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Day 1 (again) off oxy. Need support and advice.

cigrits said:
Manboychef, been vegetarian for the last 16 years haha. I kind of live off pizza and processed soy. Been too lazy to cook this month.

Def not doing subs at this point.

Day 30! Spent all day sick in bed with a terrible hangover. My plan is to not drink for a week. Saturday I'm buying a CBD tincture because it supposedly works really great for anxiety without the psychoactive effects from the thc in weed. I figure fuck it why not. My friends a certified caregiver so she knows more than me on the subject. You or anyone on here ever try any high CBD strains or tinctures? Very curious to see what I'm in for. Hopefully it'll work for the pain too, the daily ibuprofen and me drinking at night ripped my stomach up again. And damnit my back still hurts. Tomorrow I'm planning on cleaning the house and taking the dog for a walk.

thanks cliffy and manboychef for the inspiration and input. I don't think trazodone sounds too fun. Still on the fence about the neurontin. Hoping this CBD tincture is going to be my holy grail for this anxiety. I guess I just have to wait it out to get my motivation back. And stop stopping at package stores every night on my way home from work!
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No prob ciggy!
Weed helps a great deal ime, idk about all the new stuff, tinctures, high CBd low thc stuff but regular old decent weed always helped me. I tried booze to help pass the time when wd'ing and it always made me feel much worse. And the neurontin will also help u a lot ime/IMO. They don't get u high and aren't addictive so there's really nothing to lose by giving the a whirl. Well I shod say they don't get ME high but I guess some people here have gotten a "buzz" off of them but 2-3 grams of the shit never did shit for me so idk. It could just be me but idk. Day 30!!! Your no joke girl! Keep your eye on the prize and just keep on keeping on 1 day at a time. I'm sure there's many lurkers who are also reading your thread and finding a great deal of inspiration in your winning battle against this bullshit so U can take some pride in that. Other people may quit and improve their lives just because u posted this thread, that's fuckin powerful shit IMO!
 
Manboychef - my gyno told me to stay away from soy because it mimics estrogen in your body and can trigger a hormone imbalance. When I turned 26 I ended up in the er by my period was 17 days late and I had the worst abdominal pain of my life. Hemorrhagic ovarian cyst, possible endometriosis, since then my cycles have been all fucked up. Like I think I'm almost 2 months late right now. Too much info I know, but that's why I'm supposed to stay away from soy. The quorn brand stuff is mycoprotein, but it's so expensive and rents due. Been eating more eggs the last week and stopped the soy protein powder. Hopefully it helps.

ill let you know how the CBD tincture works. It's actually legal to buy online (right now, they're talking about outlawing it) because there's no thc in it. I'll know by tomorrow night unless this falls through.

today my anxiety is through the roof. Wondering if it has anything to do with a hormone imbalance? No idea. I have so much shit to do and I haven't managed to do anything but shower and eat. If I don't feel any better in a few weeks I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't even have health insurance right now.

thanks cliffy. Do you take the neurontin at night or in the day?
 
A shrink gave it to me for my pancreatic pain before I got a proper dr that understood my illness a little better. I was told to dose 3x a day, it was a high dosage, I wanna say 1200-1800mg but I don't remember so In not sure at all. It didn't help one bit for the kinda pain I was in but I kept them and when I decided to kick opiates the first time I used them the same way 3xa day and they helped the aches and pains associated with wd, also helped my anxiety a bit in the midst of wd. Funny because they didn't help my regular anxiety when I wasn't in wd. Strange how that worked but it did. It wasn't like a great awesome cure or anything but it worked better than nothing at all.
 
Last few nights been smoking quite a bit of herb. Got 2 different strains, a hybrid and an indica dominant strain from my friend who's a caregiver of medical weed. The indica is pretty high in CBD, but also high in thc so not exactly what I wanted, but it's good for taking the edge off when I would otherwise be getting drunk. Helps the anxiety a bit. The hybrid makes me a little nervous, I don't think I fare well with sativa. As for the CBD tincture, she didn't have any just CBD, so I got a CBD/thc 1:1 ratio... Holy shit it helps SO much to chill you out! I feel a little high for 30 min, then it feels pretty similar to a 10mg Valium. Tinctures wear off way faster than smoking, I think that's why I like it so much. I hate being out of it for 6 hours.

