Day 1 (again) off oxy. Need support and advice.

[roud123]

Wow! Congratulations!!!! Stay strong!

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Captain Heroin , it's not even the nicotine as much as the ritual just like slamming / cooking a shot but going outside lighting a cig chilling 5-10 minutes look at your phone whatever you know ? I was never fully addicted I smoked everyday 5 cigs at worst for 6 months mainly cause of h making me do it and than I quit and I saw how it can be difficult and I don't even buy packs

Try going without it then! You seem to be one of the fortunate ones who can get by without buying their own pack. That doesn't mean you won't have a hard time giving it up, but if it's easy to go without, try it!

 

[Cliffy78]

Shakedown, glad to hear you're off the subs and starting to get back to normal, keep it up!!! Exercise really is the best medicine in our case, I know. Set my alarm half an hour early tomorrow in hopes I'll actually use my treadmill before work. I seem to do okay in the day, then when I get off work the cravings come back so I have been drinking a bit recently. Like once every 3 days, maybe a little less than a pint of whiskey or vodka. I always regret it the next day. Buying some medical weed tomorrow, hopefully that'll take the edge off at night and I won't freak out on it like I usually do :-/
does gabapentin help with the mood? Still haven't tried them, but at day 21 now I feel like I'm better off not trying to find a replacement and just worrying about exercising and dealing with reality. I dunno. It's hard.

Cliffy, thanks. I know, I'm glad I didn't really fuck with subs this time. Just once on day four, and I just felt even worse coming down. I feel like it increased my anxiety too, feels like such a dirty drug I dunno. You're right about the shitty high off Vicodin, I don't like it either which is probably why I haven't touched them this whole time. I guess I figure if I'm gonna fuck up I'll just go buy myself a nice big fat V and suck that shit up my nose so hard. NOOOOOoooooo. Ugh. Cravings. But no. Not gonna fuck up this time. I can't, this new job is too good of an opportunity. Can't do it. Bah! Are you planning to quit soon? I put a calendar next to my bed and cross off the days at midnight every night. It helps to feel like I accomplished something and made it through another day. In fact, it's what I look forward to the most every day. Crossing off another day. Helps me cope with the fact that I want to do a pill so bad but I know if I do I'll be so fucking depressed and this entire month will be wasted. And However many years to come will also be wasted. I keep telling myself if I make it through this whole year without buying and doing any oc's, for my birthday next year I'll get myself a plane ticket and go out to California as a reward. Always wanted to go but never had enough money. And was too paranoid to try and sneak drugs on a plane so I never bought a plane ticket. I've actually never been on a plane at all. Sorry I'm rambling. You can do it! Just make sure you're mentally ready before you quit, otherwise it won't work. I definitely wasn't ready the last few times I quit for short periods and relapsed every time.

Kittycat5, I have plenty of faith in you man. Keep on keeping on! I appreciate your support through my miserable month of October. I'm here for you if you want to skype it out or chat about how fucking hard kicking this shit is! Bah!

its officially day 21 now. Three whole weeks. Tomorrow after work I will try and just get high and play video games instead of getting wasted again. I wish I could handle going through this with nothing at all, but I'm just weak I guess. Complete sobriety is just fucking so hard, I can't deal with it right now. I guess a few hits of weed at night is probably the least harmful thing I can get into at this point. Hopefully this strain doesn't make me into a paranoid anxiety ridden freak. Hrm.

sending positive thoughts to all of you, and again, I can't thank you guys enough for the constant support and smiles your posts have given me. Really.

Hola cigrits, I remember the W.A.S.P days good times back then, things seemed so simple. Wasp, ratt, dio, dokken, good times fo' sho', lol.
Day 21, pretty fuckin sweet if I do say so myself, congrats again.
U know deep down I know I gotta kick the shit sometime but with all my medical issues it just seems, well idk how to explain it. It's kinda like being allergic to water, it makes u suffer to drink it but still u must drink it if that makes any sense at all. I'm not trying to justify my usage, it is what it is and I'm not ashamed of it. My life has never been normal or good and the all the substances I've used have helped me get through without my mental illnesses and pain issues taking over and just ending it. I just need to do something, totally sober just doesn't work for me, it never has. I would really like to transition to a different drug that I don't get physically sick from. Spending the money on all the opiates doesn't bother me, I've got nothing else to spend the dough on that brings me any kind of happyness or relief so fuck it. Alcohol ruined my health from there I went to ecstasy then back to booze which gave me pancreatitis so they gave me oxy so I transitioned to opiates seemlessly. The oxy was unmanageable so about 6-8mths ago I moved on to sniffing dope for a number of reasons and I'm at peace with that but I would like to maybe switch back over to ecstasy but I'm old now and don't hang out anymore so I don't have the connects. I was thinking about maybe using adderall to kick the dope but idk. I took some timerelease adderall and it felt like it threw me into withdrawal but idk, I need to try that again with ir Addies instead of xr cause I was chillin like a villain on that shit, lol. Holy shit I'm rambling about my bullshit on ur thread, I apologize ciggy. Well I'm gonna do my thing and watch some democracy now so I'll ttyl. Keep up the great work, you truly are an inspiration to me and plenty of others I'm sure.

