anna!
Bluelight Crew
I hate single.
I hate everything about it.
That is all.
I hate everything about it.
That is all.
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AADD Moderators: Tronica
Bluelight Singles - from begining to end! don't we love the merge feature!
- Thread starter Adz-O-Rama
- Start date
miss apple
Bluelighter
I don't even notice that I'm single anymore.
I don't hate mem anymore either which is a fantastic thing.
I went through a stage (a 2 year stage!!) of hating men cause of what my last boyfriend did to me. But I met a very cute, very fantastic wonderful boy in London who I had to say goodbye to cause I came home.
He wasn't the one for me...Australia won out over him. But you'd have to be a pretty fucking special guy to win that one.
But at least now I've realised not all men are arseholes. This was a huge realisation for me (ask DoC
)
I'm ready to meet someone but I'm not really looking right now. I need to sort my life out first. I'm pretty picky and not too many people 'float my boat'. But I know it when they do....and I most definitely won't say no
I don't hate mem anymore either which is a fantastic thing.
I went through a stage (a 2 year stage!!) of hating men cause of what my last boyfriend did to me. But I met a very cute, very fantastic wonderful boy in London who I had to say goodbye to cause I came home.
He wasn't the one for me...Australia won out over him. But you'd have to be a pretty fucking special guy to win that one.But at least now I've realised not all men are arseholes. This was a huge realisation for me (ask DoC
)I'm ready to meet someone but I'm not really looking right now. I need to sort my life out first. I'm pretty picky and not too many people 'float my boat'. But I know it when they do....and I most definitely won't say no
Tarsarlan
Bluelighter
miss apple: But will he know it when he float's your boat? (if you float ~his~ boat by 'inflating his ballast' I'm sure he will know... hehehe sorry, couldn't help that one ) I hope for both your sakes you let him know and make it quite clear...
...same goes for you GG...
...and for any other girls who wait for the clueless guy to make the first move...
) I hope for both your sakes you let him know and make it quite clear......same goes for you GG...
...and for any other girls who wait for the clueless guy to make the first move...
miss apple
Bluelighter
Tarsy...every boy that I've really really liked there's been a connection with straight away...on both sides. (edit..I didn't mean *every* boy. but the three I've had as boyfriends) I dunno...maybe I've been lucky. But if a guy doesn't get that 'thing' when he meets me then it probably isn't going to be.
Probably an overly romantic way to think but I'm just going on past experience.
Just reread your post....I often make the first move. In fact with all three of my serious boyfriends I've made the first move!!! But the attraction was always pretty obvious so there wasn't a huge chance of saying them saying no. You know how you just *know* when someone is attracted to you. The whole eye contact thing. The spark when your eyes first meet....*sigh* I can't wait for it to happen again It's the most amazing thing I totally believe in love at first sight.
[ 16 January 2002: Message edited by: miss apple ]
Probably an overly romantic way to think but I'm just going on past experience.
Just reread your post....I often make the first move. In fact with all three of my serious boyfriends I've made the first move!!! But the attraction was always pretty obvious so there wasn't a huge chance of saying them saying no. You know how you just *know* when someone is attracted to you. The whole eye contact thing. The spark when your eyes first meet....*sigh* I can't wait for it to happen again
It's the most amazing thing I totally believe in love at first sight.[ 16 January 2002: Message edited by: miss apple ]
Pleonastic
Bluelighter
As much as love at first sight is a wonderful thing, if it means 3 months less pussyfooting around then I'm all for people writing the message on the end of a sledgehammer and belting me over the head with it. Especially if it's the only way it would ever actually happen - lots of guys (me especially) are pretty fuckin dumb when it comes to signals...
S.P.E.L.L. I.T. O.U.T. F.O.R. U.S...
Thankyou, that'll be all...
S.P.E.L.L. I.T. O.U.T. F.O.R. U.S...
Thankyou, that'll be all...
miss apple
Bluelighter
Spell what out for you though pleo? Like I might be interested in you but how do I know if you're interested in me? And would you be interested in me just *because* I was interested in you? Like would that affect how you felt about me (I'm talking about generic me not really me!!!...then again....now might be a good time )
What I'm getting at is that you guys need to give out signals if you're interested in a girl too. We suffer the same fear of rejection as you guys do.