I can can only smoke at night before bed, but that's when I need it the most anyway.

I really want want to get my medical card so I can just get the strains that work for anxiety, but I'm worried that it'll jeopardize my jobs. Any idea if that would show up on a background check?

Definitely recommend CBD extracts for anxiety, holy shit.

Anyway, on day 33 today. Time to get ready for work. How's everyone else doing? Hopefully I get some motivation back in the next few weeks.
 
I'm still off the oxy about day 15 , still tapering off bupe patches , down to norspan 5 patch one a week . Got some comfort meds ready to go when I go CT next week ...
 
Nice! I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Hope you have someone at home or nearby to help you through. And a full month of daily inspirational post it notes that remind you why you're doing this. Stay strong and good luck!!
 
Just hit 1 year sober today! It has been a wild ride...but not too wild.

Cigrits you are an inspiration. Keep at it. I have horrible panic disorder, and OCD...extremely debilitating. I take temazepam to sleep, and xanax when I have an episode. My episodes end up in me thinking some of the most off the wall thoughts (ie..neighbors are coming to get me, I have to call my dad in newyork because if I don't warn him, he is going to wreck in the snow (he has been driving in snow for fifty years) or that I need to get somewhere at least half an hour early because I feel like some sort of impending doom is going to happen if I don't. What I am trying to say is that I need these medications. I am tapering the xanax now because I have made lots of headway in my therapy and I want to try it without again...but I still look at myself as sober. Sobriety is a state of mind. I wanted some functionality in my life and zoloft, xanax, and temazepam in concert with therapy help me cope with the anxiety and OCD...not to mention major depressive disorder.

Are you still anxious quite a bit of the time? It could be paws, however, if you were self medicating your anxiety during active use (which is what I was doing) than maybe it is a good time to see a psychiatrist and take some personality tests. I was fortunate that in the first rehab I went to they diagnosed my depression and OCD...I managed it well with opiates for a very long time, but then I had to quit because I had a kid on the way. Dealing with my ex had me going back into full blown neurotic depressed mode, which I ended up giving up trying to fight it, and just started using again.

Zoloft is great for GAD, and generally keeps me on an even keel, however only you and a trusted psychiatrist can work out what is right for you. It is actually one of the steps to becoming well again after long term addiction....managing your health and mental problems in a healthy and attainable way.

How is your class doing? With you at the helm, I know they will be doing excellent.

How is the drinking? Is it getting any easier? My thoughts are with you

zack
 
Bah!! This is the third time I'm trying to post something. The last time I was drunk and erased it accidentally, and the other time my cat stepped on my iPad haha. :-/

zack, congratulations on a year sober! I hope you celebrated in some way. A cake? Bowling party? Keep going strong!
I have quite a long way to go to get that far, but honestly I never thought I'd make it to day 42 holy crap. I know what you mean, I'm sober but I need something at night to keep me from freaking out. Been smoking weed every night since about two weeks ago. I found the anxiety doesn't set in if I'm busy so I just play cod or something to pass the time. I'm trying to keep the drinking to a minimum, like every Friday night and that's it. Well more like weds and fri but not every day.

the days are long as hell and time drags on and on but I definitely see it getting better. My brain is slowly getting back to normal, haven't had nearly as much anxiety and no full blown panic attacks for almost a week. It's still there, but bearable.

My class went well. New class starting soon. It's a month long a few days a week.

Im looking forward to day 60. Im really hoping I'm back to at least 90 percent functionality by then. I'd say I'm feeling 60 percent "normal" atm, whatever that means. Still sneezing. Not as much freezing and sweating anymore, just when I wake up but not throughout the whole day since about 4 days ago. Still barely any energy or motivation though, so that really sucks... The fucking drug dreams are killing me though, another one last night. I bought three v's off my relative, took them home, stared at them debating about whether or not to do them, and then I woke up. Ahh!
 
I hate using dreams, I always wake up panicking trying to find the needle that I either dropped or stashed because someone was right outside my door. I still get them sometimes.

I would just cut the drinking out completely...you feel much better faster.

