plazma
Bluelighter
Hoptis, I guess you got to do what you got to do.
-plaz out-
-plaz out-
-
-
AADD Moderators: Tronica
Bluelight Singles - from begining to end! don't we love the merge feature!
- Thread starter Adz-O-Rama
- Start date
Boppychick
Bluelighter
Prom: yeah i have feelings about this person... and its a bit scary considering i was not even considering thinking about a relationship. I know he says that he is so lucky that he is the guy that i like and all... but its never enough really is it? I dont think i have ever felt this inadequate before... but then again he has asked me to the snow and to sydney and to dinner and to lunch, so he must be a little bit interested!!!
hoptis, if you're friends with both parties (the cheating boy & unknowning girl) it makes it a world harder.
You're 100% dead fucking right about staying out of it. Chances are if you told the girlfriend, he'd deny it, and you'd just look like some kind of 'player' who has a lot of issues.
Believe me, I learnt the hard way.
You're a wise one for staying the hell away.
You're 100% dead fucking right about staying out of it. Chances are if you told the girlfriend, he'd deny it, and you'd just look like some kind of 'player' who has a lot of issues.
Believe me, I learnt the hard way.
You're a wise one for staying the hell away.
Tarsarlan
Bluelighter
Prom: Stop it, you're scaring me...
Boppychick: It seems obvious he's really keen so there's no need for you to feel inadequate... However since you do, and its not really that easy to combat those feelings, what I'd suggest you do is try to make sure he appreciates you (he will anyway, so you don't need to do anything, but doing something may make you feel more secure) ...Just as long as you don't do anything outrageous and subsequently embarrass yourself
...But really, you don't need to worry, enjoy it, worrying too much is only gonna cause problems...
hoptis: If that were a 'friend' of mine, I'd tell em to go fuck themselves, 'cos that way they'd do a lot less harm than they will by fucking everyone else... And then I'd delete their phone number from my mobile and be sure to tell everyone what they told me if the topic came up... And if I spoke to his girlfriend, if the opportunity came up to tell her what he did, I wouldn't hold back... I don't want to be friends with someone like that, or anyone who thinks that kind of thing is acceptable... If the shit hits the fan, so be it, I can deal with it, if anyone else affected can't, they'd better learn how to...
Oooo, nasty...
Boppychick: It seems obvious he's really keen so there's no need for you to feel inadequate... However since you do, and its not really that easy to combat those feelings, what I'd suggest you do is try to make sure he appreciates you (he will anyway, so you don't need to do anything, but doing something may make you feel more secure) ...Just as long as you don't do anything outrageous and subsequently embarrass yourself
...But really, you don't need to worry, enjoy it, worrying too much is only gonna cause problems...hoptis: If that were a 'friend' of mine, I'd tell em to go fuck themselves, 'cos that way they'd do a lot less harm than they will by fucking everyone else... And then I'd delete their phone number from my mobile and be sure to tell everyone what they told me if the topic came up... And if I spoke to his girlfriend, if the opportunity came up to tell her what he did, I wouldn't hold back... I don't want to be friends with someone like that, or anyone who thinks that kind of thing is acceptable... If the shit hits the fan, so be it, I can deal with it, if anyone else affected can't, they'd better learn how to...
Oooo, nasty...
plazma
Bluelighter
In my opinion, regardless of what apollo says (he's a cynical bastard at times). I'd have to say you really should consider heavily the possibility of giving the lousy cheating bastard his due. Its just NOT cool to cheat on someone, less cool to boast to your mates about it.
I've gotten into immense amounts of shit for jumping into things like this before, clearly I haven't learned enough to make me compromise my ethics and moral code yet. I hope I'm a slow learner if learning is going to make me abandon the one thing that gives me any sense of honour.
You could feel like a pariah or be shat on, but man, the one thing that will be said is that you told the truth. I believe in a case like this, you can either lie like everyone else (and that's why the world is this fucked up) or you can just tell the truth and deal with the consequences.
-plaz out-
I've gotten into immense amounts of shit for jumping into things like this before, clearly I haven't learned enough to make me compromise my ethics and moral code yet. I hope I'm a slow learner if learning is going to make me abandon the one thing that gives me any sense of honour.
