H.M.P. Bluelight Towers - Top Dog

[leet]

Lecture #5 - results

Welcome to

H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS​

The deleted episodes of

TOP DOG
PRISON UNIVERSITY
LECTURE#5

LOCATION:

H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS
LECTURE HALL​

PRISON IS A PLACE TO LEARN​

​

LECTURE TITLE:

"THE FEMALE CRIMINAL, THE PROSTITUTE AND THE NORMAL WOMAN"​

​

LECTURE#5
EXAMINATION RESULTS

JESSICA HUSSELL​

FRAMED AN EX PARTNER FOR MURDER
INPUT FALSE INFORMATION INTO NATIONAL POLICE COMPUTER
"PROVING" HER EX PARTNER MURDERED A PCSO
THIS LED TO HIS ARREST
SUPPLIED FALSE INFORMATION ABOUT HER EX TO DVLA
WHICH CAUSED HIM TO HAVE HIS DRIVING LICENCE SUSPENDED
BECAUSE OF THIS HE LOST HIS JOB​

AMY LABAN​

FRAUD
MODEL
CONTESTANT IN MISS ENGLAND BEAUTY COMPETITION
SEMI PRO FOOTBALLER FOR BIRMINGHAM CITY AND NOTTINGHAM FOREST
INVOLVED IN A CAR CRASH
TRIED TO CLAIM 3000STERLING COMPENSATION
SAID SHE WAS INCAPACITATED
THEN TRAINED FOR A SKYDIVE
PLAYED SEMI PRO FOOTBALL WEEKLY
TWEETING PICTURES OF HERSELF RIDING A MECHANICAL RODEO BULL
ETC​

EMILY SANDERS​

INNOCENT
HISTORY TEACHER
BEAUTY QUEEN
STUDYING GERMAN, RUSSIAN AND MANDARIN AT OXFORD
FASCINATED BY COMMUNISM
VICE CHAIRPERSON OF A MENTAL HEALTH CHARITY


STEPHANY PETERSON​

PEDO NONCE
27 YEAR OLD TEACHER
SEDUCED 14 YEAR OLD BOY
HE WAS A "WILLING PARTICIPANT TO THE ASSAULTS"
SHE HAD SEX IN HER CAR TWICE WITH THE BOY
PERFORMED ORAL SEX ON HIM "COUNTLESS TIMES"
SENT HIM RACY PHOTOS AND TEXTS
"I LOVE HIM SO MUCH"​

As previously noted, the female criminal is much harder to identify.

How did our students fare?

BPTUBBS
Current Credits = 8
Lecture #5 scored 50% = 2
New Credit Total = 10
The BLACK CAP AND GOWN is yours!
But we are Confident you can Order your SCARLET GOWN from TINK!
RESPECT!


WO1FG4NG
Current Credits = 4
Lecture #5 scored 0% = 0
New Credit Total = 4
RESPECT!


MADNESS00
Current Credits = 10
Lecture #5 scored 25% = 1
New Credit Total = 11
The BLACK CAP AND GOWN is yours!
But we are Confident you can Order your SCARLET GOWN from TINK!
RESPECT!


MAL3VOLENT
Current Credits = 12
Lecture #5 scored 25% = 1
New Credit Total = 13
SCARLET GOWN!
CONGRATULATIONS TO:

DOCTOR 3VOLENT PhD.​

​

RESPECT!


CAPTAIN.HEROIN
Current Credits = 1
Lecture #5 scored 0% = 0
ABSENT
Can someone please give Mr. Heroin copies of their notes?
New Credit Total = 1
RESPECT!


SHADOWMEISTER
Current Credits = 13
Lecture #5 scored 25% = 1
New Credit Total = 14
SCARLET GOWN!
CONGRATULATIONS TO:

DOCTOR S. MEISTER PhD.​

​

RESPECT!


SHEWASLVL18
Lecture #5 scored 50% = 2
New Credit Total = 2
RESPECT!


IN SUMMARY:

This week DR. S. MEISTER PhD. has advised QUENTIN TARANTINO on aspects of criminal anthropology for his latest movie, a musical about JEFFREY DAHMER
RESPECT!

DR. 3VOLENT PhD. has been approached to lecture at WESTMINSTER UNIVERSITY
RESPECT!

