If it wasn’t for porn me and my wife would only be having missionary position sex. I thank porn every day for opening our eyes up to all sorts of new bedroom escapades. Half of the positions we love now are things we saw in porn. Porn is the whole reason my wife found out what squirting was and now she can't get enough!
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
fiance wants me to stop looking at porn and masturbating
- Thread starter HighonLife
- Start date
If it wasn’t for porn me and my wife would only be having missionary position sex. I thank porn every day for opening our eyes up to all sorts of new bedroom escapades. Half of the positions we love now are things we saw in porn. Porn is the whole reason my wife found out what squirting was and now she can't get enough!
nooneanymore
Bluelighter
Or as Dan Savage says:
"All men look at porn--men with hot girlfriends, men with dumpy girlfriends, men with 10 girlfriends, men with no girlfriends. The handful of men who claim they don't look at porn are liars or castrates. Tearful discussions about your insecurities or your feminist principles will not stop a man from looking at porn. That's why the best advice for straight women is this: GET OVER IT. If you don't want to be with someone who looks at porn--if you can't handle it, AG--get a woman, get a dog, or get a blind guy. I'm sorry if you think that's insensitive--no, wait: I'm not sorry. I sincerely believe that "Get over it" is the best possible advice for women bothered by porn. While men shouldn't rub their female partners' noses in the fact that they look at porn--that's just inconsiderate--telling women that the porn "problem" can be resolved though good communication, couples counseling, or a chat with your pastor is neither helpful nor realistic."
His other solution is to arrive at a situation where the man lies and says he isn't looking at porn and the woman pretends to believe him. Because her request is unreasonable - and yes, I'm a woman
That Dan Savage guy is the biggest douche bag piece of shit ever. I hate his column that runs in the weekly paper here. He just hates on feminine gay dudes (probably because of his own hang ups) and tells women what they want to here. What straight guy would write to him (a homosexual) about relationship problems with women?
nooneanymore
Bluelighter
She has you fooled. Women always play that inexperienced I don't know what I'm doing card.
tricomb
Bluelight Crew
That's pretty cynical, I don't think most women do that, but who knows I'm not a woman
Pander Bear
Bluelight Crew
This little bump in the road is going to be a great learning experience for your second marriage (the one to a mature adult who isn't jealous of pictures of ladies you'll never even meet)
justsayknow
Bluelighter
I didnt reply the first time because everyone else pretty much summed it up. Anyhow I am in a relationship and have been in the same position you are in. I started out doing what you are doing ie stopping because I was asked to. Then I decided fuck that it doesnt really seem fair. Then at one point we came to an agreement where I would do it and she didnt have to know about it. She said she was happy with this but it turns out she wasnt. We have had countless discussions about it mostly with me trying to convince her that it isnt about her or because anything is missing. I dont think she has changed her mind entirely but I stand by my right to do it as long as it isnt affecting her and I think she can accept this about me.
There are often things that people differ on in relationships and I think that accepting these differences is essential unless you break it off altogether.
As long as you are happy with making that sacrifice and the changes you feel it has made in you then great. If you are unhappy with it you should let her know. It sounds like you are good for now though.
I can understand where she's coming from. Like everyone's been saying, it probably makes her feel like she isn't enough for you. Personally, I don't really care whether my boyfriend masturbates or not, because quite honestly, I do. It's a basic need, a part of life. If she isn't around at the time, then... :/
Well, regardless of what you think about Dan Savage and regardless of the fact that a lot of hetero men and women do write to him, let's just get one things straight: he DOESN'T tell women what they want to hear because they don't want to hear that their men will always look at porn and fantasise about other women, probably behind their backs if they "forbid" or try to control it. They don't want to be told "get over it". If he was telling them what they want to hear he'd say something like - Oh sweetie, this sounds terrible, what an inconsiderate man he is to be looking at other girls. If he truly loved you he would only have eyes for you... yada yada.
It's amazing how many girlfriends I have who I respect in all other ways except for the way they subscribe to the mind control thought police over male sexuality. It really is a double standard that makes me despair.
Prelude2TragedyII
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 8, 2004
- Messages
- 1,206
Relationships get old, and stale after years and years. Try doing something different.
If you're having sex just once a day, why not try doing it 2-3 times a day like you used to, instead of just busting a nut with you hand. I mean, if after all that sex you still want to look at porn, hey , by all means, go for it. She shouldn't be offended by that.
My guess is she probably thinks you are getting bored of her, and she's jealous of the porn.
Talk about it.
Which is more important?
If you're having sex just once a day, why not try doing it 2-3 times a day like you used to, instead of just busting a nut with you hand. I mean, if after all that sex you still want to look at porn, hey , by all means, go for it. She shouldn't be offended by that.
My guess is she probably thinks you are getting bored of her, and she's jealous of the porn.
Talk about it.
Which is more important?
Hazey420
Bluelighter
My long term BF(20 years) looks at porn all the time on the internet, not on tv nor videos I dont want to see anything like that I am not into that. Does it bother me that he looks at it honestly no I am sure he masturbates but now that he has been diagnosed diabetes his unit doesnt work anymore, like for real we havent had sex in almost a year, it doesnt bother me at all since we have been together forever we have different feelings about it, I cant explain it i guess it just doesnt bother me like it should I guess. As long as he doesnt act on it i dont see a problem its just porn its other women or other men whatever on a screen cant be harmful. Tell your friend not to worry unless he cant control himself and act on it.
B1tO'RoughJack
Bluelighter
that emboldened statement is so naive.
That sucks about his dick notworking - must be the really bad diabetes, nah?! I'm sure he can find a way to get things running again. He just has to change. Does he constantly still look at porn, I wonder, becuase he is hoping it will cause his arousal and he might get a hardon? From my point of view, if this happened to me I wouldn't wanna mess around with you sexually for a while, I would porbably do what he is doing to see if I can get it to work during "me time" so I could run over to you and fuck you again, but then again I would hate to not give my lady what she needs - it must suck to have to masturbate all the time.