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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Cutting v. 2

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zombiesarepeaceful said:
Drug wench: I'm not on stimulant meds anymore. I think I sitll should be, but quit seeing that doc and the new ones don't agree that I'm adhd cause I'm an adult now. Blah.
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ok ur doctor is stupid - that or v old-fashioned
most psychs hav accepted by now that u dont grow out of ADHD - it just manifests in diffrent ways as an adult

my suggestion is change doctors - im sure theres got to b one near u that recognises u as ADHD, if the original diagnosis was correct

untreated ADHD predisposes u to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, mood swings and addiction problems
not only is cutting caused often by an addiction to chasing endorphins, basically, or seeking them out of frustration/depression/low self-esteem
many ppl with untreated ADHD self-harm for obvious reasons

its probly making up a small part of why im self-harming atm, but wat can u do wen ur in my place? i cant go on anything that cud possibly lower seizure threshold until the benzo weaning program has finished in 2yrs time...

as for me - pleased to say ive left my poor skin alone for now since that last episode
Liam came over tonight so i did the smart thing and stayed 'asleep' in my room
i dont like having to do that to my bro - whos moving to korea soon - but im trying to avoid things that i know r too much for me
ive left the self-harm along for 5 days but havnt bn so gd wiv the drugs....oh well :\
 
I cut SO bad the other day. Just totally lost it after months of not doing it. Now I have to figure out some way to hide it and even if I do, I know these will scar. The first cut is the deepest...
 
PT I'm so sorry to hear this :(
I hope you feel better soon, and please please do not do any more cutting.

I'm suffering from my monthly Pre-Menstrual Dysphoria, during which I am dangerously depressed and dissociated, and feel extremely self-destructive. I've been drinking a lot and abusing my temazepam, and have had the strongest urges to cut, even when completely sober.

But the urges subside.
We can all get throuh them if we try.

Much love and strength to all <3
 
Thanks. I don't want to cut again.
I am kinda disgusted that I turned my arm into a meat jigsaw puzzle...
Sorry thats kinda gross huh?
But I don't know what else to call it. You can put a NSFW tag if you want. I forget how to.
 
I never had any luck with seeing psychs. I usually have been able to quit on my own. I am prescribed Lamictal but I haven't been taking it, I really need to. Really BL is the only place I can be honest about the things that are really going on in my life.
 
Here I am again. I want to cut so bad but the ones from the other day are just starting to heal. I knew that I should have never gotten started again. I want to cut because I hate myself so much. I do nothing right, say nothing right, there is no use for my existance in this world. I feel there should be some punishment for being such a fuck up. If I bother others, I deserve pain. Perhaps in some sick way I offer my pain and blood to them asking for the forgiveness that never comes. I feel so rejected and alone and no one seems to understand anymore. No here, not anywhere. All I have is my blog here, and its rather pathetic to sit there and talk about how your well on your way to a downward spirl...
I wish I could put it in words that someone could understand. I wish I could take it out for a second and put it in their hand, let them feel the weight of all that I carry. But still....no one seems to get it...nor do they really care.
 
^PT- Hurting yourself isn't going to solve anything.......
What helped you to stop cutting in the past?
I know I have suggested therapy many time to you in the past, I really wish you would consider it.
It may help you to understand why you do what you do, why you feel the way you feel- ultimately it is on you though.
People here do understand......I think everyone posting in TDS knows what it is like to suffer, to be sad, to be down on themselves.
I've been, many times, in a very very dark place-
I know first hand that you are the only one who will get you out of that place.
You can't expect that by someone hearing that pain it will make you better- though I know it helps b/c people can relate to you, you can lean on someone and you can get advice from people- but no matter how many people relate, or offer advice, it is up to YOU to change your problems.
You can do that by doing a bit of soul searching- figuring out what it is you don't like about your life, and ridding yourself of it. Be the change!;)
 
I serously feel like shit. I dont do drugs and drink anymore. Im 21, a freshmen here at auburn univ. I really feel like doing something stupid. Im not the kind to do something extreme. Just to go in my sleep. Im miserble. Like i dont fit in. Duno i havnt cut myself n a few months and i really feel like cutting again. Im not emo. I just feel like all my family problem problems are my fault. :-(
 
And sry p.t. My arms look like i wrestled a high powerd weed eater. Im sitn here in a arbys, dont kno what 2 do. 4 the first time i googld suicide hotlines. Just to talk 2 sumone. I take lexapro. Feels like the shit stopd workin. Ugh i miss my mom. R.i.p.momma :-( <3 u.
 
