I hear you torn, the insuff method was soo much better than having to not eat for an hour and have this thing under your tongue. Would insuff then eat 10 minutes later. I wasn't prepared for the switch when going onto films. Had wds just doing switch from tab insuffs to films. In the long run film was way easier to taper with and lead to me quitting outright. I never tried those 5 htp because soo expensive here but some people on here say good things about it. If I found it cheap would give it a try but my sleep getting back to normal already.
Bupe Buprenorphine Withdrawals
- Thread starter OC80toSub
- Start date
laCster
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2010
- Messages
- 6,852
thank you very much for the support scag
i know that i am almost out of the woods, but i cant even fathom the idea of going any longer without an opiate. truthfully, i am not ready to stop using, so i look at it like this. i can shoot dope and possibly die, or i can go on suboxone and try to work at recovery. not to mention my obsession with needles, i cant conquer both at the same time while trying to get on my feet to literally buy myself food for the day and somewhere to sleep at night. it is too much to ask for..
i am literally hustling to get enough money to pay for my sub dr's appointment. i fucking stood outside for 4hrs today waving a fuking sign around...LOL..the things we do for our drugs...
i dont care if i have to do it again, i cant go on living in this misery. thank you so much for the support, words coming from your mouth mean alot scag
Times are tough which can be a motivation to get off subs. The dr visits, piss tests, pills all add up to alot of freakin money. Its still 1/10th the cost of a real dope habbit which is what got me on subs in the first place. Imagine the money you could use towards improving living conditions without the high sub costs. Kicking the needle habbit is probably the first thing to do, then worry about tapering etc. There a bunch of members very proud of using low dose subs because they slamming doses. Thats some backwards thinking and the needle habbit will be your biggest challenge, worse than wds. Its like a smoker craving something to put in their mouth. If you can get passed the slam habbit your chance of quitting goes way up, and wds going to be nothing. Good luck, alot of people here with similar issue and can help.
Mr.Scagnattie
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2004
- Messages
- 12,850
thank you very much for the support scag
truthfully, i am not ready to stop using, so i look at it like this. i can shoot dope and possibly die, or i can go on suboxone and try to work at recovery. not to mention my obsession with needles, i cant conquer both at the same time while trying to get on my feet to literally buy myself food for the day and somewhere to sleep at night. it is too much to ask for..
i am literally hustling to get enough money to pay for my sub dr's appointment. i fucking stood outside for 4hrs today waving a fuking sign around...LOL..the things we do for our drugs...
i dont care if i have to do it again, i cant go on living in this misery. thank you so much for the support, words coming from your mouth mean alot scag
No problem, man. I know the position you're in and I know it well. It' rough, brother. I know how hard it is to find the strength sometimes.
If you feel like bupe is what you need right now to stay clean and get your life together, by all means, use it.
I really do wish you the best of luck, man.
thank you very much for the support scag
truthfully, i am not ready to stop using, so i look at it like this. i can shoot dope and possibly die, or i can go on suboxone and try to work at recovery. not to mention my obsession with needles, i cant conquer both at the same time while trying to get on my feet to literally buy myself food for the day and somewhere to sleep at night. it is too much to ask for..
i am literally hustling to get enough money to pay for my sub dr's appointment. i fucking stood outside for 4hrs today waving a fuking sign around...LOL..the things we do for our drugs...
i dont care if i have to do it again, i cant go on living in this misery. thank you so much for the support, words coming from your mouth mean alot scag
Okay, I know how you feel and I really don't want to cause you any negativity or stress but please, I urge you to not go back on subs fully! You have made such great headway and are an inspiration to myself and I'm sure others who are getting through the acute phase which is a challenge that stands up there with the hardest of them in life. You are going through an immensely tough time and it isn't going to be easy, but you are bossing it so far, you really are!
I accept that you feel the way you feel - that might not change for a while and you clearly realise that - but here is a compromise at the least: instead of just admitting defeat and getting back on sub maintenance, why not get your self the lowest possible dose you can - say, a 0.4mg tab, and maybe start with half of that - just to see where it gets you - it should ease you for a day, and wear off and not cause you any extra wd since you are far through the worst - your tolerance WILL be lower so the 0.2mg might actually surprise you and get you feeling where you need to be. This is the key, if you are to go back on sub for any length of time - stick at the lowest possible dose you can to get relief.
