• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: streaM Freak

Day 1 (again) off oxy. Need support and advice.

Toothpaste dog is preaching the truth cigrits.

I have been cursed with terrible anxiety, depression, and OCD. However I have been blessed with a very understanding doctor. I am prescribed xanax and temazepam as well as zoloft. I don't consider taking any of these medications to be a failure in any way shape or form. I quit using opiates to have a functional life. These medications make my life functional. My doctor knows my addiction history and was not hesitant in prescribing me these medications. Unfortunately, doctors like this are few and far between.

You are going to do amazing in class cigrits! If you were able to do it on drugs, you will be much better at it sober.

I also want to touch a little more on what toothpastedog said. Sobriety is a mindstate that is completely different from abstinence. Don't let the really hardline people tell you what your definition of sobriety is.
 
Alright I made it through. Despite a couple brain farts it went really well. Was freaking out a few hours before class, but as soon as I started talking, I felt... Good. Pretty damn good to be able to do it on my own with nothing but maybe 1mg of Valium in me (so yeah nothing). if I made it through today with nothing, I can handle this sobriety shit. Really don't want to use anything unless absolutely necessary, although I appreciate all the input.

Ive always had anxiety issues, but I've somehow (almost) always been able to pull through. 8 minutes into day 14!!! 2 weeks!!! I'm over the hump! Couple more weeks of dragging ass and random emotions and back pain and I should be back to normal.

I will say that two scoops of natures bounty protein and vitamin powder with amino acids like tyrosine and phenylalanine has been a huge help in getting that tiny boost of motivation. On the days I forget to use it I really do notice a big difference in my sluggishness and willingness to leave the house.

i will not be getting drunk for a while. November 1 I plan to quit smoking as well. Finally feel like I'm making huge steps in getting my life together at age 30. What a fucking difference two days makes.

I hope someone reading this can muster up the strength to suffer through the first two weeks and realize it gets better. Slowly, and minutes feel like days, but it really does get better. I don't think I could've even made it this far with the help and encouragement from you all.

Looking foward to having money again and saving up for a house. And more tattoos ;)

Love you guys.
 
Proud of you. I want to hear an update. It does get better and hi start gaining strength in what you've accomplished and hate the demon that brought you to your knees

The only thing that ever works for my anxiety is exercise. Brisk walk, run, exercise. Whatever. Something painful enough to distract me. Good music that reminds me of nothing at all. Get passed the hardest parts so you don't have to deal with it agajn
 
Hey guys! I'm doing really well. Been busy working the last few days. It was nice to hear one of the kids say to me, "I actually really like this class it's fun" on my second day back teaching. The anxiety is actually pretty much gone. I don't know why, but from day 9 to day 13 it was almost unbearable and I thought I was dying. Then all of a sudden it just kind of disappeared. Weird. I feel better and better every day. Still kind of dragging ass and not much motivation to go do stuff, but I'm doing what I need to do (like go to work) without freaking out. Still have some back and leg pain, not too much though. I do still get hot and cold flashes all day, and sneeze attacks in the middle of class, but whatever. It's "the flu", mmkay?

Starting my my new job soon. When I start there I will quit smoking too. Because well, it's at a real school and I think it's illegal to smoke there anyway. And oh yeah I don't want cancer.

Thanks for checking back in with me guys, I'm over the hump. Things are starting to come back together. I even got a text yesterday from one of the guys I bought off of, and I immediately replied "on day 15. I quit." Instead of the normal "omg where are you see you in 5 seconds"

now, how are you all doing???
 
Last edited:
hot/cold flashes and sneezing are common opiate withdrawal symptoms. These symptoms easily freak out most people, as they are synonymous with flu symptoms.

I can only imagine having the flu and opiate WD at the same time 8(

I would suggest quitting smoking now, not when you get your new job. Why burden yourself with having to quit when you have to get into the hang of the new job? Do you have a plan for quitting? I am not a tobacco smoker, and I really don't see why people have such a hard time quitting a drug with such a minimal effect, but I know from the experience of others you're more than likely going to have a hard time quitting. If it was easy, you likely would have already quit.

Do you have a support system? Are you thinking of getting chantix or wellbutrin?

Congratulations on your progress :D
 
I'm going to use the patch and gum. Quit for a month before. The hardest part is the first week or two. I turn into a fucking psychopath when I quit smoking. And I couldn't stop eating. Gained ten pounds in a month, and that's a lot for someone who's been 100 pounds forever. The nicotine patch works good but I slept with it on, woke up crying and telling my boyfriend that I was going to kill myself out of nowhere. Definitely not leaving it on at night anymore.

