Crash Override
Bluelighter
When I'm off them, yes. When I'm on them, no.
Do you regret taking drugs?
- Thread starter BOODIE
- Start date
Eligiu
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2017
- Messages
- 1,428
I don't regret trying drugs as it was likely inevitable given my attitude and personality.
I decisively regret asking someone to shoot me up with meth for the first time in my life at 21 in exchage for giving her a bed to stay in for the night, and thereafter teaching me how to inject on a routine basis until I was able to consistently do it myself.
If I were to pinpoint the exact moment my life changed trajectory for the worst, that night would be in.
I decisively regret asking someone to shoot me up with meth for the first time in my life at 21 in exchage for giving her a bed to stay in for the night, and thereafter teaching me how to inject on a routine basis until I was able to consistently do it myself.
If I were to pinpoint the exact moment my life changed trajectory for the worst, that night would be in.
F.U.B.A.R.
Bluelight Crew
Do I regret taking drugs?
Yes.
I hate being 'enlightened' and would much prefer living my life in ignorance like the vast majority of the population.
Ignorance is fuckin bliss...
Yes.
I hate being 'enlightened' and would much prefer living my life in ignorance like the vast majority of the population.
Ignorance is fuckin bliss...
imo_incolae
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2022
- Messages
- 192
Our relationships with drugs is an ancient one and it is complex. It can be explained way more deeply than the superficial surface noise that we live with today. And that is unfortunately where most people start in relating to drugs.
We have lost our connection to the communal ritualistic practice of consumption that our ancestors incorporated into their lives. Now we just consume for the sake of it and we consume to get away from society and not bring ourselves closer to it. We feel an inherent disconnect from ourselves, others and the world around us and drugs today help to manage it. There are not the safeguards there once were and so we are just left at their mercy of our vices.
I started my journey with drugs to escape.
Nonetheless, it was a journey. And I feel you cannot avoid recognising this just because there are parts of that journey you are not happy about. I started because I had serious issues as a child growing up and experienced serious trauma. I don't regret any of it. It is a part, and path, of becoming. You are born, you climb, you fall, you climb, you fall and then you die. Life is a rollercoaster but we have an inherent desire to only focus on the parts that paint us in a certain light than acknowledge the darkness and the shadows. Both are who you are and both are equally important. You cannot have the darkness within you without the light. In order to understand there is darkness you are at the same time understanding its opposite nature. I had some difficult periods and I pushed myself further and further into escapism when I actually needed to my head to be in the right place and focused on facing the truth.
Having said that, drugs are and always will be an important part of my life. While they brought me to my knees they also illuminated parts of me I would have never seen nor ever thought to look for. While they almost helped to break me they also allowed me to see that I can also be rebuilt too. As they say, you have to have been at the bottom to know what its like down there to want to rise up. In order to succeed you have to know what its like to fail. Some of my worst moments have been some of my most insightful. I guess it just depends on how you see things. Without drugs and the journeys they sent me on (internally and otherwise) I'm not sure I would have figured half the shit out I needed to.
Whatever happens you can never truly lose your way. There is no defined way in the first place. Even when you are lost, there you are. Because you know you are here, you are not actually lost. You are just at the point in your life where you have veered off, but you are not lost.
I don't regret any of my drug use. It all served a purpose at particular periods of my life and it all connects together to paint a picture of my life.
We have lost our connection to the communal ritualistic practice of consumption that our ancestors incorporated into their lives. Now we just consume for the sake of it and we consume to get away from society and not bring ourselves closer to it. We feel an inherent disconnect from ourselves, others and the world around us and drugs today help to manage it. There are not the safeguards there once were and so we are just left at their mercy of our vices.
I started my journey with drugs to escape.
Nonetheless, it was a journey. And I feel you cannot avoid recognising this just because there are parts of that journey you are not happy about. I started because I had serious issues as a child growing up and experienced serious trauma. I don't regret any of it. It is a part, and path, of becoming. You are born, you climb, you fall, you climb, you fall and then you die. Life is a rollercoaster but we have an inherent desire to only focus on the parts that paint us in a certain light than acknowledge the darkness and the shadows. Both are who you are and both are equally important. You cannot have the darkness within you without the light. In order to understand there is darkness you are at the same time understanding its opposite nature. I had some difficult periods and I pushed myself further and further into escapism when I actually needed to my head to be in the right place and focused on facing the truth.