You could feel like a pariah or be shat on, but man, the one thing that will be said is that you told the truth. I believe in a case like this, you can either lie like everyone else (and that's why the world is this fucked up) or you can just tell the truth and deal with the consequences.
-plaz out-
apollo: Well I don't know this guy's girlfriend so telling her isn't really an issue. I've been in situations before though when I've known both partners and as friends with one or the other or both, it makes things *much* harder.
I think in something like this, non-intervention is really the smartest way to go. Simply because, at the end of the day, while I don't approve of what this person is doing, it is *my* morality that says it is wrong. To tell his girlfriend would be to impose *my* sense of right or wrong into their lives.
If I were to tell his girlfriend, would it make me any better than Christian Fundamentalists who pressure the government to get obscene movies banned?
Tars: I thought about it... really, but if all guys broke off friendships with any guy who let their little brain do their thinking for them, how many men would be friends in the whole world?
It's a bit more involved since I've met the girl he's cheating with, let's call her 'S'. I met S a couple of months ago through X (the cheater), at the time I remember telling X, "she's not bad" or something like that. At the same time, X looks up to me and there's no doubt in my mind that he's telling me about what he's done because he thinks it'll impress me. That's what shitted me in the first place.
My preferred course of action is to give X a stern lecture on what doesn't impress me. The lecture that so many men seem to miss out on, about being a real man and how it doesn't mean waving his dick around like a glowstick, trying to stick it into every party he can find.
What makes this all the more sadder is the number of single male friends I have who are decent, faithful guys who can't find anyone.
I think in something like this, non-intervention is really the smartest way to go. Simply because, at the end of the day, while I don't approve of what this person is doing, it is *my* morality that says it is wrong. To tell his girlfriend would be to impose *my* sense of right or wrong into their lives.
If I were to tell his girlfriend, would it make me any better than Christian Fundamentalists who pressure the government to get obscene movies banned?
Tars: I thought about it... really, but if all guys broke off friendships with any guy who let their little brain do their thinking for them, how many men would be friends in the whole world?
It's a bit more involved since I've met the girl he's cheating with, let's call her 'S'. I met S a couple of months ago through X (the cheater), at the time I remember telling X, "she's not bad" or something like that. At the same time, X looks up to me and there's no doubt in my mind that he's telling me about what he's done because he thinks it'll impress me. That's what shitted me in the first place.
My preferred course of action is to give X a stern lecture on what doesn't impress me. The lecture that so many men seem to miss out on, about being a real man and how it doesn't mean waving his dick around like a glowstick, trying to stick it into every party he can find.
What makes this all the more sadder is the number of single male friends I have who are decent, faithful guys who can't find anyone.
Tarsarlan
Bluelighter
...and even sadder is how many of those single guys get looked over or rejected 'cos girls think they just might be another of those cheating bastards who'll just screw them over again...
hoptis: If X thinks he's impressing you, then yes, cut him down, it seems he more than deserves it... Of course one can't form a comprehensive opinion of someone from one little incident, so maybe he doesn't really deserve my scorn, but well you'd know better than me if that's true...
And you're right that you shouldn't impose your moral opinions onto others, but I don't think telling his girlfriend would equate to imposition... If you just present the facts, she can decide for herself if it was the right or wrong thing for him to do... She'll impose her own moral standpoint and make her own decision on what to do next (if anything)... Who knows, maybe she's a sharing kinda girl...
hoptis: If X thinks he's impressing you, then yes, cut him down, it seems he more than deserves it... Of course one can't form a comprehensive opinion of someone from one little incident, so maybe he doesn't really deserve my scorn, but well you'd know better than me if that's true...
And you're right that you shouldn't impose your moral opinions onto others, but I don't think telling his girlfriend would equate to imposition... If you just present the facts, she can decide for herself if it was the right or wrong thing for him to do... She'll impose her own moral standpoint and make her own decision on what to do next (if anything)... Who knows, maybe she's a sharing kinda girl...
what would u do if u met the most perfect chick! great looks, perfect personality, everything u want in a girl, and she tells u ur gorgeous, and that ur cute and stuff... but she has a boyfriend. and when he is around is she nice to ya and all, but when he goes away she gets a bit more nicer and flirts more.
i know the boyfriend as well, not a close friend, but a friend none the less... hmmmm
do you go with it and see what happens? or do you do what i have been doing so far, and back off a bit and pretend ur not interested at all?
i know the boyfriend as well, not a close friend, but a friend none the less... hmmmm
do you go with it and see what happens? or do you do what i have been doing so far, and back off a bit and pretend ur not interested at all?
vurtomatic
Bluelight Crew
^ maybe she's enjoys flirting and didnt mean anything beyond that would u risk ur frenship with this guy to test that?
would u risk ur frenship with this guy to test that?
