Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v 12

[silenthill]

But if i can go from that shithole to having a pretty good day so can anyone

i was in severe heroin withdrawal leading up to the days of invega. i was a stupid 19 year old who did dumb things and yet the biggest mistake of my life was not saying "no" to the doctor who said invega was optional. he told me it was a "miracle drug" and that i'd be "saved" and i wanted that badly. my cats first birthday was nearby and he promised to let me out on that day too, i adore my cats.
i screamed and was restrained due to the physical hell of drug withdrawal because the rehab facility "was too full." my birthday came not even a month later and i had to spend it in bed tossing and turning in agony. i had to spend christmas in bed too since it was a month after. i watched everyone i know turn on me, yet here i am today. not perfect, still with flaws, but i survived.

 

[KubiKook]

Has anyone else ever seen the movie "A Beautiful Mind"?

Great movie.

 

[silenthill]

what i'm saying is i've been through so much mentally and physically theres no doubt it left permanent repercussions on my brain, but today i'm here and i look forward to every day. i wish survivors wouldn't look at invega as a reason to kill themselves but as a reason to live. this is hell, if you can survive hell then what can't you survive

 

[silenthill]

eat healthy, do keto diet maybe, follow your faith, believe in yourself, try to go out, exercise, take everyday one at a time and focus on present not future. stay away from drugs, i speak from experience (ive met many survivors who cope using them for invega)

 

[paranoid android]

i was in severe heroin withdrawal leading up to the days of invega. i was a stupid 19 year old who did dumb things and yet the biggest mistake of my life was not saying "no" to the doctor who said invega was optional. he told me it was a "miracle drug" and that i'd be "saved" and i wanted that badly. my cats first birthday was nearby and he promised to let me out on that day too, i adore my cats.
i screamed and was restrained due to the physical hell of drug withdrawal because the rehab facility "was too full." my birthday came not even a month later and i had to spend it in bed tossing and turning in agony. i had to spend christmas in bed too since it was a month after. i watched everyone i know turn on me, yet here i am today. not perfect, still with flaws, but i survived.

I can so relate omg! When i was admitted i was in severe morphine wd. I was injecting shitloads of it. I was also in severe benzo wd because i was on 6mg's of clonazepam a day. When i was admitted the doc refused to give me meds so i punched him and knocked him to the floor. I was then thrown in solitary by about 3 security guards then pinned down and injected with what was fuck knows what. I straight up throuht they where trying to kill me.

I dont know exactly how many times i was thrown in solitary. 6 times atleast and i dont know for how long. My memory is fucked from the drug wdf's, psychosis and also cotards syndrome i had. Cotards was so bad it made opiate and benzo wd's look fun. Thats a rare oe. I was given no meds for wd's or even psychosis. The dumb shrink i had kept saying i had weed psychosis lol. Finally after a big fight with security that my brother gor involved in as well i was given another shrink. He put me on invega which at that point i was glad to get. But fuck invega im on zyprexa now and its so much better

Whats sort of funny is that i was actually treated better when i was arrested by the poilice then when i was admitted to the psych ward. Atleast they gave me my meds even the benzos when i was drunk. But the psych ward do it under the guise of "treatment". How is cutting somweone off morphine and clonazepam cold turkey and throwing them in solitary treatment?

I still have trauma over that shit

 

[silenthill]

I still have trauma over that shit

same here, i remember being treated better when i was getting arrested than when i was in the ward. they didn't even give me anything to help with my heroin wd, i was lucky to have a solo room so i could sleep without clothes cause i was melting and in pain. they tried putting me in a program after the stay but obviously invega basically shut me down to the point i could barely bathe myself at the beginning. i spent so long doing DXM , coke , heroin and weed was my sleep aid, no weed then im not sleeping. at least they gave me tons of Ambien id hide in my cheek to take all it once later to substitute. also had a buddy in there with a dab pen he snuck in. my designated doctor was smug as shit and had that college douche vibe

