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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

EADD Benzo Discussion v. Finally remembered to start a new thread.

i wasnt even counting. :|

I'd picked up Mugz's habit of sipping on it throughout the day and night as if it were a Liquer. Must have thought to myself "thats a good idea" :o I think its quite hard to OD on benzos, but im not dismissing the dangers, and i was combining it with other stuff too, so yeah you're right im lucky to have made it through that alive. This was before the flurry of deaths that soon followed. That, for the first time, made me stop and think about the dangers and risks i was taking. I think EADD and its members (in general) has become much more HR focussed since all those tragic incidents.

I think Im also lucky that i didnt end up getting arrested/maybe even sectioned for doing something crazy, or end up in hospital due to an accident. I dont even need to state the terrible effect the stuff had on my judgement/temprament/personality in general, im sure you dont need reminding of all that.
 
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I'm sorry you had to learn in such a way, MDB. I haven't blacked out on benzos for years, but i recently realized how psychologically and physically dependent on them i am, which is p much the chronic equivalent of an acute blackout in terms of harm. Still, I don't plan on leaving benzos any time soon. They've helped me so much.
 
Experience is one of the most effective teachers, even if a very cruel, costly and damaging one at the same time.

I've now got to the stage where I'm learning from other peoples experiences and 'mistakes', not thinking "that wont happen to me" anymore, which will hopefully mean that i wont have to personally experience every drug related horror story under the sun to know what its like to go too far down certain roads. It's a long way back from some of them.

What a cliched post this was, fuckit this isnt the time for originality, it's just an observation.
 
I'm a bad one for "that won't happen to me", I most often coingest my benzos with weak opies or alcohol, so i should be extra careful.
 
mydrugbuddy said:
I think Im also lucky that i didnt end up getting arrested/maybe even sectioned for doing something crazy, or end up in hospital due to an accident. I dont even need to state the terrible effect the stuff had on my judgement/temprament/personality in general, im sure you dont need reminding of all that.
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Ah, those halcyon days when you were at war with your neighbours' cat. =D

Sorry, I'm not trying to make light of what must be a harrowing period to look back upon, but the cat incident was at the peak of your benzo derangement, and I always remember it because it was a touch of the absurd in the midst of a lot of darkness.
 
mydrugbuddy said:
yeah, i used to feel invincible, as if id be OK no matter what i did and took. :\ Thankfully i no longer feel that way, and realise properly some of the risks im taking/used to take. I do far less risky things now, substance wise.
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That's good. I think that my feeling of invincibility is partly down to my benzo use itself, partly down to the vicissitudes of my bipolar-type disorder, and partly just my age. None of these things excuse it, though. There's no excuse for recklessness when harm reduction information is widely available. I've learnt self-control with benzos, but I'm dodgy with alcohol, especially as I have a seizure disorder which alcohol aggravates, and too enamoured with my newly discovered DHC. Thanks for all the advice. I'mma take it easy today.
 
Sammy G said:
Ah, those halcyon days when you were at war with your neighbours' cat. =D

Sorry, I'm not trying to make light of what must be a harrowing period to look back upon, but the cat incident was at the peak of your benzo derangement, and I always remember it because it was a touch of the absurd in the midst of a lot of darkness.
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Ha. YES WHEN I WOULD TYPE EVERYTHING IN CAPS COS I WAS SO FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT EVERYTHING.

I'm lucky that the Phenazepam didnt lead to anything worse than what some people thought an amusing tale about my neighbours cat. That and a load of embarrasing deranged posts on here. I deleted a load of them from my car crash "anti depressant and substances combinations" thread yesterday, as im asking Chatative to merge that thread with an older one on the same topic that he has stickied in the updated index. It makes a worthwile read now, once all the insanity, rage and hostilty has been edited out.
 
hahahha, MUSTN;;T FRRGT THHE TYPPPPPOS EU[[;;IOETY4R,

its funny how some people managed to not get involved, or not provoke any negative reactions from me, whilst a few were deliberately trolling me, and some were trying to be helpful. IIRC i felt as if only Knock and Shambles understood what i was going through, and i would only accept advice or suggesstions from them and no one else. I probably cant recall much very clearly or reliably from that period though.:\

At least i got myself noticed and made a name for myself on here. Unfortunately it was for all the wrong reasons.
 
There's no "fame" in "infamy" ... but there is "famous" in "infamous". : p
 
I quit the site for months, but I made a Bluelight account especially for the purpose of trying to get through to you.

You gave me nothing but a torrent of abuse, before my account was flagged as an alt. Remember that? :D
 
Sammy G said:
I quit the site for months, but I made a Bluelight account especially for the purpose of trying to get through to you.

You gave me nothing but a torrent of abuse, before my account was flagged as an alt. Remember that? :D
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No, i dont remember that atall, sorry. :o What was your alt at that time? Myshkin? If i did give you a torrent of abuse it wasnt personal, everyone was getting it, 'xept for shambles and knock.
 
Nah, Myshkin was a name-change after I quit modding. That account had been dormant for months.

The alt account was Evil Elvis. You were horrible to that guy. =D
 
Wasn't it? I dunno, I didn't tend to lurk much. That was just the word from people I was in touch with.

I must've only been lurking during the times when it was dreadful. :D
 
Dunno didnt seem to bad. Although apparently the meph years were dreadful as well
 
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