Chapter II: The Abyss is Eternal !

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btw i am totes like not sorely upset and disappointed in myself but if i potentially should be i really should be kicking my ass right now like for doing the wrong thing

but like that's a moral failure i guess and it's not making me want to die

so that's a plus

and i can accept it might not be my fault
 
WAIT oh fuck

this recent turn of events

TOTALLY

puts a kink in my whole suicide scouting plans WOW gay LAMEO (not prejorative, like literally gay sex will be involved in the life affirming plans and what not)

totally though

and perhaps i would have found inner peace in nature and called it off but NOOnoOOOonOoNONO

i will be stuck in sucksville forever
 
PtahTek said:
whatever is coming may it pass me by.
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I pray every day for the abyss to suck me into the nihil, the absence of light, apparent inexplicable darkness... the suction of light so powerful that all light is there and is invisible as it cannot escape, universally directed away from "observer"...

but I am just a plebe stuck in the event horizon, forever meant to live through constant Buddhist iterations of this shitlife we're stuck in

I've seen it in many mushroom, ketamine, 2c-_, dmt type trips

All the lives that ever were and ever will be, that we all are, and it disgusts me and I want out OUT OUT OTU OUT OTU OTUO TTOUT OTOUTOTUOTUTOTUOTUTOUT

[buddhist freakout on drugs]
 
The cosmic joke is that we (the universe, what we all are, you you're referencing above) began this infinite dream to escape the void, yet so many people seek the void.

Any experience at all is better than eternity alone as a dimensionless point of awareness.
 
Xorkoth said:
The cosmic joke is that we (the universe, what we all are, you you're referencing above) began this infinite dream to escape the void, yet so many people seek the void.

Any experience at all is better than eternity alone as a dimensionless point of awareness.
Click to expand...
THIS IS THE VOID THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE there is nothing

we think this is something because of the illusions of nothingness and inescapable self-trap

if i liked overstimulation I'd be like certain tweaker BL'ers but quite frankly YOU KNOW I LIKES MY DOWNERS, DISSOS, PSYCHS AND DISCONNECTING FROM REALITY AND COMING BACK LATER TO TELL A COOL TALE ABOUT IT, ETC

u know me brahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHH
 
Xorkoth said:
Any experience at all is better than eternity alone as a dimensionless point of awareness.
Click to expand...
No, hands down lie no. No no no. There are undesirable experiences. I've had a few severe pain experiences in life. There are undesirable experiences.

The western world (i.e. christian, muslim, typical plebe commie chinese gov't atheists and secular humanists, liberals) are largely buying into the value of life without any logical purpose, value, motive or ascribed meaning. We cannot have one because there is not one (or, if you want, most people cannot fathom one because we are not taught to imagine/hope to achieve these in life)...

There is a certain death discrimination that happens by life, due to the genetic biological instinct to continue living at any expense; xenophobia, racism, misogyny, abuse, rape, incest, any mindless instinct/urge drives humans to these lifelover life-driven death-fearing perpetuation of the human race (the selfish gene)

It is a part of human kind we are inescapable from because without this gene we very likely would have never gotten to this point nor the projected endgame

Buddhism ascribes to life as as suffering, inexistence as nirvana, and we are able to imagine and achieve/reach for these goals/realize it before it comes true and aim for it in a psychologically healthy way "living life to its fullest but not fearing death/not holding on at the expense of others/community"

FAST FORWARD TO WESTERN WORLD WINNING WAR ON EARTH
AND 8 BILLION HUMANS POLLUTING PLANET EARTH TO ITS DESTRUCTION
 
Captain.Heroin said:
No, hands down lie no. No no no. There are undesirable experiences. I've had a few severe pain experiences in life. There are undesirable experiences.

The western world (i.e. christian, muslim, typical plebe commie chinese gov't atheists and secular humanists, liberals) are largely buying into the value of life without any logical purpose, value, motive or ascribed meaning. We cannot have one because there is not one (or, if you want, most people cannot fathom one because we are not taught to imagine/hope to achieve these in life)...

There is a certain death discrimination that happens by life, due to the genetic biological instinct to continue living at any expense; xenophobia, racism, misogyny, abuse, rape, incest, any mindless instinct/urge drives humans to these lifelover life-driven death-fearing perpetuation of the human race (the selfish gene)

It is a part of human kind we are inescapable from because without this gene we very likely would have never gotten to this point nor the projected endgame

Buddhism ascribes to life as as suffering, inexistence as nirvana, and we are able to imagine and achieve/reach for these goals/realize it before it comes true and aim for it in a psychologically healthy way "living life to its fullest but not fearing death/not holding on at the expense of others/community"

FAST FORWARD TO WESTERN WORLD WINNING WAR ON EARTH
AND 8 BILLION HUMANS POLLUTING PLANET EARTH TO ITS DESTRUCTION
Click to expand...
This is why Memphis won't debate me on my antithetical values to human existence because I am well educated and frankly this is a hard point to take a stance against - the will/instinct to live is VERY STRONG AND IN US ALL ESPECIALLY SUICIDAL PEOPLE because they are still alive! And something is PAINFULLY WOEFULLY PREVENTING their demise (good or bad; all moral judgements BECOME USELESS WHEN PSYCHOANALYZING THESE PHENOMENA THEY ARE 'VICTIMS' NOT 'PERPETRATORS'!) - because of this we are VICTIMS to the senseless will to live, or we are VICTIMS of the "mental disease/disorder of depression/suicidal ideation" I love psychology but it fails to enumerate the death drive outside of Freud.