MR. 00 is VALEDICTORIAN SUMMA CUM LAUDE
RESPECT!

MR. TUBBS is MAGNA CUM LAUDE student
RESPECT!

MR.G4NG is CUM LAUDE student
RESPECT!

COMMENDED students MS. LVL18 and MR. HEROIN
(Has anyone seen MR. HEROIN?)
RESPECT!

BLUELIGHT
PRISON UNIVERSITY
OPEN MINDS OPEN DOORS​

 

[leet]

Lecture #6 - results

Welcome to

H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS​

The deleted episodes of

TOP DOG
PRISON UNIVERSITY
LECTURE#6

LOCATION:

H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS
LECTURE HALL​

PRISON IS A PLACE TO LEARN​

​

LECTURE TITLE:

"HARD LABOUR, HARD FARE AND HARD BOARD"​

​

LECTURE#6
EXAMINATION RESULTS

ANNE WILLIAMS​

MILK THIEF
SAID SHE WAS HUNGRY
HAS TWO PREVIOUS CONVICTIONS
THEFT OF SUGAR TONGS AND SOAP
THEFT OF A DRESS
USED FOUL LANGUAGE IN COURT
ONE WAY TICKET TO TASMANIA​

HARRY STEVENSON​

BURGLAR
SEVERAL CONVICTIONS FOR STEALING CLOTHES
OBVIOUSLY A GEEZER
LOOK AT HIS WHISTLE AND FLUTE
TWO MONTHS PRISON​

PADDY THE DEVIL​

INNOCENT
OBJECTED TO HAVING HIS PICTURE TAKEN
MAYBE HE WAS COMING UP ON E
HISTORY DOESN'T RECORD HIS REAL NAME
HE HAD NOT COMMITTED ANY CRIME
BUT...
HE IS IRISH​

PEP​

CAT KILLER
SENTENCED TO BE HUNG
COMMUTED TO
LIFE IMPRISONMENT
THE JUDGE TOLD PEP
"IGNORANCE OF THE LAW IS NOT A VALID DEFENCE"​

ELLEN WOODMAN​

SCRAP STEEL THIEF
SAID SHE WAS HUNGRY
THIS WAIF WAS PART OF A GANG OF STEEL THIEVES
THEY WERE ALL GIRLS
THE AMOUNT OF IRON THEY COULD CARRY MUST HAVE BEEN NEGLIGIBLE
ONE WEEK HARD LABOUR​

SAMUEL SWEET​

LEAD THIEF
24 YEARS OLD
PLUMBER
WAS GOING TO USE IT FOR HIS WORK
TWO MONTHS HARD LABOUR​

WILLIAM "BILLY" WALLACE​

PICKPOCKET
DRESSES NICE TO BLEND IN WITH THE CROWD
THEN PICKS YOUR POCKET
RUTHLESS BASTARD​

How did our students fare?

BPTUBBS
Current Credits = 10
Lecture #6
ABSENT
Can someone please give MR. TUBBS copies of their notes?
New Credit Total = 10
The BLACK CAP AND GOWN is yours!
Congratulations on getting your degree!
RESPECT!


WO1FG4NG
Current Credits = 4
Lecture #6
ABSENT
Can someone please give MR. G4NG copies of their notes?
New Credit Total = 4
RESPECT!


MADNESS00
Current Credits = 11
Lecture #6 scored 35% = 2
New Credit Total = 13
SCARLET GOWN!
CONGRATULATIONS TO:

DOCTOR 00 PhD.​

​

RESPECT!


MAL3VOLENT
Current Credits = 13
Lecture #6
ABSENT
Can someone please give DR. 3VOLENT PhD copies of their notes?
New Credit Total = 13
SCARLET GOWN!
CONGRATULATIONS TO:

DOCTOR 3VOLENT PhD.​

​

RESPECT!


CAPTAIN.HEROIN
Current Credits = 1
Lecture #6
ABSENT
Can someone please give MR. HEROIN copies of their notes?
New Credit Total = 1
RESPECT!


SHADOWMEISTER
Current Credits = 14
Lecture #6 scored 15% = 1
New Credit Total = 15
SCARLET GOWN!
CONGRATULATIONS TO:

DOCTOR S. MEISTER PhD.​

​

RESPECT!


