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Benzos Diazepam Withdrawal

Just don't let it get as severe as I did, thats when I basically said 'fuck this' and quit quitting. I was at work today and twitching like fuck, I think I cut to soon maybe? but you are right who knows what is causing what, all I know is it FUCKING SUCKS! Sorry just had to get that out.

I'm kind of freaking myself out though, my chest has been kind of 'aching' all day and I got home and jumped on the rower, anyway, about an hour or so after that and my pulse is still over 100bpm :|. I really think I cut the dose too soon :(.

Did you run out of the syrup or were you trying to just cut it out?
 
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Yeah I've pretty much scared the shit out of myself in relation to any physical exertion while I'm tapering. Hell I won't even have sex. :\

I removed the Delsym from the equation because I've been fighting with the state about my state disability benefit which paid my cell and paid for my Delsym every month... So I figured I'd see how I do without it. I've got 3 bottles left but at the dosage that I was taking, it may be doing more harm than helping if I've become tolerant to the NMDA antagonism at the low dose and I can't afford to raise it when I don't know if I'll have the money for more.

As for how I've been feeling... I don't even know anymore. I'm getting irritated about the lack of sleep though. I also busted a tooth yesterday while eating dinner. Lost a quarter of a molar. Oh well, at least it doesn't hurt. :|
 
Maybe you could use what you have, not everyday, but for a few days after you cut your dose to try and help smooth things out a bit? have you managed to sleep at all?

I'm laying in bed just fucking aching all over, its kind of making me think 'this is why you quit trying to quit before' :(
 
To be honest I'm not suffering any additional ill side effects from the cessation of the Delsym except maybe some higher blood pressure. That could very easily just be a rebound though. Our systems are insanely sensitive right now.

Do you think that some of how you are feeling has to do with messing with antidepressant changes?

Definitely don't throw in the towel man. I just ordered my last 120 script and I'm going to call the public mental health place on Monday... Considering that I've been logging what I do and I have letters from my previous psychiatrist and therapist regarding my treatment, I should be able to get a new doctor on board with what I'm doing.

I'm considering adding in mirtazapine for sleep. I don't want to mess with trazodone but mirtazapine might be a good option. If I have to go on mirtazapine for a bit to help me get off of the Valium, I'll do it. I actually liked mirtazapine and I don't really care about the weight gain (the average is only 7.5 pounds anyway, I'm 180, as long as I don't get past 210, its a trade off I'm willing to make) so I'm willing to try it again.

As for sleep... I have been passing out around 7AM and sleeping til 4 but I got woken up at 1:30 today and its 1:40AM now so I'm exhausted and will probably go to sleep after I catch up on here.
 
In fairness to mirtazapine, I must admit it is pretty good for sleep, I find it quite a 'natural' feeling of being tired rather than being 'drugged' but it does give you some pretty fucking odd dreams. Just the extreme hunger, especially about an hour after I take it is just ridiculous.

I actually feel pretty good today! I'm not sure whether it is anything to do with the antidepressants but I don't think so. My nervous system is just completely fucked up. If you can get a doctor to help you that would be awesome, you could get the much coveted 2mg pills!

It sounds like you have been getting plenty of sleep, just at the wrong times of the day?
 
I rather liked mirtazapine when I was taking it but they added in Abilify, Geodon, and Lamictal to the mix and I just quit everything at once.

I used it on an overdose of 2C-P though and it was quite successful at bringing my pulse and blood pressure back under control and I went to sleep after having a shot or two... Woke up still tripping but most of it was gone.

I also used mirtazapine in an attempt at suicide and it may well be the part of the cocktail that saved my life to be honest. I took it in conjunction with a bottle of whiskey, some vicodin, klonopin, trazodone, and a bottle of cough syrup.

Either way, I wouldn't be against trying it for depression and anxiety.

Glad to hear that you feel better! I am okay today. I'm anxious but its not murderous. Eating in a bit may help. I added 1000mg of fish oil a day too.

