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TDS Eating Disorders Megathread
- Thread starter MidnightBaby
- Start date
ThaiDie4
Bluelighter
I actually have a question for those of you with eating disorders...
My younger sister (shes 18 ) has been really adament about losing weight lately. She's like 5'4 and 115 lb. and she's definently skinny enough... my mom got a call from her boarding school and the nurse said my sister had been throwing up a lot lately and she admits that she did it on purpose "a few times". I know she hasn't been eating much and she buys Adderall to make her not hungry.
Could this be a phase, or does it sound like the possibility of an eating disorder? Ever since she was 15 my sister has been saying how she thinks she's "fat" or whatever, but she hasn't done anything about it until a few monthes ago when all this started... she's down to about 110lb. now and I'm worried she'll actually make herself get to 100lb. which is her "goal weight".
My younger sister (shes 18 ) has been really adament about losing weight lately. She's like 5'4 and 115 lb. and she's definently skinny enough... my mom got a call from her boarding school and the nurse said my sister had been throwing up a lot lately and she admits that she did it on purpose "a few times". I know she hasn't been eating much and she buys Adderall to make her not hungry.
Could this be a phase, or does it sound like the possibility of an eating disorder? Ever since she was 15 my sister has been saying how she thinks she's "fat" or whatever, but she hasn't done anything about it until a few monthes ago when all this started... she's down to about 110lb. now and I'm worried she'll actually make herself get to 100lb. which is her "goal weight".
New
Bluelight Crew
I call ED.
I have been wrong before, though. Just watch her and make sure she doesn't die.
I have been wrong before, though. Just watch her and make sure she doesn't die.
ThaiDie4
Bluelighter
will do.
New
Bluelight Crew
It's unfortunate, but I think that's all you can do if she's 18. Maybe suggest she get an evaluation "just to prove she doesn't have one".
Iunno. I've been involved in EDA for too long to not have said anything.
Iunno. I've been involved in EDA for too long to not have said anything.
New
Bluelight Crew
The love thing, I can get with...but compliments could go either way, you probably know that as much as I do, unfortunately.
belarki
Bluelight Crew
New
Bluelight Crew
Don't beat yourself up...I know you can get through a meal safely. How? Don't ask. But I do know.
As for me...I think I really should eat, but not sure WHAT to eat. Nothing seems worth eating...
As for me...I think I really should eat, but not sure WHAT to eat. Nothing seems worth eating...
mrs_mia_wallace
Bluelighter
The purging is alarming and indicative that it may develop into an ED, but honestly, you really can't tell until it's fully developed or not.
I don't know of many teenage girls that like they're bodies, period. But some girls go through phases where it's "cool" to be anorexic, or enjoy the attention of everyone fawning over them trying to get them to eat... and then it wears off, or people stop paying attention, and they move on. You can usually spot that by how "proudly' they display their behaviors; coming home and saying they haven't eaten all day, taking a piece of celery from a huge family meal and saying that's all they want, etc. Those with eating disorders go to the highest extent to hide their behaviors because getting caught and being forced to stop them is the most terrifying prospect ever.
Or, some girls just have phase where weight is the most important thing and they go eating disordered for a whille... and then somehow snap out of it on their own. I don't really understand it but I have met them (and they always condescendinly tell me, "I was anorexic for a summer, I didn't eat anything and I was really thin and then I realized how stupid it was and I stopped."8))
The only way to tell whether she has an ED would be to find out why she's REALLY wanting to lose weight and what meaning it's bringing to her, if any.. but you obviously can't do that without getting in her head, and I doubt she really knows herself anyway.
I've probably been asked by a hundred people what they should do if they think their child has an eating disorder, and I honestly don't have any idea what anyone could have done to have STOPPED me. My mother did everything she could to force me to eat and it just made me angrier and hate her because I thought she was "sabataging" me. My father tried the "if you don't gain weight, you lose x" strategy but that just made me resent and despise him, and then after I lost x was even more defiant to not gain weight. And, honestly, us people with ED disorders are sneaky fuckers and will find almost any way get out of a forced situation-- the amount of effort and creative methods of hiding food, exercising, pretending to have gained weight, pretending to have eaten food I've come up with at home and in treatment centers over the last ten years are insane,.
The only thing your family can do to help as I see it is to try and make the enviroment as un-hostile as possible.... if she's on the cusp of having one, that may sway her in a better direction, if she does have one she'll be more likely to talk to your parents about it. If she's maintaining her weight, reiterate how good she looks. If she's losing weight, DON'T tell her she looks good becauase that will enforce the "they think I look good... losing weight is a good thing, and I have to keep up these behaviors." But don't jump into crisis mode either. Being relaxed with food is the best way to go about it, IMO. Make sure there's always stuff for her to eat around the house, but don't try and shove food in her face as that helps prompt the "I don't want to eat because you're telling me to and trying to control me" or become ecstatic when she eats something.