Having said that, drugs are and always will be an important part of my life. While they brought me to my knees they also illuminated parts of me I would have never seen nor ever thought to look for. While they almost helped to break me they also allowed me to see that I can also be rebuilt too. As they say, you have to have been at the bottom to know what its like down there to want to rise up. In order to succeed you have to know what its like to fail. Some of my worst moments have been some of my most insightful. I guess it just depends on how you see things. Without drugs and the journeys they sent me on (internally and otherwise) I'm not sure I would have figured half the shit out I needed to.
Whatever happens you can never truly lose your way. There is no defined way in the first place. Even when you are lost, there you are. Because you know you are here, you are not actually lost. You are just at the point in your life where you have veered off, but you are not lost.
I don't regret any of my drug use. It all served a purpose at particular periods of my life and it all connects together to paint a picture of my life.
Essentialle123
Bluelighter
Yes. Alprazolam 
ions
Mr. Fantasy
Geodon. That started it. But they said there was no other way out of the hospital.
PDXman
Bluelighter
I wish I never used heroin. I've had to kick it 4 or 5 times since I was 19, last time I was 58 (I'm 71 now).
Main drug I use now is meth.
Main drug I use now is meth.
PriestTheyCalledHim
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2005
- Messages
- 14,714
I regret starting to use them at a young age, barely a teen, but I quit everything before 30.
arrall
Bluelight Crew
Nope, my use has never gotten to the point of abuse. Drugs have done far more to keep me alive and treat my mental illness than they have caused issues for me. I mainly use psychedelics and dissociatives occasionally with semi-daily use of my Dexedrine prescription.
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LucidSDreamr
Bluelighter
How? God i wish I could do this.
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LucidSDreamr
Bluelighter
You can put the needle down and keep using. It's a process but I stopped IV use and continued going hard for years after.
I saw a few ppl I know die of infections from IV use and i just tried to scare the shit out of myself by reading medical literature or you tube videos about hep c, infections, amputations and other IV complications I basically scared myself off the needle.
Don’t regret it but I really should.
foxymethoxyxoxo
Greenlighter
meth
less seriously, factorio
I respect this post, but it seems naïve. It is a very naturalistic view of a chemical process. I find this post very profound but not in a way that is particularly appealing to me. I have gone as far as ayahuasca and the like (even as far as brewing it myself, the proper way, over 10 hours, and having to start over once, refraining from everything and meditating the entire time). Using proper ritualistic measures.
Did they have exceptional, incredible moments of exaltation in my thinking?
Yeah they totally did
Did they put me in situations I am glad i was in and made great choices (or bad ones) that turned my life in places I could never imagine?
sure they did
Did I make friends I never would have otherwise?
probably more real ones. probably some who just liked me because we both did stims and I they were attracted to me
Do I love your Daoist tendency that seems very oblique? Yes. It's great. I love you for that. Stay on that path. But there can be dark and light.. but you may be underestimating just how dark some of this can get, and how much light you are obscuring and calling technicalities on. Is a transparent screen shadow dark, or light? It's not stopping the light. But it is shading it to make it appear less light than it is. If you get my bad analogy.
but as the wise Flobots say, this is just what I wonder in contrary to your post;
(I see) "The shadow of another person living parallel,
(I see) A glimpse of somebody riding on a carousel
(I see) A vision of a better life than I chose today
(I remember) The time you told me that love never goes away"
But it seems like it did.
less seriously, factorio
I feel very lucky I was already sorta spooked by it when I was at the point where I was willing to try. Give no hecks about drawing blood or vaccines or whatever, but the moment I'm doing it without a professional around and the inherent risk of a bubble just made me unwilling to even try. I always used alone and I wasn't stupid enough to want to try it by myself without someone who knew what they were doing, of which I knew zero. But even with ket, where you just smash that into your muscle somewhere (ok, not like that, but you get it) I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It was like a line I could never cross. Not for anything. Boofing is my life.
