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Mental Health Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v. 10

fenec said:
Yes it's getting better brother, after 19 months 4 injections and how are you?
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I had two of halidol. You felt better 19 months later? I’m month 7-8 does this get better? I only found out today it wasn’t invega it was halidol.
 
I
maryjaneforever said:
You’ll be ok. But not for awhile. Maybe 12 months. By the time summer comes you should be better.
I gave up the weed for awhile.
And yeah it destroyed music for me. I can’t dance anymore. Still not interested in meaningless conversations or small talk.
Caffeine yes and nicotine yes.
Force yourself to drink water and get some vitamins. It’s raped your body of its natural processes.

Your gut feeds your brain. Nothing in your gut nothing in your brain.

I dunno my belief is this is something that changes us.
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I just found out today reading my discharge summary that it was a shot of halidol and a shot of aripriprazole :( I hope I heal
 
Hey all.
Every day I think aboit how things would be if I never got the shot and every day I just feel so much regret. The main thing I miss is music. I cant feel any drug anymore. It has been 683 days since I got the injections. I am still working, working out, in school, etc, but it is so hard being numb. I fucking hate being numb. I miss the old me more than anything. Sleep has really been an issue and sleep deprivation paychosis has sent me to the psych ward 4 times in this 683 days.
Did this really ruin my life forever? I fucking hate this music was my whole world. My life is all work no play. It is not like I am complaining I cant feel drugs or alcohol it is just scary to me bc that really isnt normal.
Do people actually recover or do they eventually say it is their “illness” or it “traumatized them@ and that is why they are numb. And they just live in denial. Yall I need hope. If I found out I could be normal even if it takes 15 years thats all i meed you know to keep pushing. Currently on 150 mg lamictal bc thats a condition my dad has to live with him. My roomate got prego in April and kicked us all out and because i qasnt able to work in the two months i was in the psych ward i did not have enough for first and last to live somewhere else.
Someone pls tell me this isnt my life now.
I am 21 btw.
 
I’m sorry you are going through this too. It’s been eight months for me now and I feel you. Can’t enjoy music or feel emotions or thirst or hunger or weed anymore. I found out I was given haldol today which is stronger than invega … I’m losing hope
 
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invegafuckedmeupmeow said:
Hey all.
Every day I think aboit how things would be if I never got the shot and every day I just feel so much regret. The main thing I miss is music. I cant feel any drug anymore. It has been 683 days since I got the injections. I am still working, working out, in school, etc, but it is so hard being numb. I fucking hate being numb. I miss the old me more than anything. Sleep has really been an issue and sleep deprivation paychosis has sent me to the psych ward 4 times in this 683 days.
Did this really ruin my life forever? I fucking hate this music was my whole world. My life is all work no play. It is not like I am complaining I cant feel drugs or alcohol it is just scary to me bc that really isnt normal.
Do people actually recover or do they eventually say it is their “illness” or it “traumatized them@ and that is why they are numb. And they just live in denial. Yall I need hope. If I found out I could be normal even if it takes 15 years thats all i meed you know to keep pushing. Currently on 150 mg lamictal bc thats a condition my dad has to live with him. My roomate got prego in April and kicked us all out and because i qasnt able to work in the two months i was in the psych ward i did not have enough for first and last to live somewhere else.
Someone pls tell me this isnt my life now.
I am 21 btw.
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How many shots did you get
 
invegafuckedmeupmeow said:
Hey all.
Every day I think aboit how things would be if I never got the shot and every day I just feel so much regret. The main thing I miss is music. I cant feel any drug anymore. It has been 683 days since I got the injections. I am still working, working out, in school, etc, but it is so hard being numb. I fucking hate being numb. I miss the old me more than anything. Sleep has really been an issue and sleep deprivation paychosis has sent me to the psych ward 4 times in this 683 days.
Did this really ruin my life forever? I fucking hate this music was my whole world. My life is all work no play. It is not like I am complaining I cant feel drugs or alcohol it is just scary to me bc that really isnt normal.
Do people actually recover or do they eventually say it is their “illness” or it “traumatized them@ and that is why they are numb. And they just live in denial. Yall I need hope. If I found out I could be normal even if it takes 15 years thats all i meed you know to keep pushing. Currently on 150 mg lamictal bc thats a condition my dad has to live with him. My roomate got prego in April and kicked us all out and because i qasnt able to work in the two months i was in the psych ward i did not have enough for first and last to live somewhere else.
Someone pls tell me this isnt my life now.
I am 21 btw.
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I was able to feel weed 4 months off and I got 7 shots so I think it's the lamictal. I miss music so much too. It's scary because not everyone listens to music obsessively so they have no way to gauge whether it's gone or not. About the weed though, it definitely gets me high, change of headspace and all but it becomes very clear that I'm working with a severe deficit.
 
I agree with @maryjaneforever stating that this poison is permanent, my hands also started shacking from time to time. I believe it gives you a variety of disfunctions, deseases and many other health issues.

My opinion is that these shots dont just block some of the most important neurons in our brain, but destroys them permanently.

