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TDS Eating Disorders Megathread

I've had a reoccuring anorexia problem since I was about 13 but its because I've been overweight my whole life. Lately I've realized that not eating helps you lose weight but after a point it just injurs your body and prevents you from keeping the weight off, etc. Forcing myself to eat breakfast every morning no matter how bad I didn't want to has helped me a lot and helped me gain back my apetite. I only eat one small meal a day and I have to force it down but its WAY better than not eating. I find that fruit is easiest for me to ingest in the times I really loathe food
 
laurengotdatfire said:
I've had a reoccuring anorexia problem since I was about 13 but its because I've been overweight my whole life. Lately I've realized that not eating helps you lose weight but after a point it just injurs your body and prevents you from keeping the weight off, etc. Forcing myself to eat breakfast every morning no matter how bad I didn't want to has helped me a lot and helped me gain back my apetite. I only eat one small meal a day and I have to force it down but its WAY better than not eating. I find that fruit is easiest for me to ingest in the times I really loathe food
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That is really awesome that you recognise that that you had a problem, and that you need food! Do you exercise? Exercise is essential for losing weight. But you also need to eat more food than just breakfast if you're exercising. Just make sure you're eating complex carbohydrates as fuel for exercise, and protein for body recovery afterwards. (sorry you're probably aware of all that anyway :))
 
n3ophy7e said:
That is really awesome that you recognise that that you had a problem, and that you need food! Do you exercise? Exercise is essential for losing weight. But you also need to eat more food than just breakfast if you're exercising. Just make sure you're eating complex carbohydrates as fuel for exercise, and protein for body recovery afterwards. (sorry you're probably aware of all that anyway :))
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Its just about impossible for me to eat a balanced diet because I binge eat and then go without eating for up to a couple months at a time. I stopped that cycle though and I'm slowly trying to make myself be healthy. I try my hardest to jog in the mornings but with my busy work schedule its really difficult lately. I'm gonna sign up for a gym though so I can start. I really do appreciate your kind words and support it gives me more motivation to continue progressing and becoming a healthy lil girl :) <3
 
laurengotdatfire said:
Its just about impossible for me to eat a balanced diet because I binge eat and then go without eating for up to a couple months at a time. I stopped that cycle though and I'm slowly trying to make myself be healthy. I try my hardest to jog in the mornings but with my busy work schedule its really difficult lately. I'm gonna sign up for a gym though so I can start. I really do appreciate your kind words and support it gives me more motivation to continue progressing and becoming a healthy lil girl :) <3
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You're very welcome hun! <3
Yeah going to the gym is an excellent way to exercise. For me, it's very motivating and once you get in the routine of going, you look forward to it heaps!
I'm in limbo of going to the gym at the moment. We moved house so obviously my old gym is too far away now... :( So I have to find a gym close to our new place. So lazy though cos we've been in the new house for nearly a year now! I've got my treadmill and weights at home but I find the gym is better for getting in to the routine of exercising.
 
^I agree about they gym! For me it was always better than doing stuff at home. Running is good outside tho.

Lauren, hun, it's suuuuuuuuuuuuuuch a slow process to stop being controlled by an ed! You really sound like u r progressing, so don't lose hope or get too frustrated. Just keep chuggin' :) and come on here anytime to vent or ask 4 help :)

I just found part of an old letter I wrote to someone trying to explain how it felt for me actually experiencing the ed. It is only part of it, so not very long, and only my experience, but I thought I'd put it up - I always find it helpful and really interesting reading other's experiences!

There’s nothing else but this. Of course I know that’s not healthy and not good, but it’s the way it is. Only genuine, slow recovery will change that over a long time.
My entire life is run from this skewed base. It influences EVERYTHING - every tiny miniscule insignificant thought, to big important outward actions (like living and working circumstances).
The tiniest, tiniest thing can set me off on a good wave or a bad wave.
How do I feel about it.. I feel A LOT of emotions, good and bad. I feel very sad to be here in the ed. Sad for what I’m missing out on, sad for what I’m not feeling and thinking and experiencing. I feel disappointed, angry, upset, unworthy for what I’m doing and what that does to you, for you. For what YOU are missing out on with me as a result, for what you have to know and think and experience. I'm so far beyond sorry and aggrieved that you have had to know this disorder. Thinking about that is the first time writing this that I’ve wanted to cry.
Most of the time though, I feel really really angry. Deep down, powerfully and aggressively. Angry at what I do, what I think, what I don’t do. Angry that I have to be here fighting the ed at all. Angry that its not over yet, angry that its come this far. So angry that everything just got so fucked up. Angry that everything is so goddamn hard. It’s an anger I cant do anything with, the only thing that lessens it is working ridiculously hard towards changing things.
What I want most desperately, is to click my fingers. For everything outward to be righted. I know that it cant happen of course. The relentless slog in every way just wears you down and wears you down and wears you down until it knocks you over, and you stand back up again to face it over and over.

