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General Heroin Discussion 20 v. Walking Around in Women's Underwear

this is what ive been getting for a while now. the bags used to be grey and a little bit wider but the amount of dope is still the same in the blue ones.

its hard to sit on this stuff when you are so close to being able to do it again. I think I'm going to have to put myself in a klonopin-induced coma to get through these next couple days
 
sorry price discussion is not allowed. I had to have bad effects from the done to get free suboxone, they still tell me what the gov pays for on the bill. I don't mind, sure my pain issue is there but I blame the government for me being where I am, not able to hire competent doctors and then dentists are private, not paid for at all, and jaw specialist docs are usually dentists and only few things will my prov. insurance card pay for. It took about 5 neurologists to find whats wrong with me, and now I'm back in a shitty town with only 3 neurologists for 170 000 people, I can visit one of them more often than the Neuro-God I met in MTL, but he's not really all that smart, hes the one whos started me on topamax and rivotril(clonazepam) eons ago when I lived here first 0.5mg twice a day and he said this, this was for anxiety? I said no,you scripted this part of my neurology issue, clonazepam has an effect on nerve pain diseases, you told me that and then was shaking head but said sure I'll script you them again, he's pretty old and a bit creepy looking, lol, anyways, good luck to you all, here its a joke and most people never saw heroin, they're shooting it up HM Contins and Generic Oxycontins (shooting Oxycontin is dumb enough...but at least these generics are like the old ones, can be done, if you wanna be an idiot. But 24-30mg, especially 30mg HM Contins are still deeply imprinted in my brain, just seeing pictures of them online creates a slight trigger even while on bupe. Crushed, those beads inside have so many shots from a 30 ugh.
 
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im fucking sick of this vivitrol bullshit. Havent been able to get a proper high since April 27th

im sick of a lot of shit actually, almost to the point where I want to get on a bus to anywhere and just leave.

and just be homeless for the summer

but I have to go to court in June and at the very least Im probably going to get put on probation if not sent to jail for a little bit.

I wouldnt mind going to jail either tbh. Not because I think im tough or anything, but because I wouldnt have to do anything for a couple months. just sleep a lot, watch some Big Bang Theory, play some scrabble at night, volleyball by day.

All I get here is fucking pokes and prods on what im doing when im not "accounted for" I guess is how Id put it to my family.

I dont know, we'll see what happens. Im just tired of having to live in silence about this shit.

yeah, I have a tendency to get high on heroin in my spare time. Am I the only one who doesnt really feel ashamed by this?

it's hard to describe the full situation in text but just know its some bullshit.

I mean really, slavery used to be 100% legal until people woke up and realized it was wrong.

a law is only a bunch of words on a piece of paper somewhere, youll never be able to legislate morality because people have different morals

itd be nice if all this shit just spontaneously fucked off and I could just do the homeless thing but thats not going to happen

and all I want to do is just get high right now and not let it bother me but I cant even fucking do that

all you ever hear growing up in school: "treat others how you want to be treated" and I dont get involved in anyone else's business. I dont have a problem with any non-violent or fraudulent crime. do what you want. and I'll do what I want. dinner's in the oven.

but no, everyone's got a plan for me. and it's fucking obnoxious to hear people talk about my situation and act like I'm going through some huge ordeal and just need to "get things back on track" in order to "reach my potential".

just a thought, maybe I dont.... HAVE a fucking track. I work menial manual labor jobs for money and help my grandparents with their day-to-day activities

why the fuck would heroin make me unable to fulfill that?

and yeah, I can be prone to spend a decent amount of money on it when I have the money, but if you looked at all my other expenses it kind of evens out.

I know what I have to do in reality, which is move out into my own residence, but then I'd just get shit for wanting to get high on my own and "abandoning" my grandparents

but I get shit for getting high when Im here helping them out either way so what does it really matter?

and of course, nobody cares about some addict not having an ideal situation to get high in and I dont blame them, I wouldnt either.