Put on some music which arouses emotion for you - go for a jog - I guarantee you will feel better, you will get your natural opiate system working - yes, as you may or may not know, your body does produce morphine naturally and although it doesn't feel quite like a nod, it does make you feel euphoric to some degree - AND IT'S HEALTHY! Please try this first.
I'm rooting for you and please keep us updated - we're here for you!
Love X
laCster
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2010
- Messages
- 6,852
thank you tom for the kind words, but i am going back on suboxone. life is not working for me right now...i feel like i dont have a choice
thank you again, i really appreciate words of support!
right now i am living in a halfway house, and i have a warrant out for my arrest so if i fuck up nd get high at this place i will go to jail. i think suboxone is needed in my situation. plus i am not happy whatsoever, i am so depressed and it sucks. even exercise, eating good shit, hobbies, ect.. does not lift my mood to the degree that i can say i am content. yah maybe exercise makes me feel a little better for 30 mins, but after that i am right back in my depressed head...
thank you again, i really appreciate words of support!
right now i am living in a halfway house, and i have a warrant out for my arrest so if i fuck up nd get high at this place i will go to jail. i think suboxone is needed in my situation. plus i am not happy whatsoever, i am so depressed and it sucks. even exercise, eating good shit, hobbies, ect.. does not lift my mood to the degree that i can say i am content. yah maybe exercise makes me feel a little better for 30 mins, but after that i am right back in my depressed head...
Ok, just take care and be safe! When the time is right you will know it and succeed.
SouthernDemise
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2013
- Messages
- 7
I'm new here and kind of soul searching for reassurance that there is a life after suboxone/bupe. I am on day 5 since my last dose of 2mg subutex and I have been at dose for about 10 months, Tapering from 8mg daily, 8 months prior. I've have substituted sublingual Suboxone(awful headaches) when Subutex(induces vomiting) was not there. I have lost the urge to get high about a year ago. I started skipping 2 days between dosing a month ago and for past 2 weeks, every 3 days.
My WD has been pretty mellow,compared to full agonist, and everything seemed fine this past month. I have had severe GI issues, insomnia, extreme fatigue and abnormal temp changes. I made the mistake of trying to fix the fatigue with speed! Thanks to BL, I now understand that was a mistake. I haven't touched that 15 years! The anxiety got so severe that I thought I needed medical attention! My heart was beating so fast, even afterward, I kept having anxiety attacks afterward. I want to wake up and not have to have anything to feel good or happy. I need to get it together and try to live again.
Now I find myself with thoughts of getting high for last few days and I'm curious, are there select people that need SMT for the rest of their life? I've tried shrinks, rehab, tapering, even returning numerous times to my DOC. I used subs for rapid detox since 2008 when necessary. Then a year and half ago I started the 8mg SMT earlier mentioned. Opiates seem to be the one substance I cling to with a death grip. I'm still hanging in with just Xanax and weed but starting to doubt that I am going to make it, not because of the WD that is mild other than anxiety, but because after at least a year of being disgusted by the high I craved, I want to nod so badly! This cycle must end now so I'm going to try my best to stay away from all but the comfort meds I am nursing on. I want to say thank you to all who contribute to this site. I have learned that I am not alone here and I am not going crazy, I hope. Much love and luck to all and I will update my progress best I can.
My WD has been pretty mellow,compared to full agonist, and everything seemed fine this past month. I have had severe GI issues, insomnia, extreme fatigue and abnormal temp changes. I made the mistake of trying to fix the fatigue with speed! Thanks to BL, I now understand that was a mistake. I haven't touched that 15 years! The anxiety got so severe that I thought I needed medical attention! My heart was beating so fast, even afterward, I kept having anxiety attacks afterward. I want to wake up and not have to have anything to feel good or happy. I need to get it together and try to live again.