Originally posted by Taliana:
im not the kinda person anymore to just go out and pick up, i used to be, yet i never let it work because i knew the foundations for a relationship were all wrong. ive changed my ways and its the reason im having troubles actually BEGINNING relationships from scratch. it will happen. one day. i hope
I know what you mean, I'm in the same boat. Things seem so much harder than they used to be (when I was at school). I think you go after people more for their looks when you are younger, but when you grow older you realise theres a lot more to a relationship than just looks. To me now its more about finding someone who shares similar interests and has a good personality. Looks are still on the agenda but they definately aren't as important. I find getting over the first hurdle of actually asking someone out is the hardest thing for me as I can be a little shy sometimes, but if you don't ask then you'll never know.
Queen Beat
Bluelighter
My opinion - if something doesn't directly involve you then stay out of it. There's nothing worse then people running around with their nose in everyone else's business. You may think you're doing the right thing, but who are you to decide what's right and wrong. I don't understand these people who feel they have the right to dictate the course of a relationship from the outside. So hoptis, I think what you're doing is the only way to go.
Finkfresh I agree with Jakoz - she sounds like more trouble then she's worth!! Even if you do manage to steal her away from her current boyfriend, the likelihood of the exact same thing happening to you is pretty high.
Boppychick feelings of inadequacy are pretty common at the start of any relationship while you're both finding your feet. I wouldn't be surprised if he was having similar thoughts. He obviously likes you so don't worry about whether or not you're good enough for him and worry more about whether you're good for each other. Good luck. We always tend to find that special someone when we're really not looking at all.
Finkfresh I agree with Jakoz - she sounds like more trouble then she's worth!! Even if you do manage to steal her away from her current boyfriend, the likelihood of the exact same thing happening to you is pretty high.
Boppychick feelings of inadequacy are pretty common at the start of any relationship while you're both finding your feet. I wouldn't be surprised if he was having similar thoughts. He obviously likes you so don't worry about whether or not you're good enough for him and worry more about whether you're good for each other. Good luck. We always tend to find that special someone when we're really not looking at all.
miss apple
Bluelighter
Tars for the first time in a long time I completely disagree with you. It's not hoptis's place to get involved in the cheating escapades of his friend. Maybe if he was friends with the girlfriend he'd owe it to her to be honest and to prevent her being hurt anymore by this guy. But considering he doesn't know her, the best course of action is to let his friend know he's far from impressed, but stay out of the situation. It'll just get messy and horrible if he tries to play the moral crusader.
plazma
Bluelighter
Hold the presses! I have the answer!
negrogesic - A girl is just a sack of chemicals that makes you feel a certain way, where as oxycontin is just one condensed chemical in convenient bite-sized form.
Oh god! And it was staring me in the face all along.
-plaz out-
negrogesic - A girl is just a sack of chemicals that makes you feel a certain way, where as oxycontin is just one condensed chemical in convenient bite-sized form.
Oh god! And it was staring me in the face all along.
-plaz out-
Catch-22
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2001
- Messages
- 4,518
Damn, I look away for a few days and the new thread is almost full. Better get my token post in here before the clock strikes midnight....
hoptis, I have been compartmentalizing my friends for more than 10 years. I don't think I have a single friend who I can talk with about everything. But, amongst the very close friends that comprise my inner circle, I have a collection of people with whom I can discuss anything. I might not be able to talk politics with Person A, or be able to talk finances with Person B, or philosophize with Person C, or talk about girls with Person D, etc. But if you value everything the person gives you in friendship, and if you recipricate back to them, it is very reasonable to compartmentalize. It is a practical solution. I would make it a point not to talk relationships with your boastful friend and ignore everything he says on that topic. Even if you are his best man in a wedding, and you damn well know he fucked the stripper at the bachelor party, you just hold your tongue. Remind yourself that you value his overall friendship and can accept you don't have to agree on every difference of opinion.
