Mental Health Depression MEGA Thread - DepressionTalk + Over 100 Links of Info

[ValeTudo]

I suffer from depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsions and combat/war-related stress and sleep disorders. i am also genetically predisposed to addiction and criminality which factors in to my condition. i was prescribed effexor and benzos in november 2008, which i was eventually mandated to take by the feds. i am not a man of exaggeration, but i daresay effexor has saved my life. previously i felt like every single day was just to a mission to keep my head down. paranoid ruled my life. i could not have conversations with my loved ones without thinking they were plotting on me. i was completely robbed of ambition, couldnt get out of bed in the morning to work, because i was too sad. im not sure how to explain but i feel grounded now like life has stabalized and i can pursue goals. i no longer have repetative paranoid thoughts, no longer carry guns or weapons, i have found the motivation to face up to legal issues which prevented me from being comfortable in public, and mended bridges with my families.

im not saying its not a fucked up drug. for the first couple months it interfered with my sexual function. my appetite became fucking ravenous and it has taken time to learn how to manage my hunger and diet accordingly. at one point i became so overwhelmed by withdrawel after missing even one dose with terrible results. but i have learned to manage most side effects. a major issue at first was how uninhibited i became on effexor. especially when drinking (i drink like an irishmen on this drug) which has resulted in some trouble but the fact is i will goto jail as long as i can keep getting meds and benzos)). re: sex - my advice to couples is to make love in the mornings. or make love at night then go for gold in the morning. i am a pretty sexual guy before meds but it robbed me of my appetite for sex, and my ability to orgasm more than once a day. this fixed itself after a while. re: appetite- i have found it absolutely necessary to just get high and drunk and do as many pushups and weights as i can each day. that is the only way i can sustain eating the amount of food i eat without getting fat. i have gotten fat twice now while on effexor and each time has been stupidly hard to lose the weight back. i dont know how or why it makes me eat so much but it does.

this doctor i am dealing with reckons if i keep taking effexor nonstop for a few years i might get cured. I will be happy if this is the result and am willing to try. i doubt it personally but i now have an appreciation of what venlefaxine does to the brain and i have definitely witnessed the benefits so i will try. i had a stupid idea a few weeks back to taper off it a bit then not take it for a week so i could get fucked on drugs with my friends. i was like licking beads of effexor but in the end i put up with a few days of electric shocks for nothing, and i had to start fresh because all my symptoms came back. lol

sorry about this post i am .. tired

 

[dilated_pupils]

I'm just going to do one class next semester, I tried 4 not last winter and it didn't go so well. So I am in that boat as well. I worked full time ++ for several years but I blocked out symptoms with drugs until really close to my 23rd birthday, now that I'm not on drugs all the time (even though I relapse a good amount...), and I've had some treatment for my depression/anxiety/ptsd/did, something just changed and I need to get at least back to where I as was (without drugs this time, or without narcotics anyway), I don't know exactly what that will take but I know i'm working on it with therapy and taking my antidepressant, etc.
Never thought I'd be so depressed/dissociated I couldn't work and/or go to school. Sucks. But it's gotten better since I started getting therapy so I am definitely not complaining.

It's good that you have taken the initiative to seek treatment, and from what it sounds like the therapy is worth it for you. So just stay with it, and hopefully everything will in time be better for you, as I hope in time things will be better for me.

-dp

 

[rangrz]

anxiety is when the ramp on a globemaster III drops at 35,000 feet above the gulf of aden, and you take that step off the ramp...

 

[dilated_pupils]

***Update*** Added the following since it deemed itself necessary from others requiring more information:

Locating a Mental Health Facility
Mental Health Information Links

Anymore information that anyone would like to see on the first page of this thread please let me know through PM or post a reply in this thread (I'd rather a PM). Also if you have anything to contribute please let me know and it will be added. Thanks and hope this new information helps some people, I will be adding more as I see fit.