I respect this post, but it seems naïve. It is a very naturalistic view of a chemical process. I find this post very profound but not in a way that is particularly appealing to me. I have gone as far as ayahuasca and the like (even as far as brewing it myself, the proper way, over 10 hours, and having to start over once, refraining from everything and meditating the entire time). Using proper ritualistic measures.
Did they have exceptional, incredible moments of exaltation in my thinking?
Yeah they totally did
Did they put me in situations I am glad i was in and made great choices (or bad ones) that turned my life in places I could never imagine?
sure they did
Did I make friends I never would have otherwise?
probably more real ones. probably some who just liked me because we both did stims and I they were attracted to me
Do I love your Daoist tendency that seems very oblique? Yes. It's great. I love you for that. Stay on that path. But there can be dark and light.. but you may be underestimating just how dark some of this can get, and how much light you are obscuring and calling technicalities on. Is a transparent screen shadow dark, or light? It's not stopping the light. But it is shading it to make it appear less light than it is. If you get my bad analogy.
but as the wise Flobots say, this is just what I wonder in contrary to your post;
(I see) "The shadow of another person living parallel,
(I see) A glimpse of somebody riding on a carousel
(I see) A vision of a better life than I chose today
(I remember) The time you told me that love never goes away"
But it seems like it did.
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sadmachine
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2022
- Messages
- 63
Do I regret taking drugs?
Yes, one in particular: crystal meth.
I used to smoke 0.1-0.2 points each weekend during one year when I was 18 (early 2010's). Hid it well from my parents, only ever used it on weekends and would come home while I was coming down. Never really had enough money to really do as much as I wanted (which in hindsight was a blessing). Fast forward 6 years and I was 24, hadn't touched it in 6 years and for some stupid reason I just started having thoughts of how much I enjoyed smoking the pipe. Lost a grandparent and had quite a lot of strain on my family, was about to finally escape my home town and move to the city to study at university. For some stupid reason that I still dont really know to this day, I messaged some people who used to be on it 6 years ago and lo and behold I found someone who could hook me up. Only this time the price had dropped by nearly 5 times and I was cashed up from working so I could buy as much as I wanted.
I've always been well informed and well researched on drugs and drug safety due to browsing this forum, erowid and all the other ones back in the day. I knew not to mix this with that or what to expect if x or y happened. But there was one stupid mistake I made and looking back on it its really hard for me to accept that it didnt occur to me. Sounds so glaringly obvious but the more meth you take the more serious the side effects become. Back in the day I did it often but I never had enough to truly fuck me up, I think I built a slow tolerance doing it every weekend but I always doing 1 point or less, ocassionally bit more if someone was passing the pipe around and feeling generous. Aside from having blue eyes that make massive pupils stand out, it was pretty hard to even notice I was on it.
So I bought half gram, with 0 tolerance whatsoever (no meth used in 6 years) and figured I would smoke to my hearts content. I would finally just smoke and smoke like I never got to, and blow the biggest clouds I could (i was never able to blow really big clouds back in the day). I never once considered the effect it would have on me. I just naturally assumed It would be like how it was when I would smoke half a point on a saturday night then go home at dinner on sunday. I got unbelievably fried. I smoked probably 2-3 points in one night, alone and was awake for 4-5 nights. I got so upset that I couldnt sleep or feel normal again, I was stuck in my head having conversations and pacing around the house so much by the end I left actual wear marks in the carpet. It was a horrible experience and I was scared I would never feel normal again.
Then it got worse, after i slept I decided I felt alright again and went back at it. Only this time I accidentally left a baggie on my computer desk and my cat jumped up and sniffed it. I dove for the cat and grabbed it from him and put the bag away. I read online that cats will often lick amphetamines because of their smell. I am extremely close with my pets and the thought the he might die from this mistake tore me to pieces. I noticed his pupils were very large and he was very aggressive and wanted to play really rough with me (using claws, biting a little harder than usual) but I had been away for so long and was so insanely affected by the meth that I couldnt tell if he had actually consumed any or was just playing. I took him to the vet which thankfully was very nearby and she said he seemed fine and even if he had taken a little bit, he should be ok.