And, if she's willing (if not, is she living at home, in unversity, or something else your parents can use as financial leveage?) get her to start seeing a nurtrionist and a therapist. That will ensure if she does become extremely underweight or damages her body severely from purging your parents can threaten to legally take custody of her, or she can be pushed towards treatment by someone she trusts somewhat. It will also expose her to people who can spot the ED and also to herself-- half the battle with getting someone to admit they have an ED is that they're often so far in denial that they're not even hiding it from the people around them, they don't believe that they're thin enough or sick enough to qualify. The first time someone told me I had anorexia I literally laughed out loud in the doctor's office because I thought "are you kidding me? You think I'm anorexic? I'm not near thin enough to even be mistaken for that!" and the first time I entered treatment I wouldn't even state why I was there out loud in group for the first month because I thought it was ridiculous and that everyone would look at me and roll their eyes because I wasn't thin enough.
Anyway, hope that novel of a post helps you. Good luck.
I don't know of many teenage girls that like they're bodies, period. But some girls go through phases where it's "cool" to be anorexic, or enjoy the attention of everyone fawning over them trying to get them to eat... and then it wears off, or people stop paying attention, and they move on. You can usually spot that by how "proudly' they display their behaviors; coming home and saying they haven't eaten all day, taking a piece of celery from a huge family meal and saying that's all they want, etc. Those with eating disorders go to the highest extent to hide their behaviors because getting caught and being forced to stop them is the most terrifying prospect ever.
Or, some girls just have phase where weight is the most important thing and they go eating disordered for a whille... and then somehow snap out of it on their own. I don't really understand it but I have met them (and they always condescendinly tell me, "I was anorexic for a summer, I didn't eat anything and I was really thin and then I realized how stupid it was and I stopped."8))
The only way to tell whether she has an ED would be to find out why she's REALLY wanting to lose weight and what meaning it's bringing to her, if any.. but you obviously can't do that without getting in her head, and I doubt she really knows herself anyway.
I've probably been asked by a hundred people what they should do if they think their child has an eating disorder, and I honestly don't have any idea what anyone could have done to have STOPPED me. My mother did everything she could to force me to eat and it just made me angrier and hate her because I thought she was "sabataging" me. My father tried the "if you don't gain weight, you lose x" strategy but that just made me resent and despise him, and then after I lost x was even more defiant to not gain weight. And, honestly, us people with ED disorders are sneaky fuckers and will find almost any way get out of a forced situation-- the amount of effort and creative methods of hiding food, exercising, pretending to have gained weight, pretending to have eaten food I've come up with at home and in treatment centers over the last ten years are insane,.
The only thing your family can do to help as I see it is to try and make the enviroment as un-hostile as possible.... if she's on the cusp of having one, that may sway her in a better direction, if she does have one she'll be more likely to talk to your parents about it. If she's maintaining her weight, reiterate how good she looks. If she's losing weight, DON'T tell her she looks good becauase that will enforce the "they think I look good... losing weight is a good thing, and I have to keep up these behaviors." But don't jump into crisis mode either. Being relaxed with food is the best way to go about it, IMO. Make sure there's always stuff for her to eat around the house, but don't try and shove food in her face as that helps prompt the "I don't want to eat because you're telling me to and trying to control me" or become ecstatic when she eats something.
And, if she's willing (if not, is she living at home, in unversity, or something else your parents can use as financial leveage?) get her to start seeing a nurtrionist and a therapist. That will ensure if she does become extremely underweight or damages her body severely from purging your parents can threaten to legally take custody of her, or she can be pushed towards treatment by someone she trusts somewhat. It will also expose her to people who can spot the ED and also to herself-- half the battle with getting someone to admit they have an ED is that they're often so far in denial that they're not even hiding it from the people around them, they don't believe that they're thin enough or sick enough to qualify. The first time someone told me I had anorexia I literally laughed out loud in the doctor's office because I thought "are you kidding me? You think I'm anorexic? I'm not near thin enough to even be mistaken for that!" and the first time I entered treatment I wouldn't even state why I was there out loud in group for the first month because I thought it was ridiculous and that everyone would look at me and roll their eyes because I wasn't thin enough.