Now I find myself with thoughts of getting high for last few days and I'm curious, are there select people that need SMT for the rest of their life? I've tried shrinks, rehab, tapering, even returning numerous times to my DOC. I used subs for rapid detox since 2008 when necessary. Then a year and half ago I started the 8mg SMT earlier mentioned. Opiates seem to be the one substance I cling to with a death grip. I'm still hanging in with just Xanax and weed but starting to doubt that I am going to make it, not because of the WD that is mild other than anxiety, but because after at least a year of being disgusted by the high I craved, I want to nod so badly! This cycle must end now so I'm going to try my best to stay away from all but the comfort meds I am nursing on. I want to say thank you to all who contribute to this site. I have learned that I am not alone here and I am not going crazy, I hope. Much love and luck to all and I will update my progress best I can.
Wake_of_the_Flood
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2013
- Messages
- 37
Hey man, welcome to Bluelight! You are definitely not alone in the things you are going through.
I've been lurking in this thread and I just wanted to reassure you that life after Suboxone is indeed possible and it's so much better than being stuck on that shit.
I'm just about 6 months clean from going cold turkey off 8mg Sub. It's been a long journey, and I battled many of the things you are describing, and I agree the hardest part is the mental/psychological stuff not the physical at all. Getting used to not taking something every day that takes away all your anxieties and concerns is the hard part. I used a bunch of vitamins and supplements to help me transition at first, mostly taking advantage of the placebo effect from taking a pill I'm pretty sure. The trick is, you need to convince yourself the supplements/vitamins are helping for that to work.
I've had a pretty unique situation, and I don't want to lie and tell you it was easy...but after a month or so things start looking up significantly, and you get flashes of your old self again, then waves of anxiety and depression, then more and longer good periods. Life is good right now, I've finally started eating healthy (helped a ton), being more social, doing better at work, being interested in things, and it finally feels like everything is going to be downhill from here. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped me a lot too, I'd check out something like that if for no other reason than to have someone to talk things out with and confront some of the things causing you anxiety in your life.
Drugs, especially opiates, help us forget about the things that cause normal people stress and anxiety, then when we get clean, it can be overwhelming to say the least to learn to deal with them again.
Last edited:
SleepyFish
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2013
- Messages
- 7
Hello everyone, first post. I've enjoyed reading many of these posts. I'm a (relatively speaking) small-time vicodin/oxy user-never got to more than 50mg a day-but I've been doing it for pretty much 2 years straight. I love the way I feel on opiates, but I hated craving them and not being able to get them easily enough and especially asking people "can i just get like 3?" etc. It became a real drag having to be in the constant cycle of counting pills to see how much I had left until so-and-so get their script, then taking way too many and leaving myself short before I could get some again. But back to the actual opiate drug - to me, it's the only thing that gives me a great buzz (I feel creative, energetic, more productive, friendly, happy, giving, lovable etc). Well, after doing some research online, and knowing that I'm coming up on a dry period and not looking fwd to wds and depression, I found the suboxone site which got me very intrigued. The idea of a legal opiate that I can use under a doc supervision seemed/seems like the perfect scenario. It seems sensible and humane. I won't have to worry about getting my next fix, it won't cost a fortune, I won't get in legal trouble, I'll be working with a compassionate doc etc. Am I being completely naive? Is the idea of staying on a 1-2mg sub dose for the rest of my life totally insane? I don't know, like I said, I'm not that experienced but I do know that I feel and act like a better person when I'm high on opioids. Period. When I'm not on them, I'm generally depressed and withdrawn.