but these same people are the ones who probably called the cops on me while waiting at the bus stop for "looking out of it" and then before I can even turn around there's 2 cop cars there telling me to spread my legs. seriously who calls the fucking cops on someone sitting at a bus stop? if I was in the city, well A: the cops wouldnt have even been called but B: the city cops probably would have responded "let us know if he stops breathing or pulls a gun"

and my aunt took too much klonopin and shot a bag and was totally fucked up all day and we had a family dinner for memorial day and my mom and brother both knew it was more than her usual medication and now theyre giving me shit for putting myself back into these situations when in reality I never really took myself out of it. I just couldnt FEEL heroin for a bit, no shot in the world would be able to keep me from still buying it.

all vivitrol did was make me zone in on how long it will take before I could get high again. And they want me to go back and spend $100 dollars for another shot? get bent. the only thing Im ever going back there for is a script for suboxone so I can have something to hold me over when Im not getting high. After doing the Vivitrol bullshit, waiting the 2-3 days for suboxone to get off the receptors will be nothing.

Im just frustrated with the whole drug system we have in the United States. and after working at both a liquor store and a bar im even more frustrated. What I do is no different than what an alcoholic does, there's just a lot more bullshit involved with being a heroin addict.

I need to figure something out sooner than later or im going to figure it out the only way I can really think of atm
 
I can relate 100% sub. I've never really ever said it out loud to anyone but Ive often needed to..... Well guys Ive never really made up my mind to quituusing boi ,permanently its always been a break of sorts to regroup and shyt. This past year I met the most wonderful man and friend that same night I started using again after 11 months clean. Needless to say we have been on a hundred thousand adventures together with 1000x more memories this whole year. We've been thru all the ups and downs that come with using and some. Out of all the years Ive been using this past year changed my whole world to more sweet than sour . we both had our own demons but we also had each other. We had a connection deeper than just dope and not just as an escape from our issues. He rescued me and helped me sink my ship all at the same time. I helped him fight his self and our addiction for a year. Needless to say the difference this round for me was that not only was I doped but I lived. His past caught up with him and was too thick for him to be able to breath through and too heavy to move past . He killed his self April 30th. I couldn't contact him for two weeks before the incident. I couldn't save him and honestly I know why . I failed him because I got in too deep and let my dope self consume me. I became everything our dope selves are. Ive hit rock bottom before and even still I decided I would only "break" from dope. Since the day he died I have been absolutely spiraling further down into my own self destruction its been a dark time for me mentally emotionally and every other way possible.Saturday I decided that I had enough I went and bought 6x my dose . I finished it off. I'm tired of fighting this off.my point to all this is I have finally decided that I'm done with this shyt for good . I have finally chosen a permanent break from heroin. My hunger for it died the day he did. I'm awake and the funny thing is I'm not even scared or hesitant or double thinking my desicion . I'm so ready for this after years of being a productive addict of society I know I can live productively and function and be content with dope but its no longer worth it to me. So wish me luck guys. Here's to life without heroin. I wish you guys the best at what you do . wait for it heres the corny one sentence conclusion.live your life and don't let your life live you. :) (*had to let this out sorry.)
 
im sorry about your loss zephyr, that must have been a pretty traumatic time for you

but I wasnt done talking about myself yet

seriously, if my parents dont sta-

nah, im not that much of a douche jk
 
Hahahh I would hope not. I think it was /is traumatic for me. Ive been in a sort of numb nothing affects me type of way. That was kind of rude of me to just shrug you off sub sorry :(.... Fact is only you know how to handle you and regardless what u do whether its dive off the deep end or become the most successful man your family knows as long as you do drugs it seems as though some people have that mindset that just can't be shaken. I know its hard to not let it affect you but u know what u can handle and what or who u will or won't listen to. Like I said previously I have been a productive addict of society for yeaaaarrrsss but regardless my status in society and regardless how productive I was with my home life as soon as they knew about my drug use it was all over with. Some people .
 
ive always wanted to hitchhike my way across America tbh. Sort of a bucket list thing I guess
 
this is what ive been getting for a while now. the bags used to be grey and a little bit wider but the amount of dope is still the same in the blue ones.

its hard to sit on this stuff when you are so close to being able to do it again. I think I'm going to have to put myself in a klonopin-induced coma to get through these next couple days
That's a good spot, but it fell off since then.
 
Subotai- I can really relate to what your going through with your family and there expectations. What I eventually figured out is that ou gotta do what you gotta do for you. As long as you have a job and can support yourself than there opinion is just background bullshit. I think you have the right idea about getting on maintenance. It always amazes me that you guys can hold your shot together for so long without having a sun script to fall back on in lean times. I'm pretty sure I would have ended up in prison for doing dumb stuff for money to get well had it not been for my script.