SPEEDKING
Lecture #6 scored 35% = 2
New Credit Total = 2
RESPECT!


SHEWASLVL18
Current Credits = 2
Lecture #6 scored 43% = 3
Credit Bonus Unlocked:
QUOTING LATIN = 1
New Credit Total = 6
RESPECT!


IN SUMMARY:

This week DR. S. MEISTER PhD. has appeared on NEWS AT TEN discussing the tenets of criminal anthropology and the current availability of psychedelic drugs in UK jails
RESPECT!

DR. 3VOLENT PhD. has been working very closely with TOM HARDY on a Hollywood blockbuster about criminality
RESPECT!

DR. 00 PhD. has been approached to lecture at ROYAL HOLLOWAY UNIVERSITY OF LONDON
RESPECT!

MR. TUBBS is VALEDICTORIAN SUMMA CUM LAUDE GRADUATE
RESPECT!

MS. LVL18 is MAGNA CUM LAUDE student
RESPECT!

MR.G4NG is CUM LAUDE student

MR. HEROIN and MR. KING are COMMENDED students
RESPECT!

WISHING EVERYONE ALL THE BEST FOR THE FUTURE AND HOPE NOT TO SEE YOU NEXT TERM!​

BLUELIGHT
PRISON UNIVERSITY
PUTTING IDIOTS FIRST​

 

[Jabberwocky]

Pickpocket. Dresses nice to blend into the crowd, but picks your pocket like any other ruthless bastard.

DRESSES NICE TO BLEND IN WITH THE CROWD
THEN PICKS YOUR POCKET
RUTHLESS BASTARD

Killed this one!

 

[Xorkoth]

Dr. S Meister... I like the sound of that.

 

[mal3volent]

Should be X. Meister as a throwback to your true form.

 

[SheWasLvL18]

Truly a formative experience. Thank you, leet, for your service to Criminal Anthropology and Idiots around the world!

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Sorry for not participating more. It’s a lot of reading and up/down scrolling on mobile.

You should do the one you PM’d me. If you were asking for my permission to do that then post it next. It was a good one.

 

[Jabberwocky]

leet's been gone for too long.

I feel a heavy climax in the making.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

MR. HEROIN and MR. KING are COMMENDED students
RESPECT!

so this means I am like the worst at this or what

I can't even read the score that's how advanced this game

I hate myself, what I've become
It's all I can do to put one foot in front of the other
I drag them like corpses behind me, shuffle like a gross geisha
Whose feet are they?

 

[Tubbs]

Whose feet are they?[/I]

Probably a dead hookers tbh.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Probably a dead hookers tbh.

This was the *only* thing to cheer me up all day

thank you tubbs

you are a joy to have here

 

[Tubbs]

You are very welcome, I've had my joy fall in my lap.... so I will share what joy I can.

 

[Xorkoth]

I feel a heavy climax in the making.

Make sure to use a tissue or a sock.

 

[Jabberwocky]

You already know buddy.

Actually, an old bed sheet ATM.

 

[leet]

Mission #8 WHO LET THE DOG OUT? The outcome

Welcome to H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS!​

TOP DOG​

Episode #8 - Who let the dog out!​

THE FINAL MISSION

NOBODY CAN GIVE YOU FREEDOM

IF YOU ARE A MAN

YOU JUST TAKE IT​

​

Prison was a laugh for a while, you actually even enjoyed yourself​

But it's over now.

Time to BOUNCE...

ONE MAN

FOUR WALLS

EIGHT PLANS

BUT...

