names of his other books) He seems like a one hit wonder? He wrote a number of novels.
Are they even in print?
What if I were to prefer his work over, Kerouac's?
His books aren't as easy to get.( K, Kesey).
Just like William S. Burroughs, I like guns.
(That is about all we have in common)!!
I have a very nice piece on one arm of a beat up, very comfortable chair I am sitting in; and a copy of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest on the other( left arm, I can be OCD).
I Saw The movie and Know to much but, 272 pages of a small paper back is nothing. But, I would rather have other wasted time; than reading a novel that I found mediocre.
Any, thoughts; on what I have brought up?
I am not a young punk. I am a middled aged man. I still can remember the 1970's as a very young kid( this is before, I was old enough to go to kindergarten), but not by much.
Bullshit, it was either one of two staff members. OK, to the Piece of Shit who messed with my words, you are just a fucking coward
washingtonbound
Bluelighter
I commented on your other post and hope you’re doing better. One thing at a time, maybe work up to traveling to nearby cities first once you’re comfortable.
I only have my mom right now who I talk to and she is the main reason I keep trying to power through with life. No friends for most my twenties besides toxic drug users who took advantage of me. Unfortunately isolation is becoming more and more common.
washingtonbound
Bluelighter
I wish I had connections from my college days. Unfortunately I moved around a lot in high school, disrupted by a stint in “wilderness therapy” and went to three different colleges before not finishing. I know that helps people make lasting friends and things were too sporadic for me during that time, accompanied by the substance use disorder I started dealing with around 19-20.
Nowadays I feel more uncomfortable around people which is another barrier. Can’t really be in loud environments and don’t do the party scene anymore.
So I went to and AA meeting this morning. I was determined to stay after the meeting and connect with somebody, maybe exchange numbers. Well I did not have to worry bc there were two people there i knew. I haven't been to this meeting in years. I stayed after and we talked for half hour. It was amazing. Goung to b get coffee with one guy tomorrow. Just reephasizes my feeling I hadcChristnas that I needed to connect more. Even though I was gritting my teeth at beginning of meeting, at end when I was in Uber home I felt a c strange feeling of being not so lonely. I still have a long way to go but it was so nice cause these dudes were genuinely glad to see me. Not what I had in my pockets or wallet. Anyway, thought id share good vibes. If people don't go to meetings there's all kinda different self help groups for everything
SMART recovery. Join a church community. All these things I normally roll my eyes at but they work!
SMART recovery. Join a church community. All these things I normally roll my eyes at but they work!