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Having no friends at all

W

washingtonbound

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
722
Location
FL
I'm almost 31 now, and have had no friends for a while now. I don't have "acquaintances" or anything like that either. I still live with my mom and basically have no life at all. I started driving Uber recently and that's the only thing that gets me out of the house. The people I drive are mostly very old so I don't make friends that way either. Anyway, having no social life really gets tiring and isn't healthy. I suppose it's better than having toxic addict friends, which I did a few years ago until I got clean, but honestly being by yourself all the time is really unfulfilling. I basically just get up, drive, and wait to go to sleep. Occasionally I'll visit a kava bar or something to see if anyone there would be interesting to get to know but haven't found anyone there either. I'm getting really bored of it. I am an introvert but that doesn't mean I don't want to have any friends. Anyone have experience with this?
 
I get lonely sometimes but I have a lot of great people in my life who make it a lot better. Sorry for crashing your post but if you want, I'll be your friend now. I've felt lonely for a very long time. I'm sorry for crashing your post. But I just want you to know that if you want it, I'll be your friend. I feel really lonely, I'm a misogynist and stuff and I deserve to suffer because of it. But I get lonely all my life. I know women's loneliness gets overlooked and that males need to give females the acknowledgment that they're going through some terrible things but i'm really lonely and im male and i care about you and if you need to, you can contact me thorugh dm. thanks for listening.
 
washingtonbound said:
I'm almost 31 now, and have had no friends for a while now. I don't have "acquaintances" or anything like that either. I still live with my mom and basically have no life at all. I started driving Uber recently and that's the only thing that gets me out of the house. The people I drive are mostly very old so I don't make friends that way either. Anyway, having no social life really gets tiring and isn't healthy. I suppose it's better than having toxic addict friends, which I did a few years ago until I got clean, but honestly being by yourself all the time is really unfulfilling. I basically just get up, drive, and wait to go to sleep. Occasionally I'll visit a kava bar or something to see if anyone there would be interesting to get to know but haven't found anyone there either. I'm getting really bored of it. I am an introvert but that doesn't mean I don't want to have any friends. Anyone have experience with this?
Click to expand...

So go out and meet people.
 
bvc said:
I get lonely sometimes but I have a lot of great people in my life who make it a lot better. Sorry for crashing your post but if you want, I'll be your friend now. I've felt lonely for a very long time. I'm sorry for crashing your post. But I just want you to know that if you want it, I'll be your friend. I feel really lonely, I'm a misogynist and stuff and I deserve to suffer because of it. But I get lonely all my life. I know women's loneliness gets overlooked and that males need to give females the acknowledgment that they're going through some terrible things but i'm really lonely and im male and i care about you and if you need to, you can contact me thorugh dm. thanks for listening.
Click to expand...
I don't have a good relationship with women either, I wouldn't consider yourself a bad person because of that. Lot of men have a hard time with dating especially now. I've never had a long term relationship and am not really into putting time into casual hookups anymore. I've known a lot of people who've had terrible divorces so that adds to my reluctance to engage with that sort of thing.
 
washingtonbound said:
I don't have a good relationship with women either, I wouldn't consider yourself a bad person because of that. Lot of men have a hard time with dating especially now. I've never had a long term relationship and am not really into putting time into casual hookups anymore. I've known a lot of people who've had terrible divorces so that adds to my reluctance to engage with that sort of thing.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry about that. There are a lot of great women out there. A lot of women who don't get picked or chosen or helped or whatever. It's true for a lot of men, too. I hope things will get better for you soon.
 
I can relate to a lot in your post. I am also an introvert but I crave that human connection we all need. I was taught sobriety is not the opposite of addiction, connection is. Its a human nature thing that battles with my shy, introverted self daily. My old friends are either dead or moved on. A couple are slowly coming around after my long bout with addiction which ripped the few friends I had away. I once in awhile go to coffee with somebody in an AA meeting but I struggle in those rooms bc I don't like crowds. Even small ones. They give me major anxiety. So like I said before, its a battle inside my life. One side craves some sort of friendship with someone I can relate to, and the other is like, im fine alone. I like being alone but too much isn't healthy. It can trigger depression for sure. But you posted this thread so thats a good way to brake out of your comfort zone. Its not the same obviously but its a start. Lots of people out here probably feel or have felt the same way and hopefully will provide support. I can lend support anytime.
 
I can't explain it but how and what you think about yourself attracts or pushes people away. Is there a place where people gather near you that you can spend time at? Just the act of being around people teaches you how to become more sociable. When I was recovering from psychosis I recognized the importance of challenging my comfort zone by forcing myself to go inside the grocery store with my wife to get groceries. Usually I would stay in the car because I allowed my paranoia to control my life. At first, it was difficult especially ifI got separated from my anchor person.

Overtime, because you need to have patience with yourself, I got used to being around people again. Psychosis, the three times I experienced it totally wiped out my mind and memories how to take care of myself. You learn by example how to interact and socialize by the people you are around. You may feel like you are alone, but that is simply the way choose to be. Life is about choices, you can be who or whatever you want to be by the choices you make.