DID THEY WORK?​

​

GEORGE BLAKE

NEVER RE-CAPTURED​

EX SPY GEORGE WAS JAILED FOR 42 YEARS. HE ESCAPED AFTER 3 YEARS INCARCERATION USING A ROPE LADDER WITH KNITTING NEEDLES FOR RUNGS. HE WAS THEN SMUGGLED TO EUROPE HIDDEN IN A SECRET COMPARTMENT IN A CAMPER VAN




RONALDO SILVA

RE-CAPTURED AFTER 30 MINUTES​

RON SHAVED HIS ARMS AND LEGS, CHANGED INTO HIS DISGUISE IN THE TOILETS THEN SASHAYED OUT OF THE PRISON GATE TO FREEDOM WEARING A PRETTY BLUE DRESS, HIGH HEELS, WIG AND A DASH OF RED LIPSTICK. SADLY CAUGHT AT A BUS STOP AS A POLICE OFFICER LOOKING FOR RON NOTICED THE GIRL IN A BLUE DRESS WAS "WALKING FUNNY FOR A CHICK"




JOHN MASSEY

GAVE HIMSELF UP AFTER 3 DAYS​

THE OLDEST MAN TO EVER ESCAPE FROM A BRITISH JAIL JOHN CLIMBED OVER THE PRISON WALL USING A MAKESHIFT ROPE FROM DISCARDED NETTING COLLECTED OVER A PERIOD OF YEARS FROM THE GYM SKIP. HE SAW SENIOR PRISON OFFICER FULTON MACKAY WHO WAS GOING HOME AFTER HIS SHIFT RIGHT OUTSIDE THE PRISON WALLS. SENIOR PRISON OFFICER FULTON MACKAY SAID TO HIM "JOHN! WHIT URR YE DAEIN'?" JOHN REPLIED "I'M HAVING IT AWAY ON MY TOES YA DAFT CUNT!" JOHN MASSEY THEN GAVE SENIOR PRISON OFFICER FULTON MACKAY THE SLIP DODGING DOWN ALLEYS AND SIDE STREETS





JAMES GELLING

RE-CAPTURED AFTER FOUR WEEKS​

JUMPING JIMMY FLASH TRUE TO HIS NAME JUMPED FROM A 12 FOOT HIGH DOCK, ASSAULTED A POLICE OFFICER THEN FLED FROM THE COURT BUILDING AND OUT TO FREEDOM. THIS WAS NOT THE FIRST TIME HE USED THIS METHOD TO ESCAPE ALTHOUGH IT WOULD BE THE LAST




JAMES WHITLOCK

RE-CAPTURED AFTER SEVEN DAYS​

INSPIRED BY THE MOVIES HIS BED WAS FOUND STUFFED WITH PILLOWS AND A PAPIER MACHE HEAD HEAD JAMES HAD MADE IN ART CLASSES. TO ANY SCREWS LOOKING THROUGH THE HATCH IT LOOKED LIKE JAMES WAS STILL IN BED. JAMES USED DIAMOND TIPPED CUTTING TOOLS TO CUT THROUGH THE CELL BARS OF HIS WINDOW, THEN SCALED THE 50 FOOT PRISON WALL USING BEDSHEETS TIED TO A C.C.T.V. POLE AND AWAY IN A WAITING CAR





DANNY VAIL

FAILED TO LEAVE THE PRISON GROUNDS​

DUG A 2 FOOT X 3 FOOT HOLE IN THE CELL WALL BEHIND HIS BED WITH A CHAIR LEG AND MADE A 32 FOOT ROPE WITH SHEETS IN HIS BID FOR FREEDOM. SENIOR PRISON OFFICER FULTON MACKAY BECAME SUSPICIOUS AFTER HEARING RUBBLE FALL FROM THE BUILDING. DANNY WAS DISCOVERED HIDING IN THE OLD POTTING SHED WEARING TWO LAYERS OF CLOTHING. RUBBLE FROM THE CELL WALL WAS FOUND IN HIS WARDROBE AND HIS BED. THE RUBBLE IN HIS BED WAS SHAPED TO LOOK LIKE HE WAS STILL IN IT. DANNY FAILED TO BREACH THE OUTER WALL DURING HIS ESCAPE BID AND HAD EIGHT MONTHS ADDED TO HIS SENTENCE






DARREN HUMPHREYS

RECAPTURED LYING IN THE STREET OUTSIDE THE PRISON​

DAZ ESCAPED FROM HIS CELL USING ONLY HIS BARE HANDS AND A DUSTPAN. IT TOOK HIM JUST TWO HOURS TO REMOVE FIVE LAYERS OF BRICKS AND BREAK THROUGH HIS CELL WALL. DAZ WAS CLIMBING DOWN A ROPE MADE FROM BEDSHEETS WHEN HE LOST HIS GRIP AND FELL BREAKING HIS ANKLE. HE WAS FOUND IN THE STREET OUTSIDE THE NICK TRYING TO CRAWL TO FREEDOM. DAZ WAS JAILED FOR AN EXTRA TWO YEARS