Anyway, hope that novel of a post helps you. Good luck.
claire22
Bluelighter
Awesome post Mia 
well guys bit of an update:
I am slowly recovering. I have taught/force myself to eat even when I am high as shit.
I've come to a huge realisation that this is something I really need to stop, for my physical & mental state.
It is really hard I won't lie - seeing myself put on noticeable amounts of weight is depressing me; but I can feel myself getting a lot better.
Last night I went out and a guy commented on my weight gain. He said I looked much better, but it made me want to cry
I hope you all can get better - ED's take over your entire life...
Much love to you all.
well guys bit of an update:
I am slowly recovering. I have taught/force myself to eat even when I am high as shit.
I've come to a huge realisation that this is something I really need to stop, for my physical & mental state.
It is really hard I won't lie - seeing myself put on noticeable amounts of weight is depressing me; but I can feel myself getting a lot better.
Last night I went out and a guy commented on my weight gain. He said I looked much better, but it made me want to cry
I hope you all can get better - ED's take over your entire life...
Much love to you all.
My bf knows now. He tried to talk to me and I quickly changed the subject b/c I feel so embarrassed and ashamed. I am disgusted with myself and truly wish I could be someone else some days.
I could literally write a book about the roots of my eating disorder and the aggravators of it, but I think if I had had the things Mia wrote about, I would be in a lot better shape now (mentally & emotionally).
I haven't even b/p'd in a while, and I feel empty and hopeless. I'm anxious and in the past to quell the anxiety I've binged on food, which calmed me down, and then the purge afterwards made me feel good b/c I'd "accomplished" something. It's so sick and twisted.
My trigger today was so retarded, too. (i didn't act on it though
)I was EXERCISING- pilates, to be exact, and I seemed to not be using one side of my abs very much. I was trying mentally to contract them but I found the only way I could was to literally poof out my stomach, buddha's belly style. I've preprogrammed my brain to think of a full, and therefore extended belly = BAD.
Even though logically I know I was doing something perfectly healthy, illogically my rewired brain was causing me to salivate and stand up, bc I felt so nauseated and ill.
I have been musing about the beginnings of my ED, and although initially- at 13- it was about losing weight, it has long since become much more than that.
I have a love/hate relationship with my body. I have been mistreated/ sexually harrassed/ sexually abused by too many men. At my last full-time job, which I loved and was wonderful & rewarding, my boss actually sexually harrassed then attempted to molest me! I had always thought he was a funny and personable guy. I had liked coming into work. After that, though, I hated going to work b/c I felt so bad about myself, and like I was just a piece of ass, not a worthwhile human being.
I find myself suspicious of any man I meet's motives. Doctors, teachers, therapists...
One time while I was tripping, I realized how much I still wished I was a little girl, and how rewarding it was too lose weight b/c it made me look like a little girl. It was feels safer.
Paradoxically, there have been binges where I thought "fuck you men! I'm getting fat and you'll never look at me again! muahahaha!"
I know I'm stuck w/my body and I shouldn't even worry about how I look b/c it's not what makes a person truly beautiful, but I sort of hate being a woman. I hate having girly bits. I hate men looking at me...
I don't always feel this way; I even posted a pic of myself in the nooodz thread. I do love myself and my body sometimes. However, lately, I have been chemically enhanced- mood-wise- when I write positive things here.
I read that anxiety is a form of fear. What am I afraid of? Not gaining weight. I fear I am an empty shell of a person and it is only a matter of time before everyone else catches on...
Last edited:
mrs_mia_wallace
Bluelighter
For me, anyway, the weight is just an exterior that's easier for me to deal with. I think, if I lose ten pounds then I will ----- be in a succesful relationship, be better at my job, have better friends, do better in school, so -- be happier. I KNOW that's the thinking pattern, but it doesn't feel like it to me, it feels like it's just about the weight.
I know what you mean about the little-girl thing. For me my ED started at ten, and so I basically never really went through real puberty, I've had a little girl's body my whole life besides periods in between treatment where I've been "healthy." I hate getting my period and see it as the most disgusting and embarassing things, I almost never wear a bra. I definitely wear little-girl esque clothing and still shop in the childrens section half the time. It's very strange to me because my whole life I'm wanted to be older than I was and independent-- I ran away constantly when I was younger to go "out on my own," used to wear ALL my mother's clothes and shoes, started wearing make up and shaving my legs in elementary school, lied about my age constantly, never wanted anything but to graduate from high school and move out and have my own place-- but everything about my ED suggests the exact opposite mentality, from the physical to the fact that I'm always having to be taken care of by other people. And it's given my parents a ton of control over my life they never would have had otherwise.