 

[cigrits]

Hola cigrits, I remember the W.A.S.P days good times back then, things seemed so simple. Wasp, ratt, dio, dokken, good times fo' sho', lol.
Day 21, pretty fuckin sweet if I do say so myself, congrats again.
U know deep down I know I gotta kick the shit sometime but with all my medical issues it just seems, well idk how to explain it. It's kinda like being allergic to water, it makes u suffer to drink it but still u must drink it if that makes any sense at all. I'm not trying to justify my usage, it is what it is and I'm not ashamed of it. My life has never been normal or good and the all the substances I've used have helped me get through without my mental illnesses and pain issues taking over and just ending it. I just need to do something, totally sober just doesn't work for me, it never has. I would really like to transition to a different drug that I don't get physically sick from. Spending the money on all the opiates doesn't bother me, I've got nothing else to spend the dough on that brings me any kind of happyness or relief so fuck it. Alcohol ruined my health from there I went to ecstasy then back to booze which gave me pancreatitis so they gave me oxy so I transitioned to opiates seemlessly. The oxy was unmanageable so about 6-8mths ago I moved on to sniffing dope for a number of reasons and I'm at peace with that but I would like to maybe switch back over to ecstasy but I'm old now and don't hang out anymore so I don't have the connects. I was thinking about maybe using adderall to kick the dope but idk. I took some timerelease adderall and it felt like it threw me into withdrawal but idk, I need to try that again with ir Addies instead of xr cause I was chillin like a villain on that shit, lol. Holy shit I'm rambling about my bullshit on ur thread, I apologize ciggy. Well I'm gonna do my thing and watch some democracy now so I'll ttyl. Keep up the great work, you truly are an inspiration to me and plenty of others I'm sure.

democracy now? Dokken? Dio? Wasp. I think I love you. ;-D

ive been considering dipping into some adderall too, but I dunno. I feel like the only days I can make it through sober are hangover days like today. My back hurts like fuck today and I'm too lazy to get up and do anything. Guess I'll go watch some tv and drag my ass on the treadmill for a couple minutes. Alcohol makes me turn into an asshole and I feel like shit for a whole day afterwards. Do you smoke weed? I'm going to try and take a hit sober tonight and see if it helpsthe cravings at all without giving me an anxiety attack. The strain I bought is supposedly good for anxiety. Ahh.

 

[bupeking88]

just get limited amounts of preferably diazepam or clonazepam and 10 8 mg suboxone. wait till sick then put the films under your tongue and follow a simple taper regimen. I would suggest 2mg day one, 4mg day two, 2mg day 3, then amp it up to 8mg day 4, 6 mg day five, 4mg day six, 2mg day seven, 1mg day 8, and .5mg day 9. some people continue to dose even lower using a water solution nasal spray to spray under your tongue. I would suggest furthering the taper to the .125mg range. this is the easiest way to detox from short acting opiates, besides the dreaded waiting period. with oxycodone you should initiate about 24 to 36 hrs after last use. This all depends on your habit and dosage as well.

As for the benzodiazepines, they are crucial with an opiate detox, only if used in moderation. Xanax would be the last choice in my mind because it is too potent and the receptor affinity is extremely high, add that to the short half life and you have the heroin of benzos in my mind. I would go with Diazepam, maybe 5 or 10 , 10mg pills or 7 or 8 clonazepam because it also has a long half life so blood levels slowly decrease over time giving a more comfortable withdrawal and because you wont be needing more than that you wont become dependent on the benzos, which in comparison are said to be even more of a hellish detox than smack itself. another good benzo might be lorazepam as it has great anxiety and anticonvulsant properties such as clonazepam and diazepam. I would still say diazepam takes the crop due to muscle relaxant properties as well as sufficient anxiolytic and hypnotic properties.