JOANNA DENNEHEY

FAILED TO LEAVE THE PRISON GROUNDS​

A DETAILED ESCAPE PLAN WAS FOUND IN HER JOURNAL WHICH INVOLVED KILLING SENIOR PRISON OFFICER FULTON MACKAY AND CUTTING HIS FINGER OFF TO DECEIVE THE BIO-METRIC SYSTEMS. JOANNA INSISTED THE PLAN WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A DOODLE. THE AUTHORITIES CRACKED DOWN HARD ON HER AND INCREASED THE SECURITY ON HER. PRISON VISITORS FEAR HER HUMAN RIGHTS HAVE BEEN ABUSED.​

SO...

WHO IS THE TOP DOG?

AND

WHO IS THE OLD LAG?

 

[leet]

Going straight

THE DAY HAS COME

THE TIME IS NOW

H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS
TOP DOG

RESPECT


NOBODY CAN GIVE YOU FREEDOM

IF YOU ARE A MAN

YOU JUST TAKE IT​

TOP DOG


THE GRAND FINALE

THE MONEY

THE DRUGS

THE SEX

THE POWER

THE RESPECT

​

Ready?

It's time to find out:

Which of our​

BAD MANZ

is the

TOP DOG

in the

HIVE of SCUM and VILLAINY

that is

H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS

Most of the inmates of

H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS

are just

KILLING TIME

BUT

THE TOP DOGS

ARE

KILLING CATS!

AND NOW

THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH
This magnificent 10" gold plated trophy
is the reward for winning:

TOP DOG

BUT FIRST...



THE INSIGHT YOU WANT

THE INFORMATION YOU NEED

IN REVERSE ORDER:​

GOING STRAIGHT​

​

​

SHADY'S FOX
H.M.P. Bluelight Towers EX-CON!

RESPECT points totalizer:
Current Total = -20
REHABILITATED = -10

TOTAL RESPECT = -30

SHADY'S FOX is released from H.M.P. Bluelight Towers this week.

This morning at 08:24 hours the main doors of H.M.P. Bluelight Towers swing shut behind SHADY'S FOX. Freezing cold, raining and all alone. But...

SHADY'S FOX is free and out on the street with 46 pounds cash. This is supposed to last until SHADY'S FOX can organise benefits - realistically this will take about six weeks. The months of inactivity have taken their toll as SHADY'S FOX is unable to walk very far and the bag of meagre possessions seems to weigh a ton.

Off to a new home at the approved premises (a hostel) to complete the paperwork and look at the room, which is a replica of the cell T.B.H. SHADY'S FOX left behind some two hours ago even down to the pervasive aroma of farts and B.O. Then it's off to the food bank for some basic items. Next a meeting with Probation and bag of chips for lunch.

Then the nightmare of trying to register for benefits at the local Job Centre, now mostly done online, a real challenge - should SHADY'S FOX get anything wrong or not having the correct information to hand this will result in an even longer delay before SHADY'S FOX receives the JOB SEEKERS ALLOWANCE of 73 pounds a week.

For now though we must leave SHADY'S FOX discussing the claim with a condescending bearded lady with dreadful halitosis in the Job Centre.

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR SHADY'S FOX?

THE BUTTHOLE BANGERS PLAYING "STAIRWAY TO HELL"​

RESPECT!




MEL22
H.M.P. Bluelight Towers OLD LAG!

RESPECT points totalizer:
Current Total = -20
REHABILITATED = -10

TOTAL RESPECT = -30

MEL22 is released from H.M.P. Bluelight Towers this week.

This morning at 08:24 hours the main doors of H.M.P. Bluelight Towers swing shut behind MEL22. Freezing cold, raining and all alone. But...

MEL22 is free and out on the street with 46 pounds cash. This is supposed to last until MEL22 can organise benefits - realistically this will take about six weeks. The months of inactivity have taken their toll as MEL22 is unable to walk very far and the bag of meagre possessions seems to weigh a ton.

