seeing as i haven't been active too often, this will be my final post.
october 10th, 2024. i was surrounded by 4 people in my room alone, including the doctor seeing me at the psych ward. they began to tell me how invega is a good alternative to quitting drugs, seeing as they knew my history of marijuana use and other drugs. mind you, i've never personally experienced psychosis. i was in there for any support on drug use since all the rehab programs were full. they kept telling me that this injection would make me happy and calm. i have aspergers so i didn't know what to say back, i smiled and agreed with them. note, i have NEVER been on an antipsychotic before ever. only things for my bad adhd and anxiety. the next morning i received the shot, and that's when hell began. i was given one injection of 234mg, nothing more. they agreed to let me out for my mothers birthday if i complied with the shot, so fuck it. they trusted me to follow up with the second loading dose myself after leaving by giving my mother the box of the injection through CVS pharmacy. yes, they expected my mom to do it herself, we were not given the option of a nurse.
time passes, i never end up getting the second loading dose. i spent the whole month in the emergency rooms multiple times complaining to doctors about what had happened and they began to convince me invega leaves in a month and i'm just an anxious person. this happened multiple times. i was even threatened with being sent to an asylum instead of a normal hospital ward for 'being insane and delusional.' i had to suffer in silence while those people wanted me to get better. get better? you made it so i cant. 'anxious person.' i actually believed them for some time. until i found bluelight.
my mother and brother were very supportive during my recovery, sometimes skipping work to stay home with me, but they just didn't believe the injection would last this long. i mean, yeah it's a little bad to not believe your family, but can you blame them when 10 fucking doctors say i'm fine and cured?
anyways i had the same symptoms you all have. i don't wanna get into what it was like, just know i tried to kill myself many times and ended up hospitalized 5 more times. my mom began to threaten any doctor who thought another injection would work with legal action so i felt safer. it wasn't until february where i began to feel somewhat okay.
nowadays, almost 8 months later, i've lost all my invega weight. i've cried, listened to music all day and sang along, i've been able to keep a daily routine for 2-3 weeks now, i go to the gym often, etc. i'm not gonna sit here and say i'm fully recovered because like some of you say, my sleep is also pretty fucked. luckily weed helps with that, which i can feel. not sure about caffeine and nicotine since i don't take those. oh and plus the short term memory loss.
but is life okay? i'd say it is, more than okay. i'm getting back in shape, going out, playing guitar again, keeping my room clean, and i can kind of feel emotions again. my hair used to be a fucking rocky mess, it was curly and horribly matted and tangled since invega made me not even wanna wash it for weeks. i didn't care about anything. now it's silky long and i count only 2-3 hairs falling out compared to back then. i'm at a point where i'm satisfied with recovery. i'm hoping that years down the line i'll fully recover cause users like
@t_xeplionhell give me hope, but for now, i'm just gonna keep moving forward. i don't know if it was because i didn't get the other loading shot, or if i was lucky, but i think i survived this nightmare for good. it's been nearly 2 months of constantly feeling normalish. i've since been off all medication and feeling much better.
please talk your shit and help get this fucking drug away from people who don't need it. or if it were me, ban injections for good.
so finally, not everything is perfect but as horrible as this may sound to you all, i'm okay that it happened. because now i can be a better me, not the me from before the shot who was a horrible mess with black trash bags taped to their windows, sometimes found blacked out on the floor from drug usage and severe selective mutism. i feel like it somehow gave me more confidence, less overthinking and more motivation to change my life. this is just me though. i'd say the gym and eating healthy really helped.
thank you, take care. - Rue
NOW! RIGHT FU*KING NOW!!
