Hello everyone, first post. I've enjoyed reading many of these posts. I'm a (relatively speaking) small-time vicodin/oxy user-never got to more than 50mg a day-but I've been doing it for pretty much 2 years straight. I love the way I feel on opiates, but I hated craving them and not being able to get them easily enough and especially asking people "can i just get like 3?" etc. It became a real drag having to be in the constant cycle of counting pills to see how much I had left until so-and-so get their script, then taking way too many and leaving myself short before I could get some again. But back to the actual opiate drug - to me, it's the only thing that gives me a great buzz (I feel creative, energetic, more productive, friendly, happy, giving, lovable etc). Well, after doing some research online, and knowing that I'm coming up on a dry period and not looking fwd to wds and depression, I found the suboxone site which got me very intrigued. The idea of a legal opiate that I can use under a doc supervision seemed/seems like the perfect scenario. It seems sensible and humane. I won't have to worry about getting my next fix, it won't cost a fortune, I won't get in legal trouble, I'll be working with a compassionate doc etc. Am I being completely naive? Is the idea of staying on a 1-2mg sub dose for the rest of my life totally insane? I don't know, like I said, I'm not that experienced but I do know that I feel and act like a better person when I'm high on opioids. Period. When I'm not on them, I'm generally depressed and withdrawn.
So, realizing that my supply for pills was going to dry out at least temporarily, and that this could be an easy way to either quit my habit forever if I wanted, or to get on a safer opiate that still made me feel good/happy but w/o all the problems of getting it on the street, not to mention the acetaminophen which is not good for liver, I decided to make an appointment with a sub doc. I had to pay $150 for the visit, cash up front, and ended up getting a script for 48 8mg strips. Not only that, but shockingly, the doc was one of the nicest, most compassionate doctors I've ever met, no lie. He talked with me for probably 30 minutes. He was telling me about the addiction disease and gave me all sorts of ideas about how to view it and what tools I would need to avoid using pills again. He really was an interesting and original doctor, and he obviously cared. So I pissed in a cup as part of the deal and got my script, my coupon, and my booklet and off to the pharmacy went. I went home and, being nervous, I took about 1mg (cut what I eye-measured to be 1/8th of the strip). I put it under my tongue and waited. For whatever reason-maybe I didn't let it dissolve well enough and swallowed some of it-but after 40 minutes I didn't feel like my cravings were gone so I cut about twice that amount and this time made sure I let it sit under my tongue and did not swallow for 5 minutes. An hour later it hit me, Big Time. This was at about 8:30pm. I hadn't eaten much all day so I immediately got some food and started scarfing it down for fear I would almost pass out. It was really intense. My hearing became a little muffled and I was stoned. Too intense actually. After food and some acclimation, I did come home and talk with some people for a good two hours and had a great time chatting about all kinds of stuff. I knew I had taken too much but I was really excited about this drug. I was thinking the whole time that I hit the jackpot: "wow, this is going to help my life in so many ways. I can feel how I wanna feel and accomplish my goals on suboxone". Anyway, it stayed intense and I was still flying at 5am, but I could't keep my eyes open any more so I fell asleep. When I woke up around 11am I had a terrible headache, and so I took some ibuprofen and made some coffee. Then I almost puked. That has never happened before with my little 20-50mg a day vicodin habit. Finally later on in the day I felt better and was able to eat but I decided I would wait another day to take my next sub dose, tomorrow, which will be like 1mg, and properly dissolved - and I will wait TWO HOURS to see how I feel. But I guess my questions is, am I dangling in an abyss right now? Am I playing with fire? Should I be looking to just get off of these subs and either stop or reduce my vic habit immediately? Like I said, I have a small habit, but it's been 2 years at least, so I've developed quite a taste for the vics. But my bigger questions is, why can't someone be on subs forever? Is it conceivable that someone could do 1mg a day and live a perfectly happy, healthy, productive life? It's not that toxic of a drug is it? It's probably safer than taking all that Tylenol, yes? So what am I missing? In short, why is suboxone not the elixir I imagine it is? What's gonna happen to me if I keep taking 1mg?
Legal Opiate, Doc supervision, affordable, controllable dosing. What's the problem? By the way, these 48 strips were for ONE MONTH rx. That's like 384 1mg doses for me. It would last me a year. If I stay on this program for 3 months, I'll have enough sub to last 3 years. I don't know, I guess I need someone to level with me cos maybe I'm way off base. Will it be like vics and I'll just develop a tolerance and keep doing more sub and thus it will become just like a bad pill habit? Is it possible to just maintain a 1mg habit forever?
Any advice is much appreciated. You guys know a lot more than me and I thank you in advance.