Embarassing sex stories...

four said:
so we're all at this party-- back in high school. not one sober person in the house. my best friend (not at the time) decides her drunk ass is going to lose her virginity in the danky cold basement of the raging house. as her and the dude are getting all freaky.. he says "Oh shit.. the condom broke" the broken rubber gets discarded into a half empty beer bottle. fast forward 2 hours. a nother guy friend walks down into the dark basement, sits down next to the de-flowered girl and tries hitting on her. too bad she's completely passed out. eh, whatever, he shrugs it off and to his surprise finds a half full beer bottle!! "Didnt think there was any beer left!" he exclaims and merrily chug-a-lug-a-lugs it down. he stumbles out of the danky dark basement and finds another girl who lures his drunk arse upstairs. he's going down on her and she's a bloody girl and guess what..... RALPH RALPH RALPH into her cooch. vomit in da hole.
*the end*
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uhhh, yeah that happened in a movie, it was called american pie
 
lagomorpha said:
I ended up seeing the same girl a couple weeks later while I was mostly sober and having some pretty raunchy sex. To this day I can't forget what she said when she felt my erect penis for the first time, "you could kill a deer with your penis." So now I'm left with that image. How exactly do I go about doing that? Do I surprise it by jumping from a tree and swinging my penis as a club?
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HAhahahhahahaha
 
billbong2 said:
Most embarassing, for her a girl cheated on me so i pissed all over her mouth face and £600 new outfit. bitch!!! (sorry, emma hehhe)
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what the fuck?

how does that even happen?
did you just go to her house when she was asleep and start to piss?

please elaborate
 
ok, so it wasn't me, it was told by a friend, about a freind of his....this bloke was really horny after a night on the turps, and went down his lady, under the sheets, the works... she was saying Get out, I need to fart" he was too inot the groove by this time, and wooudn't stop.she couldn't stop, just had so fart, and so she did. He inhaled the whole lot, and surfaced, and held her by her ears, and exhaled the whole putrid lungful, combined with his putrid stale alcohol breath directly into her mouth. They reckon you never seen so many shades of green....
 
my pal is a stinking crack fiend who can't get enuff of working girls street ones.
one night when we were sharing a cell togeather we were regailing each other with sex stories. my pal doesn't really do penertration as he can't get it up often fue to crack an smack.
so one night he's picked up a girl 4 a smoke and in order 4 her to pay her way , they get down to it , so he's in a remote crountry lane it's snowing outside and it's nice and warm in the car.
WShe sucks him off and gets him hard as he smokes the pipe.
he decides tp return the favour.
he flips her over and goes down .
the street hooker starts mmm ing and ahh ing. but as he gets down there he notices a rotten stench,it's aputrid mess. She's probably had about 10 guys already that day.
I don't know if this will seem funny to u but it bust me up.
Smelling the stench my pal, almosts barfs, the girl is just finished her pipe and is gagging 4 a licking, but he's pulling away.
She's all confused
My mate leans over the back seat and finds abottle of fanta pop, hr then takes off his sock makes her get ouside and start scrubbing her fanny.
As she's doing this a police womans flashlight catches her stood on tippy toes, trying not to get to cold in the snow scrubbing herself with the smelly sock and what looks like a bottle of piss.
 
Hmm, my turn I guess..

So a couple of weeks ago me, my girl, her cousin, and sister were at the mall.. just galavanting, you know? Then.. me and my girl find an elevator and kind of ditch her 2 relatives.. We close the doors and I guess we're positioned on the 2nd floor? It starts to get a little heated and before you know it she's on her knees and giving me head. About.. 20 seconds later.. we hear a ding and the doors swing open. My girl jumps up I pull my pants up real quick, but it's too late the guys already standing in the elevator and he presses the 1st floor button. So my girlfriend hides behind me and I end up staring at the corner of the elevator for the MOST AWKWARD 20 SECONDS OF MY LIFE. Hahaha. The guy gets out and her sister and cousin see us. We tell them to get in and we go to the second floor AGAIN in hopes of not catching a glimpse of that guy ever again. Hah. Needless to say..

