Benzos Diazepam Withdrawal

[Eveleivibe]

Who was? Sorry I was posting to crampz about her post re healthy eating n exercise.
How are you doing with your taper today, magic? X

 

[MagickalKat777]

Who was? Sorry I was posting to crampz about her post re healthy eating n exercise.
How are you doing with your taper today, magic? X

Yeah I'm pretty sure Crampz was talking about not noticing the reduction in Valium dose, meaning not noticing withdrawal side effects, since it was a response to my post talking about how bad my withdrawals have been. Who knows, I could be confused. Wouldn't be the first time.

I'm doing okay. I just wish I could sleep. That's the worst part of it.

 

[Eveleivibe]

Ahhh shit sorry cramps n magic. Brain not with it lately too much to think about. Sorry I got it wrong xxxx

 

[Crampz]

Aw Eveleivibe, you are so sweet and thank you for the encouragement, I was talking about the dose reduction mainly but in fairness I do also need to lose weight!

I actually just got back from the doctor because he wanted to see me about the bupropion etc, I kind of confessed about my tapering of diazepam and he said he would prescribe me the 2mg pills, but then again I don't know if they are really even going to be needed. I did tell him I was worried I would be really really anxious after coming off them and he said 'well you know they might be helping you, play around with the dose and see how you feel'. I'm not too sure how to take that to be honest . I have to admit, before I started on them I was a fucking nervous wreck afraid of my own shadow. Im still going to come off them, I just hope I dont end up like that again .

Magic, I don't know if this will help but I have found diphenhydramine really has helped when my insomnia has been really awful, it doesn't seem to have added much in the way of side effects either.

 

[amanitadine]

Magic- I'm many months into an Ashton using diazepam, and while my 24 hr dose is still in the teens I've been getting pretty good insomnia too....throw into that a long phenibut taper (down from 5-7 g daily to 700 mg plus 40 mg baclofen daily , in 5 divided doses), and protracted Kratom withdrawal and you've got a sleepless mess. I've ran the gamut of sleep remedies and here is what has been working best for me...

3.5 -5 g of tryptophan. Totally underrated as a sleep aid. Vastly better than 5-HTP...Knocks me out, but sometimes for only 3-4 hours. No hangover, so on a bad night I'll redose.

3 g glycine ....simplest amino acid around, but has been shown in a few studies to improve sleep architecture

25 mg doxylamine....waaaay better than diphenhydramine . No hangover, no nasty anticholinergic effects at that dose

A good amount of a highly bioavailable for of magnesium. I use 1.2 grams of mag Glycinate, or sometimes a few grams of the citrate. Both can give you the shits, but especially the citrate. It is available as a laxative in solution for about a buck for 16 oz at 1.7g to the ounce. An ounce or two really does work wonders for the glutaminergic shitstorm or GABAergic WD or tapers

Good luck to the both of you. I've got an understanding shrink....so have the coveted 2mg tablets, and will switch to solution when the time comes. Have a history with benzos, and made the mistake of "exploring" etizolam until tolerance got me up to 60mg a day (!) for maintenance, and up to 100 on some days. Tapered as far as I could, then found the right shrink, explained what it was, an switched to 80 mg diazepam daily....that was about 7 months ago. Last time I quit a benzo habit was CT off mega doses and the seizures, etc and year of hell that followed turned me off of CT, ha.

I also have been using a Bacopa extract standardized to 20% bacosides. Has been shown to up regulate GABA-A receptors and certainly makes one drowsy. Seems to stretch the diazepam effects longer too. ...

Be well. Tis no fun.

 

[MagickalKat777]

Ahhh shit sorry cramps n magic. Brain not with it lately too much to think about. Sorry I got it wrong xxxx

Its all good. I think most of us are having issues with the brain. No worries!

I actually just got back from the doctor because he wanted to see me about the bupropion etc, I kind of confessed about my tapering of diazepam and he said he would prescribe me the 2mg pills, but then again I don't know if they are really even going to be needed. I did tell him I was worried I would be really really anxious after coming off them and he said 'well you know they might be helping you, play around with the dose and see how you feel'. I'm not too sure how to take that to be honest . I have to admit, before I started on them I was a fucking nervous wreck afraid of my own shadow. Im still going to come off them, I just hope I dont end up like that again .

Magic, I don't know if this will help but I have found diphenhydramine really has helped when my insomnia has been really awful, it doesn't seem to have added much in the way of side effects either.

You lucky bastard getting the 2's!