 

[paranoid android]

same here, i remember being treated better when i was getting arrested than when i was in the ward. they didn't even give me anything to help with my heroin wd, i was lucky to have a solo room so i could sleep without clothes cause i was melting and in pain. they tried putting me in a program after the stay but obviously invega basically shut me down to the point i could barely bathe myself at the beginning. i spent so long doing DXM , coke , heroin and weed was my sleep aid, no weed then im not sleeping. at least they gave me tons of Ambien id hide in my cheek to take all it once later to substitute. also had a buddy in there with a dab pen he snuck in. my designated doctor was smug as shit and had that college douche vibe

The oly drug i got in the psych ward besides invega and abilify injectios was the weed we brought in there. We had no shortage of that anyway. I got alot for free cause most of the people in there where young and couldnt roll joints. Whipping out a bong in the psych ward was not practical lol.

But for the morphine and clonazepam wd's didnt even get a asprin from them. Thankfully when i got our the shrink gave me clonazepam for generalized anxiety, bromazepam for panic attacks and zopiclone for insomnia. So i have good meds anyway now so il take that

Im still pissed off over how i was treated though. Also in our psych ward there was always 5 or 6 to a room. So i had to wd in there. Thankfully i can remember none of thw wd's. Im not trying to either im cool with not remembering lol

 

[Brendan Clark]

Can I recover from 9 invega injections? Will this cognitive impairment be permanent? I just don't feel as sharp as I used to be and even reading long chunks of info is too much for me. Will I ever go back to my old self?

 

[Brendan Clark]

Feeling really bad just now. For context my first 3/4 doses of invega were at 100mg, then the next three were lowered to 75mg, and this last one was at 50mg. A few weeks ago there was a meeting between me my parents and the psychiatrist (I had two lowered doses of 50mg left) and I asked if they could move me to aripiprazole (abilify), and the psychiatrist said "I wouldn't recommend it." I'm feeling now that I should have insisted that I be cross-titrated to aripiprazole, because I was getting better towards the end of June, then they give me that 50mg of invega and feel I lost a lot of my cognitive abilities just from that one dose. Now I'm spending the whole day saying to myself "Why didn't I just put my foot on the ground and say "No, I'll not go with your recommendation, and ask to be switched to aripiprazole". At the time I didn't know what to do because I thought "they're lowering the dose so maybe it won't have as big an impact", but it still did. Ugh! I'm feeling really depressed now and don't know how to get out of it, just blaming myself for not being assertive enough.

 

[InnerReturn]

Has anyone else ever seen the movie "A Beautiful Mind"?

One of the most memorable films on the topic of mental health. I'm so glad it has a happy ending. But first and foremost, I liked it because it tells the story of my favorite mathematician — John Nash. Since I studied in a math class and was closely connected to the subject, it was incredibly interesting to watch on screen where his genius would lead him, even though I already knew his biography very well

 

[InnerReturn]

Oops, didn't even consider that. Sorry. Happy Thursday. The "happy" is obviously not reality. I guess we could both use that spark. By the way, how does dried-out bark present in a person.
I don't know how I'm going to keep on going, Lara. Truly, every second of every day is the worst kind of misery & suffering. Not one thing brings a sense of peace or purpose or pleasure. Nothing. Does anything do that for you? Well, I'm glad that I at least made you feel less alone : ) - Ah, see, there's a smile. Hee-Hee. Ciao & Shalom, Daniel-san (ala Karate Kid).

