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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Cutting v. 2

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still another 4hours of sitting at home by myself with no one to help :( nothing can make this better.

if fuckign anyone sits there and thinks errr its just your licence big deal, it is a big deal, i dont have a good job, my parents are moving to another state, theres no good transport for me to get myself places,no good job means im fucking broke all the time, its xmas and i cant even afford to buy people presents....i may not have the worst of cases but its enough to make me feel fucking worthless
 
Honey, I know this probably won't help much, but can you borrow someone's bike for a little while?? I'd offer mine but it hasn't had a service since I last used it in a cycling event last year (i.e. 12 month's ago 8o) and it's not in too good shape to use.

But a bicycle is a great way to get around, and you can even use it to go places instead of sitting inside alone all day.

It might seem like a stupid idea at first but once you're out there on the bike it's great.

We've gotta think of ways to get you out of that house!

Much love sweetheart <3
 
lolz. my parents just sold my bike, it was a really good one tooo!!

thanks for the idea, if my mr. had a bike id use his haha but i dont think he owns one hahahaha i feel a bit better now, the phone has been ringing non stop with people asking how i am after failing and feeling soo shit haha so i feel a tad better now, and i reaaally wanted to see my mr. but he had a car prang today, so i dont blame him for not wanting to drive up to see me as he hurt his back in the process of the jerk running up his bum.. haa

i reaaally wish i didnt destroy my hand today when i was angry punching things though because it hurts like hell now :(

but hm. thanks n3o i can always count on you, your such a beautiful person =D<3
 
You're a beautiful person too honey, please remember that ok? <3
I'm sorry to hear about your knuckles, I have been there and done that SO many times I've pretty much got arthritis in my hands :(
I know it's so hard to channel your anger in to things that aren't quite so destructive but please try to punch something that's not so hard as to damage your hands. Even if it's maybe ummm, your mattress? Or the lounge or something? Or go for a run and get some energy out.
Take care of yourself :)
 
I agree DW!!

SKBTCH, if we get a new punching bag (which Mick has mentioned we might), you can have our old one. It's awesome for venting and anger management!!!
 
ahh i think we have one, its not up due to our recent move, not going up due to the next move in a few weeks, i should invest in one when i become a fitness trainer ill have a full gym to let my rage out in, i used to do kickboxing, i should take that up again!!

i tried punching my mattress after i threw my bag everywhere and dinted my wall with my stupid chapstick haha (not very noticeable so its ok) but the mattress was too soft for my rage...i havnt done something so stupid in so long...i thought about doing something else, but my brain waves have changed and i wont give into the really painful self-harm, i just knew it wasnt necessary, i like this change of thought! but ive picked myself up quicker today than i have in the past, so the outlook is promising! i like it :)
 
panic in paradise said:
have you been staying away from such practices n3o?
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I have indeed PIP :) :) :)
Since going off my hormonal birth control I've not been crazy at all. Considering possibly maybe potentially asking my psych if I can taper off my meds...?
We'll see :)

SKBTCH said:
...i thought about doing something else, but my brain waves have changed and i wont give into the really painful self-harm, i just knew it wasnt necessary, i like this change of thought! but ive picked myself up quicker today than i have in the past, so the outlook is promising! i like it :)
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That is excellent news :)
Although it would be preferable for you to not do anything destructive at all, at least you had the power to stop yourself from going further than you did. You should be proud of that <3
 
while i am on my medications, which are oxycodone, valium, and now also ativan and fentnaly, i am fine. but when i take soma i have the urge to cut. never done it before until i started taking soma.
 
drug_wench said:
invest in a punching bag - those r great!
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Ya i need to invest in one my hands are full of fuckin scar tissue from punching brick walls, steels doors, wooden things that break and end up diggin into your skin and even concrete. Ive torn the skin off my hands on any number of occasions so ya a punching bag is a worth investment.

Ive wanted to take a razor blade to my arm real bad last night and today. Got drunk ands stressed out last night bout things so thats why i wanted to do it. Too much fuckin shit goin on. I probably would today except im just too tired and i can't hardly think. Maybe thats a good thing.

Took 15 mazzies, some morphine, a bottle of wine and some clonazepam last night so i guess thats enough self destruction for now. Think i'll go back to bed for the fuckin day/night whatever.

but when i take soma i have the urge to cut.
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Alcohol is the only drug that does it to me. Guess it's because it fucks my head up worse then any other drug and it doesent Always make me happy. it doesent even make me happy half the time but i still drink when i want to.
 
I don't cut anymore because I almost killed myself in my shower one time I went a little crazy... but anyways the reason I cut back then was because it was like a drug.... to my knowledge on a physical level emotional pain does register in the brain as physical pain it has been proven with CT scans and MRI's... and it is extreme sometimes... enough to cause all sorts of havoc in your immune system, organs, and normal bodily functions. So when you "cut" your brain senses the blunt trauma to your body and releases huge amounts of endorphins, and adrenaline... my guess is that those two chemicals totally cloud your body from sensing any more emotional pain that is going on because your nervous system is numbing you so you don't feel the cut its like masking one totally real pain with another totally real pain.

On an emotional level it was always because I hated my self for doing the things I did (massive amounts of drugs, cheated on every girl I had, drank to much, etc etc) and just wanted to punish myself in some twisted way... because I wanted to punish myself for not having the strength, courage, or wisdom to help myself or get myself out of those situations that made me so depressed... don't get me wrong I am still a psychological MESS! but I just had somethings that shocked me out of that addiction... I was lucky. Now I write a lot and I have alternative things also that make things a lot easier.
 
^^ Both of the reasons you outlined were the reasons I cut too. You explained them very well :)
I'm really glad you've found better outlets for your emotions roundrhombus. Cutting just doesn't, well, cut it for very long (pardon the pun). Pretty soon the endorphins wear off and you're right back where you started...
 
You know you've got good reasons NOT to cut, so please don't do it. I know how you're feeling at the moment, I've felt the same way so many times.
Please try and find some other way to vent your emotions PT <3
 
Pillthrill said:
I actually got to the point to where I could feel the rezor in my hand,,even though it wasn't there. A see the white of the cut as the blood starts to rise to the top....but I didn't.
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Far out you have a way with words PT. That made me crave cutting 8o
But claire is right, it doesn't help anything. It only makes matters worse in the end.
 
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