As for how you'll be coming down... Well, if you think about it, you must have improved or you wouldn't be able to do the taper at all. Benzos have greatly diminishing returns. There is sufficient research to conclude that any beneficial effects from them is gone after 6 months and the rest is continually going downhill. There's a good chance that you've come to grips with the anxiety on your own but the benzos are keeping you in the cycle of feeling better, becoming tolerant and feeling like crap again, increasing dose, then the cycle repeats.

As for DPH... I can't tolerate the stuff. It makes me hyperactive. I've been considering taking some trazodone but that stuff is miserable when it doesn't knock me out. I could try hydroxyzine though - I seem to remember that it made me quite tired at 50mg.

Magic- I'm many months into an Ashton using diazepam, and while my 24 hr dose is still in the teens I've been getting pretty good insomnia too....throw into that a long phenibut taper (down from 5-7 g daily to 700 mg plus 40 mg baclofen daily , in 5 divided doses), and protracted Kratom withdrawal and you've got a sleepless mess. I've ran the gamut of sleep remedies and here is what has been working best for me...

3.5 -5 g of tryptophan. Totally underrated as a sleep aid. Vastly better than 5-HTP...Knocks me out, but sometimes for only 3-4 hours. No hangover, so on a bad night I'll redose.

3 g glycine ....simplest amino acid around, but has been shown in a few studies to improve sleep architecture

25 mg doxylamine....waaaay better than diphenhydramine . No hangover, no nasty anticholinergic effects at that dose

A good amount of a highly bioavailable for of magnesium. I use 1.2 grams of mag Glycinate, or sometimes a few grams of the citrate. Both can give you the shits, but especially the citrate. It is available as a laxative in solution for about a buck for 16 oz at 1.7g to the ounce. An ounce or two really does work wonders for the glutaminergic shitstorm or GABAergic WD or tapers

Good luck to the both of you. I've got an understanding shrink....so have the coveted 2mg tablets, and will switch to solution when the time comes. Have a history with benzos, and made the mistake of "exploring" etizolam until tolerance got me up to 60mg a day (!) for maintenance, and up to 100 on some days. Tapered as far as I could, then found the right shrink, explained what it was, an switched to 80 mg diazepam daily....that was about 7 months ago. Last time I quit a benzo habit was CT off mega doses and the seizures, etc and year of hell that followed turned me off of CT, ha.

I also have been using a Bacopa extract standardized to 20% bacosides. Has been shown to up regulate GABA-A receptors and certainly makes one drowsy. Seems to stretch the diazepam effects longer too. ...

Be well. Tis no fun.

That's a lot of experimenting with things. I don't know, I guess I'm nervous to mess around too much given that I'm already hypersensitive to everything. I can't even take a pill of Vitamin D3 without it upsetting my anxiety and I had a magnesium citrate product that was very activating on me as well.

I've been on benzos for so long that I have paradoxical reactions to everything. It really sucks.

And wow, congratulations on coming so far! I don't think I would ever be able to return if I let my benzo usage get into the teens with regard to pills as potent as Xanax or Klonopin. It would most likely be the death of me.

 

[Eveleivibe]

Crampz i thought you were female sorry x

 

[Crampz]

You lucky bastard getting the 2's!

As for how you'll be coming down... Well, if you think about it, you must have improved or you wouldn't be able to do the taper at all. Benzos have greatly diminishing returns. There is sufficient research to conclude that any beneficial effects from them is gone after 6 months and the rest is continually going downhill. There's a good chance that you've come to grips with the anxiety on your own but the benzos are keeping you in the cycle of feeling better, becoming tolerant and feeling like crap again, increasing dose, then the cycle repeats.

I was reading a lot about this recently, one journal article I read suggested that tolerance to the sedative/hypnotic effects occurs but not to the anxiolytic effects of diazepam. IIRC they suggested it was because of specific receptor subtypes. I hope you are right, I'd like to think you are I mean, I don't remember when I last felt anxiety like that, didn't think it was possible!

As for DPH... I can't tolerate the stuff. It makes me hyperactive. I've been considering taking some trazodone but that stuff is miserable when it doesn't knock me out. I could try hydroxyzine though - I seem to remember that it made me quite tired at 50mg.

Yeah, I was on trazodone for a few weeks a while back, granted it really knocked me out for sleep but left me pretty jittery and wired the next day. Hydroxyzine may be a really good option! Isn't it sometimes prescribed for anxiety too? Might be really helpful .