Boppychick, you have a real dilemma. If you can't find a way to solve it, a relationship will never work. I have had girls express their feelings of inadequacy to me (usually regarding my intelligence), and I have always handled it poorly. Maybe your guy will be more supportive than I seem capable of being.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Finkfresh, I don't have much experience with getting a girl to leave her boyfriend because I don't target women who are already involved. I have, however, had a girl offer to leave her long-term boyfriend just for the chance to date me. Another girl said that if I wanted to try a long-term relationship with her, she would divorce her husband. I said no both times, and both girls stayed in their relationships! How about that? LOL Anyway, the point being, if she was serious she would give you a very clear offer. This girl is just toying with you. Forget it.
Okay, now on to my crappy life. Can't remember if I posted about this before, but a few weeks ago I talked to a very nice girl for a couple of hours. I was very attracted to her and ordinarily would have asked her out if it weren't for my self-imposed sabbatical from dating. Anyway, recently I sat across from her at a business meeting where she was the ringleader and I was the special consultant. She was zipping through everything, bringing her staff together, she had her plans organized and was making a lot of great points. I just sat there being impressed with her. We were kind of making faces at each other during the meeting, little inside jokes and some humor. I contemplated making her a direct offer afterwards, but that wouldn't be fair. Argh, this is tough but again I will resist.
hoptis, I have been compartmentalizing my friends for more than 10 years. I don't think I have a single friend who I can talk with about everything. But, amongst the very close friends that comprise my inner circle, I have a collection of people with whom I can discuss anything. I might not be able to talk politics with Person A, or be able to talk finances with Person B, or philosophize with Person C, or talk about girls with Person D, etc. But if you value everything the person gives you in friendship, and if you recipricate back to them, it is very reasonable to compartmentalize. It is a practical solution. I would make it a point not to talk relationships with your boastful friend and ignore everything he says on that topic. Even if you are his best man in a wedding, and you damn well know he fucked the stripper at the bachelor party, you just hold your tongue. Remind yourself that you value his overall friendship and can accept you don't have to agree on every difference of opinion.
Boppychick, you have a real dilemma. If you can't find a way to solve it, a relationship will never work. I have had girls express their feelings of inadequacy to me (usually regarding my intelligence), and I have always handled it poorly. Maybe your guy will be more supportive than I seem capable of being.
Finkfresh, I don't have much experience with getting a girl to leave her boyfriend because I don't target women who are already involved. I have, however, had a girl offer to leave her long-term boyfriend just for the chance to date me. Another girl said that if I wanted to try a long-term relationship with her, she would divorce her husband. I said no both times, and both girls stayed in their relationships! How about that? LOL Anyway, the point being, if she was serious she would give you a very clear offer. This girl is just toying with you. Forget it.
Okay, now on to my crappy life. Can't remember if I posted about this before, but a few weeks ago I talked to a very nice girl for a couple of hours. I was very attracted to her and ordinarily would have asked her out if it weren't for my self-imposed sabbatical from dating. Anyway, recently I sat across from her at a business meeting where she was the ringleader and I was the special consultant. She was zipping through everything, bringing her staff together, she had her plans organized and was making a lot of great points. I just sat there being impressed with her. We were kind of making faces at each other during the meeting, little inside jokes and some humor. I contemplated making her a direct offer afterwards, but that wouldn't be fair. Argh, this is tough but again I will resist.
I wouldn't bother going out with someone who left their partner to be with me I've already been there, done that, and got fucked every which way by the one girl.
I’ve simplified the story a bit I hope it’s not too confusing.
She dumped her long distance relationship for me and all was well till she went home in the holidays and saw him, once she came back she dumped me and got back together with him(she didn’t dump me because she didn’t like me, she just has stronger feelings for the other guy). I didn’t see her for a bit over a year then she and her boyfriend came to schoolies with me and our group and it was all good (as soon as I saw her I felt the emotions flooding back) a couple of days later they had a fight and broke up. He left and I, naively, spent the night comforting her and we talked and it came out the both of us still had feelings for each other, we hooked up there. Two more days later he came back and they started talking and stuff but she said it was over, so we remained together even for a bit in Sydney.