 

[manboychef]

Dio........the goblin of rock!

 

[cigrits]

Day 26. As soon as I get home from work my anxiety spikes. Real bad. But I'm still useless when it comes to housework or paying bills on time and I've been drinking a bit the last few nights because of it. I really hope things get better soon. The weed does not help either. Haven't done a Valium in over a week. Just want my gaba levels and endorphins to go back to normal.

Last night i tried 10mg of Ritalin. I will tell everyone with paws related anxiety DO NOT even think about it. So fucking stupid. Tomorrow I will go back to steeping 3 bags of Passion flower tea.

Everything I do makes me exhausted, and 4 hours of work feels like 8. Still trying to hold on though. One long ass dragged out day at a time.

I really hope there's light at the end of the tunnel. Right now I'm not feeling very optimistic.

 

[manboychef]

Time heals all of those problems. I would suggest not drinking. It will add to your fatigue. I know it is hard. It is our defense mechanism to want to change our headspace when we feel bad, ie...housework not getting done, or not paying bills.

However, you are doing awesome. I hope you recognize the change in your life.....it happens slow so its kinda hard to see sometimes....and sometimes it not always pleasing...but its change nonetheless.

 

[Tinker55]

I'm in awe of your willpower! One of the people I know who have kicked and started back into RL told me he had a three tasks a day rule-pay one bill. make two phone calls. Fill out one form make one appointment, do one thing around the house. It diminishes what you need to do without getting overwhelmed.

 

[cigrits]

Time heals all of those problems. I would suggest not drinking. It will add to your fatigue. I know it is hard. It is our defense mechanism to want to change our headspace when we feel bad, ie...housework not getting done, or not paying bills.

However, you are doing awesome. I hope you recognize the change in your life.....it happens slow so its kinda hard to see sometimes....and sometimes it not always pleasing...but its change nonetheless.

october 31 will be 31 days into my semi sober life. Three years ago I quit for 30 days and relapsed, so this Halloween will officially be the longest I've gone without ocs since I started.

I did not drink tonight. Bought a half pint and some weed, and managed to get stoned without freaking out. Well I freaked out for 45 min then put a funny show on and played some video games and felt pretty good after smoking another bowl. If I can get down to just smoking a bowl here or there and getting drunk with friends once or twice a month I'll be exactly where I want to be. I'm not sure I can get a medical card in my field of work which sucks, because some strains really do help to chill me out (high CBD low thc). The alcohol really does make the back and leg pain much worse. Tonight my legs hurt a little, but no back pain, and nowhere near as bad as the last few nights (drank a half pint to a pint every night last 5 days).

still doing protein shakes when I wake up. Today I walked half a mile on my treadmill before work. I felt like I ran a fucking marathon, and was pretty tired at work but whatever. Baby steps.

youre right it happens slow, it's weird how some days I have more energy than others, and some days I feel like I got hit by a train and just want to make that call to pick up. I really didn't think I'd make it this long at all. I had a dream two nights ago that I picked up a v 4812 (my favorite) and blew it and felt wonderful. When I woke up I immediately got really depressed and so disappointed with myself. Until I realized it was a dream, it didn't happen! Then I was all proud and shit. But all day all I could think about was how I felt in that dream. That was the night I got blackout drunk to forget about it. Ahh brains are fucking weird!

Anyway, I can definitely feel a big difference between day 26 and 27. Hoping it gets easier from here. Trying to stay away from booze until Wednesday. That was my first DOC and I was a pretty bad alcoholic for a long time. Don't need to get into that shit again, that's just as bad.

sorry for ranting again. It's 445am and I can't sleep. I thought weed was supposed to make you tired! :-/

thanks for all the encouragement. It. Gets. Better. S...l...o..w...l.....y.........

 

[cigrits]

I'm in awe of your willpower! One of the people I know who have kicked and started back into RL told me he had a three tasks a day rule-pay one bill. make two phone calls. Fill out one form make one appointment, do one thing around the house. It diminishes what you need to do without getting overwhelmed.