That is awesome about the classes....I stopped playing videogames other than lord of the rings online...and I only play that to talk to friends in newyork. I needed something more tangible in my life in order to heal myself. I have taken to gardening and to reading scary stories....ever read any creepypastas? Some are pretty twisted. like the story 1999, and candle cove. They are two lost episode stories. www.creepypasta.com.

have a good day.
 
Hey cigrits, any other updates on how you're doing? Since I'm going through detox this weekend I've read this entire thread. Has me curious as to how you're doing now. Very awesome you made it as far as you did in your last post. Hoping you've been able to keep that stretch up and things are continuing to get better for ya.
 
Stillkickin, I'm definitely getting better (for the most part) as time goes on. But holy shit is it happening slowly, and it's still really hard. The cravings are in full force, still not really any motivation, restless, anxious when I wake up... But it's definitely getting better. A few weeks ago I thought I was losing my mind. I feel a lot more stable now I guess, but nowhere near 100% yet. It's day 54 right now, which is weird to say. It doesn't seem like it's been that long.

I will say I have been smoking a lot of weed at night to keep me from drinking and/or losing my mind. It really helps. Now that I got used to it, it's been helping the anxiety a lot. At first it made it worse. Probably because I haven't smoked in so long.

I hope your detox is quicker than mine. I'm still down in the dumps, but also still hanging on. Are you going cold turkey, comfort meds or the sub route?
 
cigrits said:
Stillkickin, I'm definitely getting better (for the most part) as time goes on. But holy shit is it happening slowly, and it's still really hard. The cravings are in full force, still not really any motivation, restless, anxious when I wake up... But it's definitely getting better. A few weeks ago I thought I was losing my mind. I feel a lot more stable now I guess, but nowhere near 100% yet. It's day 54 right now, which is weird to say. It doesn't seem like it's been that long.

I will say I have been smoking a lot of weed at night to keep me from drinking and/or losing my mind. It really helps. Now that I got used to it, it's been helping the anxiety a lot. At first it made it worse. Probably because I haven't smoked in so long.

I hope your detox is quicker than mine. I'm still down in the dumps, but also still hanging on. Are you going cold turkey, comfort meds or the sub route?
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Hey cigrits,

Really glad to see you post again after the little break in your thread. 54 days!!! wow, that's so commendable! I don't condemn the weed in any sense. Especially since it's helping you curb your drinking which it seems is a very valid form of damage control. I smoke daily, just small amounts. Usually only in the evening with exception of this detox time as I'm allowing myself to smoke whenever I feel like it due to being off work for this process a few days. Also hoping the mental gets better and better for. Have you been able to keep up on any exercise regiment lately? That was a really big part of helping me last year when I had 6 months free. It was almost the only thing that made me get a few hours of feeling "good".

I saw you posted in my thread. Thank you for the words of support! I'll be posting on there in a few minutes once I get some more of my thoughts together.
 
Manboychef, congrats on 1 year. I'm know I'm a bit behind but that rocks man. To cigrits, I'm proud of how far you've come. Kicking opiates is a bitch. Weed always helps but I think as you get further from your last oxy maybe you'll find you don't need it either. Alcohol is poison so try to stay away from that shit. Just wanted to drop a line and say congrats.
 
Keep at it folks...im still around...just feeling a little funky, had to take two bars to kill a panic attack...so I'm a little sleepy. I actually just fell asleep a while ago and had a dream that I was a really ugly woman...Couldn't get a date to save my life at closing time.....almost a nightmare.

Alright enough about that. I hope this comes out coherent and thoughtful. Cigrits...paws lasts a long time...it is what you do to fight it that will decide whether you go the distance. You are doing amazing, eventually you will not have to rely on pot to unwind. I know its the pot calling the kettle black with the xanax on my end, but I don't always need it...what really works is I bought two beautiful rose bushes today and have decided to put them in my garden....the fragrance reminds me of halcyon days past....my hands in soil is my therapy. Maybe look for something that brings a sense of innerpeace to you.

Kickin, you are at a very rough spot in early recovery. It is the contemplation phase. You know its bad for you, but you don't like the effects of not having it. I would suggest switching out that pot, or limiting it and trying to lay hands on some clonazepam or some diazepam. Those will help you much more in the long run. People say its 90% willpower, and 10% desire when truly it is more desire than willpower. Do you really want it? I know you do! keep me posted.
 
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