Thanks for the support and kind words girlie. I wish I could get a huge from you too! Haha. But your support via web postings is helpful nonetheless and nice to hear
Today has just sucked all around again, but meth seriously just makes me feel OK like nothing ever will I don’t think. It’s not that I even just like it because it stops me from being hungry, but it completely erases any thoughts of food from my brain… and it helps me a lot with not being so obsessed with my body because it just makes me feel better about myself… but it also fucks with my eating way more than it does help. I didn’t start having binge episodes until I started using… and then when I don’t use it seems like I start to think about food WAY more than I ever have. My life would be so much easier to sort out right now if there was not meth attached to the ED… and I’m just window shopping for rehabs centers in case I do decide to check into one in the upcoming but far right now future…. And I’m having a lot of difficulty finding anywhere that’s equipped to deal with both EDs and drug addiction. In the past some of the places I went that were helpful for ED refused to treat me because of the meth, and most drug rehabs that say “oh we also treat psychological disorders” have really crappy programs. It’s already difficulty for me to find ones I can go to because ones that aren’t located in a hospital usually don’t want to treat me because of my heart issues.
But I’m not even thinking seriously about entering treatment at the moment I honestly just really want to find a NEW therapeutic method of dealing with EDs because I feel like eleven years of therapy has done nothing for me, and either I’m incurable, not doing something right which by this point I find hard to believe, or the methods that have been drilled into me don’t work for me.
PT—sorry I was not really in a place to respond to you last night…
I’m with kc this thread if a not a pissing contest for who has the worst ED or the most clearly defined ED. All of us that post in this thread are going to trigger each other at some point—we’re discussing our behaviors and problems with our EDs, I don’t think it’s possible for us to NEVER trigger each other. I did this one ED group with this woman who was SO worried about us triggering each other, the rule was that you could never mention anything specific, that includes not only numbers but any behaviors your might have engaged in, just talk about how you felt. It was the biggest bullshit, because everyone was just wondering what behaviors you were alluding to in your “feelings” and I think half the importance of groups and therapy in EDs in prevention, learning specific ways to deal with your behaviors and NOT perform them. The only thing I agree with in limiting the info shared in groups is just numbers in regard to weight—“I gained five pounds” doesn’t really bother me, but from my experience when people share numbers it doesn’t really do anything besides begin a massive comparing among everyone there, and doesn’t really help the person expressing it either.
For me the only thing that’s been not “triggering” but difficult in your posts for me has just been that you don’t seem to obsesses over food, you just don’t want it and aren’t hungry. For me that’s difficult to read and offer support on because I am the exact opposite, food dominates my thoughts constantly and I am always actively restricting it from myself—I WISH I was that way. So if my responses haven’t always been filled with support it’s not coming from a triggered or angry place, it’s just coming from my own frustration and jealousy at MY issues that I need to deal with. So please, post away.