And yes, I would love to get my hands on the 2mg pills. Either way, I'll have another 120 5's which is in itself enough to get me through 80 days at 7.5mg should I get stuck (not even including the other 75.5 pills I have left from my other prescription) so I will have plenty to do this.

I've been getting around 4 or 5 hours of sleep which is nowhere near enough for me. It leaves me lethargic and grumpy all day.

I did have a rather vivid and telling dream last night though. Today makes 90 days since I started the taper, stopped drinking, and stopped smoking all at the same time. In my dream, there was a barbecue going on and everyone was drinking and smoking. I was offered a bottle of rum and I handed it back and said "no thank you" and I was also staying away from the smokers. Considering that I used to have dreams where I was using drugs IN my dreams, that's pretty profound.

I also noticed that I am sleeping on my back a lot more. That used to actually cause me to wake up in a panic attack. Now I wake up and I'm fine.

I've just got to keep pressing on. I'm extremely proud of myself for making it this far though. I never thought I'd be there to be honest. You realize that we're only taking the equivalent of .375mg of Xanax or Klonopin now? Really puts things into perspective!
 
Fish oil is a good idea, I have been taking it regularly anyway, for the last 3 or 4 months, I don't know whether it is making any difference or not but my view is that I can't imagine it causing any problems!

It sounds like you should definitely give the mirtazapine a try for sleep. It is also great for depression, I have been on so many antidepressants before and honestly it is the only one which has ever worked for me, just the eating got silly and I quit it.

It sounds like you have made so much progress, good for you! I guess the dream comes from whats going on in your subconscious which marks a fundamental shift in the way you think about these things :) last night I had a weird nightmare about getting drunk and just feeling really fucking guilty and horrible and when I woke up I was like 'oh god, I cant believe I drank AGAIN then I realised 'wait, no hangover, it was just a dream!'.

How are you finding eating? These past few days my stomach has been much better than it was, I'm hoping it stays that way!!

When you put the doseage like that, it definitely makes me smile :) we are heading very much in the right direction! :). At the moment, I am looking forward to seeing the world clearly :).
 
It sounds like we are both doing much better.

I never have a problem eating. Ever. I used to eat on MDA/caff/meth combo pills at the comedown though so I'm not a good example.

I look forward to it too. And when I made that realization last night, I had to check it twice to make sure I was right (I don't trust my math skills anymore you know and I did it in my head) but its true... We're both functioning on less than what most people get started on.
 
Damn OP that is a crazy amount to me!! I take 1 1mg pill an it just takes me down, I feel so damn tired I hate it lol I have to give them or trade them to a buddy lol

Good luck though!
 
Are you sure you aren't thinking of another benzo? The lowest dose of Valium is a 2mg pill and 10mg of Valium is only as potent as half a milligram of Xanax or Klonopin.

Our doses are actually pretty low considering we were both drinking heavily along with it which increases tolerance.
 
I was hand slapped earlier in th thread because I got of benzos by switching to phenazepam pills and tapering. Still would like to explain why that is a bad idea> It worked but possibly because I was taking zyprexa at the time?
 
regal said:
I was hand slapped earlier in th thread because I got of benzos by switching to phenazepam pills and tapering. Still would like to explain why that is a bad idea> It worked but possibly because I was taking zyprexa at the time?
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Because phenazepam is extremely potent and you never switch to a high potency benzo from a low potency benzo for the purpose of tapering.

Not to mention that phenazepam is widely considered to be shit. I've never had it but the reports about it, even from being used properly, are less than enticing.

If you're on Valium, there is no point in switching to another benzo.
 
I think I am lying to myself. I just read this article down to the part where they said "A clinical diagnosis of alcoholism is probably best viewed as an ‘end-stage disease’, similar to congestive heart failure. " and to be honest it just made me feel completely compelled to give up on life and meh. Never mind, I am just rambling, I do that a lot these days. Seriously, fuck my life, I do not want it anymore.
 