So, realizing that my supply for pills was going to dry out at least temporarily, and that this could be an easy way to either quit my habit forever if I wanted, or to get on a safer opiate that still made me feel good/happy but w/o all the problems of getting it on the street, not to mention the acetaminophen which is not good for liver, I decided to make an appointment with a sub doc. I had to pay $150 for the visit, cash up front, and ended up getting a script for 48 8mg strips. Not only that, but shockingly, the doc was one of the nicest, most compassionate doctors I've ever met, no lie. He talked with me for probably 30 minutes. He was telling me about the addiction disease and gave me all sorts of ideas about how to view it and what tools I would need to avoid using pills again. He really was an interesting and original doctor, and he obviously cared. So I pissed in a cup as part of the deal and got my script, my coupon, and my booklet and off to the pharmacy went. I went home and, being nervous, I took about 1mg (cut what I eye-measured to be 1/8th of the strip). I put it under my tongue and waited. For whatever reason-maybe I didn't let it dissolve well enough and swallowed some of it-but after 40 minutes I didn't feel like my cravings were gone so I cut about twice that amount and this time made sure I let it sit under my tongue and did not swallow for 5 minutes. An hour later it hit me, Big Time. This was at about 8:30pm. I hadn't eaten much all day so I immediately got some food and started scarfing it down for fear I would almost pass out. It was really intense. My hearing became a little muffled and I was stoned. Too intense actually. After food and some acclimation, I did come home and talk with some people for a good two hours and had a great time chatting about all kinds of stuff. I knew I had taken too much but I was really excited about this drug. I was thinking the whole time that I hit the jackpot: "wow, this is going to help my life in so many ways. I can feel how I wanna feel and accomplish my goals on suboxone". Anyway, it stayed intense and I was still flying at 5am, but I could't keep my eyes open any more so I fell asleep. When I woke up around 11am I had a terrible headache, and so I took some ibuprofen and made some coffee. Then I almost puked. That has never happened before with my little 20-50mg a day vicodin habit. Finally later on in the day I felt better and was able to eat but I decided I would wait another day to take my next sub dose, tomorrow, which will be like 1mg, and properly dissolved - and I will wait TWO HOURS to see how I feel. But I guess my questions is, am I dangling in an abyss right now? Am I playing with fire? Should I be looking to just get off of these subs and either stop or reduce my vic habit immediately? Like I said, I have a small habit, but it's been 2 years at least, so I've developed quite a taste for the vics. But my bigger questions is, why can't someone be on subs forever? Is it conceivable that someone could do 1mg a day and live a perfectly happy, healthy, productive life? It's not that toxic of a drug is it? It's probably safer than taking all that Tylenol, yes? So what am I missing? In short, why is suboxone not the elixir I imagine it is? What's gonna happen to me if I keep taking 1mg?
Legal Opiate, Doc supervision, affordable, controllable dosing. What's the problem? By the way, these 48 strips were for ONE MONTH rx. That's like 384 1mg doses for me. It would last me a year. If I stay on this program for 3 months, I'll have enough sub to last 3 years. I don't know, I guess I need someone to level with me cos maybe I'm way off base. Will it be like vics and I'll just develop a tolerance and keep doing more sub and thus it will become just like a bad pill habit? Is it possible to just maintain a 1mg habit forever?
Any advice is much appreciated. You guys know a lot more than me and I thank you in advance.
So, realizing that my supply for pills was going to dry out at least temporarily, and that this could be an easy way to either quit my habit forever if I wanted, or to get on a safer opiate that still made me feel good/happy but w/o all the problems of getting it on the street, not to mention the acetaminophen which is not good for liver, I decided to make an appointment with a sub doc. I had to pay $150 for the visit, cash up front, and ended up getting a script for 48 8mg strips. Not only that, but shockingly, the doc was one of the nicest, most compassionate doctors I've ever met, no lie. He talked with me for probably 30 minutes. He was telling me about the addiction disease and gave me all sorts of ideas about how to view it and what tools I would need to avoid using pills again. He really was an interesting and original doctor, and he obviously cared. So I pissed in a cup as part of the deal and got my script, my coupon, and my booklet and off to the pharmacy went. I went home and, being nervous, I took about 1mg (cut what I eye-measured to be 1/8th of the strip). I put it under my tongue and waited. For whatever reason-maybe I didn't let it dissolve well enough and swallowed some of it-but after 40 minutes I didn't feel like my cravings were gone so I cut about twice that amount and this time made sure I let it sit under my tongue and did not swallow for 5 minutes. An hour later it hit me, Big Time. This was at about 8:30pm. I hadn't eaten much all day so I immediately got some food and started scarfing it down for fear I would almost pass out. It was really intense. My hearing became a little muffled and I was stoned. Too intense actually. After food and some acclimation, I did come home and talk with some people for a good two hours and had a great time chatting about all kinds of stuff. I knew I had taken too much but I was really excited about this drug. I was thinking the whole time that I hit the jackpot: "wow, this is going to help my life in so many ways. I can feel how I wanna feel and accomplish my goals on suboxone". Anyway, it stayed intense and I was still flying at 5am, but I could't keep my eyes open any more so I fell asleep. When I woke up around 11am I had a terrible headache, and so I took some ibuprofen and made some coffee. Then I almost puked. That has never happened before with my little 20-50mg a day vicodin habit. Finally later on in the day I felt better and was able to eat but I decided I would wait another day to take my next sub dose, tomorrow, which will be like 1mg, and properly dissolved - and I will wait TWO HOURS to see how I feel. But I guess my questions is, am I dangling in an abyss right now? Am I playing with fire? Should I be looking to just get off of these subs and either stop or reduce my vic habit immediately? Like I said, I have a small habit, but it's been 2 years at least, so I've developed quite a taste for the vics. But my bigger questions is, why can't someone be on subs forever? Is it conceivable that someone could do 1mg a day and live a perfectly happy, healthy, productive life? It's not that toxic of a drug is it? It's probably safer than taking all that Tylenol, yes? So what am I missing? In short, why is suboxone not the elixir I imagine it is? What's gonna happen to me if I keep taking 1mg?
