i can totally understand why people get married. its a nice thing to do, to commit yourself to somebody formally. one day when i find the right person (if i find anybody at all, it has to happen one day) i'd love to get married and have kids. for me its something i would really want to do.
being single has served me pretty well tho, its meant i can come up to sydney and live up here for a while, when i do get a serious girlfriend i will really want to see her at least once a week and i really would like to talk to her once every couple of days, i need to be in contact with people a lot. i never realised that, but when i'm deprived of real human contact i begin to go weird. i can take it but i become eccentric and start talking to myself, not really caring what other people think.
i really just wish i had some good mates that i could hang out with a bit, that would be ideal. being up here in sydney makes that hard tho... my friends are back in melbourne and i don't really know too many people up here. and if i meet a girl then its gonna be goodbye soon enough anyways. its a friday nite and i'm stuck at home. people don't ring me or want to speak to me, i'm just by myself. nobody really needs me around here anyways, sometimes i don't know why i bother.
people tell me to relax and not try as hard. i dunno how to do that. i have always been a person to work hard and try my best to achieve my goals, and i have achieved every goal i have aimed to achieve. in myself i am sure this approach won't work with people, but i don't know how else to do it. i am an objective person and its hard for me to change that characteristic, and if i do change it then im being a person i'm not, and so its like im lying to myself. but i just don't think that anybody would accept me for being who i am. i've been trying for over a year now and i haven't yet found what i'm looking for.
yeah... i'll stop now. i'm just a bit lonely tonight. but better to get it out than to hold onto it and dwell on it i guess. sorry to bother you.
Cohaa.