I'm considering cutting my dose again fairly soon, maybe the next couple of days, according to my plan I have another 5 days of 7.5mg but I'm not sure if they are going to be needed. I would say the only thing thats changed since I last reduced my dose is my mind being less foggy and more alert, which undeniably a very good sign. I just need to have some kind of 'coping mechanism' for coming out of years of alcohol and benzo induced mental fogginess.

 

[Cyanoide]

Lyrica, Lyrica and once again Lyrica. I can even go cold turkey (at least from relatively low daily doses of benzos) if I have Lyrica. Pregabalin doesn't make WD fun but at least quite manageable. It helps with the tremors and anxiety very effectively. Unfortunately tolerance to Lyrica skyrockets after a few weeks and loses much of its effects.

I found it somewhat strange Lyrica isn't utilized more for benzo and/or alcohol WD. It has a high safety margin and while it can be physically addictive, its WD's are nowhere near those of benzos. I tapered down from 600 mg Lyrica / day without any big problems, and the WD's are anyway not potentially dangerous like those from benzos and alcohol.

 

[MagickalKat777]

I was reading a lot about this recently, one journal article I read suggested that tolerance to the sedative/hypnotic effects occurs but not to the anxiolytic effects of diazepam. IIRC they suggested it was because of specific receptor subtypes. I hope you are right, I'd like to think you are I mean, I don't remember when I last felt anxiety like that, didn't think it was possible!

The longest study was 22 weeks which is just shy of 6 months. 6 months is still a far cry from 9 years for me...

Yeah, I was on trazodone for a few weeks a while back, granted it really knocked me out for sleep but left me pretty jittery and wired the next day. Hydroxyzine may be a really good option! Isn't it sometimes prescribed for anxiety too? Might be really helpful .

Yeah I used to love trazodone but the mCPP rush in the morning wouldn't be very pleasant while I'm tapering. As for the hydroxyzine, I actually liked it. I didn't know what dose to ask my psych for though so she only gave me 60 25mg pills a month which from reading you need about 100mg of hydroxyzine a day for anxiety. It was nice for just popping a few and chilling though.

I'm considering cutting my dose again fairly soon, maybe the next couple of days, according to my plan I have another 5 days of 7.5mg but I'm not sure if they are going to be needed. I would say the only thing thats changed since I last reduced my dose is my mind being less foggy and more alert, which undeniably a very good sign. I just need to have some kind of 'coping mechanism' for coming out of years of alcohol and benzo induced mental fogginess.

Not to discourage you man but remember that its not a race and that once we make a cut, we're stuck with it.

Lyrica, Lyrica and once again Lyrica. I can even go cold turkey (at least from relatively low daily doses of benzos) if I have Lyrica. Pregabalin doesn't make WD fun but at least quite manageable. It helps with the tremors and anxiety very effectively. Unfortunately tolerance to Lyrica skyrockets after a few weeks and loses much of its effects.

I found it somewhat strange Lyrica isn't utilized more for benzo and/or alcohol WD. It has a high safety margin and while it can be physically addictive, its WD's are nowhere near those of benzos. I tapered down from 600 mg Lyrica / day without any big problems, and the WD's are anyway not potentially dangerous like those from benzos and alcohol.

Lyrica by most accounts is harder to get off of than benzos. The withdrawals aren't said to be worse but some people have a really hard time ever completely getting off of Lyrica or Neurontin, especially if they switched to them for the purpose of tapering off of benzos.

Either way, I tried Lyrica once before and its just way too expensive for the little benefit it offers. Gabapentin was better but when I bumped it to 600mg a day, I ended up going for a wild ride for the next 24 hours that wasn't exactly pleasant so I stopped using it.

I seriously think the best thing to do when you're getting off of benzos is to avoid gabamimetic and gabaergic substances altogether.

 

[Eveleivibe]

Referring to your comment above, Magic, someone I knew from another site used to say "It's not a race to freedom it's a journey to freedom," n you just reminded me of that. I think you're both inspiring. I, myself, have never used/been addicted to benzos, but did at one time want to try them. This thread turned me away from that n so I've stuck with citralopram. I was put on Mirtazapine for a weeks but it made me incredibly amgry n irritable so I went back to citralopram. I think the cit wasn't working initially due to me using heavy amounts of codeine n then my drinking either a bottle vodka /gin/2-3 bottles of wine a lot, so I have started using the cit now that I have excluded those - and things are different. Mirtazapine also is associated with weight gain/constant hunger n I was FURIOUS that they put me on those knowing I was upset over my weight n was planning on getting back to size 8/10 by Christmas. I'm almost back to size 10 n it's been hard.