Off to a new home at the approved premises (a hostel) to complete the paperwork and look at the room, which is a replica of the cell T.B.H. MEL22 left behind some two hours ago even down to the pervasive aroma of farts and B.O. Then it's off to the food bank for some basic items. Next a meeting with Probation and bag of chips for lunch.

Then the nightmare of trying to register for benefits at the local Job Centre, now mostly done online, a real challenge - should MEL22 get anything wrong or not having the correct information to hand this will result in an even longer delay before MEL22 receives the JOB SEEKERS ALLOWANCE of 73 pounds a week.

For now though we must leave MEL22 discussing the claim with a condescending bearded lady with dreadful halitosis in the Job Centre.

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR MEL22?

MEL22 IS FORCED TO COMMIT THE LOWEST ACTS​

RESPECT!

 

[leet]

The Final Stretch

THE FINAL STRETCH​

​

​

ALASDAIRM
H.M.P. Bluelight Towers TRUSTEE!

RESPECT points totalizer:
Current Total = -15
JAIL TRUSTEE = -10

TOTAL RESPECT = -25

ALASDAIRM is working as a SUPERVISOR in the HOBBIT SHOP this week.

In charge of 12 other prisoners all smashing XXXTENTACION cd's with toffee hammers. ALASDAIRM is solely responsible for the safe return of the toffee hammers. ALASDAIRM now has a PS1 in the cell with a golf game and PONG or did until THE TWINS taxed it. ALASDAIRM can spend up to 51 pounds per week in the PRISON SHOP. Free access to all the shampoo, toothpaste and writing paper anyone could ever want!

Nobody will sell or even share any DRUGS with ALASDAIRM or tell ALASDAIRM when the PROSTITUTES are coming to the jail. RESPECT to the BIG DOG for that caper!

ALASDAIRM has been promised an early release on licence, maybe next week with a tag.

Not everyone is pleased with this...

ALASDAIRM TALKING TO HIS SIGNIFICANT OTHER:

Remember our honeymoon? The night I taught you to dance. Of course you haven't forgotten. You said those were the happiest days of your whole life.

(Holds up her wedding ring)

Remember this? This is yours. We are one. We will always be one. Nothing can keep us apart.

(She sobs as the door closes behind ALASDAIRM)

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR ALISDAIRM?​

For now though we must leave ALISDAIRM counting toffee hammers in Rehab.

"HAVE YOU HEARD? I'M GOING HOME NEXT WEEK!"
RESPECT!




NEVERSICKANYMORE
H.M.P. Bluelight Towers CITIZEN

RESPECT points totalizer:
Current Total = -10
JAIL TRUSTEE = -10

TOTAL RESPECT = -20

NEVERSICKANYMORE is working as a SUPERVISOR in the HOBBIT SHOP this week.

In charge of 12 other prisoners all smashing CLIFF RICHARD cd's with toffee hammers. NEVERSICKANYMORE is solely responsible for the safe return of the toffee hammers. NEVERSICKANYMORE now has a PS1 in the cell with a golf game and SONIC1 or did until ALEX taxed it. NEVERSICKANYMORE can spend up to 51 pounds per week in the PRISON SHOP. Free access to all the shampoo, toothpaste and writing paper anyone could ever want!

Nobody will sell or even share any DRUGS with NEVERSICKANYMORE or tell NEVERSICKANYMORE when the PROSTITUTES are coming to the jail. RESPECT to the BIG DOG for that caper!

NEVERSICKANYMORE has been promised an early release on licence, maybe next week with a tag.

Not everyone is pleased with this...

NEVERSICKANYMORE - HIS SIGNIFICANT OTHER:

She is a stranger in a small town. She changed her name. Her looks. Her life. All to escape the most dangerous man she's ever met. NEVERSICKANYMORE

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR NEVERSICKANYMORE?​

For now though we must leave NEVERSICKANYMORE counting the days till he is released.

"HAVE YOU HEARD? I'M GOING HOME NEXT WEEK!"
RESPECT!




NOODLE
H.M.P. Bluelight Towers CITIZEN!

RESPECT points totalizer:
Current Total = -10
JAIL TRUSTEE = -10

TOTAL RESPECT = -20

NOODLE is working as a SUPERVISOR in the PIG FARM this week.