Legal Opiate, Doc supervision, affordable, controllable dosing. What's the problem? By the way, these 48 strips were for ONE MONTH rx. That's like 384 1mg doses for me. It would last me a year. If I stay on this program for 3 months, I'll have enough sub to last 3 years. I don't know, I guess I need someone to level with me cos maybe I'm way off base. Will it be like vics and I'll just develop a tolerance and keep doing more sub and thus it will become just like a bad pill habit? Is it possible to just maintain a 1mg habit forever?
Any advice is much appreciated. You guys know a lot more than me and I thank you in advance.
SouthernDemise
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2013
- Messages
- 7
Thank you so much for your support and the warm welcome. I have been since struggling with thoughts that I may have permanently damaged my brain with all the long term substance abuse. I fear that I may never be able to feel that natural happiness again. I also been thinking about the bupe, and if it was perhaps the only reason I thought that I was so over getting high. What if these cravings are my true desires and wants returning since the bupe is faded out. I hope this isn't the case because that would really be disappointing. I am relieved to have found the strength to open up and seek knowledge from the wonderful people here on BL.
I have been able to get clean here and there if necessary but it was never more than a few months at a time. In the 25 years of abuse and addiction, the longest I managed to stay clean was slightly over 2 years, with a very good reason! Even for my career, it only lasted a few months before I was back using night and day. I only stopped my 18 year (16+mg day) Xanax addiction those 2 years and was back on right after but I never got over 4mg daily since. This anxiety has got me playing with my usual allowance of Xanax and I am trying to be careful with them. Tolerance was devastating for me. At first, I couldn't accept it was happening and I slowly realized I was dosing to lethal levels of opiates and benzos.
I have never heard of Cognitive Behavior Therapy but I look forward to researching it soon. My mom suggested today that I should see a doctor and get back on anti-depressants but I disagree. It was the doctor that lead me into this consuming addiction that has destroyed almost everything I have. I tried numerous anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers to go with the many anti-depressants that failed me for 9 years. I don't see why they would help now when they never did those 9 years. I told her that I am trying to repair my brain and body and only I can fix myself. Why would I want to take that crap if I am seeking the natural happiness that has eluded me for what feels to be, an eternity.
I found that in the past 3 days this site has been my only comfort zone. I have become depressed lately, more than I can ever remember feeling. I am still going strong and have not touched the speed or subs that keep calling me to them. I am at 6 days since the jump! All symptoms are fading and surprisingly not near as bad as I expected, but the anxiety, it is much better at this moment. The psychological issues are the worst for me as well and I realize I must fight though this fatigue and not turn to another addiction. I am avoiding all my so called friends because they do not want or care to stop abusing and destroying themselves. Even when they know I am trying to get right they tempt me with things that I have always had a hard time refusing. I definitely think vitamins are needed since I haven't ate much the past few weeks.
I was close to a mental breakdown last week from fatigue, malnutrition, isolation, and anxiety. I was becoming extremely paranoid and that is not like me at all. I am still searching for that light at the end of the tunnel, and I if I can just see it flicker, then I will be able to find a path that is meant for me. I am trying to remind myself that quitting takes practice for some of us, especially those who have struggled with addiction it for so long.