As for me. Life on methadone is really nice so far. I have stabilized my dose at 70mg and I feel really good. Minimal cravings and I am still getting a nice glow for a few hours after I dose in the morning. My plan is to save up some money and use it to move out west to a pot friendly state where I can get a medical card and live my life in a comfortable legal haze. I mean shit gotta have dreams right?
 
What I eventually figured out is that ou gotta do what you gotta do for you. As long as you have a job and can support yourself than there opinion is just background bullshit. ...
...My plan is to save up some money and use it to move out west to a pot friendly state where I can get a medical card and live my life in a comfortable legal haze. I mean shit gotta have dreams right?

You're right on target with these. I moved out West and it's the best thing I ever did. The axiom, wherever you go, there you are, is 100% true. BUT BUT, it's easier to figure out who YOU are when there's ZERO connections to your old life, and it's up to you to recreate yourself as an adult--or keep being the same person you used to be.

There's absolutely some luck involved, but if you plan well and research, you should be able to make it. Most people just don't actually have the balls to leave their family and friends and move 1000s of miles away (not that it's always even a good thing---I've heard a joke here that if you tilted the country on it's side, all the loose change would fall out--and that's California...). I'll be honest, if I hadn't moved here with my gf I wouldn't have had the planning or wherewithall to make it at the beginning, but we're not together anymore and if anything I'm doing better. Might not have a lot of people out here but I'm learning how to rely on myself more and be an adult.

It's true about mmj too. Obviously there's plenty of heroin on the west coast but if you decide you want to get clean, unlimited cannabis makes it a lot easier. Recovery seems to be more a reality around here too, so if you're clean from dope there's plenty of built-in community (even within the cannabis community).
 
That's a good spot, but it fell off since then.

you in philly?

Subotai- I can really relate to what your going through with your family and there expectations. What I eventually figured out is that ou gotta do what you gotta do for you. As long as you have a job and can support yourself than there opinion is just background bullshit. I think you have the right idea about getting on maintenance. It always amazes me that you guys can hold your shot together for so long without having a sun script to fall back on in lean times. I'm pretty sure I would have ended up in prison for doing dumb stuff for money to get well had it not been for my script.

As for me. Life on methadone is really nice so far. I have stabilized my dose at 70mg and I feel really good. Minimal cravings and I am still getting a nice glow for a few hours after I dose in the morning. My plan is to save up some money and use it to move out west to a pot friendly state where I can get a medical card and live my life in a comfortable legal haze. I mean shit gotta have dreams right?

yeah you are right crimson but it's tough to find a place to live when you dont have anyone to split the rent with. I make 9$ an hour, I cant afford an apartment solely to myself, or I could afford to pay for an apartment and that's it. because eating is overrated anyway...

I've been all over the place mentally the past couple days. I was so sure that this Vivitrol shot would have worn off by now because it was my first one but I still cant get the high that I want. And that just makes me want it even more. Im on Day 27 and I feel more addicted than I did before I got it.

I don't know, I've been having weird feelings lately. Feelings like my time might be running out here. I don't know how, but I just cant escape this thought that I might die soon.

and sometimes I'll wonder if I actually am in a coma in real life from a drug overdose and everything im experiencing is just a dream from the coma.

yeah, im walking and talking, but I'm not even here mentally. I've just been going through the motions for the past month.

oh and my aunt got way too fucked up yesterday and my brother found an empty baggie in our house and told my mom that I was buying dope for my aunt so now my mom is all salty towards me.

He's such a fucking punkass man, my brother that is. He's been ratting me out over shit from day 1, while I never said shit about what he was doing.

even when he was smoking crack. even when he was selling coke for like a week, even when he was dating a girl from the ghetto with 2 kids, even when he got fired from the job we worked at.

I dont say shit about shit, and I never will. But I cant expect him to change, that's just who he is

a fucking rat
 
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Anyone out there ever try mixing phenibut and heroin (or another opi like oxycodone). Preferably someone who is addict and would realize how much less/more they needed and if it prolonged the high. If not how about GHB, GBL, and other drugs that work similarly to how phenibut works.
 