Don't give up after putting yourself out there seeking advice here on BL. If you sincerely want to change the course of your life, you will. That is the beauty of life, all you have to do is make the decision to change. The old saying, 'nothing changes if nothing changes" You are in control of your destiny, no one but you are responsible and accountable to yourself.
 
bvc said:
I get lonely sometimes but I have a lot of great people in my life who make it a lot better. Sorry for crashing your post but if you want, I'll be your friend now. I've felt lonely for a very long time. I'm sorry for crashing your post. But I just want you to know that if you want it, I'll be your friend. I feel really lonely, I'm a misogynist and stuff and I deserve to suffer because of it. But I get lonely all my life. I know women's loneliness gets overlooked and that males need to give females the acknowledgment that they're going through some terrible things but i'm really lonely and im male and i care about you and if you need to, you can contact me thorugh dm. thanks for listening.
Click to expand...
I wonder what is your definition of a misogynist? Because according to the fake media, just being a real man and not being a pansy, makes you a misogynist.lol

If being a bit old fashioned means I am a misogynist. lol
Besides, feminism doesn't want equality, they want special treatment.

Ok, if a chick hits me, then I should be allowed to kick her ass, right? No, it's a woman. Unless, you actually have to defend really defend yourself, then there is a huge difference. I admit their are women who could kick my ass, a few.

A woman shoots at police, what will they do? A crazy chick has a knife; and you are corned, what do you do? These are extreme examples but, the point is they only want to deal with men their way.
Next, there are no shortage of lonely women because the media has brainwashed so many.

According to some of them; a guy asking a woman out is sexual harassment. No wonder there are women who are successful, but are empty and lonely.

You might just be mad at yourself, because you told to by the media. Toxic masculinity, yeah that can be a problem but it is a lot better than wimps ;who try to be politically correct out of fear.

equality: no, feminist want special treatment and expect Men who are a minority( there are more women than men) to cater to them and get special privileges, while being considered "equal"

Men and women are different; and when you try blurring the lines, then you get into trouble.

Selective Service: At 18 all able bodied male U.S. citizens have to register with the government: As part of the just in case factor and the draft returns.

American women: who don't wannabe in the Military are far greater than men. More would be devastated and horrified.
Besides, I got a funny feeling that training exercises for women would have lower standards. That is not equal.

Then, any woman who joins the armed services should be as fast as the men, as strong, have the endurance, the cold fact of killing people is a bigger issue, overall, to women.

Besides, a female soldier is captured, what do you think will happen be done to her, before they brutally murder her?

Besides the Israelis: who wants their daughters drafted?( not picking on them or being political. They need all the people they can get).
 
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M!$TER-ED said:
I can't explain it but how and what you think about yourself attracts or pushes people away. Is there a place where people gather near you that you can spend time at? Just the act of being around people teaches you how to become more sociable. When I was recovering from psychosis I recognized the importance of challenging my comfort zone by forcing myself to go inside the grocery store with my wife to get groceries. Usually I would stay in the car because I allowed my paranoia to control my life. At first, it was difficult especially ifI got separated from my anchor person.

Overtime, because you need to have patience with yourself, I got used to being around people again. Psychosis, the three times I experienced it totally wiped out my mind and memories how to take care of myself. You learn by example how to interact and socialize by the people you are around. You may feel like you are alone, but that is simply the way choose to be. Life is about choices, you can be who or whatever you want to be by the choices you make.

Don't give up after putting yourself out there seeking advice here on BL. If you sincerely want to change the course of your life, you will. That is the beauty of life, all you have to do is make the decision to change. The old saying, 'nothing changes if nothing changes" You are in control of your destiny, no one but you are responsible and accountable to yourself.
Click to expand...
Well said Mr Ed. Thats sone inspiring words. I actually got a little rise out of myself reading your post. It does come down to choices. Challenging comfort zones so you become more comfortable an expand that zone. Thanks.
 
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Making new friends is never that easy as you get older so it's important to hold onto friendships you have and put some effort into nurturing them. This is something I have come to realize and it has helped me because I have trouble making new friends. And always try to be open to renewing old friendships that drifted in the past. COVID led me to reconnect with a friend I hadn't seen in nearly 20 years. We hit it off easily because we had that old common experience. ( Of course some old friends I'm better without!)
 
I just want to add, I am 71 yrs old, probably near the same age as your UBER passengers who deem unworthy of your friendship. Old people have a wealth of knowledge and understanding you can only get from living. Don't be too hasty to assume old people have nothing to offer just because they old. After you spent time to get to know someone who has experienced life 50 or more years ago?
My generation started something it could not finish because of drug prohibition and propaganda. If there is anything you should be grateful for are the people who came before you and fought for your rights to be you.. Everyone has a story to tell if you show them kindness and a willingness to listen. Old people are cool, they paved the way for you and me.
 