)What I'm getting at is that you guys need to give out signals if you're interested in a girl too. We suffer the same fear of rejection as you guys do.
Pleonastic
Bluelighter
Good point...
Ummmmmmm... I think I've got the answer then...
Everyone should drink more G... :D
{edit}
Now I've got a better answer, after giving it some thought...
I spose what you're talking about is the great catch-22 of courtship - and the reason why so many people are single. Although I think in some cases it's not only a fear of rejection, but a fear of acceptance - that silly little human quirk that makes you try so hard to make something work that it's quite often the cause of the eventual failure. And although understanding the theory is all well and good, putting it into practice can a bit of a bitch sometimes...
The only thing that keeps the depression away is the strange unexplainable feeling that it's all going to work out in the end - but I'm buggered if I know where that feeling comes from...
[ 16 January 2002: Message edited by: Pleonastic ]
Ummmmmmm... I think I've got the answer then...
Everyone should drink more G... :D
{edit}
Now I've got a better answer, after giving it some thought...
I spose what you're talking about is the great catch-22 of courtship - and the reason why so many people are single. Although I think in some cases it's not only a fear of rejection, but a fear of acceptance - that silly little human quirk that makes you try so hard to make something work that it's quite often the cause of the eventual failure. And although understanding the theory is all well and good, putting it into practice can a bit of a bitch sometimes...
The only thing that keeps the depression away is the strange unexplainable feeling that it's all going to work out in the end - but I'm buggered if I know where that feeling comes from...
[ 16 January 2002: Message edited by: Pleonastic ]
Tarsarlan
Bluelighter
If only that worked Pleo... And believe me, I've tried... Oops, did I just type that?
...No I wouldn't seriously do that! I'd think about it, and I'd joke about it, but I wouldn't do it...
Oh yeah, here's that post I mentioned: Vacuum
{edit: I think that feeling you mentioned Pleo, comes from the repeated reassurances from friends... They keep saying it'll be alright in the end so you start believing it... I believe it, I just hope its not a false belief}
[ 16 January 2002: Message edited by: Tarsarlan ]
...No I wouldn't seriously do that! I'd think about it, and I'd joke about it, but I wouldn't do it...
Oh yeah, here's that post I mentioned: Vacuum
{edit: I think that feeling you mentioned Pleo, comes from the repeated reassurances from friends... They keep saying it'll be alright in the end so you start believing it... I believe it, I just hope its not a false belief}
[ 16 January 2002: Message edited by: Tarsarlan ]
insomnia
Bluelighter
*sweeps GG off her feet and runs away*
Pleonastic
Bluelighter
Look, I hate to be a prick (no really, I do ), but the above post is exactly the sort of thing we don't want anymore... sorry to single you out InSoMnIa^, but you were the first one to slip up in part 5 so far...
I'll leave that one as an example of what not to post, but any more like that will be removed. It's either that, or as Tars said at the start we'll have to close the thread permanently - and I'm sure nobody want's that...
If anyone has any problems with this, please email us rather than bringing it up in this thread or starting a new one...
Thankyou.
[ 16 January 2002: Message edited by: Pleonastic ]
), but the above post is exactly the sort of thing we don't want anymore... sorry to single you out InSoMnIa^, but you were the first one to slip up in part 5 so far...I'll leave that one as an example of what not to post, but any more like that will be removed. It's either that, or as Tars said at the start we'll have to close the thread permanently - and I'm sure nobody want's that...
If anyone has any problems with this, please email us rather than bringing it up in this thread or starting a new one...
Thankyou.
[ 16 January 2002: Message edited by: Pleonastic ]
punch e punch
Bluelighter
sometimes i think i've become too cynical to ever be in a relationship again.
let me enlighten u with some of my beliefs-
*most couples will end up separating, because people today r raised as consumers who shop around and r always looking for the new and improved thing.