Anyway sorry for going off subject - as I said you're both amazing for what you're doing n remember Christmss can be tough for some addicts so if you don't cut this week you're not letting yourselves down - you're making a decision based on timing etc which is sensible. But if you do want to cut all the best. Its up to you n you'll get support no matter what.

All the best n take care,
Evey x

 

[Crampz]

Yeah, thinking of cutting the dose early is a really bad idea on second thoughts. I think I am just beginning to feel the effects of reducing it to 7.5mg. It seems whenever I feel okay I get all excited then a few days later I feel really shitty.

How are you coping? I just had a quick look on wikipedia for hydroxyzine it is prescription only but the article also says "Other drugs related to hydroxyzine are cyclizine, buclizine, and meclizine, and they share all or most of the benefits, indications, contraindications, cautions, and side effects of hydroxyzine.". They might be worth exploring because I know at least Buclizine is OTC in the UK anyway. However, they seem to be anticholinergic whereas from what I can tell hydroxyzine isnt. Sorry if all that rambling wasnt much help .

 

[MagickalKat777]

Referring to your comment above, Magic, someone I knew from another site used to say "It's not a race to freedom it's a journey to freedom," n you just reminded me of that. I think you're both inspiring. I, myself, have never used/been addicted to benzos, but did at one time want to try them. This thread turned me away from that n so I've stuck with citralopram. I was put on Mirtazapine for a weeks but it made me incredibly amgry n irritable so I went back to citralopram. I think the cit wasn't working initially due to me using heavy amounts of codeine n then my drinking either a bottle vodka /gin/2-3 bottles of wine a lot, so I have started using the cit now that I have excluded those - and things are different. Mirtazapine also is associated with weight gain/constant hunger n I was FURIOUS that they put me on those knowing I was upset over my weight n was planning on getting back to size 8/10 by Christmas. I'm almost back to size 10 n it's been hard.

Anyway sorry for going off subject - as I said you're both amazing for what you're doing n remember Christmss can be tough for some addicts so if you don't cut this week you're not letting yourselves down - you're making a decision based on timing etc which is sensible. But if you do want to cut all the best. Its up to you n you'll get support no matter what.

All the best n take care,
Evey x

Thanks Evey. Definitely stay away from benzos... They're a nightmare. I don't want to put you off of citalopram but it caused me to gain 20 pounds and it exacerbated my craving for alcohol. I had to get off of it when I spent 30 days in hypomania and ended up in the psych ward after having two breakdowns. Weight gain is a problem with all of the serotonergic antidepressants, not just mirtazapine although mirtazapine has a tendency to be slightly higher than the SSRIs it also tends to be more effective depending on the condition you are using it for.

I'm going to behave for Christmas. I actually got accused of drinking today by my roommate and for once I didn't have to lie about it!

Take care Evey

Yeah, thinking of cutting the dose early is a really bad idea on second thoughts. I think I am just beginning to feel the effects of reducing it to 7.5mg. It seems whenever I feel okay I get all excited then a few days later I feel really shitty.

Well it takes roughly 7 days give or take before you feel the drop in the dosage because of the long half-life. That's why people fail with Valium pretty frequently - they feel fine after 7 days and make another cut and then they're miserable at the 10 day mark and by day 14, they say that they can't handle it and jump right back on it. Now that I've moved to 14 day dose cuts, I'm much happier although I promised my roommate I'd hold this one for 21 days instead of 14. He's not happy that my sleep schedule is all messed up and even accused me of drinking his vodka today (I drank it months ago before I started my taper and he just found out about it today) simply because of my messed up sleeping schedule.

How are you coping? I just had a quick look on wikipedia for hydroxyzine it is prescription only but the article also says "Other drugs related to hydroxyzine are cyclizine, buclizine, and meclizine, and they share all or most of the benefits, indications, contraindications, cautions, and side effects of hydroxyzine.". They might be worth exploring because I know at least Buclizine is OTC in the UK anyway. However, they seem to be anticholinergic whereas from what I can tell hydroxyzine isnt. Sorry if all that rambling wasnt much help .

