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Cutting v. 2
- Thread starter sushii
- Start date
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Pillthrill
Bluelighter
I have had some self-injury and the guy I'm dating knows. He doesn't make me feel bad about it. But he has a strong desire to help me move to maybe other less damaging forms and then not needing it at all.
He said he can't wait when I had him my razor blades and he flushes down the toliet. (I'm not sure its the smartest place for them, but I think it was the point that he wanted me to be ready to give them up and not be able to go digging for them later, but to come to him and talk.)
He said he can't wait when I had him my razor blades and he flushes down the toliet. (I'm not sure its the smartest place for them, but I think it was the point that he wanted me to be ready to give them up and not be able to go digging for them later, but to come to him and talk.)
Hannah Capps
Let the Redeemed of the Lord Say So
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2006
- Messages
- 1,281
Cut again for the first time in 6 months...Feel like crap...No one gives two shits....
Pillthrill
Bluelighter
I can't cut! I gave my bf a whole handful of razor blades which I thought was big
then later,when I wanted to cut, he said he would do it if I did it. HOW UNFAIR is tha? I don't think thats healthy helping. HELP!
then later,when I wanted to cut, he said he would do it if I did it. HOW UNFAIR is tha? I don't think thats healthy helping. HELP!
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
hannah, i think ull find there will b ppl who give more than 2 shits - PM me if u need to talk, hun
im no expert on cutting but i give more than 2 shits
and gd on u for managing 6 months!
pillthrill, i think ur bf is just trying to help in the only way he knows how - hes not trying to b unfair, he just loves u and cares about u, and doesnt want to see u hurt urself
is there anything else u can do to take ur mind off ur urge to cut?
im no expert on cutting but i give more than 2 shits
and gd on u for managing 6 months!
pillthrill, i think ur bf is just trying to help in the only way he knows how - hes not trying to b unfair, he just loves u and cares about u, and doesnt want to see u hurt urself
is there anything else u can do to take ur mind off ur urge to cut?
**hAyzzZZ**
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2005
- Messages
- 1,567
It's not fair, it's even more unfair when your partner actually follows through with their threat "if you do, I will too"... something I found out the hard way a while ago.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I'm angry. I want to cut for some reason, cause I'm just angry. But there's no where that i can without getting an ugly scar, ugh. I'm fucking angry about the ones on my leg, I want to go to the god damn beach without feeling like everyone's looking at them. They're fucking ugly and I HATE THEM
God double edged fucking cunt sword.
Me too hayzz 
Yesterday I went out on a boat with all my closest mates and even though I had bandaids over the huge scars on my legs, everyone still asked about them.
How fucking embarrassing...
Of course I made up some stories about random drunken shenanigans but really, it's so fucking obvious 8)
Yesterday I went out on a boat with all my closest mates and even though I had bandaids over the huge scars on my legs, everyone still asked about them.
How fucking embarrassing...
Of course I made up some stories about random drunken shenanigans but really, it's so fucking obvious 8)
xxkcxx
Bluelighter
So it's been ONE YEAR (!) since I last cut myself (well, I think I might have done it one time in between but it was very superficial and there was no blood).
However, I've been thinking about how embarrassed I am about having done it A LOT lately.
I put on a sweatshirt that I thought I had lost and I saw the cigarette burn on the wrist...flashback to driving in the car with my best guy friend and me trying to use the cig to burn myself. He had to grab it outta my hand. I still have a the discolored scars on my wrist. I don't think they will ever go away because in the last 1.5 years, they haven't gotten any less noticeable...they look like herpes or something.
Anyway, so I don't know why I am dwelling on this, but like I said, I'm just feeling so embarrassed.
However, I've been thinking about how embarrassed I am about having done it A LOT lately.
I put on a sweatshirt that I thought I had lost and I saw the cigarette burn on the wrist...flashback to driving in the car with my best guy friend and me trying to use the cig to burn myself. He had to grab it outta my hand. I still have a the discolored scars on my wrist. I don't think they will ever go away because in the last 1.5 years, they haven't gotten any less noticeable...they look like herpes or something.
Anyway, so I don't know why I am dwelling on this, but like I said, I'm just feeling so embarrassed.
Pillthrill
Bluelighter
Ok I need some advice. My bf wants to help me stop cutting. Right now he is doing this, if I'm cut when he is with me he will do it too. Which yeah keeps me from cutting but I don't think its a healthy way to help me. Of course I don't want to cause him pain have to live with scars or god forbid get addicted to it like I did. what can he do to help me not cut that isn't this. He wants to help, but I almost resent him for this kind of helping and I don't want to feel that way about him.
Pillthrill
Bluelighter
Me too hayzz
Yesterday I went out on a boat with all my closest mates and even though I had bandaids over the huge scars on my legs, everyone still asked about them.
How fucking embarrassing...
Of course I made up some stories about random drunken shenanigans but really, it's so fucking obvious 8)
I understand that. But I had preschoolers asking about a scar...man did I feel like shit let me tell you when I lied and said I feel out of a tree.
PT, one of my ex's did the same thing, he promised that if i cut myself he would do it too.
And it worked for me.
The whole time I was with him (over 3 years) I never once cut myself. In time the urges and the thoughts fade and (in my experience) you learn to deal with things in other ways.