For all these months ive been soothing and convincing myself that this shit is not permanent, and when days past by i got more to the realistic side, its just gotten worse everyday.

I also think that many people here are just faking most of these recovery stories or as some said here, forgot what they were like before this poison.

All i know is that i would do anything to get my old self back, to be just normal functioning again. Some people are able to stay home after this shit and not notice the amount of consequences this poison brings. Only the ones who are forced to work, provide, and be social are the ones who really notice the amount of damage done by this magic poison.

Never in my life i thought that there could be something in this world that could break me mentally (not out of pride).

I really would wish to see someone who got these shots and is like 4-5 years past the last injection and see what he says. To me its bullshit that some state here after several dose shots they recovered and feel better than before. This poison destroys everyones nervous system in the same way, its not about viruses which different bodies react to with different rates (not the case to state that someones immune system is better than others). This is straight brain and body damage which you can see right away but dont have the brain as before to describe the intensity.

Just read in google search, so many medical investigations made by top specialists on this poison claiming that it is pure death and destruction. No more needed to be said to describe this piece of intense shite…
 
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If
wbga said:
It was about finding the true happiness or meaning from no meaning.

You know invega made us feel nothing and no desire.

All my happiness was focused on the stimulation and tastes, money, filling my desires.

So basically filling desire was the meaning of my life, which I didn't even know I was defining my happiness like that before.

I wanted to die because I thought I lost all the meaning about life.

Even health wasn't something giving me the meaning of life.

It was the will to find the meaning and hope itself that gave me meaning.

I tried to make sense of this world that's filled with so much contradictions.

And I could find one fact.

Life wasn't about making sense of everything in physical world, but finding who I am through this contradiction.

Life isn't fair for sure. Life is so cruel. God isn't merciful.

God only wants us to find who we are.

Invega gave me answer to this.

The world and I, all the people I meet are in fact myself.

Abundance doesn't come from outside but from inside.

Finding harmony in the outside, when it doesn't make sense at all.

Trying to understand something that doesn't make sense.

All this process gave me the will to live even though it is still hard to do what I am required to do.

If you want to hear more please ask me more in detail.
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I’d love to hear more. I’m losing hope.
 
Upset because my psychiatrist and mom are making me go back onto invega. because im not good at taking my medicine regularly. last time i took it i wanted to die. im hoping i can convince them otherwise.
 
oddy22 said:
Upset because my psychiatrist and mom are making me go back onto invega. because im not good at taking my medicine regularly. last time i took it i wanted to die. im hoping i can convince them otherwise.
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if it was me i'd be on the run... maxing out credit cards and living in the wilderness
 
invega011024 said:
It's been about 5 months now since my loader + 153mg shot. I am starting to get chills from music.
edit: maybe it was just from caffeine....
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Frission is never a consistent thing! It's very random for me. If it happened once it will happen again. I had to listen to a song twice a couple weeks apart for it to trigger me, and it coincidentally showed up in the credits of a show I was watching the second time so I wasn't expecting to hear it.
 
Pretty Green said:
I’m happy for you. I hear you about how it erases your self awareness and ability to introspect. It’s pure poison.
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It's very weird that it does that. I'm a very introspective person, but that was taken away from me. But now I feel introspective and self aware again. I feel like I don't think as much as I used to and that troubles me.

I'm not numb in any sense of the word, but I'm not normal. A bit dulled, but on the near normal side. It sucks because I was very emotional and I knew myself so well. It's like I'm getting to know myself as a different person. Yet, I still don't think it's permanent because I see incremental improvement every couple of weeks. I'm suffering from PSSD exclusively now.
 
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InvegaAnon said:
It's very weird that it does that. I'm a very introspective person, but that was taken away from me. But now I feel introspective and self aware again. I feel like I don't think as much as I used to and that troubles me.

I'm not numb in any sense of the word, but I'm not normal. A bit dulled, but on the near normal side. It sucks because I was very emotional and I knew myself so well. It's like I'm getting to know myself as a different person. Yet, I still don't think it's permanent because I see incremental improvement every couple of weeks. I'm suffering from PSSD exclusively now.
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That’s good you see an improvement. I’m eight months in now and read my discharge summary two days ago. They are ferocious. I was manic and called 000 ambulance for help so I could sleep and they gave me valporate zuclopenthinol paliperidone and abilify and then when a man came into my room and was watching me sleep one night (he was heavily sedated and delirious) I panicked and screamed and they gave me a shot of 5mg haldol and 400mg abilify in a shot. I was there from the start of September until mid October and they have ruined my life. I’ve tried to kill myself four times now but it hasn’t worked. I ended up back in that same hospital where they gave me lithium and latuda and forced it on me. It’s now month 8 and I tried ketamine infusions last week and felt even more disconnected. I miss my soul. I miss my emotions. I miss feeling thirsty and hungry. Please tell me there is hope. Antipsychotics never worked for me in the past pill form olanzapine and seroquel and I should have had it written on my medical records. I feel like my spine isn’t connected to my brain anymore. I don’t even have schizophrenia. I’m so frightened please help
 
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