But I became delusional without knowing it. I obsessed over him constantly and watched him for hour after hour. I was scared everytime he tried to sleep that he was actually dying and would call the vet. In the end the vet got very pissed off with him and told me to stop calling her. I felt so vulnerable and like such a piece of scum. Eventually after like 20-30 hours I realized he was ok and went back to smoking. I had been awake for 4-5 days and was seeing shadows move, and the worst thing was at one point I heard a jack that was on a chair talking to me. Not in any language, just grumbling like making noises. I checked it a thousand times thinking it was maybe some radio in a pocket but it was genuinely just my psychosis. From then on, every time I took a puff I felt like I couldn't breathe and was gonna die. I constantly obsessed over checking my pulse and checking my lips/nails turning blue (sometime i still do to this day, I took 20mg oxy a few hours ago and every now and then I just quickly pull my phone torch out and check theyre no blur). I ended up calling and ambulance because I hyperventilated so hard that I nearly passed out, They gave me some glucose bars and told me I was gonna be fine. After they left I threw out the rest of my gear and knew I would never want to do it again. Even after I threw it all out, I paced around the house for days, messaged people i hadnt spoken to in years and had the most bizarre conversations with them.
The first year and a half after this was hell. I had extremely bad health anxiety and ptsd, I thought there was always something wrong that the doctors/ER couldnt find. I thought I had permanently damaged my heart. I had constant heart palpitations, constant hyperventilation (this is the one of the worst symptons, never felt like I had enough air or that I could relax. This got even worse when my lifestyle got lazy. I tried going to the doctors & counsellors once but I got a terrible doctor and even worse counsellor, so I gave up (anyone reading this, if you have major mental health problems make it your #1 priority to find a doctor/psych/etc). I was prescribed lexapro SSRI but the side effects scared me worse than meth. I was terrified of everything. Looking back on it now I cant believe my life could get that bad. Thankfully, I started working out and going to the gym and made a world of new friends in the city and now my life is amazing. I still get health anxiety from time to time but Im very good at telling myself ïts just anxiety" and it goes away.
I regret taking meth. It caused me problems that still linger 4 years later and it wasted years of my life trying to recover from one bad experience.
Yes, one in particular: crystal meth.
I used to smoke 0.1-0.2 points each weekend during one year when I was 18 (early 2010's). Hid it well from my parents, only ever used it on weekends and would come home while I was coming down. Never really had enough money to really do as much as I wanted (which in hindsight was a blessing). Fast forward 6 years and I was 24, hadn't touched it in 6 years and for some stupid reason I just started having thoughts of how much I enjoyed smoking the pipe. Lost a grandparent and had quite a lot of strain on my family, was about to finally escape my home town and move to the city to study at university. For some stupid reason that I still dont really know to this day, I messaged some people who used to be on it 6 years ago and lo and behold I found someone who could hook me up. Only this time the price had dropped by nearly 5 times and I was cashed up from working so I could buy as much as I wanted.
I've always been well informed and well researched on drugs and drug safety due to browsing this forum, erowid and all the other ones back in the day. I knew not to mix this with that or what to expect if x or y happened. But there was one stupid mistake I made and looking back on it its really hard for me to accept that it didnt occur to me. Sounds so glaringly obvious but the more meth you take the more serious the side effects become. Back in the day I did it often but I never had enough to truly fuck me up, I think I built a slow tolerance doing it every weekend but I always doing 1 point or less, ocassionally bit more if someone was passing the pipe around and feeling generous. Aside from having blue eyes that make massive pupils stand out, it was pretty hard to even notice I was on it.