Doing this tomorrow. Good call

 

[manboychef]

Indeed. I used to use to feel normal, and drink to have a good time. I always thought that went with being a chef. Every chef I ever worked under drank like crazy, even during work...i guess its the high pressure job, and having every thing you do critiqued by every person that walks through the door...including things you can't control like your floorstaff. A chef said to me once "you can give a guy a piece of perfectly seared foie gras on a bed of truffle slices with hundred dollar bills folded into oragami swans around it...he will still leave pissed if the bartender doesn't get his drink right, and the waiter is rude." That is something that is so ought of your control, and the best business for a chef's career is repeat business....they will follow you when you go to a new restaurant...but if you have bad staff, you can only correct it and deal with the consequences. I'm going off on a tangent....anyways I drank like crazy. When I first stopped using opiates for a while, when I got started dating a girl seriously (lots of flings before that) I tried to control my urges and my feelings by drinking. I had always drank, but then my drinking ramped up to an extremely unacceptable level. This happens slowly too...first my work became uninspired unless I had a little courage before work...then I needed it during work, then I needed a few after a shift before I even walked through my door just to get me home.....I had traded one addiction for another because I had not worked on the heartache that caused me to want to escape my feelings in the first place. Of course I went back to using...The moral of the story is that recovery is a twofold path...the first being healing your body. Get healthy, eat healthier and repair the damage done during using...and the second being healing your heart and soul...this is the tricky one. This is the one that if not addressed will lead you back to using.

I totally hear ya on the using dreams. I never actually could find a vein in my dreams and they became panic filled craziness that I woke up in cold sweats searching around my bed for an imaginary needle that I was convinced was there. Ugh...glad they only come sometimes.

 

[shakedownk8]

@cigrits you can do this! I'm at day 31 today and I promise it gets easier. Everyday gets easier. At day 25 for me I was still waking up sweating & still felt shitty. But the past 4 days....I'm waking up sweat-free! Still struggling with energy a bit, but I find when I force myself to move around I feel so much better. I started working again. The first day was tough but I got thru it. I got home and said to my boyfriend, "I forgot what pain felt like" ... & honestly smiled a bit, I'm actually feeeeeling things again. I'm laughing sooooo much more than I used to. As for your anxiety and such, see a doctor. I'm currently taking trazadone for depression because I know "paws" is a real ass kicker. Or maybe try Kratom, that helped me during my acute withdrawal period.

I commend you for working while detoxing, I can only image how difficult It must be. If you've gotten this far you can do It! Keep telling yourself that you will not feel this way forever! Good luck!

 

[cigrits]

Yes 31?! Awesome!! Congrats on making it this far, you're one step ahead of me. Do you still have the brain fog? Like kind of out of touch with reality, on top of the lack of energy. You probably know what I mean, it's hard to explain. I've been zoning out a lot.

Ive been doing half days at work, today I think I felt the most out of it so far in the last week. I lost my train of thought mid sentence twice. Brain farts. Long day tomorrow then off for the next few days. Hopefully things will turn around by next week, I'll be in to day 32 by then.

Just smoked weed tonight, no booze. More anxiety. I really hope I can learn to live with it and it gets better next week, really just want to be able to live with my sober self and not have to resort to medication every day. If that's even possible at this point :-/

I still have 150 mg trazodone that I haven't tried... I'm a lightweight and freak out a lot, do you think it could help? How much should I take if I try it one of these nights?

Day 28 tomorrow. All my bills are late and rents due in a few days. My house is a mess and I haven't gone food shopping in a month. I feel like a slug and all I manage to do is go to work at 50% power and come home and watch tv. Still trying to be optimistic about next week, it definitely helps to hear from someone a few days further than I am.

 

[manboychef]

cigrits....you are doing one of the hardest things that anyone can do....giving up opiates. Don't sweat the small stuff. Have your boyfriend help you. This is one of those things that having a support network around will help you with. Sometimes in the beginning you need to be carried, then slowly they will help you walk on your own two feet with just a little support, and then at some point you realize you are walking on your own. Give it time, recovery is not something that can be rushed...it takes a while and lots of trial and error for what works for you.

 

[cigrits]

He's kind of over helping me. Since I started going to work he figures I'm fine. Meh.

I did realize something last night though, every day since October 1 I've been using 2 scoops or protein mineral vitamin powder with amino acids. It has tyrosine and phenylalanine in it, arginine and a bunch of other stuff at pretty high doses. You think any of those things might be exacerbating the anxiety? I'm not using it today or for the next few days to see if I feel better or worse without it. Also, my periods are always late, today I think it's two weeks late. I read that soy protein acts as estrogen and can give you a hormonal imbalance. Guess I'll stay away from soy and protein powder for a while and see what happens.

leaving for work soon. I feel like fucking garbage today. ugh.