In charge of 12 other prisoners all shoveling PIG SHIT into a big heap. NOODLE is solely responsible for the safe return of the shovels. NOODLE now has a PS1 in the cell with a golf game and TETRIS or did until ABDU taxed it. NOODLE can spend up to 51 pounds per week in the PRISON SHOP. Free access to all the shampoo, toothpaste and writing paper anyone could ever want!

Nobody will sell or even share any DRUGS with NOODLE or tell NOODLE when the PROSTITUTES are coming to the jail. RESPECT to the BIG DOG for that caper!

NOODLE has been promised an early release on licence, maybe next week with a tag.

Not everyone is pleased with this...

NOODLE - CHATTING WITH HIS OLD PALS:

"I can butch when I have to. Yeah. I get it from my mother. Just let me in on the next job, I won't let you down. I'm not going back inside, you know you can depend on me guys"

His old pals shuffle uncomfortably.

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR NOODLE?​

​

For now though we leave NOODLE telling PEPPA PIG in the PRISON FARM how beautiful she is.

"HAVE YOU HEARD? I'M GOING HOME NEXT WEEK!"
RESPECT!





THE LOVE BANDIT
H.M.P. Bluelight Towers CITIZEN!

RESPECT points totalizer:
Current Total = -10
JAIL TRUSTEE = -10

TOTAL RESPECT = -20

THE LOVE BANDIT is working as a SUPERVISOR in the PIG FARM this week.

In charge of 12 other prisoners all shoveling PIG SHIT into a big heap. THE LOVE BANDIT is solely responsible for the safe return of the shovels. THE LOVE BANDIT now has a PS1 in the cell with a golf game and MEGAMAN or did until BIG VERN taxed it. THE LOVE BANDIT can spend up to 51 pounds per week in the PRISON SHOP. Free access to all the shampoo, toothpaste and writing paper anyone could ever want!

Nobody will sell or even share any DRUGS with THE LOVE BANDIT or tell THE LOVE BANDIT when the PROSTITUTES are coming to the jail. RESPECT to the BIG DOG for that caper!

THE LOVE BANDIT has been promised an early release on licence, maybe next week with a tag.

Not everyone is pleased with this...

THE LOVE BANDIT - HIS SIGNIFICANT OTHER:

She waited until the door clicked shut and her shoulders relaxed. She enjoyed the house to herself, it was just too ominous with THE LOVE BANDIT in it.

She put some music on. CRADLE OF FILTH. Sashayed around the kitchen a little. Looking forward to her day.

She had a whole life that didnt involve THE LOVE BANDIT.

She contented herself with the fact that if THE LOVE BANDIT truly loved her she wouldnt have been able to build this other, BETTER life.

Wouldnt have fucking needed to.

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR THE LOVE BANDIT?​

For now though we must leave THE LOVE BANDIT peeling potatoes in the PRISON CANTEEN


"HAVE YOU HEARD? I'M GOING HOME NEXT WEEK!"
RESPECT!




CAPTAIN HEROIN
H.M.P. Bluelight Towers CITIZEN

RESPECT points totalizer:
Current Total = -10
Jail Trustee = -10
Secret RESPECT Bonus unlocked:
University Undergraduate a.k.a.SMARTS = 4
Secret RESPECT Bonus unlocked:
Bottom of the Class = 1

TOTAL RESPECT = -15

CAPTAIN HEROIN is in the PRISON LIBRARY reading hard books.

CAPTAIN HEROIN has been promised an early release on licence, maybe next week with a tag.

Not everyone is pleased with this...

CAPTAIN HEROIN A LETTER HOME:

Facing death calmly is praiseworthy only if one faces it alone. Death together is no longer death, even for unbelievers. The source of sorrows lies not in leaving life, but in leaving that which gives it meaning. When love is our whole life, what difference is there between living together and dying together? It's you and me babe forever.

I PROMISE
xxx

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR CAPTAIN HEROIN?​

For now though we must leave CAPTAIN HEROIN in the PRISON LIBRARY filing books according to the Dewey Decimal Classification.

"HAVE YOU HEARD? I'M GOING HOME NEXT WEEK"
:sad face:
RESPECT!