-dp

 

[lasthurrah19]

Good job dp, this thread I'm sure has been a lifesaver for some

 

[ValeTudo]

anxiety is when the ramp on a globemaster III drops at 35,000 feet above the gulf of aden, and you take that step off the ramp...

I am also ex-SF/para

 

[Green1]

I've had a very fucked up life myself, Green. A lot of people have, that's what drives a lot of 'mental illness'... that 1/3 number wouldn't surprise me. But there is a big continuum of mental illness; some are obviously way worse to function with. There are plenty of people who are so mentally ill, they cannot go to university, they are not currently stable enough. Who knows how many of people are in that boat... I would also imagine a lot of the people are in their early 20's, where people are still in school and a lot of mental illnesses start to really start showing symptoms.
I'm not sure what my point is. Good luck with the reference you got.

thanks for writing that
i see more clearly

I might as well take my time in life because
i will go COo coo!

p.s.
last hurrah : mind i ask what drugs where you taking

when I am smoking
like right now smoked some paranoid weed aye!

i recieved the books i ordered
a nice productive hobby
-

what really fucks me

is this acute pain in my head
it's fucked up

 

[lasthurrah19]

I am diagnosed with MDD, PTSD, Poly-Substance Abuse and Dissociative Identity Disorder. All of these meds are for all of that, though there's no real medicine for PTSD itself and definitely not for DID...

I take:

am-
120mg Cymbalta
30mg Buspar

pm/bedtime-
60mg Buspar
350mg trazodone
150mg hydroxyzine
1mg klonopin
10mg ambien

4-8mg suboxone every day or every other day (I wait until I feel a little shitty... just to save a little money. I just got on Medicaid so hopefully they will pay for it now - that will save me over $100 a month, I will know on the 30th)

(all generic versions except Cymbalta there is no generic yet and the subs)

I also take 50mg hydroxyzine (Vistaril name brand) for anxiety as needed... every 6 hours I think. I don't really take it very much, as it doesn't work very well. I usually take my kpins too early but then I stay off until refill time comes. I'm actually about to pick the kpins and ambien up in a few minutes, the last time I also have gotten them kinda as soon as a could right after midnight kinda deal, I hope the pharmacist doesn't think anything. He's probably used to it but still makes me feel shitty. Usually I can wait but my anxiety is bad, I'm worried about doing EMDR tomorrow.

The last month or so I've been smoking weed every day like I haven't done in over a year - sucks... though my DOC is opiates, and I'm doing fine with those, but it's only been like a week since I took any. Haven't been physically addicted in about 2 months which is the most ever for me. Kinda pathetic. Also considering I really am physically addicted, to suboxone. Ugh.

Anyway, that's all.

 

[dilated_pupils]

^^green look at your double post. I'm sure you meant to just edit your original one but instead made a completely new post. Just thought I'd let ya know I hope you all are finding this thread helpful, it seems to be helping some people vent, and I've noticed a decrease in threads in TDS about depression/anxiety related things.

Anyway, Green1 I want to respond to your posts but they are kind of arranged oddly and don't seem to make complete sense. I do agree with the part where you said take your time in life, because you need to take one thing at a time, and build up so to say over time. I honestly just realized this recently, and I've noted that putting effort into one thing, even if it's something little like showering (which I do everyday anyway almost always) you feel better because you achieved something. As stupid as it sounds it really does work with simple things like showering. I'm rambling now, I'm real out of it, so I'm going to stop here.

-dp

 

[Cloud N9nE]

Whats the best meds for anxiety in your opinion?

 

[ocean]

^Only a Dr. can tell you what they think is the best option for you.
Everyone is different......for some it may be Clonazepam, for someone else Xanax.........

Do you see a Dr. for your anxiety?
Have you ever tried an herbal supplement?
There are a few herbs that can help and some studies have shown Valerian provides the same calming effects as Valium......
Its natural and a good option if you want to try an alternative route, don't have insurance or don't have a regular Dr. ......