Sorry D's, I sometimes experienced SSRIs kind of pooping out on me as well. It is good to keep your lexapro prescriber aware of changes in efficacy.
 
I havent injured myself in almost a month and that was 3 burn marks. Well ok a month ain't a great accomplishment but still :\ . Even as miserable as i felt a week or so ago i didnt give in and i think the meds help alot too. The zyprexa zydis really helps to stop the urge to cut or hurt myself in general. There is even a study of zyprexa (olanzapine) being used for this http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/...nel.Pubmed_DefaultReportPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum .

It sucks that the burn marks are still pretty visable and probably more visable then 3 cuts would be. The only upshot is that they can be passed off as something else.

PT please take your lamictal. I remember it starting to help you abit when you where on it. You where getting more stable i think so please go back on it and if that turns out not to work try something else!
 
PA, a month without self-harm IS a great accomplishment! Especially if you've been having a hard time lately. Give yourself the credit you deserve man <3
It's so great to hear that you feel the meds are working. How are you today?
 
I had to hand over my razor blades away from me the other night. Even the rusty hidden one. I wanted to cry when he said they went told me that took a hell of a lot of guts to do that. I can't get into it, it is so so so addictive and I certainly have ENOUGH problems right now.
 
n3ophy7e said:
PA, a month without self-harm IS a great accomplishment! Especially if you've been having a hard time lately. Give yourself the credit you deserve man <3
It's so great to hear that you feel the meds are working. How are you today?
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Im doing good today :) just abit tired. It's been a rough month or year i should say lol but im doing alright at the moment. I hope you are too.

Thank you for saying it's a great accomplishment. It means alot to me <3 .
 
^^ *hugs* <3
It's been a rough year for me too man, 2009 can fuck RIGHT off :X

PT, well done for handing over your razor blades hun. You are a strong person for doing it and you should be proud. I really hope you start to feel better soon hun <3
 
When I was younger I used to cut myself and now I completely regret it becuase I have these horrible scars that are like 5 years old on my legs. I also cut myself when I was "locked up" as an adolescent and I couldn't sign myself out so I tried to get kicked out by cutting myself... I have scars from that too.... I was young at the time so no one call me dumb!
 
septembersgold, firstly, welcome to the thread and welcome to Bluelight :)

I'm sorry to hear you used to cut as well. It sounds like you don't cut anymore? That's great, keep up the good work <3

I'm currently trying Bio-Oil as treatment to reduce the scar tissue I have from cutting. I've got thin white scars, and big red keloid scars, and everything in between. I've only been applying the Bio-Oil for about a week, and it says to continue treatment for at least 3 months for optimal results. I'll definitely keep you all updated as to how it goes, but perhaps, septembersgold, this is something you could look in to trying?
 
I hadn't cut in over a year, but I've never looked for a razor blade so hard in my life, been looking for the last hour. Haven't been able to find one so I started stabbing myself in the arm with a push pin. Fucking pathetic.

I got into a big argument with my mom tonight, trying to apologize for my past wrongs and asking for help today but I'm basically just a nuisance to her now, something to interfere with her church life and an irrelevant pain in the ass. All I am is a problem.

I told my mom tonight that I didn't want to go on anymore and she told me not to lay that guilt trip on her. Everything I've been going through lately added with that was just too much. So I injure.

I feel fucking pathetic, childish, a waste of space and air. I know I shouldn't, but that doesn't change the fact that I hope I don't wake up tomorrow.
 
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