ELEVATORS ARE FUN! (:
 
So, im chilling in this parking lot with my GF at the time. I just got her some mad hot corset kinda thing she wanted as an early Xmas present. Nice cold and bitter december night, just got back from the mall. Two starbucks coffe cups accompanied us along with some sweet tunes.
Chilling in her car in the parking lot, im 17 at the time. Been going out with her for like 2 years on and off at this point. I was addicted to H b4 i knew her and of course i meet her and tell her never 2 touch it despite what she want her "better judgment" tells her b4 we even start going out. Also I told her dont play with needles unless she wants 2 end up like me. BUT DOES SHE HEED MY WARNING?!?! NOOOO! so here we are 2years lator both sharing that addiction in common, along with some other, she was mainly into like weed wen we met. i was all across the board and accidently turned her on to some not kewl things, even though i warned her i still feel i played a part but whateve shes a hooee neway.

Needless to say, the cops know me and hate on me hardXcore in my town, phone taps shyt, house patrol and all that garbage.

(back to in the car, enough backaround info! back to the lot that faithful december night)

So, she tells me to close my eyes and she slips whatever on, of course its off within a matter of minutes and were both making out way to the back seat. (pontiac sunfire, her car. Kewl car but kinda tiny) SO we go on all hot and bothered do our thing, right as we both finish up, (no condom but pill) so we clean up and i toss the tissues out the window. a car pulls in to the diner parking lot! I glance at the head lights and figure it just a car.. Of course not. Its a piggie. He scrolls around the parking lot, knowing it was a while back a good spot to smoke up. He spots us.. Hits the spot light as were climbing over the seat. Dang, luckly i have nothing on me, the cop reconizes me and initiates the illegal search, what a prix. He tells me to walk 20feet away smoke a cig and walk back as he radios for another 3cars back up. (wtf i know right) They arive and start ripping everything up. He asks her "what the fucks a girl like her is doing with a guy "like (insert name here)" and i come back as they still are ripping the car apart, check my arms for tracks etc. some other drama happens and the pigs think a label on the seat is a bag of H and start trying to pull it off.. "Okie quiency, have fun with that" Im being a smart ass since they give me attitude. They are searching around the car etc. The biggest dusch bag on the police force spots the tissues and exclaims "THERES DOPE IN HERE GUYS I KNOW IT!!"
RIght then i ask him if hes sure and he assures me hes "sure he has me now" and Grabs the tissue and a nice big Glop of cum with it "Squish" right between his fingers =D *MARKED BIOTCH*

He opens it and looks very very puzzled as i look on with a crooked smile, presenting a cynical yet satisfied smile as he turns to face me. He
begin accusing me of littering the tissues out side the car, so i deny.. We get off this time but he assures me hes gonna get me next time. (kinda like CLAW from inspector gadget)

A many ah good laugh from that, the best part is i know they're probably reading this at some point after i post thinking "who's fingers were marked by his underpants navy" and what kind of dough-nut did he consume after.

Theres alot more stories iv accumulated but im not going to post them due to sheer bulk. Great posts' everyone else whos shared!! Iv enjoyed reading a % of this thread.

*in my defense, i grew up getting ALOT OF BULL SHYT in my area from pigs Only for the fact of me being who i am. Later on in life, age 9-10+ i may have given em reason to hate me, but they gave me reason first. *

Peace & Prosperity 2 my fellow Bluelighers. Be eazy.
 
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the first time a got my dick sucked i came so hard in the girls mouth that she jumped off the bed and screamed, "it's in my nose!" and preceded to do anything she could to get it out. she basically snarfed my cum and it would have been emabarrassing but she was beat, so i just laughed my ass off.

oh yeah and then i was fucking her in the ass around 5 a.m. the next morning when her gay bestfriend walked in and explained that he couldnt get any sleep cuz we were being too loud. a little awkward looking at a gay dude while having anal sex..
 
I just had to register to post in this topic.
Although, I wish, this is not one of my stories.

The night was calm, a bit nippy outside, but calm none-the-less. The scene was a bar. Outside of the bar was one of my buddy's friend, Mike. Mike came to this bar for one purpose - to get laid that night. Mike was out having a cigarette accompanied by his friends and a few new ladie-friends. Well, Mike, deciding it was just a one night stand went in for the kill. Finally he convinced one of the broads to come back to his place. So they go back to Mike's house. Things get hot, juices are everywhere. They're having a great time going at it, and out of nowhere, Mike bursts out, "WHERE DO I BLOW IT?!" Calmly, the bra-wearing woman answered, "On my chest, PLEASEE!" So Mike agrees. All over the chest it went. Since it was just a one night stand and they both knew that Mike decided to take a step up. He dipped his thumb in the freshly produced man-juice and smeared it across her forhead while calmly naming her; "Simbaaaa!"
 
dunceh said:
I just had to register to post in this topic.
Although, I wish, this is not one of my stories.