Today started off as really great day-- even after fighting with my mom I still felt REALLY good about my body for some reason. That lasted until around 2 PM and then I started to feel really fat and gross and now it seems like my thighs have expanded since the morning.... I had to put on my super baggy pants to teach class this afternoon and am keeping them on through the evening ones. I can't look at my legs it's making me too depressed.
I know what you mean about the little-girl thing. For me my ED started at ten, and so I basically never really went through real puberty, I've had a little girl's body my whole life besides periods in between treatment where I've been "healthy." I hate getting my period and see it as the most disgusting and embarassing things, I almost never wear a bra. I definitely wear little-girl esque clothing and still shop in the childrens section half the time. It's very strange to me because my whole life I'm wanted to be older than I was and independent-- I ran away constantly when I was younger to go "out on my own," used to wear ALL my mother's clothes and shoes, started wearing make up and shaving my legs in elementary school, lied about my age constantly, never wanted anything but to graduate from high school and move out and have my own place-- but everything about my ED suggests the exact opposite mentality, from the physical to the fact that I'm always having to be taken care of by other people. And it's given my parents a ton of control over my life they never would have had otherwise.
Today started off as really great day-- even after fighting with my mom I still felt REALLY good about my body for some reason. That lasted until around 2 PM and then I started to feel really fat and gross and now it seems like my thighs have expanded since the morning.... I had to put on my super baggy pants to teach class this afternoon and am keeping them on through the evening ones. I can't look at my legs it's making me too depressed.
Hmmm I feel sort of embarrassed about my last post, but fortunately I don't think many ppl read this thread. I was going through a hell-on-earth comedown and don't usually see the world through such black-coloured lenses.
Hope you are doing OK mia!
Claire- Congrats on your getting better. Also, some guys are just too stupid to realize that you never mention to a girl that she has gained weight, even if you mean it as a compliment!
Hope you are doing OK mia!
Claire- Congrats on your getting better. Also, some guys are just too stupid to realize that you never mention to a girl that she has gained weight, even if you mean it as a compliment!
New
Bluelight Crew
Oh man, this thread just reminded me to eat. Thanks Becky.
ThaiDie4
Bluelighter
^ Thanks guys, for your input and advice.
Becky- I realise that eating disorders are a lot more complex than simply a fear of being fat, but let me assure you that you are quite thin.. same goes for you Claire!
There is NOTHING shameful about being a girl, whether that be having a vagina or getting a period, I just hope you all come to realise that you have nothing to feel bad for. I know it's not that easy to just say that yourself, and I am certainly no expert on ED's so my words here are meant only for kindness, not critisism of your thought processes!!
Becky- I realise that eating disorders are a lot more complex than simply a fear of being fat, but let me assure you that you are quite thin.. same goes for you Claire!
There is NOTHING shameful about being a girl, whether that be having a vagina or getting a period, I just hope you all come to realise that you have nothing to feel bad for. I know it's not that easy to just say that yourself, and I am certainly no expert on ED's so my words here are meant only for kindness, not critisism of your thought processes!!
New
Bluelight Crew
Men have eating disorders too...
mrs_mia_wallace
Bluelighter
^Yep. Not as publisized (beyond the steroid-athlete-type part) but my first serious boyfriend/love was severely anorexic...
Bad couple days for me. Coming off this drug just makes me sleep, eat, sleep, eat. I feel disgusting. Back to zonking out on Seroquel, but I've probably ingsted somewhere near 5,000 calories today. Disgusting. And all through crap because I'm in no state to actually cook myself a real meal. My stomach is so fucking distended right now and I feel so gross and disgusting, I just want to go to sleep and wake up and get high and not eat.
Bad couple days for me. Coming off this drug just makes me sleep, eat, sleep, eat. I feel disgusting. Back to zonking out on Seroquel, but I've probably ingsted somewhere near 5,000 calories today. Disgusting. And all through crap because I'm in no state to actually cook myself a real meal. My stomach is so fucking distended right now and I feel so gross and disgusting, I just want to go to sleep and wake up and get high and not eat.
New
Bluelight Crew
I know what you mean - even sober.
I cut my intake down because I don't have food - I have food - distention - displeasure...pissed off...you name it.
It's definitely rough, I offer you my support.
And I was just throwing that in there because all the vagina and period talk made me feel left out...not uncomfortable, mind you, just left out...
I cut my intake down because I don't have food - I have food - distention - displeasure...pissed off...you name it.
It's definitely rough, I offer you my support.
And I was just throwing that in there because all the vagina and period talk made me feel left out...not uncomfortable, mind you, just left out...