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Cutting v. 2

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btrswiet7u4ia said:
Again, here I am changing the subject (sorry)
But sometimes this is the only place I feel like I can go... Like when your best friend won't answer the phone, you can't talk to family and you feel like a burden to your old friends.
It seems like I only cut when I'm angry, but when I'm high I get SUPER angry over...any.. little thing. So when a big thing presents it's self when I'm high I get incredibly angry... then I get sick, then I puke, and either deal with it by sleeping (If I can make myself) or I cut, lastnight I slept rather than cutting, woke up angry.. ... called the person who I was angry at in order to fix the situation, not to argue. Instead, he refused to talk about it, wouldn't answer my questions, then said he didn't want to talk about it and turned off his phone.
That made me cut...

I recently moved back to a town where I have people I can call and talk to when I need to, but the thing is.. I don't want to burden them, I don't want to seem like "oh that's fucked up little (name here)" I don't want to bother them. Also, I don't want to ONLY talk to them about my relationship when it's going badly, I don't want them to hate the guy I love just because I only talk about him when he's being ridiculous. And make them think he makes me cut.. I make me cut. He makes me mad occasionally by his avoidance of minor issues...

Sorry to ramble but I need to get this out of me in a better way than slicing up my other shoulder.
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that sounds pretty damn similar to what i go through on a daily basis. the thing is though, your friends/family or the people you know that you could call are there for a reason. there is a reason you feel like you can talk to them, and its not selfish, or a burden to as them for help sometimes. do you have a friend that, rather than making you talk about everything that seems to be going wrong in your life, would take you out for the day and just.. distract you? sometimes it can help to have someone like that, so that you don't have to talk about things and say things that you might change your mind about later. sometimes it can be the best possible thing to just call a friend and ask them to come get you, take you to do something for the day and take your mind off things.
 
btrswiet7u4ia said:
Sorry to ramble but I need to get this out of me in a better way than slicing up my other shoulder.
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Mate, whatever it takes for you to not cut <3
I'm really proud of you that you came in here to vent stuff rather than cut yourself. That is really strong of you, and you need to remind yourself next time you're struggling, that you CAN get through tough times without cutting!
 
Awh thank you.

I'm..still awake.
I'm going to... watch the sunrise. :|
btw, this has nothing to do with cutting, I'm just tweaked out... for non destructive purposes. I was nocturnal, hopefully this will fix that sleeping pattern problem. As long as I sleep in the pm. and stuff.

It's weird for me, I cut every few months maybe. And otherwise it's non problem.
 
So I feel like cutting again. I have some kind of spot on my leg that fucking hurts like shit, and if I cut it will make the pain go away for a while.
To be honest with you I feel like downing a bottle of vodka, and cutting the damn bump off. Holy shit balls batman this thing hurts!!

Going to the doctor tommrow for maybe him to cut it off..

Still This pain is so intence it's making me want to hurt somewhere else to that the pain off of my leg. :\
 
D's said:
So I feel like cutting again. I have some kind of spot on my leg that fucking hurts like shit, and if I cut it will make the pain go away for a while.
To be honest with you I feel like downing a bottle of vodka, and cutting the damn bump off. Holy shit balls batman this thing hurts!!

Going to the doctor tommrow for maybe him to cut it off..

Still This pain is so intence it's making me want to hurt somewhere else to that the pain off of my leg. :\
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D's I only saw this now, have you seen the doctor about that lump yet?? Sounds like it could be a ganglion cyst? Please don't deal with it yourself, you'll be SO much better off seeing a doctor about it.
Let us know how you go okay?
 
Not quite on topic of cutting, but still self destructive.
I went to a concert the other day(it fuckin rocked like a mother fucker) and i met a girl there. Well turns out she had a baby daddy, and icing on the cake, he was at the concert. Drama ensued, and i was threatened with an ass kickin. So i went my own way and didnt see the girl, even waited for her at the end of the concert.
Well what im getting at is this affection from a girl was the best thing i have felt in a long time. And now its gone, and i feel like shit so i can do a couple things.

Sit here and try not to think about it(safest)
Go out and buy some robotussin cough gels and robo trip(not quiet safe, but it will be fun)
Drink some vodka and see how i feel when im drunk, this could end with a few things happening, the only good one is sitting here and chillin out(possibly safe, or not safe)

Anyways, im tired of being alone...its been to long.
 