The night was calm, a bit nippy outside, but calm none-the-less. The scene was a bar. Outside of the bar was one of my buddy's friend, Mike. Mike came to this bar for one purpose - to get laid that night. Mike was out having a cigarette accompanied by his friends and a few new ladie-friends. Well, Mike, deciding it was just a one night stand went in for the kill. Finally he convinced one of the broads to come back to his place. So they go back to Mike's house. Things get hot, juices are everywhere. They're having a great time going at it, and out of nowhere, Mike bursts out, "WHERE DO I BLOW IT?!" Calmly, the bra-wearing woman answered, "On my chest, PLEASEE!" So Mike agrees. All over the chest it went. Since it was just a one night stand and they both knew that Mike decided to take a step up. He dipped his thumb in the freshly produced man-juice and smeared it across her forhead while calmly naming her; "Simbaaaa!"
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lol

What a punchline. :D
 
One time me and my friends were getting wasted and ripped out side on my back porch...I crept upstairs to my room with a little cutie and we started getting frisky...Eventually we start goin at it doggie style and my door opens, I turn around assuming it was one of my friends, Low and behold it was my mom staring at my bare naked ass doggie pounding this girl : / wayyyyyy embarassing
I had to sneak her out and get a speech on condoms...This is back when I was about 15
 
i know this thread is like 6 years old but i was reading some posts and i have a story or 3 to share.

an ex boyfriend and i were having sex for the fisrt time and just as he was about to shoot his load he was moaning but it was more like girl moaning which turned into a scream. it really put me off. i dont mind men moaning a little but this was really damn loud and high pitched. we broke up the following day.

another time i was having sex with my most recent ex partner and my mum came over during. we went down stairs and i had a red face. she wasn't really bothered but i was sooo embaressed, she was making jokes and everything. oh the shame.

this wasn't really an embaressing sex story about me but i have to tell it cos it makes me laugh every time i think of it.

when i was like 14 i slept at my friends house. we were both awake and could hear her parents going for it, i was laughing so hard i bit on my airbed and it popped and deflated with me on it. we couldn't hold back the laughter, her mum came in and told us to go to sleep. she was pretty red faced lol.
 
Ok here goes.. I had been ingesting oxycodone and watching movies with a girl I've been seeing lately. I was fucked up the entire day and at 2 AM it was beginning to wear off. My friend left his prescription for 10 mg Zolpidem (Ambien) at my place while he left town for the weekend so I snatched a few and decided I'd try to potentiate my OC buzz by popping an ambien, which I had with a glass of milk.

I was simultaneously entertaining phone calls from a
drunken member of the opposite sex. I specifically remember telling her we would not be seeing each other that night and I'd call her tomorrow.

So I wake up at 3 PM the next morning following a very good night /day sleep. I was in my bed alone and I noticed a foreign cell phone vibrating on the night stand- which I wrote off as the same friend who left the ambien. WRONG! I look on my floor and see a bra and other women's clothes. I didn't remember having anyone over at my place. I walk into my living room and on my couch is the girl , wearing my shirt from yesterday.

The ambien got me. Looking through my call history, I realized I just called her up, invited her over- the ambien gave me total amnesia and I barely remembered having sex with this girl. It was only after intense contemplation that I could remember this girl coming over and clips of us having sex. This was a totally weird experience. I'd heard of sleep walking, eating, etc. but this was ridiculous,
 
i was 15 and it was my first time i forgot to lock one of the two doors in that room and while she was on top 2 girls ran in witrh a camera!!we couldnt finish after that either :| i ended up throwing the condom at the girls face and getting it to stick tho :)
 
My girl and I had just got this new puppy, a miniature schnauzer, and it was in a crate in our room, as we were crate training.

It's hot and heavy, we're both about the finish, and the dog makes this weird bark like it's laughing. We both here this "hee-heh-hee-hee" from the crate....aw man I'm starting to laugh out loud posting this.

I stop pumping, and look at my girl. She starts to get this smile, then just starts laughing her ass off, and so do I. I get up and screaming "F**CKING DOG IS JUDGING ME!" and she just loses it, rolling on the floor laughing. Was funny as all hell.
 
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