I cut myself about 6 months after that relationship ended though, and have done it many many times since then. But not for about 3-4 months now
And it worked for me.
The whole time I was with him (over 3 years) I never once cut myself. In time the urges and the thoughts fade and (in my experience) you learn to deal with things in other ways.
I cut myself about 6 months after that relationship ended though, and have done it many many times since then. But not for about 3-4 months now
Pillthrill
Bluelighter
I just don't think its helpful and have a bad feeling about it. Now I have developed things like him holding me until it passes or petting my cat until it passes. But I just don't like this way of helping. I did give him 5 whole razor blades yesterday to get rid of. He saw how hard is was and I REALLY had a hard time letting them go, but I need to. Well I'm half way to having them out of my house....
See? You're finding new ways to cope already!
It's a blessing in disguise PT. Just go with it
And yeah, my partner's little brother (he's 7) asked about a scar once, it feels really shitty doesn't it?
Miss Tury
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2009
- Messages
- 10
Just found this thread.... I figured I'd tell my story...
I started cutting in 8th grade and the first time I did it, I was sad and depressed and I did it for attention.
But I also liked it.
My mom found out and threatened to throw me in the psych ward if I did it again.
Well I never did it for attention after that... When I first started, I loved to use blunt pieces of jagged plastic to slice up my wrists and forearms and would use lots of rubber bracelets to hide the marks. Cutting for me always felt good.... if you could imagine tons of built up pressure just eating away at you, and then as soon as that steel/needle/knife/etc goes slicing through your flesh it's like an instant release. I remained a cutter for many years. I do have sort of an odd fetish for my own blood. I love the way it looks beading up out of cuts or running down my arm.
I was once sat in a hot bath and took an extremely sharp exacto blade and sliced up my wrist so deep I could visibly see the tendons in my wrist. All the blood had just been washing away into the water and when I stood up, I almost passed out from blood loss..... that was a scary moment.
I never cut that deep or on my arms again... but any moments where I was feeling extremely depressed, I would just pop out my little razors and cut my outer thigh. My left leg has a massive track history that no one ever sees. It sucks to have all the scars all over my body... but what can you do. You live, you learn.
I haven't cut in about 4 years now.... I suppose it's mostly because I haven't been driven that deep into depression. But there is no doubt that cutting feels good to me and I'm sure a lot of other people. In fact... reading all these posts kinda makes me crave some cold steel slicing through my soft flesh.
I also like to paint with my blood..... that's not weird right?! ; )
I started cutting in 8th grade and the first time I did it, I was sad and depressed and I did it for attention.
But I also liked it.
My mom found out and threatened to throw me in the psych ward if I did it again.
Well I never did it for attention after that... When I first started, I loved to use blunt pieces of jagged plastic to slice up my wrists and forearms and would use lots of rubber bracelets to hide the marks. Cutting for me always felt good.... if you could imagine tons of built up pressure just eating away at you, and then as soon as that steel/needle/knife/etc goes slicing through your flesh it's like an instant release. I remained a cutter for many years. I do have sort of an odd fetish for my own blood. I love the way it looks beading up out of cuts or running down my arm.
I was once sat in a hot bath and took an extremely sharp exacto blade and sliced up my wrist so deep I could visibly see the tendons in my wrist. All the blood had just been washing away into the water and when I stood up, I almost passed out from blood loss..... that was a scary moment.
I never cut that deep or on my arms again... but any moments where I was feeling extremely depressed, I would just pop out my little razors and cut my outer thigh. My left leg has a massive track history that no one ever sees. It sucks to have all the scars all over my body... but what can you do. You live, you learn.
I haven't cut in about 4 years now.... I suppose it's mostly because I haven't been driven that deep into depression. But there is no doubt that cutting feels good to me and I'm sure a lot of other people. In fact... reading all these posts kinda makes me crave some cold steel slicing through my soft flesh.
I also like to paint with my blood..... that's not weird right?! ; )
Hey Miss Tury, welcome to the thread (and Bluelight!).
So how long has it been now since you started cutting in 8th grade?
Do you have any desire to stop doing it and find other ways to deal with things?
Do you see/have you seen a psych/therapist/etc?
I hope you can find solice in this thread, by reading other people's experiences, and maybe even try some other coping mechanisms that others have suggested??
So how long has it been now since you started cutting in 8th grade?
Do you have any desire to stop doing it and find other ways to deal with things?
Do you see/have you seen a psych/therapist/etc?
I hope you can find solice in this thread, by reading other people's experiences, and maybe even try some other coping mechanisms that others have suggested??
My mom threated to bring me out to the psych ward or some bullshit when she saw my cuts there a few weeks ago. They looked pretty bad but her totally freaking out about it and delebritely trying to make me feel worse did not fucking help. It was just one of her all to common bullshit threats that she kinda throws around.
I really don't care if people see my scars and all i have to do is make up some shit like i got drunk and blah blah blah.
I really don't care if people see my scars and all i have to do is make up some shit like i got drunk and blah blah blah.
My family are weird...I know they've all seen my scars (how could they not see them), but no-one has ever asked me about them. I know it's not because they don't care, I think they're too afraid to confront me about it. And I'd probably die from embarrassment/shame if any of them approached me about it anyway!
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