Corro_Core I think you really ought to stay in a safe place and forgo vodka and DXM until you are in a better place. I know that energy that seems to come from having a love object feels good, but love energy does NOT emanate from the beloved to the lover, love energy is created by the one who loves. Loneliness and broken heartedness are transitory as is the state of being in love and the experience of being with people.

Be safe, get help, find resources and strength; engage professionals with these sorts of problems when you are past the point of being able to cope on your own.
 
I thought I was doing so well there for a time but now I've started to slide back to where I crawled out of. I've tried so hard to be positive but everything around me is shit. There's just a constant screaming in my fucking head that wont stop. I need to get to sleep but I just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I know that if I cut myself then all my problems will just evaporate and I can focus on the pain. It's fucking stupid though, it only makes things 10 times as worse the next day and the scars are hideous. Bash my head against a wall until my brains start squirting out my nose.
 
EastOfEden said:
It's fucking stupid though, it only makes things 10 times as worse the next day and the scars are hideous.
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Exactly.
You need to remind yourself of this over and over until the urge to cut subsides. You KNOW how bad it makes you feel in the morning. You KNOW that it doesn't solve any problems in the long run.
Please take care of yourself okay? I'm only a PM away if you need to talk to someone <3
 
^ Scars are the worst part IMO
People look at your wrists (for me) and then look at you all concerned and confused, wondering how you could be laughing now and bleeding then.
Then you have to look at it, like "oh yeah, that's from when I tried to kill myself" it's a reminder of things you don't want to be reminded of.

my shoulder is scared now, hopefully they'll fade before the weather gets ridiculously warm again but for now it's there.
Lucky me my scars fade pretty well, some stick out though.
and when your family and/or authority figures see your scars. you're automatically a problem to them. It's not fair.
 
btrswiet7u4ia said:
^ Scars are the worst part IMO
People look at your wrists (for me) and then look at you all concerned and confused, wondering how you could be laughing now and bleeding then.
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Me too hun. What you said resonates so much with me.

I'm trying really hard to get rid of my scars, I'm massaging Bio-Oil in to them 2-3 times a day.
But I'm only doing it for the worst ones, the ones that really adversely affect people's opinion of me.
I want to get tattoos over a lot of them too, once they've healed/reduced enough to actually be able to be tattoo'd over.

As strange as it is, I want to keep the scars I'm more sentimental about.
As a reminder.
 
I have not cut in a while, but this time it is for different reasons than in the past.

I have another problem on my hands, and I feel it has somewhat distracted me since April when it all exploded so to speak.

Reading this thread scares me. It brings back feelings I forgot I felt. But i feel no desire to cut, mentally I am happier, I cut when I am truly at a low low point in life.

That is my update for the moment.
 
I used to mutilate my arms to a bloody pulp daily, and miraculously didn't cut for 2 years.. and lately I can't stop. Its every day again. I see myself spiraling downward and there is no one to intervene. Wish me luck
 
So I seriously feel like cutting, my girlfriend broke up with me, because we took things to quick, and needed to chill (really some $#$# told her that I was interested in some other girl, and I hated her). What the fuck?!


Ugh ok Deeep breath, I now know that if she belived him and doubted me, than this shit wasn't ment to been.

Ok fuck it
 
I used to cut everyday, before work, during and after and i havent done it for over 3 years. Yesterday i was standing at my kitchen window and seen my dad's stanley knife, i picked it up and put it to my arm, then i stopped myself.
I havent had a thought like that since i stopped and it really scared me. My life is good right now, im getting married i just bought a house and i have a decent job, WHY NOW? why did this come back in to my head. I always new i would never get rid of the want to but i have never been so close. Dont want to go back to a therapist i fucking hate them, Any advice??
 
Goldie, first of all congrats on NOT following through with cutting the other day. I dare say you're your own answer to your question. It proves that you know how to manage the thoughts of cutting. You've got the skills within you to avoid going back there. Look to your fiancee and family/friends for support when you need it, and keep on keeping on with what you've been doing to avoid cutting <3

lauren and D's, please have a read through this thread for some really effective ways to overcome the desire to cut. Cutting is a symptom of underlying problems, often used as an easier way of coping with stressful occurances or emotions. But there are better, more effective ways of coping. Cutting does not solve anything, it just masks your emotions. You know this though. We're all here to support you through this but you have the strength inside to NOT CUT <3
 
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