You asked what dried-out tree bark looks like in a person. It's when you wake up and your first thought isn't "good morning," but "again." When music that used to give you chills becomes just noise. When you're sitting in the shower and don't feel the water on your skin — just the fact that "I'm washing." When someone tells you something funny, and you understand with your mind that it's a joke, but inside — nothing. When the world has become flat, like a photograph, instead of three-dimensional. When you remember that you used to love the smell of coffee, but now it's just a smell that your brain barely registers. You ask if anything brings me peace or pleasure. Honestly — almost nothing. Sometimes there's a second when I look at the sky and feel something vaguely like "beautiful." Sometimes — when I read your messages, something warm appears. But it's not pleasure yet, more like a hint of it. A faint echo of what used to be. You wrote that you don't know how to continue. Honestly, I don't know either. Physically, I've recovered about 30-40%, but the remaining part still makes itself known

 

[InnerReturn]

i was in severe heroin withdrawal leading up to the days of invega. i was a stupid 19 year old who did dumb things and yet the biggest mistake of my life was not saying "no" to the doctor who said invega was optional. he told me it was a "miracle drug" and that i'd be "saved" and i wanted that badly. my cats first birthday was nearby and he promised to let me out on that day too, i adore my cats.
i screamed and was restrained due to the physical hell of drug withdrawal because the rehab facility "was too full." my birthday came not even a month later and i had to spend it in bed tossing and turning in agony. i had to spend christmas in bed too since it was a month after. i watched everyone i know turn on me, yet here i am today. not perfect, still with flaws, but i survived.

Thank you for your honesty. You are a very strong person. I wish I could be like that too. To be honest, I had suicidal tendencies even before Invega. I don't understand why the doctors, knowing this, still decided to give me the injections. Life feels like it's being crushed under a marble slab. I so want to live, but I dream of dying.
In the past, I wanted to create a family and have several children, become an architect (drawing was my hobby), move to another country, and live without any needs until old age. But now I feel like my compass is broken — I don't see any direction, and I don't even have faith in myself. And Invega just poured oil on the fire

 

[InnerReturn]

Can I recover from 9 invega injections? Will this cognitive impairment be permanent? I just don't feel as sharp as I used to be and even reading long chunks of info is too much for me. Will I ever go back to my old self?

On Reddit in the comments, I read a story about a person who was given 12 injections and it took him about 5 years to recover. You will probably need less time — everything is individual — but considering that your last doses were relatively small, you will most likely recover faster

 

[Brendan Clark]

On Reddit in the comments, I read a story about a person who was given 12 injections and it took him about 5 years to recover. You will probably need less time — everything is individual — but considering that your last doses were relatively small, you will most likely recover faster

Thanks for the encouragement Lara. I've been in a really bad place these past few days, and feel like it's my fault for not advocating for myself enough. Had a meeting with the psychiatrist a few weeks ago and asked if I could switch to Abilify (aripiprazole) and then he said in response "I wouldn't recommend it" since my dose was going to be lowered anyway to 50mg. I just wish I had challenged him on that and said "I still want to change to aripiprazole" and if he said no again at least I'd have tried my best, but now I'm re-living that moment wishing I had done that. In fact, initially, I was very vocal about not wanting the injections, but because I'm on a CTO, there's only so much I can say or do, and kind of gave into the fact that this is my reality without raising my voice. I just wish I had been more vocal and it's frustrating I can't go back in time and have rung the alarm bells sooner. I even said to the nurse 9 days ago "Is it okay if you just don't give this to me", and she said "No Brendan, you're on a CTO." I've now got one more injection left at the end of this month. Do you think I should try to get it changed to a different one, or just take it? The problem now is if they introduce a new antipsychotic I don't know how long they'd have me on it, so maybe I need to just bite the bullet, get my 10th shot, and then be medication free for the rest of my life (hopefully a better life than what I'm going through now). I'm really confused.

 

[Brendan Clark]

On Reddit in the comments, I read a story about a person who was given 12 injections and it took him about 5 years to recover. You will probably need less time — everything is individual — but considering that your last doses were relatively small, you will most likely recover faster

This gives me some hope. 5 years is a long time but it's better than never recovering at all.