*the only reason that marriages worked better for past generations was because women were not considered equal to men and were told to go along with whatever their husbands said or did. nowdays, everyone is allowed to think for themselves, so there's much less chance of two people agreeing. maybe marriage is becoming obsolete.
*the increase in communication in today's world means an increase in social paranoia eg. "why did she send me an SMS? doesn't she wanna talk to me?" or "is this e-mail supposed to be a joke or is he having a go at me?"
man, i could go on and on but i think i might spare u people n go drown my sorrows in a bottle of cooking sherry or something...
[ 16 January 2002: Message edited by: punch e punch ]
let me enlighten u with some of my beliefs-
*most couples will end up separating, because people today r raised as consumers who shop around and r always looking for the new and improved thing.
*the only reason that marriages worked better for past generations was because women were not considered equal to men and were told to go along with whatever their husbands said or did. nowdays, everyone is allowed to think for themselves, so there's much less chance of two people agreeing. maybe marriage is becoming obsolete.
*the increase in communication in today's world means an increase in social paranoia eg. "why did she send me an SMS? doesn't she wanna talk to me?" or "is this e-mail supposed to be a joke or is he having a go at me?"
man, i could go on and on but i think i might spare u people n go drown my sorrows in a bottle of cooking sherry or something...
[ 16 January 2002: Message edited by: punch e punch ]
PsychoKitten
Bluelight Crew
awwww Punchy *hugs*
Reading over the other parts of this thread, i find the ups and downs of my posts pretty much sum up my attitude to relationships. I'm a cynic who desparetly wants to believe in the "happily ever after".
Or maybe I'm a romantic who wants to be a cynic... who knows. Either way, right now I've decided it's time to stop putting my heart on the line for one particular guy who really isn't worth my time and effort. (maybe if i say that enough, this time I'll get it through my head).
It's hard when I see the greatness inside him, and I remember how it used to be between us and he says the sweetest things, making me want to believe it can work this time.
I tell you I'm a bloody sap
Reading over the other parts of this thread, i find the ups and downs of my posts pretty much sum up my attitude to relationships. I'm a cynic who desparetly wants to believe in the "happily ever after".
Or maybe I'm a romantic who wants to be a cynic... who knows. Either way, right now I've decided it's time to stop putting my heart on the line for one particular guy who really isn't worth my time and effort. (maybe if i say that enough, this time I'll get it through my head).
It's hard when I see the greatness inside him, and I remember how it used to be between us and he says the sweetest things, making me want to believe it can work this time.
I tell you I'm a bloody sap
Pleonastic
Bluelighter
Well, it's 5:17AM and I'm still not tired. In fact with so little else to do at the moment I'm just sitting here having a bit of a think, and consequently have come up with a few things that would have gone well in my earlier responses...
So anyway, here's what I meant earlier when I mentioned a "fear of acceptance". I think I probably could have explained what I meant by that a bit better:
We all understand the fear of rejection - that's pretty obvious. It's when you fear asking someone out or revealing your feelings for them because they might not feel the same way about you. Well the fear of acceptance usually comes in when you really really like someone a lot, and think that they're a really special person. They're the type of person that makes you go all fluttery when you see them, or even when you simply hear their name. But as strange as it sounds, you fear asking them out or revealing your feelings to them because those feelings might actually be reciprocated! Your mind starts thinking a million and one steps into the future and you worry that you could never be good enough for this fantastic person, so it'd cause less pain for both parties if you just kept your mouth shut.
It's one of those things that makes no logical sense in practice, and everything in you tells you that you're stupid not to try regardless. But some little niggly part of your brain just makes you keep your mouth shut, and soon the opportunity passes. It's a tough mental stumbling block sometimes...
So anyway, here's what I meant earlier when I mentioned a "fear of acceptance". I think I probably could have explained what I meant by that a bit better:
We all understand the fear of rejection - that's pretty obvious. It's when you fear asking someone out or revealing your feelings for them because they might not feel the same way about you. Well the fear of acceptance usually comes in when you really really like someone a lot, and think that they're a really special person. They're the type of person that makes you go all fluttery when you see them, or even when you simply hear their name. But as strange as it sounds, you fear asking them out or revealing your feelings to them because those feelings might actually be reciprocated! Your mind starts thinking a million and one steps into the future and you worry that you could never be good enough for this fantastic person, so it'd cause less pain for both parties if you just kept your mouth shut.
