FUCK MAN
So quick little vent, I've been loading trucks for my company for 9 years now. This past week I've started the process to become a driver. This chick from HR has me resubmit my original application to switch classifications, has me pay out of pocket for my driving record, scan and email a copy of my license, the whole fuckin' 9 yards. Yesterday she tells me I need to come back up to our location at 2pm on Thursday to finish the process, didn't really fill me in on the details. Before I left yesterday, double-checked with her and verified: 2pm tomorrow (Thursday.)
Maaannnnnnnn lemme tell you, I was just up there from 1:45pm-2:50pm. No one could tell me when she was going to be there, or even if she was going to be up there today. Center manager suggested I call her, so I did that at about 2:04pm. ring ring ring, straight to a voicemail with a full inbox. I shrug it off, wait another 20min, call again with the same result. After waiting in the parking lot in the most visible manner for another 45min, I went inside and asked a buddy who was working the phones to let her know I was up there like she asked if he happened to see her. He was rockin' with it, said "No problem," and I went straight to the liquor store and came home already knowing I'm about to kill as many brain cells as it takes to forget this bullshit.
This process has had my stomach in knots the entire week (anxiety, y'all) and this is just the juiciest cherry on top of my super stressed sundae. I can't stop thinking I fucked something up, like my application was rejected and she just didn't bother to tell me, like maybe the email I sent all my info to had a typo in it, like maybe I misheard/misunderstood her even though I double-checked with her to verify what it was I needed to do.... and, like, there's literally no evidence pointing to any of that. I'm just stressin' the fuck out about it, man, like.... what happened?
::sigh::
I guess I'll find out in the morning but holy shit, this is a serious reminder that my brain just can't handle being in limbo for these things I consider important. Shit like this is why I hate getting excited about things-- there's always a gang of thoughts lurking in the back of my mind, whispering all types of self-doubt and self-depricating bullshit to me. Whenever I get my hopes up I'm just let the fuck down, seemingly at every turn.
Fuck, man... I'm tired of people gassin' me up and then not going anywhere.
Just needed to get that out there. I'm kind of keeping this to myself because I don't want to tell anybody close to me IRL that the very thing I've been working towards for the better part of the last decade feels like it was just dangled in front of me like a carrot and then snatched away the second I was close enough to reach it. It's such a shitty feeling...
Meanwhile, in keeping with the CD spirit, I'm about to roll a joint fat as my finger and soar to heights unknown. Hope all y'all are having a more peaceful day than I am.