I am definitely feeling more confident after reading your success and hope I find the strength needed, for I have been weak for far to long now. Thank you again for the encouragement and reminder that their is still hope.
Don't do it - you're talking about messing around with a drug that is designed to give people a second chance when they are in the worst kinds of opiate addiction. At the moment you have a little fetish with hydrocodone - if you continue using opiates (even subutex) you WILL make it more difficult for yourself to get off - that's what happens - your body will adjust, your mind will start wanting that initial high you talk so fondly of (bad sign already) but in the end you'll just be getting yourself used to a higher dose of opiates - the euphoria will never be achieved again - and most people feel that they won't ever feel as good again once they get onto the more potent opioids - not a nice situation to be in really.
Use subutex short term to detox and break mental habits, never long term unless you are truely in an impossible situation which could easily cost you your life.
Stop being a fool, there is no glory in opiates and surely you don't aspire to live the life of an addict? You will become an addict, at the moment you are having a honeymoon period - this is your best chance to get out, before you adapt and want more.
I am a month out from a 7 year sub habit. Surprisingly it has not been that bad as I thought it might be. Only symptom that is bothersom is restlessness and insomnia, but that is to be expected right? maybe because I was lurking around 1mg and under for the last 3 years and did a taper to 0.4/0/5 that I have not had it so rough? I am taking very small amounts of saos but I do not really believe they are covering most of the bup withdrawals. I am off the morphine, did not experience much, now am going to wean off the dihydrocodeine and low dose condiene.
I am wondering since I was on low sub does the past 3 years and jumped off from 0.4 will I have less PAWS then someone who jumps from a high dose? I do work out a lot, do eat healthy, I am in decent shape, I do have a positive mind frame and I have never been prone to anxiety or depression, and yeah am 32, can these factors play some part in recovery and determining length of PAWS? am I going to be hit with more symptoms down the line or am I through the worst of the acute part?
hope all is well with everyone else.
I am wondering since I was on low sub does the past 3 years and jumped off from 0.4 will I have less PAWS then someone who jumps from a high dose? I do work out a lot, do eat healthy, I am in decent shape, I do have a positive mind frame and I have never been prone to anxiety or depression, and yeah am 32, can these factors play some part in recovery and determining length of PAWS? am I going to be hit with more symptoms down the line or am I through the worst of the acute part?
hope all is well with everyone else.
SleepyFish
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2013
- Messages
- 7
Rainie, eating healthy, working out and having a positive mind set are probably making your wd a lot better than it otherwise would be. I'm not a doc, but I can't imagine it not helping. People who exercise and eat well feel better in general. Also, just a guess, but I imagine stopping from .05 is going to make it easier on you than if you stopped from a higher dose.
I appreciate the advice, Torn, I guess I was just playing the devil's advocate a bit. A sort of what's-wrong-with-a-drug-if-you've-proven-to-be-more-effective-in-life-on-it question. Why is a sub bad but an anti-depressant or fill-in-your-medication/meditation of choice acceptable? Socially it is seen as bad, but is it actually? I don't know, just a thought. I'm not advocating anything, I just want to throw out a different perspective to see what the thoughts are on it. Obviously we can objectively see what meth does to people over time, same with cocaine, same with adderall addicts, same with shooting heroin. But is it an objective fact that sub is going to be bad for you? Is it toxic? Will I be up to 32mg a day and still not feel good enough? Will it cause me to switch to illegal opioids to get my "fix"? etc
I appreciate the advice, Torn, I guess I was just playing the devil's advocate a bit. A sort of what's-wrong-with-a-drug-if-you've-proven-to-be-more-effective-in-life-on-it question. Why is a sub bad but an anti-depressant or fill-in-your-medication/meditation of choice acceptable? Socially it is seen as bad, but is it actually? I don't know, just a thought. I'm not advocating anything, I just want to throw out a different perspective to see what the thoughts are on it. Obviously we can objectively see what meth does to people over time, same with cocaine, same with adderall addicts, same with shooting heroin. But is it an objective fact that sub is going to be bad for you? Is it toxic? Will I be up to 32mg a day and still not feel good enough? Will it cause me to switch to illegal opioids to get my "fix"? etc
Last edited:
SleepyFish
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2013
- Messages
- 7
Torn, let me also say that I've been addicted for 2 years, at least. I wouldn't say I'm in the honeymoon period. It's just that accessibility and financial considerations have prevented me from getting up to a high dose per day habit. I think 20-50mg of Vic or OC for two years qualifies as an addiction. Like I said, I'm not advocating anything, and I don't want to be a force of negativity here. I just wonder, for people who can't stop or don't want to stop, is sub a miracle drug?