 

[dilated_pupils]

Whats the best meds for anxiety in your opinion?

Ocean is right, we cannot tell you since we don't know you nor are we doctors. However we can give you a general idea. There is different types of medications for different types of anxiety. For example, someone who experiences panic attacks will benefit from a variety of drugs, however xanax would be a good choice (as long as the person is aware of the addiction potential, which btw is quite high) because it is fast acting and decently powerful. However someone with bad anxiety that lasts through out the day, or even just longer bits of time then the person who has panic attacks, will benefit from a longer lasting benzodiazepine such as klonopin or valium. I could go on and on about anxiety (I have terrible anxiety myself, I'm on klonopin) but unless you make your question less broad I wont be able to help you as much. So if you have any more questions about anxiety just be more specific.

-dp

 

[3dmusic]

Welp there is always Kratom which stimulates the opiate receptors and comes in different strains suiting to your needs if you like the opiate sedation then bali is your thing. If you like the speediness you can get off oxy then try Thai/Malaysian.

It will work great with no W/D if used in a recreational manner. I'm personally a daily user for over 2 years now on plain bali leaf, I don't use it to get high but to manage my anxiety and kill my opiate cravings. But it still provides a great mood lift =)

Best decision I ever made was to switch off Rx opiates to Kratom. By the way it contains no real opiate, just other alkaloids that stimulate the same receptors so it would not trigger a positive for opiates on a test.

I take kratom a few times a week.
I feel like Excido, but have no intention of killing myself.
Excido, you have a lot of very negative beliefs there. Something has given you reason to feel like this. It is such a sad waste of a life. Whether you know it or not, everyone has unique talents, and its just a case of finding them.
Once you find your 'niche' in life, you are more in touch with the reason for living, and there is one.
I am not having a go at you, I just feel really sad that someone else feels like this.

I have been having a few issues with my medication, and am still, with my doctor, expreimenting with the antidepressants. The depression has been very bad, and your post struck a chord with me.
Drugs are not the answer, but I mashed my brain up with chemicals for so long, I think it needs a bit of pharma assistance right now. Even though the medication has only given me shit so far, there is a right one for me, its just a case of finding it.

 

[McFly]

Was at the Docs following up after fessing to using heroin after getting clean from prescribed oxy (using a tramadol taper) after 5 months. SO after a chat it looks like i'll probably be getting put on some sort of antidepressant and/or anxiety meds which will hopefully treat what is at the root of my drug use. i'm kinda scared about this as i have no idea what to expect from these drugs. Am away for few days motorbiking with my dad an am feeling pretty good 5 days clean of any drugs though i feel really down and like i could cry at any minute when i start talking about my feelings. I'm no way sucidal or anything just not quite right.

 

[Green1]

Anyway, Green1 I want to respond to your posts but they are kind of arranged oddly and don't seem to make complete sense.

I'm rambling now, I'm real out of it, so I'm going to stop here.

-dp

okay... I have a hard time taking that critic lol
it gives them a very negative connotation, like always in life how I was misunderstood by people

I do see the total randomness, it's because when I am writing, my mind shifts to other things

it's just the way I write, completely randomly
I can't say I am 100% stable tough

you know my writing is a little random, but my heart is there for sure

some people will have to have it the hard in this life my friends, it's like you know doom is coming, so you don't know what to do, how to take your mind off of it, before the big blow

 

[dilated_pupils]

^^I didn't mean to offend you or anything, I just didn't understand what you were trying to say.

Was at the Docs following up after fessing to using heroin after getting clean from prescribed oxy (using a tramadol taper) after 5 months. SO after a chat it looks like i'll probably be getting put on some sort of antidepressant and/or anxiety meds which will hopefully treat what is at the root of my drug use. i'm kinda scared about this as i have no idea what to expect from these drugs. Am away for few days motorbiking with my dad an am feeling pretty good 5 days clean of any drugs though i feel really down and like i could cry at any minute when i start talking about my feelings. I'm no way sucidal or anything just not quite right.

