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drug jokes!

a guy gets pulled over for swerving while driving home from the bar. the cop says, "have you been drinking tonight?" and the driver says , " why, is there a fat chick in the passenger seat?"
 
Someone, somewhere will hate this one:

Q:
What do you call a crackhead prostitute with a "runny nose"?

A:
Full
 
this is not a drug joke.
but it IS funny whilst on drugs.


Q: What's brown and sticky?




A: A STICK!!!
 
My doctor told me to stay away from methamphetamine. So I bought a fifteen-foot straw.

=D
 
Q: What do you call a person who has been doing drugs for two weeks ? A: A 2weeker
 
A guy smokes some real bomb hash in a sauna together with two guys. He sits back, relaxes and starts thinking "Man those two look weird, what are they doing here, they're looking at me. They look like cops, I thought I saw them following me here. They're undercovers, they've had me under surveillance for days. They know now I'm high, they're waiting to bust me." He bursts out of the sauna naked and runs down the street, and runs, and runs until he thinks 'Hey man, I really gotta take a leak' and starts peeing on some rocks nearby. All of a sudden he feels two men shaking him "What the fuck are you doing man, don't piss on the sauna stones!"
 
goddamn these jokes suck. and wat the fuck is up with all the totally un drug related jokes that sound like the shit that 5th graders tell in locker rooms? This thread should get sent to the vets office and put to sleep lol...But if yall like it who am i to judge....enjoy.....
 
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over,looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked.
Man, she is one fine looking woman!'

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.

His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker

And would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says:
'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy,
your grandma liked it!' by the time i was done, she was beggin for more!

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says....................

'Grandpa;.......... you're drunk,,,,,,,,,,,Go home!
 
pa.. said:
Q: What do you call someone who stays up for 14 days straight?

A: A two-weeker.

Q: Why do tweekers fuck doggie style?

A: So they can both look out the window at the same time.
Click to expand...

rofl i laughed out loud at this one
 
whats the difference between hard and dark? the dark lasts all night

lol heard that from a crackhead
 
what did the one gay mushroom say to the other gay mushroom ?



hows it going fun guy ?
 
This is still the best drug joke I have heard.


How can you tell when an addict is lying?

When he opens up his mouth.
 
I like my women like I like my Scotch:

Aged twelve years and all mixed up with coke!
 
i dont like stand up comedy all that much, or i should say at all. but a few years ago me and my boy was all smoked out, he flipped on some random stand up comedy
this guy was spieling about how he was at a party, some shrooms got passed around, he grabbed a few and pocketed them for a later date,
well one rainy day came , the comedian got the brite idea to eat the shrooms and get his hair cut,

the rest was all downhill from there, from the taste of the shrooms, to him bugging out at the barbers,

that fellah had me laughing.

and dont know if anyone posted that one about the deadhead getting pulled over, cop asked did ya know how fast ya were going ? uh 55 , the cops like i clocked ya at 15


the other drug comedy that cracked me up , was in that cheech and chong flick
some chick sniffs some ajax and starts spazzing, like chooo chooo, that shit was funny,
 
deaf eye said:
i dont like stand up comedy all that much, or i should say at all. but a few years ago me and my boy was all smoked out, he flipped on some random stand up comedy
this guy was spieling about how he was at a party, some shrooms got passed around, he grabbed a few and pocketed them for a later date,
well one rainy day came , the comedian got the brite idea to eat the shrooms and get his hair cut,

the rest was all downhill from there, from the taste of the shrooms, to him bugging out at the barbers,

that fellah had me laughing.

and dont know if anyone posted that one about the deadhead getting pulled over, cop asked did ya know how fast ya were going ? uh 55 , the cops like i clocked ya at 15


the other drug comedy that cracked me up , was in that cheech and chong flick
some chick sniffs some ajax and starts spazzing, like chooo chooo, that shit was funny,
Click to expand...

Dave Chappelle is fucking hilarious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxJV7Oq99RY <- for those who haven't seen it.
 
What's the difference between a smackhead and a savings bond?

The savings bond eventually matures and earns money!
/ roll on snare drum
 
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