 

[leet]

SPECIFIED
H.M.P. Bluelight Towers CITIZEN
RESPECT points totalizer:
Current Total = -5
Jail Trustee = -10

TOTAL RESPECT = -15

SPECIFIED is working as a SUPERVISOR in the PIG FARM this week.

In charge of 12 other prisoners all shoveling PIG SHIT into a big heap. SPECIFIED is solely responsible for the safe return of the shovels. SPECIFIED now has a PS1 in the cell with a golf game and Bubsy3D or did until LITTLE TREV taxed it. SPECIFIED can spend up to 51 pounds per week in the PRISON SHOP. Free access to all the shampoo, toothpaste and writing paper anyone could ever want!

Nobody will sell or even share any DRUGS with SPECIFIED or tell SPECIFIED when the PROSTITUTES are coming to the jail. RESPECT to the BIG DOG for that caper!

SPECIFIED has been promised an early release on licence, maybe next week with a tag.

Not everyone is pleased with this...

SPECIFIED:

The reason I robbed that bank was I borrowed 100K from a man whose first and last names end in vowels, and every week I owed him a another thousand dollars in interest.

And when I come up just a little short, he's got this very funny game that he likes to play with his thumbs and my arse. TBH I am perfectly willing to go down for murder if I can just skull fuck the twat through his bleeding eye sockets with a crowbar!

Fuck talking, that's what I'm going to do!

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR SPECIFIED?​

​

For now though we must leave SPECIFIED counting the bricks in her cell walls


"HAVE YOU HEARD? I'M GOING HOME NEXT WEEK!"
RESPECT!

 

[leet]

Rehabilitation

WELCOME
TO
H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS
REHABILITATION CENTRE​

​

MAKING PRISONS WORK​

​

​

WO1FG4NG
H.M.P. Bluelight Towers FILCHER!

RESPECT points totalizer:
Current Total = 0
Secret RESPECT Bonus unlocked:
University Undergraduate a.k.a.SMARTS = 4

TOTAL RESPECT = 4

WO1FG4NG Won RESPECT from the other inmates, going to PRISON UNIVERSITY and showing everyone how what clever really means. WO1FG4NG is promised a chance for a HOME VISIT next week.

On parole.

Wearing a tag.

As part of the SKILLS FOR REHABILITATION programme WO1FG4NG is hard at work for 12 hours a day 6 days a week in H.M.P. BLUELIGHT TOWERS PIG FARM mucking out the pigs for 4.23 a week.

WO1FG4NG is determined to win early FREEDOM.

If it really happens WO1FG4NG will be able to meet up with Fam, have a fancy hotdog in the Blind Beggar, then off with everyone to watch the football, sup a few pints in their local, have a laugh and a kebab after chucking out time; back to the drum to sleep in own bed and no-one is going to come knocking on the door, oh no, none of that looking over your shoulder paranoid bullshit for WO1FG4NG.

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR WO1FG4NG?​

For now though we must leave WO1FG4NG listening to his cellie having a loud and very noisy gut wrenching shit. EWWWW

RESPECT!





SHEWASLVL18
H.M.P. Bluelight Towers WISEGUY!

RESPECT points totalizer:
Convicted Armed Robber = 4
Secret RESPECT Bonus unlocked:
University Undergraduate a.k.a.SMARTS = 4

TOTAL RESPECT = 8

Although SHEWASLVL18 is a new kid on the block, her jacket ensures she is RESPECTED among the prison population. SHEWASLVL18 demonstrated that Criminal Anthropology was not her only ability and was soon seconded to work in the allotment, with HOWARD MARKS in THE OLD POTTING SHED.

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR SHEWASLVL18?​

For now though we must leave SHEWASLVL18 worrying about spider mites and the smell from OLD MR. NICE and his wellingtons.

RESPECT!

 

[leet]

Gone away

GONE AWAY​

​

​

ZEPHYR
H.M.P. Bluelight Towers FACEBOOKER
RESPECT points totalizer:
Current Total = -5

TOTAL RESPECT = -5

ZEPHYR was supposed to go on a HOME VISIT this week.

But ZEPHYR did something very naughty. But nobody knows what it was.

Poor ZEPHYR​

FEELING LIKE A FOUR SIDED TRIANGLE!