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Cutting v. 2

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WEll, evne know i'm constantly posting this utter and stupid stuff on the cutting forum...i'm at it agian.

I got over last night, i bought a slab, i bought some blades, and i bought some meth. So now - I'm fucked on valium and drinking, about to get stoned...and for the first time i've done this...I don't cut because i feel bad, just cause i want teh endorphins - Its fun.

I don't knwo if this is good or bad, but its what i'm feeling at the moment, guess i'll updte this as i go on.
 
Well, i had this hope of reconnecting with an old friend i used to love...hope is such a bithc...i can't find her number, i'm freaking about it .. idon't know what to do...my friend is coming roudn, were gona get stoned, i've cutuself or over my stomache....jesus...i'm sorry
 
yeah scalples are fuckin crazy.. my old best friends sister used to give them out with bud for cutting open blunts.. stole em from her dad who worked at a hospital.. they were nice.. fuckin nice..
 
marlborogirl - i dont cut so i know this is probly coming from the wrong person, and might therefore not seem very understanding
however my serious suggestion wud b to get rid of those scalpels
as ppl hav already pointed out u cud do some serious damage with a scalpel - if ur going to cut why not just use the usual razor blades etc?
take care
 
n3ophy7e - i can't remember where i read that about the blood thing. they were actually suggesting that people be 'bled' in order to live longer though....
probably not a good thing to read with a history like ours - IMO
djh
 
Dragynfyr said:
yeah scalples are fuckin crazy.. my old best friends sister used to give them out with bud for cutting open blunts.. stole em from her dad who worked at a hospital.. they were nice.. fuckin nice..
Click to expand...

Yeah, my stepdad is an ER doctor and i found some in a drawer in my kitchen and then more in a first aid kit that he had put together (he likes to be prepared for anything in an emergency). And yeah I'm being extremely careful. I almost never cut really deep cus i'm not trying to kill myself at all and i'm trying to minimize scarring. i have had one deep cut about 3 years ago but it wasnt even that bad and i didnt need to go to the hospital at all. i like the scalpels cus it just makes it easier. anyways sorry about the rambling, i'm nodding pretty hard.
 
When I first starting cutting it was with a scalpel. It was from my chemistry kit as a kid. i liked it because I could make the cuts super tiny and it would bleed a lot without causing a lot of scarring. Then I threw my scalpel away one day when Iwas trying to quit. 'Course then I relapsed and ended up using a kitchen knife, the scars from that were pretty bad.
 
Im doing an artwork series based on people's cute, doesn't matter what age, reason or what the scar looks like. if you are a cutter and feel comfortable taking a picture of it and emailing it to me i can use it... anonymously.
 
pharmheadbangaluva said:
Im doing an artwork series based on people's cute, doesn't matter what age, reason or what the scar looks like. if you are a cutter and feel comfortable taking a picture of it and emailing it to me i can use it... anonymously.
Click to expand...
I'd be happy doing that for you, I have some pretty interesting/artistic cuts/scars.
 
I really fucked up last night.

So I've been cutting myself on and off for about 10 years. They've always been cuts that produce "explainable" or inconspicuous scars. I've always kept it in mind, what I am going to tell people the scar is from, when I'm actually cutting or planning to cut. Lately I've been getting a bit more creative and sly with my cutting, i.e. cutting where I always wear clothes so the scars aren't visible etc, which only means that I could continue to cut and it not impact my life at all. Until last night.

Last night we had a dinner party with my partner's family. It was a huge success, the food was great and we had an absolute ball. I can't remember a more successful dinner party. Our guests left, and Mick and I drank some more (we were both very drunk by this stage) and we both agreed that we were done for the night and we were going to bed.

Mick went to bed, but I stayed up. And for some stupid unknown reason (I *think* it was just to see how far I could push the limits), I cut myself. Harder and deeper than ever before. Because I was so drunk I couldn't feel the pain that I was desiring so I cut again and again over the same area. It bled like a bitch.

I woke up this morning and despite the dressings that I'd put on the cut last night, there was blood ALL OVER the sheets and the t-shirt I'd worn to bed, and the kitchen floor where I'd done it. The cut was well and truly still bleeding this morning. I had no idea it was so bad. I made the decision to go to the ER and get it stitched up. I'm so glad I did that because otherwise it would have produced the most horrific scar.

