Embarassing sex stories...

I had just met this girl at a party. She was extremely sexy and she had the look in her eyes that showed she wanted me. Me, my friend, and her drive back to my place to watch a movie. After making out for a while with her she says we should probably go upstairs. My friend leaves and we go upstairs. I rub her pussy and stick a finger in just a little bit to see how tight she is and everything is nice. She blew me for a while and then I mounted her. I got in a few pumps and noticed something didn't feel quite right, there was something strange. So i stick my finger inside and to my horror I pull out a condom! Nastiest thing I've ever seen.
 
Bunny 23 said:
We were in the 'act' having a great time. Neither of us heard the knock, all we saw were her walking in and her jaw dropping to the ground in shock!! I didnt go back there for a few weeks, then she sent me flowers.
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That is really the best outcome you could've hoped for! I'm sure there are a lot of people who would have hoped for the same
 
mr.oxyhead89 said:
I got in a few pumps and noticed something didn't feel quite right, there was something strange. So i stick my finger inside and to my horror I pull out a condom! Nastiest thing I've ever seen.
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hahahahahaha fuck that
 
xpensivtaste said:
an ex boyfriend and i were having sex for the fisrt time and just as he was about to shoot his load he was moaning but it was more like girl moaning which turned into a scream. it really put me off. i dont mind men moaning a little but this was really damn loud and high pitched. we broke up the following day.
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ahahahaha =D
 
doogystyle as your bf's parents walk upstairs into the room.....ass in the air....lights on ......nowhere to hide!
 
Here,s one for all you animal lovers: I've been working on this gorgeous redhead for weeks, she finally invites me too her little trailer in the mountains during Xmas, the heater broke, my nuts turned into figs, we were chilled to the bone...Her freakin cat leaps, claws wide open on the only warm spot in the trailer, her heated waterbed!!300 gallons of water pop out of the shredded waterbed and starts to freeze on the floor, now were close to hyperthermia!!
None the less' I wanted this chick for so long I manage to warm her up if you know what I mean!! Finally It's almost penetration time (3 months in the planning!!) Her blind, old 20 year old cocker spaniel decides to stick his ice cube nose up my kazoo without warning, I am so surprised, I instinctively kick what I thought was a block of ice that somehow fell from the frozen ceiling bulls-eye into my hershey highway, I kicked so hard it snapped the dog's neck and he died instantely!! She is so mad and distraught she kicks me out of the bed and the house and I spend the worst christmas nite in my car that had no working heater!! The next morning she hands me the dead dog all wrapped up real nice like a christmas present and tells me she never wants to see me again but that I could at least try to make things up for paying for a nice burial for the dead frozen dog wrapped up with a bow tie and nice xmas paper...I drive back 200 miles to my nice warm house in Santa Barbara, the dog starts to defrost and my car begins to smell like a gutter!! I gave him a real nice burial!!! Right into the first 7-11 dumpster on my way home!!! Call me selfish but I figured; no pussy, no burial!!! boulonman
 
Long story short, I was on top of my girlfriend putting on my best "O" face, only to end up drooling all over her eyeball.

We laughed it off.
 
what a thread... Great laughs...

My funniest moment was when I met a girl at a club and we decided to hit a shabby hotel near the club. While we were in the act I was on top and holding, balancning using the " bed head - metal rails". I got a bit wild and the rails broke of and hit me on the head and i passed out!!!! Regained my consciousness after a minute.

Girl thought I killed myself. We just laughed it off and then left.
 
I got one...probly just more embarresing for me than it is funny to read but what the hell....

18 years old...losing my virginity (late bloomer I know...save yer jokes). Girls real cool but I get off within 30 seconds (not uncommon for virgins I hear/hope :)) so I try to play it off like it didnt happen, I keep a pumping. Like a minute later it startes feeling way better and she manages to squirm out from under me and pulls the full condom out from way inside of her that managed to slip off....Emabrrassing as HELL, thank god they put spermicides in those things :/.

T.
 
My partner and I were going for it.... just minutes after we arrived at our hotel room.

He, being the most adorable man he is, arranged for 18 long stemmed red roses to be delivered to our room as a surprise for me. *beam*

So right in the middle of it, the consierge is banging on the door, Im being rather loud while we are going for it.