 

[invegaloner]

I’ve seen some people here hate to be told this, and I’m not saying this to be dismissive, but even though Invega seems like the big bad evil in life you still need to seek help for depression. Most people here have taken invega after being admitted to the psych ward. Being in the psych ward alone is traumatizing! You don’t end up in there for no reason and you don’t know how long you’ll be there for! It’s a big event in life that effects other things! It would honestly be more concerning if you didn’t feel depressed and anxious considering the circumstances. Depression literally makes everything in life worse, it has long term effects on your brain and can cause physical symptoms. Depression symptoms can manifest as ADHD even. I have been diagnosed with both and the more depressed I am the worse my ADHD gets.
Fighting depression on your own is hard and I’m not necessarily saying everyone needs to start antidepressants. But there are small steps to make things easier. If you can’t shower everyday shower every other day. Sit in the tub if you need to. If you can’t read a full book try to commit to a page a day. Try to leave the house at least once a week even if just to grab something to eat. It’s awful that invega has caused these side effects for us but it’s so upsetting to see people deny deny and deny again that they could have mental illness when no one stays the same forever and anyone can develop mental illness, and when you’re in your mid 20s it’s the most common time to start showing symptoms. But the biggest thing I keep saying over and over is that you cannot stay inside all day wondering when you will get better because you will not if you do nothing. Remember even people who get injured need to take physical therapy to heal properly.

 

[Gdvffh]

I swear they weakened the formula of these drugs. Why is the world doing this to us? Putting us on these nasty drugs that makes us so incapable and also breaking the penis.

 

[InnerReturn]

Thanks for the encouragement Lara. I've been in a really bad place these past few days, and feel like it's my fault for not advocating for myself enough. Had a meeting with the psychiatrist a few weeks ago and asked if I could switch to Abilify (aripiprazole) and then he said in response "I wouldn't recommend it" since my dose was going to be lowered anyway to 50mg. I just wish I had challenged him on that and said "I still want to change to aripiprazole" and if he said no again at least I'd have tried my best, but now I'm re-living that moment wishing I had done that. In fact, initially, I was very vocal about not wanting the injections, but because I'm on a CTO, there's only so much I can say or do, and kind of gave into the fact that this is my reality without raising my voice. I just wish I had been more vocal and it's frustrating I can't go back in time and have rung the alarm bells sooner. I even said to the nurse 9 days ago "Is it okay if you just don't give this to me", and she said "No Brendan, you're on a CTO." I've now got one more injection left at the end of this month. Do you think I should try to get it changed to a different one, or just take it? The problem now is if they introduce a new antipsychotic I don't know how long they'd have me on it, so maybe I need to just bite the bullet, get my 10th shot, and then be medication free for the rest of my life (hopefully a better life than what I'm going through now). I'm really confused.

Brendan, please don't blame yourself for not pushing harder. You were in an impossible situation. A CTO gives you very little room to advocate for yourself, and the psychiatrist and nurse both shut you down. That's not your failure — that's a system that doesn't listen. You did try. You asked about switching to Abilify. You asked the nurse if you could skip the injection. Both times you were told no. That's not "not advocating for yourself enough." That's you using what little power you had in a situation where the cards are stacked against you. By the way, I also had a chance not to get the injections. After the first one, I could have said that I was feeling really bad, but I didn’t think of it because I didn’t know it was Invega. They simply didn’t give me the information and misled me. “It’s just a medication for your anxiety that’s bothering you,” they said, and I believed them. As for another injection — if I were you, I wouldn’t do the tenth one. Simply because it’s not a harmless drug, but a very powerful long-acting antipsychotic. I would rely on the principle: “Tablets can be stopped at any time, the dose can be adjusted, or switched to another drug, but with Invega things are different. It stays in the body for a very long time, and the period of its complete elimination is quite long. If you want to cancel its effect, you won’t be able to because of its pharmacology”. Whatever you choose, just know that you're not weak for being in this position. You've survived nine injections under a CTO — that's not failure, that's endurance. Weigh the pros and cons, and trust yourself

