I was court ordered to take it, but I wasn't violent. I do, however, have a history of suicide attempts. They see me as high risk because of that and they think that I need to stay on antipsychotics because I have a diagnosis of schizophrenia. They think I'm still taking the drug orally now, but I'm not. I wasn't suicidal last year when I was put on the injection either, I was just non-compliant. They did give me chances to take the medication orally, but I didn't take it. I wasn't talking about my delusions to anyone, but they thought that I was unwell because I was too anxious to go outside sometimes. They hospitalised me because I was anxious (I wasn't very anxious though) and I wasn't taking the medication. They said I was guarded and paranoid. They thought I needed treatment. Unfortunately, a family member also told them about strange and paranoid (but harmless) things that I was doing, so I wasn't able to hide the fact that I was ill.
If I didn't show up for the injection, they would have just brought me back to the hospital to forceably inject. I was held down by nurses to have my first injections. It was traumatising.
Being on those injections stopped my delusions (I was getting coded messages from everything - car reg plates, random noises from my neighbours, even the colours that people were wearing), because they stopped me thinking so much. But I think that I would have got better anyway, with a bit of time and a safe place. Schizophrenia (if that is what I have) is an episodic illness. The psychosis comes and goes by itself, and people can recover in full without medication too.
It's only now that I'm off the injections (over three and a half months) that I'm able to really process everything that I went through. My insight is much better now that I'm able to think about things a lot more. I think a lot of things led to me developing delusions, mainly stress. I can remember the exact moments when I began believing strange things and I can understand now why I did. Unfortunately, I'll never choose to get therapy or help from the mental health system again, because I know that they will only force medicate me - so I won't tell them if I get ill. Luckily, I have good friends who I know I can talk to. We've talked a lot about the things I believed and I trust them to tell me the truth and help me to challenge strange beliefs in the future.
I don't think that the people working in psychiatry realise how bad the drug makes us feel. If they did - they wouldn't prescribe it. I was suicidal throughout my time on the injection, but I didn't tell my doctor this because I didn't think that there was any point and I didn't want any more medication or a higher dose. I think antipsychotics are the reason why people with schizophrenia end their lives. They suck up the joy, passion and creativity from your life.
Actually, there was something else. I read in my notes afterwards that my nurse wrote that I threatened to kill someone, but this was completely made up. I asked that person to write a letter to say that I didn't threaten them, which they did. This letter is in my notes now, but by then it was too late. They'd already given me the injection.