Hydroxyzine has hardly any affinity for muscarinic acetylcholine receptors which is why I am able to use it. Cyclizine is sold here as marezine and has significant anticholinergic activity (more than diphenhydramine in my opinion and experience) and so does meclizine so I would be careful using buclizine. Hydroxyzine was a weird discovery because it has extremely low mAChR activity while as far as I'm aware, all of the other first-generation piperazine antihistamines have strong mAChR affinity.

No worries about rambling, we both know I have done more than my fair share too.

 

[Tommyboy]

I know how you feel im a slave to Benzos too. I quit uppers, downers, sleepers cold turkey for a year when I found out I was pregnant. The benzo withdrawal was intense for 7 months. I didn't know any withdrawal lasted that long at the time. I swear the ignorance is what got me through along with the strong love for my innocent fetus I was protecting. I don't get high anymore or abuse drugs but I went back to the benzodiazepines thinking I would only take them on bad anxiety days. Now im addicted again. If I don't take them I feel paralyzed in panic. Now how am I going to get off while taking care of a four year old? I can't be paralyzed with panic around her. I feel so stuck. Im here for you I understand your pain.

It's best to discuss coming off or staying on your medications when you find out that you are pregnant. Often times it's more harmful to the fetus to quit the drugs cold turkey while pregnant, and since the shock/stress it causes your system it can cause a miscarriage.

I know that women that are either on methadone maintenance or using other opiates are instructed by their doctors to be on methadone during the pregnancy in order to prevent a miscarriage from withdrawals, and so the doctors will monitor and wean the baby off of the drugs after the delivery. I'm sure that women who are dependent on benzos would be instructed to do the same, especially since benzo withdrawal can cause seizures which is the last thing that a pregnant woman should go through.

I'm not knocking you or anything, but am just pointing this out so that any other woman that may find themselves in a similar situation as you will know how to proceed.

 

[Crampz]

good to hear you are doing much better!! (belated merry xmas btw ). How have you found the holidays? I'm kinda just barely coping at not drinking at all, xmas day itself was a nightmare, I got a 'world beer selection' present which I'm not sure what to do with and people constantly saying 'go on, have a glass of wine' etc etc. I've just been clinging on for dear life tbh.

I did hold out in the end with the dose cut, I thought 'yeah, whats a few days/weeks in the grand scheme of things'. I did originally plan for my last day at 7.5 to be today though. I can't believe the next step down is 6.25mg! Everyday is a day close to getting off these pills .

 

[MagickalKat777]

Bah... I am so upset right now over all of this mess that I don't even know what to do.

I've now completely fucked my sleeping schedule - I'm going to sleep around noon and waking up around 7PM. I felt miserable the other day so I took a full 5mg pill in the morning and actually had my anxiety INCREASED by it, I'm constipated pretty much all the time, I get dizzy when I'm standing (possibly related to blood pressure as my head starts pounding when I stand up as well), I'm constantly anxious... I really just feel fucking terrible!

I got good news though... My disability hearing is on February 20th. Now I just need to figure out how the fuck I'm going to force myself to get out of the house so that I can go to the doctor, start therapy again, etc.

I'm seriously considering going on gabapentin. I don't know if I can do this just with a straight taper.

What has me the most scared is that I'm afraid that I'm going to say fuck it and start drinking again. Its 103 days now without alcohol or cigs and I'm craving both...

I don't know if I should hold my cut or go down or what at this point. Fuck!

 

[Crampz]

Oh no! I know how hard it is to try and look at the 'positive side' but there is one. You have managed to taper waaaay down which in itself is so easy achievement (I know, I pretty much did this with you). Do you feel like this all the time? or does it kind of come in waves?

I would be really wary of adding in any other drug(s), I think it might be an idea to try one of the liquid tapering ideas like on the youtube videos especially if it is getting harder now the dose cuts are bigger in percentage terms.

You have done amazingly with cutting out the alcohol (something I constantly struggle with), youve done awesome . Ive found that when I really try alcohol cravings seem to go away after a while then I feel good that I didn't drink, of course everyone is di different but its something to think about.

As to when to cut your dose, maybe you should hold it for a little while longer, give your body a little while to get used to it. It sounds like you are getting enough sleep, just the hours are all messed up. Could you try something engaging... like playing a computer game or something? It might help you stay awake if you are focusing on something and interacting rather than just passively watching. It might only keep you awake for an extra 45 mins but gradually you can shift your sleep pattern round.

I hope you feel better, I';ll check in in the morning .

 

[MagickalKat777]

Fuckin roller coaster man! I'm doing okay today... Just woke up about a half hour ago from a 5 hour nap. I'm hopeful that I'll be able to go to sleep later. I think I've been keeping myself up because I'm addicted to Pocket Knights... I have already spent 45 bucks on this game in less than two weeks fml. lol.