So I bought half gram, with 0 tolerance whatsoever (no meth used in 6 years) and figured I would smoke to my hearts content. I would finally just smoke and smoke like I never got to, and blow the biggest clouds I could (i was never able to blow really big clouds back in the day). I never once considered the effect it would have on me. I just naturally assumed It would be like how it was when I would smoke half a point on a saturday night then go home at dinner on sunday. I got unbelievably fried. I smoked probably 2-3 points in one night, alone and was awake for 4-5 nights. I got so upset that I couldnt sleep or feel normal again, I was stuck in my head having conversations and pacing around the house so much by the end I left actual wear marks in the carpet. It was a horrible experience and I was scared I would never feel normal again.
Then it got worse, after i slept I decided I felt alright again and went back at it. Only this time I accidentally left a baggie on my computer desk and my cat jumped up and sniffed it. I dove for the cat and grabbed it from him and put the bag away. I read online that cats will often lick amphetamines because of their smell. I am extremely close with my pets and the thought the he might die from this mistake tore me to pieces. I noticed his pupils were very large and he was very aggressive and wanted to play really rough with me (using claws, biting a little harder than usual) but I had been away for so long and was so insanely affected by the meth that I couldnt tell if he had actually consumed any or was just playing. I took him to the vet which thankfully was very nearby and she said he seemed fine and even if he had taken a little bit, he should be ok.
But I became delusional without knowing it. I obsessed over him constantly and watched him for hour after hour. I was scared everytime he tried to sleep that he was actually dying and would call the vet. In the end the vet got very pissed off with him and told me to stop calling her. I felt so vulnerable and like such a piece of scum. Eventually after like 20-30 hours I realized he was ok and went back to smoking. I had been awake for 4-5 days and was seeing shadows move, and the worst thing was at one point I heard a jack that was on a chair talking to me. Not in any language, just grumbling like making noises. I checked it a thousand times thinking it was maybe some radio in a pocket but it was genuinely just my psychosis. From then on, every time I took a puff I felt like I couldn't breathe and was gonna die. I constantly obsessed over checking my pulse and checking my lips/nails turning blue (sometime i still do to this day, I took 20mg oxy a few hours ago and every now and then I just quickly pull my phone torch out and check theyre no blur). I ended up calling and ambulance because I hyperventilated so hard that I nearly passed out, They gave me some glucose bars and told me I was gonna be fine. After they left I threw out the rest of my gear and knew I would never want to do it again. Even after I threw it all out, I paced around the house for days, messaged people i hadnt spoken to in years and had the most bizarre conversations with them.
The first year and a half after this was hell. I had extremely bad health anxiety and ptsd, I thought there was always something wrong that the doctors/ER couldnt find. I thought I had permanently damaged my heart. I had constant heart palpitations, constant hyperventilation (this is the one of the worst symptons, never felt like I had enough air or that I could relax. This got even worse when my lifestyle got lazy. I tried going to the doctors & counsellors once but I got a terrible doctor and even worse counsellor, so I gave up (anyone reading this, if you have major mental health problems make it your #1 priority to find a doctor/psych/etc). I was prescribed lexapro SSRI but the side effects scared me worse than meth. I was terrified of everything. Looking back on it now I cant believe my life could get that bad. Thankfully, I started working out and going to the gym and made a world of new friends in the city and now my life is amazing. I still get health anxiety from time to time but Im very good at telling myself ïts just anxiety" and it goes away.
I regret taking meth. It caused me problems that still linger 4 years later and it wasted years of my life trying to recover from one bad experience.
foxymethoxyxoxo
Greenlighter
I feel like I'm spamming replies but so many of these experiences resonate me I can't help but give some tidbits
Lexapro and other SSRIs, for those of us with extremely positive effects from amphetamines (especially over time), I find to be EXTREMELY detrimental. I have tried all of them. Finally, I had a psych that understood me. Fully. He was magical. He knew everything about the problem and suggestions. He was the best (and, ofc, most temp) Psych I ever had. He immediately recognized SSRIs were incompatible, put me on lamotrigine and increased the dose, and it's helped an incredible amount for mood stabilization. I had less of a problem with depression than I did bipolar symptoms which have depression but only temporarily. I'm typing so much because I'm on them manic end of that xD
I went to a new psych recently and they did some... bio lab scan? Where they sent some dna samples to a lab and it gave them a readout of likely compatible drugs and incompatible ones for my... body... makeup? Idk how it works. I just know it works. Because it said the best thing for me (welbutrin, which i cant take, cuz seizures) was something I had experience with and WAS INDEED THE BEST, deleted my cravings, made me feel amazing, but not in a junkie way. Like a new fresh life way.