Any life-lover type intellectual would have a hard time arguing this point against me; typically people do not need LOGICAL arguments why LIFE is preferable to DEATH. It is automatically assumed in 99.999999999999999999999999999% of human discourse, hence people are not forced to exercise their brain muscles to come up with better logical arguments (which there may be).
 
thujone said:
nothing like a hot night of psychoanalyzing
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I never bother psychoanalyzing myself. I have snap realizations that are so deep, it is terrible. I have very few pieces of bark on the tree of my mind to peer underneath. I think I understand it all even though I don't because I don't seem to have any leftover hangups or what not.

I might psychoanalyze myself WITHIN a situation to see if it's me or the other person (this latest situation - 'twas the other person) umm but yes I don't focus on me. I think I get me.

I don't even question the desire to die, it like, makes a lot of sense in my mind and I don't abhor the logical reality of how the thoughts got there (part brain chemistry, part reality, part who gives a fuck I am not in volitional control of anything)

I'm just glad I don't have #daddyissues like most gay guys

and I don't even care "why I'm gay" like there needs to be a reason

"Why am I a man"

xy genes

why ____ Probably deterministic factors like early life factors but mostly the genes and maybe some later life experiences to put a cherry on the ice cream so to speak
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I never bother psychoanalyzing myself. I have snap realizations that are so deep, it is terrible. I have very few pieces of bark on the tree of my mind to peer underneath. I think I understand it all even though I don't because I don't seem to have any leftover hangups or what not.

...
Click to expand...

i was going to post a meme but then you went and edited in a bunch of crazy shit now i'm suddenly concerned about men who have daddy issues because i did not realize that was a thing that could happen. poor fucking guys man. how come parents fuck their kids up worse than strangers do? people with parents need psychoalanisism
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I never bother psychoanalyzing myself. I have snap realizations that are so deep, it is terrible. I have very few pieces of bark on the tree of my mind to peer underneath. I think I understand it all even though I don't because I don't seem to have any leftover hangups or what not.

I might psychoanalyze myself WITHIN a situation to see if it's me or the other person (this latest situation - 'twas the other person) umm but yes I don't focus on me. I think I get me.

I don't even question the desire to die, it like, makes a lot of sense in my mind and I don't abhor the logical reality of how the thoughts got there (part brain chemistry, part reality, part who gives a fuck I am not in volitional control of anything)

I'm just glad I don't have #daddyissues like most gay guys

and I don't even care "why I'm gay" like there needs to be a reason

"Why am I a man"

xy genes

why ____ Probably deterministic factors like early life factors but mostly the genes and maybe some later life experiences to put a cherry on the ice cream so to speak
Click to expand...

Does my bum look big in these jeans?
 
thujone said:
i was going to post a meme but then you went and edited in a bunch of crazy shit now i'm suddenly concerned about men who have daddy issues because i did not realize that was a thing that could happen. poor fucking guys man. how come parents fuck their kids up worse than strangers do? people with parents need psychoalanisism
Click to expand...
guy I'm seeing has great connection with his dad but dad divorced mom

guy before that -> biological dad was alcoholic, abusive, he was resuced from that situation -> stepdad was alcoholic but not physically abusive -> alcoholism -> death from alcoholism

a guy I was with didn't know his dad -> he was a very successful individual like rich beyond anything I'll ever be - so he didn't lack success - he seemed legit happy with his life honestly so i don't think that issue fucked with him, he got to meet his dad but never "knew him as his dad" sorta thing

um

another guy i was with lost his dad to a heroin overdose and wasn't the nicest dad or whatever i think but this dude is very very well adjusted (like i am NOT by comparison, if that makes sense, despite amazing family i have w/ great dad) umm

there's probably more

probably 1 more no dad from past

dad left mom in another relationship

that's what my brain can remember while drunk

yea it's a pattern
 
i used to think gee i DON'T have dad issues wtf?

then i thought oh that's cuz i like to top

i'm not a bottom

i don't need "dadddy/papi" fucking me

oh

and then it all snapped

and I passed ZERO JUDGEMENT / MORAL / VIRTUE SIGNALING CALLS toward anyone/any extant reality until now
 
and quite frankly my Freudian-type analysis might be, oh I don't know, BLATANTLY OFFENSIVE to ALL the parties above so, like I don't assume I AM RIGHT, or anything

but it's there, it's real, it's a real psychological thing we need

they say girls need their dads

BOYS DO TOO

at least a manly father figure they can bond with

that connection is real and people EVEN STRAIGHT will NON-sexually sublimate - gays may confuse homo-love with dad-issue transference/counter-transference type thing.... etc etc etc...
 
a lot of black males grow up w/o a dad, 90% still turn out to be straight bros

so it's not like a 1 way ticket to homoville

but it probably negatively impacts their lives in some way (no positive role model maybe more crime because less of a guiding figure etc? I dunno?)

the dynamic is real; it's not a CAUSAL connection but something is going on there
 
as to the "daddy issues" thing i was talking about

if women have daddy issues are they like, looking for that attention, sluts?

I DON'T KNOW please ask my hetero counterpart

but he probably got genocided, again thanks to the cancel culture

someone as vulgar and juxtapose to lifelover religious tactics as me couldn't exist in this world as a hetero, i had to be homo for this reason probably

if it is a testosterone hormonal based "drive for daddy" I doubt women would be sluts if they had daddy issues - maybe they'd be SUPER hesitant to even BE in a relationship?

Again what do I know?

JOSE is the only psychosexuality expert I would trust on hetero relations

MADNESS00 too but he isn't old yet he's a youngin' and still beatin' dat pussy up with his wang
 
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