Been smoking for almost 20 years. We're both quitting together. I just want to do one thing at a time, it's too much right now to quit that on top of the painkillers. Waiting til next month when my brain repairs itself a little more.
 
cigrits said:
I'm going to use the patch and gum. Quit for a month before. The hardest part is the first week or two. I turn into a fucking psychopath when I quit smoking. And I couldn't stop eating. Gained ten pounds in a month, and that's a lot for someone who's been 100 pounds forever. The nicotine patch works good but I slept with it on, woke up crying and telling my boyfriend that I was going to kill myself out of nowhere. Definitely not leaving it on at night anymore.

Been smoking for almost 20 years. We're both quitting together. I just want to do one thing at a time, it's too much right now to quit that on top of the painkillers. Waiting til next month when my brain repairs itself a little more.
Click to expand...

Nicotine use throughout the night is associated with intense dreams normally. Odd reaction you had there to leaving it on overnight, definitely a good idea to take it off before sleep in the future. :)

Good plan, and best of luck with your plans to quit again. :)
 
Captain Heroin , it's not even the nicotine as much as the ritual just like slamming / cooking a shot but going outside lighting a cig chilling 5-10 minutes look at your phone whatever you know ? I was never fully addicted I smoked everyday 5 cigs at worst for 6 months mainly cause of h making me do it and than I quit and I saw how it can be difficult and I don't even buy packs
 
cigrits said:
Hey guys! I'm doing really well. Been busy working the last few days. It was nice to hear one of the kids say to me, "I actually really like this class it's fun" on my second day back teaching. The anxiety is actually pretty much gone. I don't know why, but from day 9 to day 13 it was almost unbearable and I thought I was dying. Then all of a sudden it just kind of disappeared. Weird. I feel better and better every day. Still kind of dragging ass and not much motivation to go do stuff, but I'm doing what I need to do (like go to work) without freaking out. Still have some back and leg pain, not too much though. I do still get hot and cold flashes all day, and sneeze attacks in the middle of class, but whatever. It's "the flu", mmkay?

Starting my my new job soon. When I start there I will quit smoking too. Because well, it's at a real school and I think it's illegal to smoke there anyway. And oh yeah I don't want cancer.

Thanks for checking back in with me guys, I'm over the hump. Things are starting to come back together. I even got a text yesterday from one of the guys I bought off of, and I immediately replied "on day 15. I quit." Instead of the normal "omg where are you see you in 5 seconds"

now, how are you all doing???
Click to expand...

It is peculiar how some of the symptoms of withdrawal seem to suddenly get switched off, but it is not uncommon. For me it was loss of appetite and taste perversion. One day all I could stand to eat or drink was Pepsi and chocolate. But one day suddenly my full appetite returned and I was scarfing down everything. You mentioned earlier how bad cigs tasted and I concur. For me, the taste of the tobacco was so gross. I cant even explain what it tasted like, but it was such a departure from the norm, it was even more shocking when seemingly overnight, the foulness disappeared.

You are doing great cigrits. You seem to be at the point where every day you feel stronger, healthier and your usage seems firmly behind you. Keep it up, things will continue to improve.

As for me, since you asked, I have unfortunately been using opioids again for the past week or so. Relatively small doses but it is just so troubling that anytime I have an opportunity to take them, I cannot say no. Ive been getting these weird, extremely brief bouts of sadness a few times a day when I reflect on what I am doing. It doesnt stick with me but I thought I had beat my opioid demons this time. Guess not. But I will continue to try to do so.
 
@cigrits. You are doing awesome. I am really impressed, and I must say proud of you. This is such a hard thing to do, especially going back to work so quickly. You really should give yourself a pat on the back. A lot of times, PAWS symptoms will return and sometimes mimic withdrawal symptoms. Generally day thirty, sixty, and ninety are known to be this way. The PAWS symptom I experienced the most was definitely sneezing and runny eyes. It is natural and will slowly lessen over time. When it comes to the anxiety I would talk to your doctor. Zoloft has been extremely helpful to keep my anxiety stable. I have severe panic disorder and I get the fight or flight feeling at the drop of a hat. Basically, the zoloft kinda stabilizes that a little, however, I do still have panic attacks which I combat with .5mg worth of xanax if I can't work my way through them.