Wake_of_the_Flood
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2013
- Messages
- 37
You're very welcome! Oh man I can relate to the paranoia that comes from getting off opiates. I'm normally a very mellow and relaxed person, but the first month of getting clean, I had some intense paranoid delusions, and I thought I was literally losing it and this caused even more anxiety because I convinced myself that opiates were masking other mental health problems. Luckily in my case, they happened to be drug-induced and they went away with both time and changing to a healthier lifestyle. I can't explain the anxiety these thoughts caused me though, I'm sure you and others can relate, but while you are going through it, relief is very hard to come by. I guess knowing it is drug-induced is what got me through. Obsessing about the symptoms is probably one of the easiest and worst things you can do.
Good call coming to Bluelight, there are many people here who can give you some advice and support any step of the way. You are indeed in a fragile spot right now, and I just want to clarify that my advice might not be completely relevant to you since your time of being an addict is just about equal to my entire time on this planet lol, but I honestly believe it wouldn't be much harder for you to get clean with a proper taper than it was for me getting off of Suboxone cold turkey from 8mg.
I would highly encourage therapy sessions on a weekly basis, and possible even checking into a program for a month or longer if you don't think you can handle it on your own.
It scares me to read about other people with much longer addictions than mine who have relapsed after as much as 2 years clean like you said! I can't imagine putting myself through this again, and I hope this sense of motivation stays strong.
One other thing I recommend that has helped me with the anxiety/insomnia associated with PAWS is to just Google "Monroe Institute Hemi-Sync". And listen to these exercises every night before bed. They are meditation/consciousness building exercises to improve your coping mechanisms and re-program your central nervous system in a way. Definitely read up on it and check it out, Focus 10 is very helpful for my anxiety, etc.
Good luck man, you can do this!
Last edited:
StartedHydro
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 29, 2006
- Messages
- 677
I know that feeling. Drives me nuts that those few hours drag by so slowly while in pain of detox and waiting to see the doc all the while having bad WDs, god awful. My doc will not call in any sub nor will he give you a script for one or two to get you by until pay day. I was so furious with him for that because I have been with him for over five years and been a good patient. .
I got really upset with the doc and explained my situation and how I felt he really doesn't care about well being just wants 140 cash. I got in reply he needs to see me monthly to check that I'm not having bad reactions to the drug... Blah blah and its a control so refills are not allowed. All BS, and why do we as sub patients have to pay cash to see the doc? If they don't take our insurance why take everyone else?
Some have suggested bupe as a treatment for clinical depression when other traditional methods have not worked effectively; not just "I don't enjoy life much", but actual depression where suicidal tendencies are persistent.
Buprenorphine, being an opioid, acts on a person's opioid receptors and typically dulls the senses. Antidepressants typically act on dopamine and serotonin systems and and increase sensation, or, reduce depression - not necessarily envoking euphoria. The main problem with fucking around with bupe, or any opioid for that matter, is that you are messing with receptors in your body which regulate pain response in a positive way, i.e. you feel less pain while on them - therefore when you are off them, you feel more pain, and this typically becomes increasingly undesirable and as such opioids are very addictive both physically and mentally.
Bupe has its legitimate uses, but as an antidepressant, it is not suitable unless as a last resort when all else has failed.
laCster
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2010
- Messages
- 6,852
thank you for posting, i feel your pain man. it sucks to sit in anguish knowing that relief is just round the corner. my doctor takes insurance and i have a suboxone copay card so the sub itself is completely free. my parents will no longer pay for my sub dr and the suboxone itself, so i had to scramble around trying to get up enough cash to pay for the DR appointment. i stayed up on a corner waving a sign for a fast food restaurant in 95 degree heat. i say try to find another dr that accepts insurance. good luck and much love