Crampz said:
I think I am lying to myself. I just read this article down to the part where they said "A clinical diagnosis of alcoholism is probably best viewed as an ‘end-stage disease’, similar to congestive heart failure. " and to be honest it just made me feel completely compelled to give up on life and meh. Never mind, I am just rambling, I do that a lot these days. Seriously, fuck my life, I do not want it anymore.
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You know that you shouldn't be reading that kind of stuff when you're in this sort of state of mind man.

Besides that, you have the power to control your addictions. You're demonstrating that. Look at what you're doing with your taper. You know how many people simply never manage to even come close to getting off of benzos? They're called lifers and they take insanely high dosages of benzos every single day just to stay alive.

Don't let yourself get taken down man, you're doing great! I feel like shit today but I'm still looking at the finish line.

Don't let an article by some pompous pricks ruin your day. Hell, be stubborn and prove them totally wrong!
 
I totally know where you are coming from, but unfortunately, I read a lot of articles that all basically have the same underlying message 'drunks are very unlikely to be able to quit'. Proving them wrong would be nice, but unfortunately thus far I have been proving them right, the longest I have gone without getting shitfaced every night in the last.... 8 years is probably about 4 months. Other than that, I have been pretty much completely wasted to be totally honest.

Sorry to hear you are feeling rough, you should definately get in touch with the clinic first thing tomorrow and see what they say, hopefully the doctors there will help you out. Even if they just give you something like Mirtazapine for sleep, a well rested body makes things seem much smoother! I'm due to see my GP on Friday, I think I might just come out and tell him I am coming off the benzos and can he help, he seems to be pretty reasonable, he prescribed me bupropion without a hitch when no other doctor would, if it weren't for coming off benzos, bupropion and mirtazapine would probably be the combination that would really help me out.

I'm going to make myself a big pot of decaffeinated green tea, something about it seems to really help take the edge off :).
 
I know what you're talking about. I started drinking when I was 17 and I think my longest period of abstinence hasn't even been 4 months. Its been 3 months (meaning this taper is the longest I've gone without any alcohol since I started drinking). On the same token though, I never really wanted to quit for myself until now and its always been half-assed for everyone else. That makes a big difference.

I mean I'm alright... As long as I don't hit the level that I did when they put me on Depakote after doing a 5 day rapid detox, I can manage. I don't remember how long I went without sleep but I can tell you that I went so long that my pupils were so blown that just the tiniest little bit of light from a lamp on in the living room made it look like there was sunlight in the whole house and I was hallucinating from the delirium. If it wasn't for King of the Hill I would have probably lost my mind. That seemed to be the perfect amount of stimulation for me so I had it on the TV day and night.

Bupropion and mirtazapine is a great combination from what I've heard - as long as you aren't prone to overstimulation by bupropion. I unfortunately am. Maybe mirtazapine would balance it out though. Who knows.

In regards to talking to your doctor, make sure that you have enough Valium before you talk to him about it because he may be cool now but that doesn't mean he'll stay cool if he knows you are coming off the benzos. Doctors are really iffy about patients that fall out of med compliance to their own personal specifications.

Green tea helps because its loaded with theanine. :)
 
It is weird you know, the bupropion hasn't felt at all like I am on a strong stimulant and this is coming from someone who cant even drink a cup of coffee without being jittery, panicky and super anxious for the entire day afterwards!

That detox sounds freaking harsh! I was detoxed with librium a couple of years ago over two weeks and that was barely manageable, the feeling about 30 mins after taking my first librium dose was what heaven must be like.

I think I have plenty of pills, they might know something is up anyway, because I get my prescriptions weekly and sometimes I totally forget to go collect them as I haven't needed anywhere near as much as before since I started tapering.

I have no idea what I would do without this forum at the moment tbh, its really helping me stasy motivated! :).
 
I was fine with Wellbutrin for the first week when I was on 75mg but when I got bumped to 150mg is when I started having problems. And yeah, you react like I do to caffeine. Oddly enough, dopaminergic stimulants like mephedrone affect my CNS less than caffeine does. YUCK!

It was extremely harsh. So I figure it set the bar for the max of what I can handle. This is cake compared to that and I remind myself of that every time I start going south.

As long as you have the pills, I would say its fine.

Right there with you about this forum. :)
 
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