 

[Cliffy78]

democracy now? Dokken? Dio? Wasp. I think I love you. ;-D

ive been considering dipping into some adderall too, but I dunno. I feel like the only days I can make it through sober are hangover days like today. My back hurts like fuck today and I'm too lazy to get up and do anything. Guess I'll go watch some tv and drag my ass on the treadmill for a couple minutes. Alcohol makes me turn into an asshole and I feel like shit for a whole day afterwards. Do you smoke weed? I'm going to try and take a hit sober tonight and see if it helpsthe cravings at all without giving me an anxiety attack. The strain I bought is supposedly good for anxiety. Ahh.

Still going eh ciggy? Great news, way to go! I saw a post after mine recommend suboxone, I hope u wouldn't consider that. IMO you'd be right back to square one if u started eating 10 8mg subs?!?!? That's awful advice since you've gotten this far without them. That's just my opinion but c'mon man, I know ur name is bupeking dude but wtf man? Do u make a fuckin commission or something, lol!?!??
Anyway sry to hear u feel like shit today, paws are a bitch. I wouldn't take the trazadone if I were u, I know for me at least they give me some serious restless legs/arms etc. And that's the last thing you wanna be dealing with right now. It gets me tired as fuck but then the rls comes and there's no way I can sleep with my legs and arms thrashing about. I hope things improve soon ciggy, I know u must be a little discouraged that ur not feeling better yet but one day you'll wake up and be brand new so just stick with it. No subs after 30days sober! Lol...

 

[manboychef]

l-theanine is great for anxiety. I never researched any of the other supplements you listed, but I will make a recommendation. Lay off the booze, its very toxic for you mentally and physically. Eat a diet that is high in lean protein (pork, chicken, fish) plenty of green leafy veggies (kale, swiss chard, broccoli, rappini (aka broccoli rab) and spring mix) This will aid digestion. Try to stay away from really heavy carbs too. Rice is good, cornbread is good, and whole grain bread is good. I know its kinda a boring diet, but you can jazz it up. I am a professional chef and I researched a lot about how diet can affect your moods and digestion. Try eating your salad or greens after the meal...it will aid in digestion. Stay away from sugars, high amounts of caffeine, and corn syrup laden sodas....best bet is those MIO waters, or just good old water in a reusable bottle. (no i'm not a hippy, just environmentally conscious). Dried apricots, dried bananas, craisans, and tree nuts to snack on...there are sugar in the first three, but it is much less than candy...which at this stage of your paws you may be craving.

You are doing awesome and keep up the good work.

I second the advice about subs....why put a hole in the bucket your filling with prosperity?

here is a little joke to cheer you up "Don't sweat the petty stuff...just pet the sweaty stuff"

 

[cigrits]

Manboychef, been vegetarian for the last 16 years haha. I kind of live off pizza and processed soy. Been too lazy to cook this month.

Def not doing subs at this point.

Day 30! Spent all day sick in bed with a terrible hangover. My plan is to not drink for a week. Saturday I'm buying a CBD tincture because it supposedly works really great for anxiety without the psychoactive effects from the thc in weed. I figure fuck it why not. My friends a certified caregiver so she knows more than me on the subject. You or anyone on here ever try any high CBD strains or tinctures? Very curious to see what I'm in for. Hopefully it'll work for the pain too, the daily ibuprofen and me drinking at night ripped my stomach up again. And damnit my back still hurts. Tomorrow I'm planning on cleaning the house and taking the dog for a walk.

thanks cliffy and manboychef for the inspiration and input. I don't think trazodone sounds too fun. Still on the fence about the neurontin. Hoping this CBD tincture is going to be my holy grail for this anxiety. I guess I just have to wait it out to get my motivation back. And stop stopping at package stores every night on my way home from work!

 

[manboychef]

If you are vegetarian you can get quite a bit of protein from legumes....(peanuts, cashews, and soy)

Do you like edamame? I love it! It is very tasty and fun to eat....shooting beans in your mouth. I also have a really good veggie chili recipe if you want it.

I can't smoke pot. I have OCD and panic disorder and it triggers both of them to an insane degree. I always end up having a really bad time. I would be interested in trying a mostly CBD strain or tincture as I love the taste, and the smoke smell, but the effects of the THC on me are extremely taxing. I also heard that CBD would help my liver not get damaged so quickly. I have HepC and significant fibrosis. I read that CBD can help that.