It was so humiliating having to explain the wound. I know it's their job and they deal with shit like that all the time but for me it was a really big sharp slap in the face to have to confront what I had done, and what I have been doing to myself for years.

8 stitches later...this is IT. NO MORE. I'm done. It is NOT ACCEPTABLE to cut myself. Plain and simple, no two-ways about it.

Right now I am feeling:
*ashamed
*embarrassed
*disappointed in myself
*humiliated
*scared
*in physical pain (the cut and stitches, and the ensuing tetanus shot really fucking hurt)

Thanks for letting me share my story. I have promised my boyfriend and myself that I will NEVER cut myself again.
 
n3ophy7e Im sorry to hear about your bad night.

I want you to remember one thing: You can do it. Cutting is a choice, I have the uptmost faith in you that you will stop. And once you do you will feel a lot better about everything.

heal well and stay safe. <3
 
hey n30phy7e, i hope you're feeling better :) i know you can quit cutting. its good that you're seeing all the negatives of it and changing for the better. also, i just want to say thanks for all the support you've given me in this thread and thanks to everyone else to!
 
also another alternative for those who feel the need and urge to hurt themselves it to hold ice cubes tightly or use a rubber band and snap it against your skin ... like this you can begin to get used to not actually cutting yourself, also both these dont cause any permanent damage or scars
 
Wow, the rubber band suggestion is fantastic. I am definitely going to try that. thank you the1towatch and pip <3
 
Thank you all for your inspirational reads.
I have been lurking for the past few weeks.
It's been about 8 months since I last cut, and over the past 3-4 weeks I have been fighing the current that's attempting to pull me back into that dark place.
Hearing what some of you have survived, and the techniques you've all used has definately been a huge help.


n3ophy7e said:
I really fucked up last night.

So I've been cutting myself on and off for about 10 years. They've always been cuts that produce "explainable" or inconspicuous scars. I've always kept it in mind, what I am going to tell people the scar is from, when I'm actually cutting or planning to cut. Lately I've been getting a bit more creative and sly with my cutting, i.e. cutting where I always wear clothes so the scars aren't visible etc, which only means that I could continue to cut and it not impact my life at all. Until last night.

Last night we had a dinner party with my partner's family. It was a huge success, the food was great and we had an absolute ball. I can't remember a more successful dinner party. Our guests left, and Mick and I drank some more (we were both very drunk by this stage) and we both agreed that we were done for the night and we were going to bed.

Mick went to bed, but I stayed up. And for some stupid unknown reason (I *think* it was just to see how far I could push the limits), I cut myself. Harder and deeper than ever before. Because I was so drunk I couldn't feel the pain that I was desiring so I cut again and again over the same area. It bled like a bitch.

I woke up this morning and despite the dressings that I'd put on the cut last night, there was blood ALL OVER the sheets and the t-shirt I'd worn to bed, and the kitchen floor where I'd done it. The cut was well and truly still bleeding this morning. I had no idea it was so bad. I made the decision to go to the ER and get it stitched up. I'm so glad I did that because otherwise it would have produced the most horrific scar.

It was so humiliating having to explain the wound. I know it's their job and they deal with shit like that all the time but for me it was a really big sharp slap in the face to have to confront what I had done, and what I have been doing to myself for years.

8 stitches later...this is IT. NO MORE. I'm done. It is NOT ACCEPTABLE to cut myself. Plain and simple, no two-ways about it.

Right now I am feeling:
*ashamed
*embarrassed
*disappointed in myself
*humiliated
*scared
*in physical pain (the cut and stitches, and the ensuing tetanus shot really fucking hurt)

Thanks for letting me share my story. I have promised my boyfriend and myself that I will NEVER cut myself again.
Click to expand...

My goodness sweetheart, I never knew you battled this too.
Appearances can be deceiving I guess.

Sometimes you have to take a step back to finally move forward, so hopefully this serves as the catalyst for making the decision to never do this again, and more importantly following through on that decision.

You know where to find me if you need to talk <3
 
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