@kittycat. I am sorry to hear you are using opiods, however relapse is a part of recovery. Are you a chronic relapser? If so, have you ever considered suboxone therapy? It really helped me while I was on it to regain a little footing in recovery, however I did not do the work required to stay sober, and ended up abusing them. For me it took a two month rehab, detox, and a program of recovery tailor made for me. I really hope you are doing well and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Day 20. Getting there. I'm about 68 percent back to normal. Time is going by super slow. Cravings are still there but I know it's not worth it to go through this again. I'm done. Still sneezing and cold. Bleh. Going to work in a min. Kinda hungover but whatever. Power through!!!!!
 
Hey there, happy to hear youre trying to get sober (altho I don t know you) and im actually going thru the same thing. A year ago I was snorting percocets...and did so for about 3 yrs. So I tried suboxone bcus it was wwayyyyyy cheaper and I got the same high from percs. I continued to do subs daily, snorting an entire 8mg orange pill. And about a month ago I finally was thru with that lifestyle.. I quit my job.. Luckily my boyfriend said he'd help me with rent& bills, yada yada. The first week was easy (i stopped at 8mg per day, cold turkey) considering the half life of subs it was in my system for like a week and a half. The second week sucked. I went to the ER TWICE bcus The withdrawal was brutalll. They gave me clonidine (which really is amazing for The constant sweating) & valium for my out of control anxiety) I also got my hands on some gabapentin... Which honestly was the one med that I felt actually helped... Physically & mentally. The third week I went to NH for a vacation I planned weeks before. Went hiking, which surprisingly was great. You neeeeeed to exercise! Now I'm at 24 days no sub. Still taking clonidine. Its a must. It makes me a lil sleepy but it's worth it. I'm still taking the gabapentin Which I feel like is still helping me big time. Yesterday I was in bed alllll day, exhausted. & was supposed to be finding/gettting a job bcus my bf can not pay my bills forever. This morning I was exhausted again. Slept Sooooo much. Considering the past 3 weeks my insomnia was grueling. But today I got out of bed, applied to jobs, made some coffee, took a shower, cleaned the apartment a bit... And at the moment I feel great. You neeed to move around. As much as it sucks at first and it's hard But You need to. Mentally I'm struggling a bit, but I psyched myself out the other day after reading on the message boards regarding my situation. You need to get offthe message boards... Everyone is different.don t psych yourself out! You can do this! I am truly the laziest person ever.. And subs gave me incredible energy. But everyday gets easier. All the symptoms you're feeling is natural. Your body and mind and brain is healing. Just keep telling yourself it's normal to feel like shit. No energy, depressed, anxiety. Its all normal. Just remember You will not feel this way forever. If I can do It, literally anyone can. I truly hope you stick with it.being sober for me, right now, feels amazing. I haven't been this proud of myself in years. If you need help dont be scared to get help. Its tough but you just have to push thru! Keep it going buddy!!! I wish you luck!!!
 
Btw, id avoid suboxone.. Its incredibly addicting and the withdrawal from subs is wayyyy horrible. Doctors compare suboxone withdrawal to heroin withdrawal... Just be careful with that shit. I used it to get off percs but essentially just replaced the percs with another addicting/shitty fucking drug. I honestly wish I never touched suboxone!!
 
Hi cigrits, I've followed your battle over the past few weeks and I just wanted to say congratulations! I haven't posted cause I'm still using and didn't want to derail anything. Your through the worst of it, way to go. Absolutely amazing! Remember that everytime we kick it gets harder and harder to kick the next time. People are saying to take subs, seems silly and IMHO would set u waaaaay back. You've done it the correct way and with the least amount of time possible in your case. If u took subs you'd be trying to kick that long ass half life they have and you'd still be mad sick. Only thing I would say is to throw those garbage Vicodin away ASAP! Your done, no need to keep those around, sell them, flush em but just get rid of them. It's a garbage high anyways IMO, especially compared with your doc. I just wanted to say congrats and commend you on your will power and ur sticktoitivness. Someday I will join u in soberland I hope ;)
 
I have used Suboxone, manboychef, but only for a quick taper and every once in a while after the taper when I felt I needed it. I was actually astounded at how well it worked and made me feel. Not high in the traditional sense but took the aches away, lifted the mood, and lasted a long time. I know these are the intended purposes but never experienced them coming off opioids and quite frankly just thought it would take the edge off withdrawal more than anything. I have some left. Going to go back on for a few days to weeks. I am mostly saddened by my apparent inability to turn this shit down despite knowing the grief it has caused. But as you said, chronic relapse is common. I wouldnt even say I am in recovery as even though Ive gone fairly long periods of time not using, I always wanted to and did as soon as I had the opportunity. I feel I am making progress though. It will happen.
 