Like I said, I'm not good at making new friends, but that's pretty common. It's hard when you are no longer in school, younger. Work can help but it's still different, 8 hours is a long time and you kind don't want to continue it after hours in my experience.
But meeting people by persuing your interests can help. Hiking groups, or maybe skaters? Volunteering at something that matters? Or going back part time to a local community college in a subject that interests. You speak Spanish, you could start or join a Spanish conversation group through Craigslist or MeetUp. Do something you like and friendships can follow as natural outgrowth. And if then a romantic relationship follows and you want it, cool. But romantic connections are not everything for everybody. I went many years without them before I decided fuck it, I wanted it and was going to make it happen.
The desire for connection of whatever sort is pretty universal and there are a hell of a lot of people in the same boat of wanting friends
 
M!$TER-ED said:
I just want to add, I am 71 yrs old, probably near the same age as your UBER passengers who deem unworthy of your friendship. Old people have a wealth of knowledge and understanding you can only get from living. Don't be too hasty to assume old people have nothing to offer just because they old. After you spent time to get to know someone who has experienced life 50 or more years ago?
My generation started something it could not finish because of drug prohibition and propaganda. If there is anything you should be grateful for are the people who came before you and fought for your rights to be you.. Everyone has a story to tell if you show them kindness and a willingness to listen. Old people are cool, they paved the way for you and me.
Click to expand...
Also, I would add that you might think that old people aren't interested in you because you are too young, have different interests and cultural values, but you might be surprised how open they might be to you.
 
M!$TER-ED said:
I just want to add, I am 71 yrs old, probably near the same age as your UBER passengers who deem unworthy of your friendship. Old people have a wealth of knowledge and understanding you can only get from living. Don't be too hasty to assume old people have nothing to offer just because they old. After you spent time to get to know someone who has experienced life 50 or more years ago?
My generation started something it could not finish because of drug prohibition and propaganda. If there is anything you should be grateful for are the people who came before you and fought for your rights to be you.. Everyone has a story to tell if you show them kindness and a willingness to listen. Old people are cool, they paved the way for you and me.
Click to expand...
I didn’t intend for that bit to come across as ageist. A lot of the retirees in this area (SW FL) are just not my cup of tea to be honest. A lot of entitlement and Trump fanboy types. Not getting political, I didn’t vote, I just don’t get along with those people well or like their attitude.

When traveling several years ago I met a really cool guy in his mid 70s who was living his last days in Colombia. I kept up with him until he had an unfortunate accident and was in a nursing home there last time I checked. But I definitely valued our interactions and enjoyed the time I spent hanging out with him there.
 
M!$TER-ED said:
I can't explain it but how and what you think about yourself attracts or pushes people away. Is there a place where people gather near you that you can spend time at? Just the act of being around people teaches you how to become more sociable. When I was recovering from psychosis I recognized the importance of challenging my comfort zone by forcing myself to go inside the grocery store with my wife to get groceries. Usually I would stay in the car because I allowed my paranoia to control my life. At first, it was difficult especially ifI got separated from my anchor person.

Overtime, because you need to have patience with yourself, I got used to being around people again. Psychosis, the three times I experienced it totally wiped out my mind and memories how to take care of myself. You learn by example how to interact and socialize by the people you are around. You may feel like you are alone, but that is simply the way choose to be. Life is about choices, you can be who or whatever you want to be by the choices you make.

Don't give up after putting yourself out there seeking advice here on BL. If you sincerely want to change the course of your life, you will. That is the beauty of life, all you have to do is make the decision to change. The old saying, 'nothing changes if nothing changes" You are in control of your destiny, no one but you are responsible and accountable to yourself.
Click to expand...
The other issue is that I would like to move but have no means of doing so. I live two hours south of Tampa in the middle of nowhere. There aren’t really meetup events in the area. I considered moving to northern CA at one point but saw a lot of decay there compared to previous visits and don’t have the money to anyway.

I’ve also had psychosis, and have improved a lot since then. Haven’t had an episode in over two years now, coming up on three. I don’t think I give off too bad of energy now but it hasn’t magically improved my social life situation.

I think the next move for me is making connections in some type of career, which I’m slowly working on.
 
I've had entire friend circles move away and I'm the only one left. I usually made new friends through school, work, volunteering, or through the apps. People say you should join special interest groups but I find them weirdly anti-social. The only exception is maybe sports groups, but even then. People come together to share in the common interest and then they leave, there's not much outside contact. The one hockey league I joined, the common social activity was going to the bar for a beer. So boring. I did go sometimes, but it felt perfunctory. Others may have a different experience. I also don't find bars and night clubs very useful.

I found meetup.com helpful for finding local groups. There was a really good outdoor hiking group that gained momentum in the summertime, I made friends through that. I know for a fact you're not the only person feeling isolated and that a lot of people are seeking a means to meet other people.

I have friends who got dogs... they say that helped a lot. They take their dogs to the dog park and it's easy to meet other people that way. The dogs broker the social interaction. Everyone wants to pet your dog so they talk to you. But don't just get a dog for this reason!! Only if you genuinely want one because they will love you and look to you for care. I'm just saying, dogs make it easier for some. I don't have a dog because I like to travel.

For me personally, I have found career the most useful for networking. You may not meet super close friends overnight but the regular social contact at least makes you feel less isolated.

Bottom line is you have to be keep trying. If things don't work out when you try, don't take it to heart and don't blame yourself. Take a moment to pout and lick your wounds, but then keep going. You have to stay in the game.
 
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