I later found out at a party that on the day she was clearing her stuff out from this other guy’s apartment (they were living together for a few months) she slept with him, that was a day before she slept with me proclaiming if she stayed in Sydney for uni we would stay together. Move a week later and into the new year, I returned a call to see if she had found out where she’d be for uni (bris or syd) and also to talk about an email I’d sent her asking why everyone was telling me she’d cheated on me with my best mate of 13 years on new years eve. I didn’t believe a single word and had even asked him, he denied it so I was like “you said you didn’t do it so I believe you” I thought it was an evil plot by his (my best mates girlfriend) to fuck things up for me because she hates me (turns out she doesn’t hate me, it was that she still had feelings for me from when we went out years before, argh!).
Anyway I’m on the phone and I ask about the cheating thing and there’s pause, my heart sinks, and then she tells me it’s true and then she tells me that she’s in Bris for uni. Enter hour long sms war with best mate, damn those things cost you money!!
I didn’t talk to my best mate for a month or two after that but we’ve worked things out and are still good friends, though I do have a lot of trouble trusting people fully after the person I trusted most in the world, the person who was the brother I always but never had completely betrayed me and then lied about it.
But I still wouldn’t trade a single second of all that for anything in the entire universe.
Actually on second thoughts I proably would still go out with someone who left their partner for ne but I'd be wary of letting the same shit happen again.
I’ve simplified the story a bit I hope it’s not too confusing.
She dumped her long distance relationship for me and all was well till she went home in the holidays and saw him, once she came back she dumped me and got back together with him(she didn’t dump me because she didn’t like me, she just has stronger feelings for the other guy). I didn’t see her for a bit over a year then she and her boyfriend came to schoolies with me and our group and it was all good (as soon as I saw her I felt the emotions flooding back) a couple of days later they had a fight and broke up. He left and I, naively, spent the night comforting her and we talked and it came out the both of us still had feelings for each other, we hooked up there. Two more days later he came back and they started talking and stuff but she said it was over, so we remained together even for a bit in Sydney.
I later found out at a party that on the day she was clearing her stuff out from this other guy’s apartment (they were living together for a few months) she slept with him, that was a day before she slept with me proclaiming if she stayed in Sydney for uni we would stay together. Move a week later and into the new year, I returned a call to see if she had found out where she’d be for uni (bris or syd) and also to talk about an email I’d sent her asking why everyone was telling me she’d cheated on me with my best mate of 13 years on new years eve. I didn’t believe a single word and had even asked him, he denied it so I was like “you said you didn’t do it so I believe you” I thought it was an evil plot by his (my best mates girlfriend) to fuck things up for me because she hates me (turns out she doesn’t hate me, it was that she still had feelings for me from when we went out years before, argh!).
Anyway I’m on the phone and I ask about the cheating thing and there’s pause, my heart sinks, and then she tells me it’s true and then she tells me that she’s in Bris for uni. Enter hour long sms war with best mate, damn those things cost you money!!
I didn’t talk to my best mate for a month or two after that but we’ve worked things out and are still good friends, though I do have a lot of trouble trusting people fully after the person I trusted most in the world, the person who was the brother I always but never had completely betrayed me and then lied about it.
But I still wouldn’t trade a single second of all that for anything in the entire universe.
Actually on second thoughts I proably would still go out with someone who left their partner for ne but I'd be wary of letting the same shit happen again.
vurtomatic
Bluelight Crew
austnet #bluelightsingles
the online singles bar with a captive audience, how can u say no? :D
the online singles bar with a captive audience, how can u say no? :D
Pleonastic
Bluelighter
^^^^^
We dunno if it'll work, but we're keen to give it a go... and we're actually serious about the channel...
If anyone wants to be an op, come in the channel and let us know why you'd be good! :D
We dunno if it'll work, but we're keen to give it a go... and we're actually serious about the channel...
If anyone wants to be an op, come in the channel and let us know why you'd be good! :D
Id make a great op because Im going to be stuck here for every 
no current maybes Im begining to give up. I dont whinge all the time but im a great listener.
and Im on bluelight everyday
[ 29 August 2002: Message edited by: sydkiwi ]
no current maybes Im begining to give up. I dont whinge all the time but im a great listener.and Im on bluelight everyday
[ 29 August 2002: Message edited by: sydkiwi ]