Anyway, I have an appointment with a new doctor on Monday at 10AM so we'll figure this out. I did the phone intake and the woman was very impressed that I managed to taper so far on my own. I haven't had a therapy session in all these months and that's pretty impressive. It was a confidence booster for sure.

I think that everything happens the way that it is supposed to happen. Let's face it, if I had stayed with my old psychiatrist who was pro pill, I would probably be sending myself to the grave as early as New Year's from alcohol poisoning or even potentially a poly drug overdose. By losing my psychiatrist, it really forced me to push the limits on my taper and not wanting to see another doctor pushed me to keep pushing.

Anyway, its funny you said you'll check in the morning - because that's just how it is.

How about yourself?

And yes, I am considering doing a titration as well.

 

[Tommyboy]

When I was tapering below 10mg of diazepam I would alternate between my current and lowered dose for the first week at the lowered dose. So at 8mg down to 7mg I would take 7mg during the day, and then if I couldn't sleep at night I would take either 0.5mg of 1mg at night, and then back to the 7mg only the next day. So it would be 8mg - 7mg - 8mg - 7mg - 8mg -7mg and then strictly 7mg for the remainder of my time at the 7mg. I actually dropped by 2mg a month going down from 10mg to 4mg, and then 1mg a month after that (then 0.5mg drops below 2mg). At the 2mg/month drop I usually finally got comfortable at the lower dose for the last week of the month at that lowered dose, and then would lower it again and go through another 3 weeks of feeling less than average.

Oh no! I know how hard it is to try and look at the 'positive side' but there is one. You have managed to taper waaaay down which in itself is so easy achievement (I know, I pretty much did this with you). Do you feel like this all the time? or does it kind of come in waves?

I would be really wary of adding in any other drug(s), I think it might be an idea to try one of the liquid tapering ideas like on the youtube videos especially if it is getting harder now the dose cuts are bigger in percentage terms.

You have done amazingly with cutting out the alcohol (something I constantly struggle with), youve done awesome . Ive found that when I really try alcohol cravings seem to go away after a while then I feel good that I didn't drink, of course everyone is di different but its something to think about.

As to when to cut your dose, maybe you should hold it for a little while longer, give your body a little while to get used to it. It sounds like you are getting enough sleep, just the hours are all messed up. Could you try something engaging... like playing a computer game or something? It might help you stay awake if you are focusing on something and interacting rather than just passively watching. It might only keep you awake for an extra 45 mins but gradually you can shift your sleep pattern round.

I hope you feel better, I';ll check in in the morning .

I used to drink alcohol pretty regularly when I was on diazepam (part of the reason was that I was away at college so it came with the territory there) but ever since I got off of it I rarely drink. Part of the reason was because I feel that diazepam actually caused a lot of my alcohol cravings, and the other reason is because I can't imagine facing a hangover without benzos after having a constant supply for 8 years.

One of the pamphlets that I got with my xanax prescription listed 'drug seeking behavior' as one of the side effects of taking benzos, so I'm sure that applied to alcohol as well. It took me a while to find that pamphlet online (likely because searches using those keywords mostly gave results for people that doctor shopped and/or who were addicts that exhibited such behavior in an attempt to obtain prescriptions), but it was from a 'rite aid' pharmacy and I eventually found it.

 

[Crampz]

I can relate, totally. In a way, the whole 'up and down' scheme of things in doing this is what is keeping me going. When it gets really really bad and I'm tempted to just say 'fuck it' the thought I'm going to feel better within a day or so is what is keeping me going and pushing through. Thats awesome you are seeing a doctor, especially if they are able to offer your support that amounts to more than just keeping you on pills forever. In my country we often just stick people on SSRIs because it is so much cheaper than paying for therapy etc etc.

I'm sorry if this is a really short response, its just that I am fucking freaking out because as of today, I no longer have any income. I am really panicking about what to do because I dont want to go on our unemployment as I don't think I can tolerate their constant bullying to 'get a job' after about 3 weeks. Fuck, it took me about a year to get the one I just had. Fuck my life.

oh and Tommyboy, thats interesting your pamphlet said that, I remember reading on wikipedia that benzos 'increase the frequency and amount oh alcohol consumption in problem drinkers'. I'm hoping my thoughts about alcohol lessen in intensity once I am off this stuff! .