Keep up the good work and stay clean, keeping yourself busy obviously is helping so when you're done your trip stay busy as well. I hope the medications you get put on work out for, let us know what you get put on and at what dosage. There are plenty of different medications, and med combos which will make it take a while to find the right meds that work good for you. Unless you're very lucky and one of the first medications you're put on works 100% for ya.

The depression you're experiencing is normal when quitting opiates, but you will find they will actually dissipate fairly quickly, so you should start feeling better sooner than later. If not talk to your doctor more about the depression and explain how you are feeling exactly, don't be afraid to be honest, because if you hold back anything it may give off the wrong impression and you may not get the right medications. Good luck.

-dp

 

[toomuchpain]

really good thread here, lotta good stuff...

heres a little short story, i was diagnosed with mdd last year, attempted suicide, hospitalized twice and suffer severe social anxiety, though oddly enough never been officialy diagnosed.
within this year ive been able to manage my depression without meds, i stopped taking meds because of too many side effects, seems like once you start feeling negative side effects from one drug, its more likely youll get side effects from others.

plus, not one of the many anti depressants i took helped, paxil did slightly, but once again the side effects were too much (extreme twitching)
ive finally noticed that my anxiety drives my depression because if i screw something up, or have a weird/akward moment/conversation and whatnot i dwell on that til the next time i do something akward or wrong and then that affects my depression, until i cant handle it...this is exactly what led to my first suicide attempt.

so with that said, my pcp just rxd me today doxepin and lorazepam until i can get my pdoc appt that he reffered me to, does anybody think this combo would help with said illnesses?
maybe from personal experience or hear say, just opinions...anyways, im gonna look through the rest of the links

 

[McFly]

Keep up the good work and stay clean, keeping yourself busy obviously is helping so when you're done your trip stay busy as well. I hope the medications you get put on work out for, let us know what you get put on and at what dosage. There are plenty of different medications, and med combos which will make it take a while to find the right meds that work good for you. Unless you're very lucky and one of the first medications you're put on works 100% for ya.

The depression you're experiencing is normal when quitting opiates, but you will find they will actually dissipate fairly quickly, so you should start feeling better sooner than later. If not talk to your doctor more about the depression and explain how you are feeling exactly, don't be afraid to be honest, because if you hold back anything it may give off the wrong impression and you may not get the right medications. Good luck.

-dp

Thanks, i've had problems with anxiety and low self esteem issues for years so i hope i can get sorted but i'm scared i'll end trying loads of different things with no success and end up worse.

 

[BrahamCracker]

im off for summer break from my dream college, after meeting a beaitiful, smart and caring girlfriend and rising up in my major.

So far this summer, can't find a job, girlfriends cheating on me, living at home bored most of the time, depressed, anxious over how im going to pay rent at school 200 miles away from home, not to mention how i feel that my girlfriends cheating. I just got clonazepam and its the only thing holding me from blowing up somehow.

Ive been through rehab and im clean to the point of occasional drinking but i need something to help me. You might say benzo's are bad, id agree, but i need them.

As for the job anxiety, im pretty much fucked. I hate not being in control and I find myself unable to do anything productive because i feel it doesnt matter. I hope somebody can tell me they understand and know how I feel. I'm losing it.

 

[ocean]

^I am so sorry that things aren't working out right now..........
Don't beat yourself up about taking medication for anxiety.
Sometimes you need it.......
I can't say much on the job situation as I haven't found a job in almost 6 months! Honestly I stopped looking about a month ago, I feel I would be in too much pain to work.......and I have alot of responsibilities at home.......
The girlfriend........can you forgive her? Does she want to try to work it out?
If you don't think you can forgive her, move on and don't drag it out longer than you need to......
Carrying on with it will only prolong the heartache, ya know?
BUT if you think there is some way you can forgive her and possibly learn to trust her again- Do it.
I think you will find many people can relate..........
Lots of luck......Try to keep you head up.....