That’s about all I’ll write for now. I hope this’s been somewhat enlightening. I think the very worst thing about an ed, after everything, is simply that nobody knows it. That’s the hardest.. if you could just know.
 
Wow... just read all the posts on this topic and have laughed , cried, understood, empathised and envied the insight and awareness. wot a truly wonderful bunch of people you all are, felt like i knew you just by reading! I'm just turning the corner to seeking help for something I've just tried to live with, i lost my mum in march and everything seems to have fell apart all demonstrated by my haphazard self medicating coping strategies. Bingeing til I practically choke i'm shovelling in so much and so quick, a tentative new relationship with whizz :( searching and researching like someone posessed on various supplements and nootropics. anything to distract and give me the motivation i so desperately crave to make my self feel healthier mentally and physically. I ache all over, so breathless and tired, and i know it purely is down to my weight and eating, I'm only ever comfortable lying in bed. I'm 5'7 and around 234 pounds :( :( :( been this heavy once before and atkins 'punishment' lost 4 stone in 4 months. but god I felt better lol ! I went to have a MH assessment last week and told them everything. It was horrible, difficult, draining and upsetting beyond beleif. I feel like I'm always blubbing uselessly these daYS! the recommendations so far seem like this: appt with psychiatrist for meds (very worrying! got hooked on seroxat a few years ago, Had awful withdrawals, took 5 months to finally be weaned off it using syringe) psychotherapy and some bereavement counselling. Dreading it all but hoping they will bring some relief from this horrible black veil thats over me... all i seem to want to do is find new ways to distract and numb myself. I know time and intervention will get me nearer to my goal. so..... to happier times around the corner hey!
Love, peace and harmony to you all :) :) xx
 
that was a really moving post <3

my first thought is "far out - you've got so much grief to deal with, and on top of that you've got an eating disorder. you SHOULD feel like shit." And I don't mean that in bad way- I mean that, you've got a whooooole lot to deal with, ALOT of stuff that is pushing you around, it's perfectly OK for you to feel really terrible.

it sounds like the dr is doing all the right things. good on you for seeking help, that first visit's not easy!!
whizz! not good hun!!!! Take it from someone who knows, been there, done that, only landed me in waaaay worse mental state (and that's ongoing) which made it so much harder to feel in control or healthy. It's just not the way to go. I know it helps control the bingeing at first, but trust me it'll turn on you and you'll end up feeling worse and bingeing more than ever before, but with a raging drug habit, no money and even more sickly body to boot. trust me. I know not much I say will stop you tho, so if you must use, please make sure u have adequate vitamins, minerals and water and (don't know if you do) don't throw up, because purging, stimulants, and inadequate vitamin/nutrients is a VERY VERY dangerous combination. it will kill you very quickly.

i'd also like to say, everything you feel right now - will get better. i promise you - after a lot of hard work, probably some time feeling even worse, and then more work and time. But it starts to lift without you really realising it. Both grief and and ed. Have faith you can beat it :) And once you start to beat it, you'll be naturally more and more healthy, less distressed, more forward thinking, and with a more realistic perspective, then you will find that you naturally start feeling and looking better, and then good! wow! Not because you're stick thin, but because you're happy and healthy. It's true. And you can get there :)

focus on being healthy now as much as you can- on lessening the unhealthy behaviours like bingeing, and increasing the healthy ones- like eating regularly, and healthily, and having a social life, and playing with your pets, and admiring that tiny purple orchid growing under your door step.
try not to focus on what you don't want, what you dont like, but focus on what you DO want, and what you are working towards. And know that the future is in good hands if you are working and trying hard. :)

I'm so so sorry to hear about your mum. <3 <3
 
:)<3 keep comin' back here ok hun? I'll be thinkin of you :p <3
and one thing i will say to u if i never ever talk to you again - just keep going back and back and back and back, until you get there. It's so f*cking hard but thats what I'm doing.
 