 

[InnerReturn]

I’ve seen some people here hate to be told this, and I’m not saying this to be dismissive, but even though Invega seems like the big bad evil in life you still need to seek help for depression. Most people here have taken invega after being admitted to the psych ward. Being in the psych ward alone is traumatizing! You don’t end up in there for no reason and you don’t know how long you’ll be there for! It’s a big event in life that effects other things! It would honestly be more concerning if you didn’t feel depressed and anxious considering the circumstances. Depression literally makes everything in life worse, it has long term effects on your brain and can cause physical symptoms. Depression symptoms can manifest as ADHD even. I have been diagnosed with both and the more depressed I am the worse my ADHD gets.
Fighting depression on your own is hard and I’m not necessarily saying everyone needs to start antidepressants. But there are small steps to make things easier. If you can’t shower everyday shower every other day. Sit in the tub if you need to. If you can’t read a full book try to commit to a page a day. Try to leave the house at least once a week even if just to grab something to eat. It’s awful that invega has caused these side effects for us but it’s so upsetting to see people deny deny and deny again that they could have mental illness when no one stays the same forever and anyone can develop mental illness, and when you’re in your mid 20s it’s the most common time to start showing symptoms. But the biggest thing I keep saying over and over is that you cannot stay inside all day wondering when you will get better because you will not if you do nothing. Remember even people who get injured need to take physical therapy to heal properly.

I hear your point about depression and small steps. Genuine question: do you think there's a difference between depression that develops on its own and the anhedonia caused by a dopamine-blocking drug? Because to me, they feel like different things, and the "small steps" approach often doesn't work when your dopamine receptors are blocked

 

[KubiKook]

You asked what dried-out tree bark looks like in a person. It's when you wake up and your first thought isn't "good morning," but "again." When music that used to give you chills becomes just noise. When you're sitting in the shower and don't feel the water on your skin — just the fact that "I'm washing." When someone tells you something funny, and you understand with your mind that it's a joke, but inside — nothing. When the world has become flat, like a photograph, instead of three-dimensional. When you remember that you used to love the smell of coffee, but now it's just a smell that your brain barely registers. You ask if anything brings me peace or pleasure. Honestly — almost nothing. Sometimes there's a second when I look at the sky and feel something vaguely like "beautiful." Sometimes — when I read your messages, something warm appears. But it's not pleasure yet, more like a hint of it. A faint echo of what used to be. You wrote that you don't know how to continue. Honestly, I don't know either. Physically, I've recovered about 30-40%, but the remaining part still makes itself known

Morning, Mara, I guess more like nighttime for you... Wow, thank you for those very well-expressed descriptions. I feel the same. Or really DON'T feel, considering the mostly emotionless connection to life. I used to be so moved by my heart, simple things like watching birds in my birdbath, chipmunks & squirrels eating the nuts in the yard, the blooming flora on my land, or like you, the smell of coffee in the early morn & the sound of music, especially an acoustic guitar with stirring vocals, my cat atop her tower basking in the sun, a tear-jerking movie, a hot bath sweetened with citrus oil, an afternoon nap on the couch with my Calico Mirabelle laying upon me, completing a poem or song in perfect rhyme, sharing a Sunday brunch & some prayer with my sister & Pop followed by a lounge on my deck & a hand-rolled smoke (with a touch of clove powder), penciling in the final clue of a Sunday Crossword,
all things I used to savor, brought such a sense a subtle sense of 'celebration' in my heart, 'soul' & mind. It's all gone. Now, absolutely nothing moves me.

Such a tragedy. It's all been stolen. Can any of this come back? The answer seems to be no. I hope I'm wrong. HOPE. Do I even feel that emotion anymore?
Well, thanks again for your very brilliant assessment. It 'inspired' me to re-member & write, which I guess is good. It'll at least leave a legacy of you & me.