"FLOWERS FLOWERS"

Im thinking... WTF... " WE ARE BUSY"

"FLOWERS FLOWERS"

"WEEEEEEEE AREEEEEEEEEEE BUSYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

I think he got the hint after a while. >< I was so embarrassed
 
AHAHA this is funny :)
is this real? heh
dunceh said:
I just had to register to post in this topic.
Although, I wish, this is not one of my stories.

The night was calm, a bit nippy outside, but calm none-the-less. The scene was a bar. Outside of the bar was one of my buddy's friend, Mike. Mike came to this bar for one purpose - to get laid that night. Mike was out having a cigarette accompanied by his friends and a few new ladie-friends. Well, Mike, deciding it was just a one night stand went in for the kill. Finally he convinced one of the broads to come back to his place. So they go back to Mike's house. Things get hot, juices are everywhere. They're having a great time going at it, and out of nowhere, Mike bursts out, "WHERE DO I BLOW IT?!" Calmly, the bra-wearing woman answered, "On my chest, PLEASEE!" So Mike agrees. All over the chest it went. Since it was just a one night stand and they both knew that Mike decided to take a step up. He dipped his thumb in the freshly produced man-juice and smeared it across her forhead while calmly naming her; "Simbaaaa!"
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hahaha

this is one of my favorite subjects.

I've had 3 girls choke on my dick and puke on me so far, but the first time was the worst for sure.


Me and my ex had been fighting over something for a few hours, and eventually came to the conclusion that she was being a dumb bitch and we proceeded to have make-up sex. She was giving me head, and I told her to deep-throat my cock, she said she didn't think she could and i told her to try anyways. Sure enough, she gets my dick all the way down her throat, then throws up with her lips wrapped around the base of my cock. Vomit shoots in every direction, getting on the walls, ceiling, floor, up her nose, in her hair, fucking EVERYWHERE.

I've never seen anyone's face get that red before. We cleaned up the mess and I proceeded to fuck the shit out of her for about an hour.

Another time, me and the same ex were fucking in my bedroom, making a real event out of it. We were doing it doggy style on the floor when I picked her up, turned her around, stuck my dick back in, and pushed her up against my closet door. The closet door broke off the tracks, fell backwards, and we fell on top of it, breaking it in half.


My favorite story, however, was more of an accomplishment for me than anything else. I threw a party at my house, and after drinking a full 5th of patron to my face, I started fucking this nameless slut in my living room, both of us butt naked in front of everybody. I'm fucking her doggystyle, and right as i'm about to bust, I spit on her back and pull out. I keep jacking myself off after I pull out, and she turns around just in time to get a solid 5-roper all in her hair/face/eyes/nose.

Never seen her again, but my friends still call me Houdini =D
 
what a mess!!

I was having one of our usual verbal spats with my ex-bf while driving. The spat seem to have ended when he started giving me some delightful road-head. But, no, my asshole of an ex-bf had a plan to piss me off even more!!! He gave me blissfullly great road-head, just until that point that he was sure I would blow a great huge load!!! Then, just as i started to cum....his mouth left my semen squirting penis, causing me to cum all over the steering wheel, windshield, dashboard, t-shirt and black shorts. He knew there as little I could do while driving the car to get him, besides calling him every curse I could every think off!!!! But, once the car was stopped, the chase was on!! I'm pretty sure I got his ass back that evening though!!:p:p
 
i used to live with my aunt in a duplex(her and i in one half and some old lady in the other). my aunt was always gone so i would often bring my fuck buddy home after a night of hard drinking and drug doing and have really rough sex-i was very loud and the bed would slam against the wall, well after one of these nights the neighbor left a note on the garage door for my aunt which asked my aunt to be more quiet when having sex, when my aunt talked to the old lady she said it sounded like s&m was going on(i dont remember all of it, but it was crazy sex). my aunt told my parents right in front of me. that was quite embarrassing.
 
I was fucking my ex girl behind a building off a back road, we were just about done then I here a car. Not too long after that we got spot lighted, the came up asking us questions while we were both still butt ass naked. After we got dressed he searched the car and then called her dad which was horrible because I was 19 and she was 16, I didn't get a charge but he held it over my head for a year, sorta made the whole relationship go down hill from then on..
 
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