And, after... LO AND BEHOLD, SSRIS AND OTHER SUCH ANTI-DEPRESSANTS WERE ABSOLUTELY THE WORST FOR MY MAKEUP
Damn I'm good
BenzoEnthusiast
Bluelighter
Yes, Heroin. I don't regret drinking alcohol but I wish I didn't underestimate it and drank like a "normal" person.
Benzos are fucked too.
Benzos are fucked too.
NawdybyNature
Bluelighter
Chasing Booze, benzos, and opiates has definitely caused me to make some poor decisions that have made my life markedly shittier. But I suppose that says more about me as a person than the drugs themselves.
candidsurprise
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2017
- Messages
- 134
Yes! It's ruined my life, and I'm now severely mentally ill. When I started, I thought that the talk of drug induced brain damage was just a type of scare story. Now I believe that they are right, although I slowly developed the stirrings of mental illness for 2 years before starting drugs. Hence I can't be sure that my situation is recreational drug induced, but I'm 90% sure that it is. The only thing that I don't regret is taking MDMA for the first few times, and finding a mild drug combo that allows me to socialise occasionally: pregabalin + valium + red strain kratom from the Riau region of Indonesia (apparenty). I regret everything else.
Nas47
Road-Weary Traveler
"The eyes of the fear are huge"-here we say.It's more fear,than anything else.Your dose is very low.Most of the people,that i know,who stop methadone jump off from 10mg(in jails for example).It's hard,but bereable.You took it only one year.I said to you and before-you are just a step from quitting.I know very well this fear-it paralyze you,but,if you really wanna quitt you will find a way.wish you that
SlowVeil
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2022
- Messages
- 53
vraylar 1.5mg, no other antipsychotics have this insanely long effect on me. I had abilify, lamictal, quetiapine in 2018. Abilify and lamictal gave me restlessness which resolved right after I stopped. Quetiapine made me more depressed and completely blocked my nasal passage, but they all resolved right after I tappered it off. all of them I had for over 2 months. But vraylar, at lowest dosage, just on it for 17 days, gave me akathisia, involuntary muscle tics/twitches/jumps, tinnitus, weak muscles, limb tremor that are still present at this point (it's already 2 months + 1 day since stopping vraylar). Can't really work or focus or study. 0 progress in my life because of all of these horrible side effects but I can at least play elden ring and kirby to distract, and I have to stay in medical leave of absence and pause my study in robotics.
I have been in psych ward and taken other medications(clonidine, lorazepam, benztropine, propranolol) to treat all of the horrible stuff vraylar brought me, but none worked(I'm med free at this point). Nothing is making my condition worse but nothing is making it better. The only hope that I am clinging onto is that vraylar has an insanely long half-life of 21 days and it takes at least 5 half-lives to clear it out. (I added its metabolite's half-life because they are equipotent to vraylar, so even if vraylar is metabolized, its metabolite can do the same horrible shit to my body). I'd suggest everyone to stay away from meds that have insanely long half-lives like vraylar.
I did not even have any psychosis and I still got put on this. These meds are being handed out too casually.
I have been in psych ward and taken other medications(clonidine, lorazepam, benztropine, propranolol) to treat all of the horrible stuff vraylar brought me, but none worked(I'm med free at this point). Nothing is making my condition worse but nothing is making it better. The only hope that I am clinging onto is that vraylar has an insanely long half-life of 21 days and it takes at least 5 half-lives to clear it out. (I added its metabolite's half-life because they are equipotent to vraylar, so even if vraylar is metabolized, its metabolite can do the same horrible shit to my body). I'd suggest everyone to stay away from meds that have insanely long half-lives like vraylar.
I did not even have any psychosis and I still got put on this. These meds are being handed out too casually.
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