Shakedown, glad to hear you're off the subs and starting to get back to normal, keep it up!!! Exercise really is the best medicine in our case, I know. Set my alarm half an hour early tomorrow in hopes I'll actually use my treadmill before work. I seem to do okay in the day, then when I get off work the cravings come back so I have been drinking a bit recently. Like once every 3 days, maybe a little less than a pint of whiskey or vodka. I always regret it the next day. Buying some medical weed tomorrow, hopefully that'll take the edge off at night and I won't freak out on it like I usually do :-/
does gabapentin help with the mood? Still haven't tried them, but at day 21 now I feel like I'm better off not trying to find a replacement and just worrying about exercising and dealing with reality. I dunno. It's hard.

Cliffy, thanks. I know, I'm glad I didn't really fuck with subs this time. Just once on day four, and I just felt even worse coming down. I feel like it increased my anxiety too, feels like such a dirty drug I dunno. You're right about the shitty high off Vicodin, I don't like it either which is probably why I haven't touched them this whole time. I guess I figure if I'm gonna fuck up I'll just go buy myself a nice big fat V and suck that shit up my nose so hard. NOOOOOoooooo. Ugh. Cravings. But no. Not gonna fuck up this time. I can't, this new job is too good of an opportunity. Can't do it. Bah! Are you planning to quit soon? I put a calendar next to my bed and cross off the days at midnight every night. It helps to feel like I accomplished something and made it through another day. In fact, it's what I look forward to the most every day. Crossing off another day. Helps me cope with the fact that I want to do a pill so bad but I know if I do I'll be so fucking depressed and this entire month will be wasted. And However many years to come will also be wasted. I keep telling myself if I make it through this whole year without buying and doing any oc's, for my birthday next year I'll get myself a plane ticket and go out to California as a reward. Always wanted to go but never had enough money. And was too paranoid to try and sneak drugs on a plane so I never bought a plane ticket. I've actually never been on a plane at all. Sorry I'm rambling. You can do it! Just make sure you're mentally ready before you quit, otherwise it won't work. I definitely wasn't ready the last few times I quit for short periods and relapsed every time.

Kittycat5, I have plenty of faith in you man. Keep on keeping on! I appreciate your support through my miserable month of October. I'm here for you if you want to skype it out or chat about how fucking hard kicking this shit is! Bah!

its officially day 21 now. Three whole weeks. Tomorrow after work I will try and just get high and play video games instead of getting wasted again. I wish I could handle going through this with nothing at all, but I'm just weak I guess. Complete sobriety is just fucking so hard, I can't deal with it right now. I guess a few hits of weed at night is probably the least harmful thing I can get into at this point. Hopefully this strain doesn't make me into a paranoid anxiety ridden freak. Hrm.

sending positive thoughts to all of you, and again, I can't thank you guys enough for the constant support and smiles your posts have given me. Really.
 
Cigrits you are doing great...Keep that momentum going. I also think weed is a better choice than alcohol. Yeah ideally you shouldn't be using anything if you want to maintain your sobriety, but I think in this situation it would be helpful. You obviously have an anxiety problem. I take xanax, however I wish I could smoke pot to combat it but it has the opposite effect on me. I remember in early recovery crossing the days off the calendar. Something I do to help motivate me is I will make myself something to eat that I love as like a little reward, or I'll make cornbread (which I love) so I can have it for breakfast....because it reminds me of a time I had no food in my pantry because I spent it on dope....I think taking a trip would be wonderful for you....If I didn't have very bad panic disorder and OCD I would take a trip as well (I don't do well in long car rides, or planes). That would be an awesome reward for doing so well.

@shakedown that is wonderful. I actually found subs harder to kick than heroin. Heroin has a more intense withdrawal, but suboxone just has a lingering malaise to it that makes life nearly unbearable. Day eight was the worst for me. I was writhing around in bed sweating, swearing like a sailor, and punching my pillow. I never fully detoxed from suboxone because I always went back to using...so I have no idea what 20+ days feels like. When it comes to getting a job, just make sure to put your sobriety above that. If you end up using you may not have a job ya know?

@kittycat...It is extremely understandable to have a problem saying no. We as addicts were always too busy saying yeah. One thing that works for me is just putting it off for a while. Cravings come and go, they do not stay. Have you tried joining a support group, so you have someone to call if the cravings are hard to beat?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top