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this happened like 4 years ago on a hard drive that was wiped repeatedly before it found a home in a landfill somewhere so im not worried about it

I get what you're saying though
 
^^^ Sub. Ya it's tough biting your tongue.But that's the price you pay for knowing everybody's business cause you're the only one everyone else trusts to keep a secret.Especially in families.
 
this happened like 4 years ago on a hard drive that was wiped repeatedly before it found a home in a landfill somewhere so im not worried about it

I get what you're saying though

Oh ya I mean that is the way to go, smart move. I usually do that with no longer used HDs just to rid any possiblity of personal info getting in the hands of someone I don't want it in the hand's of, not because of anything defaming, at least not in the eyes of most BL'ers.
 
Anyone out there ever try mixing phenibut and heroin (or another opi like oxycodone). Preferably someone who is addict and would realize how much less/more they needed and if it prolonged the high. If not how about GHB, GBL, and other drugs that work similarly to how phenibut works.

yes, every day of my life!

I take anywhere from 3-6G's of Phenibut and shooting 1-2G's of heroin; never an issue in my book and always a good "high". although, there are times where if I have GOOD quality dope that I do not want to mix it w/ any other drugs and just get the feel of the dope.

these 2 drugs are completely separate; therefore, if you are taking one, do not thing you can slack on the dosage of the other. if it takes 2G's of Phenibut for you to feel "good" then you will still need the full 2G's. same goes for the dope; if it takes a half G of dope to get you off empty, then you will STILL need a half G of the dope.
 
I don't know, I've been having weird feelings lately. Feelings like my time might be running out here. I don't know how, but I just cant escape this thought that I might die soon.

and sometimes I'll wonder if I actually am in a coma in real life from a drug overdose and everything im experiencing is just a dream from the coma.

t

Dude I have had that exact same thought so many times it's crazy. Especially after my last suicide attempt. I woke up in jail like did all that really happen? It honestly took like a week before I fully accepted that yes thisis reality I'm not in a coma most likely.

But man I'm really worried for you. When that shot wears off (which it will any day/hour now) your tolerance is going to be much lower than it was 30 days ago! Please please! Do a test shot every time you shoot up until you start getting high normally again! I can't stress enough how high your risk is for an overdose.

Me and you are in very similar situations with our parents and income. My shit came to a head almost month ago when I was doing like 60-80 dollars in my arm everyday. I was working 40-50 hours a week serving tables and was still in debt to the bank like 300 from overdrawing my account to get dope. So I bit the bullet and got on methadone. It has helped me stabilize my life. Before I really felt like I was headed off the cliff. I was either going to die or get arrested again or end up homeless when my family kicked me out. And the worst part was the fucki g dope want even getting me very high anymore! Like I was having to mix it with coke just to be somewhat satisfied. So finally I was like to hell with it.

I'm not telling you what you should do. If you feel like shooting dope then do that. But please do it carefully and stick around with us!
 
Alright I think I'm gonna give it a go, but I am staying at my low end for the phenibut, which is around 1.25 g, I find 1.5 to be the best dose, more and it can make me too tired and causes a hangover, less and its unlikely to do shit. 1 G might hit me. One thing about that stuff is I need to take it beofre eating anything or it just doesn't work. Its like even 4 hours after a small meal I won't get the high I expect from the same dose taken on an empty stomach before eating anything in the morning.

Well I'll see how it goes, I think there is a long period tomo that I might not be able to do any dope after early morning, prior not til after lunch and I can't get nodding out so my quick metabolism will leave me hurting fast before I get back to a place I can get high again. It actually might be for naught depending on how my stomach feels, its been feeling odd recently and I think it might be from a mild diazepam dependency, Thouhg I often went a few days w/o the diaz and no issues, still this stomach thing only seems to get worse from for several days after it begins and then stays that way for 3 weeks, like a benzo w/d symptom would. I also think it may be I had an ulcer that I developed about 6 weeks ago, during a very stressful time when i was using dope and several other drugs pretty hard and went away about 3 weeks ago (no pain but gnagging, awful sensation in my stomach area, antacids often help like tagamet or zantac, so fiured that meant ulcer or bad gastritis).
 
How's it hanging nod squad? Copped me a brick of bk's finest diesel last night and am about to set about to enjoying it�� how are y'all
 
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