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drug jokes!

OK alcohol = drug so here's a booze joke:

This guy leaves a pub EXTREMELY drunk swerving all over the road... But he begins to feel rather horny, so he pulls over to the side of the road...

He looks for the nearest thing to screw and sees a nice pumpkin patch, when he proceeds to cut an adequate hole of a juicy plump pumpkin, and then begins humping it...

Whilst he was goin for it, a cop car pulls aside and the cop gets out... He calls over:

"Excuse me sir, do you realise your screwing a pumpkin?"

The man is SO embarassed he tries to think of an excuse so he calls back:

"Fuck, what... is it midnight already?"

=D
 
Addictions-Speaker.jpg
 
Sort of an alcohol/male chauvinist joke:

Q. -- How many guys does it take to open a beer?

A. -- None...the bitch better open it before she brings it.
 
whats the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

a drunk driver will drive thru a stop sign, a stoned driver will stop and wait for the sign to turn green...

so true...so true....
 
The very first joke in this thread is the reason for my nickname. I'm that "rabbit" in my circle of friends, they called me that after hearing the joke. Except my nickname was meant to be "White Rabbit" but I was stoned when signing up :)
 
What do you get if you swallow 10kilos of cement?

stoned.

yeah, haha. thats the best drug one i think i know. i'll put this one in cause everyone always likes it

There is this old couple sitting out on there verandah enjoying the evening. the old lady looks over at her hubbie and says "fuck you!". "no, fuck you!" he replies. its silent for a bit. then the lady comments "you know, i don't think much of this oral sex"
 
emopunksucksnuts said:
whats the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

a drunk driver will drive thru a stop sign, a stoned driver will stop and wait for the sign to turn green...

so true...so true....
Click to expand...

Classic!=D
 
A stoner was walking down the street one day with his dog. It was very hot outside so he tied his dog under a tree and went into a bar for a cold beer.
Meanwhile a little old lady complained to two RCMP officers that two dogs were going at it outside of the bar. The officers went inside the bar and asked, "Who owns the dog tied up outside?"
"I do," said the stoner.
"Do you know that your dog is in heat?" said one officer.
"No he ain't man, I tied him up under a big tree," said the stoner.
"No, I mean that your dog's needin' bred," said the officer.
"Shit," said the stoner, "I just fed him half an hour ago."
"No, no you stupid ass," said the cop. "I mean your dog needs to get fucked."
The stoner thought for a moment and said, "Well go right ahead, I always wanted a police dog."
 
What is the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer???
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a hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
 
Last edited:
"a hooker can was her crack and sell it again."

did you mistype or am i just too stoned to know what you meant?
 
it should say wash and cand should be and.

but honestly, if you cant figure it out then you truly are "toolazy2think"
 
toolazy2think said:
"a hooker can was her crack and sell it again."

did you mistype or am i just too stoned to know what you meant?
Click to expand...


WASH.. but yeah.. you're indeed too lazy to think :p
 
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