I think having people around me who truly understand is very cathartic :) :) Don't get me wrong my partner and friends an family are amazing but not sure they are totally on my bus :P lol.. Thanks MB speak soon :) x
 
i think ive stated this before. i have a mild eating disorder(it kinda comes and goes)

since ive been home from school for the summer, ive been eating like a madman.
gained a little weight.

i have a feeling that when i go back to school im gonna want to loose the weight.... and im gonna stop eating

sucks
 
for any of you, do you smoke pot? and if so does it contribute to your eating disorder?

i am in a cycle where i will quit pot, hardly eat at all (around 200 cals per day), and then i will start smoking pot again, and i will end up binging a lot, and sometimes purging. i have gained a lot of weight doing it, because starving and then binging really slows my metabolism i guess. it is so easy not to eat when im quitting pot, but then i always start again and i binge.

so is it just the munchies, or something worse?
 
Well, I found that when I know that I need to eat, but I really don't feel hungry, I would smoke and then be able to eat. So, in a strange way it kinda helps me, but I'm sure its not the BEST way to go about it.
 
I dont smoke it so cant really comment sorry :( I usually have to have one vice on the go at any one time, packed in smoking 8 month ago, so thats one I'm down... lol
 
pisces - my heart ached for u in that first post u made
no i cant understand EDs but i know how id feel if my mum died and i can understand u turning to external forces for comfort
MB is right about the speed - if uve read the full thread ull know that was the closest thing to an ED i had......not eating anything cos i was tweaking all the time
u must look inside urself and find the person u r within, and learn to love that person - i think thats the only way any of us can recover from behaviour associated with EDs, drug addiction, etc
i am still searching for that person
plz dont make urself more miserable with a speed habit - and wen u do use, make sure u keep urself hydrated
i think smoking pot too can worsen problems with eating for some ppl who already hav issues with food, in that constant use of it can cause tolerance and actually make some ppls natural appetite fall away
u can PM me anytime u want to talk, pisces (i think u can PM mods as a greenlighter but i might b wrong)
hope u find ur feet hun <3
 
I've never had 'the munchies'. If anything, I want to eat less when I smoke herb. Or rather, smoked. I'd want to drink a lot (just water), but eating usually just seemed like too much work.

On the odd occasion when food happened to materialize in front of me, I found that I could eat, but I was usually to self-conscious to really enjoy myself. I actually still feel a bit uneasy about eating around other people, and add herb to the equation... you get the idea.
 
Personally I don't think using pot is a good way to eat for someone with an eating disorder- too many downsides in my experience.

pot was NOT good for me and my ED! of course, as with most ppl, it gave me the insane munchies. there were 3 ways that that turned out - 1. I'd gorge myself stupid, with the plan of purging after. 2. I'd binge heavily, not purge, and feel like absolute shit for days and weeks after, setting off an even worse cycle, and who knows what then comes of that cycle. 3. I'd manage not to act on the munchies, but even just the experience of fighting them off was so distressing on it's own.

To me if your ed is deeply entrenched, then the munchies just cause so much distress that whatever the food outcome, it's not healthy and not good for your ed.

If you don't really have an ed in it's essence, but you don't usually eat at all, then with the munchies you do, then I can see there might be a positive to that, even more so if you manage to find healthy food! But then there're still the downsides to pot use and mental health
 
I have learned to incorporate and accept munchies into my daily pot lifestyle. I don't feel bad about a big bowl of cereal or pits chips and hummus. Gasp! Oh no I just had a big supper 2 hours ago! Oh well might as well continue to eat....no more thinking like that. Nor berating myself the next morning for being weak. Life is too short to be occupied with such things. Wasted thought and worry. I put too much energy into my eating disorder already.

I no longer eat until I am disgustingly full...wait for the awful feeling to pass and then eat some more. I no longer use the appetite stimulating effects of pot to rationalize my behaviour. I accept that I am going to have a healthy snack and move on. Besides, if I eat too much it ruins the high.
 
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