It's one of those things that makes no logical sense in practice, and everything in you tells you that you're stupid not to try regardless. But some little niggly part of your brain just makes you keep your mouth shut, and soon the opportunity passes. It's a tough mental stumbling block sometimes...
Pleo took the words outta my mouth. I'm one of those cocky sickeningly eternal optimistics that you see have no fear of rejection but what he said about fear of acceptance is so true.
If I get rejected I just put it down to "oh, he wasnt the one for me" and move on but if things are going along smoothly with a guy and I see that things might get a little more serious I take a big step back, try to look too far ahead and freak out. "What if this does get really serious?" "Do i want that?" "Will i still like him as much then as I do now?" "Do i like him right now in fact" and the worst of all "should I put an end to this now cause i dont know exactly how much i like him and by the time i realise that I might not like him, we may have been together too long and he'll like me too much and i'll end up hurting him and I like him too much right now to do that too him if it ever came up"
But then I usually cant make up my mind, do nothing and continue on with the psuedo-relationship.
I'm at that stage now & this thread has made me analyse it....
GEE THANKS GUYS!!!
For me fear of 'acceptance' is far scarier than fear of 'rejection'. MAYBE because statiscally, rejection at some point is inevitable. Odds are that at some point, you're gonna get rejected so eventually you accept that.
Hmmm acceptance of rejection. I'm not scared of that one.
If I get rejected I just put it down to "oh, he wasnt the one for me" and move on but if things are going along smoothly with a guy and I see that things might get a little more serious I take a big step back, try to look too far ahead and freak out. "What if this does get really serious?" "Do i want that?" "Will i still like him as much then as I do now?" "Do i like him right now in fact" and the worst of all "should I put an end to this now cause i dont know exactly how much i like him and by the time i realise that I might not like him, we may have been together too long and he'll like me too much and i'll end up hurting him and I like him too much right now to do that too him if it ever came up"
But then I usually cant make up my mind, do nothing and continue on with the psuedo-relationship.
I'm at that stage now & this thread has made me analyse it....
GEE THANKS GUYS!!!
For me fear of 'acceptance' is far scarier than fear of 'rejection'. MAYBE because statiscally, rejection at some point is inevitable. Odds are that at some point, you're gonna get rejected so eventually you accept that.
Hmmm acceptance of rejection. I'm not scared of that one.
Russ
Bluelighter
The fear of rejection or the fear of acceptance, are good reasons why people may fear going into relationships. Another may be that they may loose their independence.
This is what I fear the most. If I am in a loving relationship, and I have to ask permission to do the things I like, as the other person may not be into the same things. We could all understand the situation when your partner may not like going out clubbing. But there could be other things. My example is that I ride dirt bikes. Some weeks, I take of into the country for the whole weekend, emerging Sunday night, dirty and exhausted.
Now I am sure an understanding partner would let me go out riding, but I like the fact that I can go and do anything I like, when I like, without having to worry about anyone else.
I would love to have a girlfriend that I could do everything I like doing with, but we all know that is pretty hard.
So, I think a fear of loosing your independence is a major reason people may want to stay single.
So, single I will a be, until the right girl comes along, or I settle down a bit. (Yeah right!)
This is what I fear the most. If I am in a loving relationship, and I have to ask permission to do the things I like, as the other person may not be into the same things. We could all understand the situation when your partner may not like going out clubbing. But there could be other things. My example is that I ride dirt bikes. Some weeks, I take of into the country for the whole weekend, emerging Sunday night, dirty and exhausted.
Now I am sure an understanding partner would let me go out riding, but I like the fact that I can go and do anything I like, when I like, without having to worry about anyone else.
I would love to have a girlfriend that I could do everything I like doing with, but we all know that is pretty hard.
So, I think a fear of loosing your independence is a major reason people may want to stay single.
So, single I will a be, until the right girl comes along, or I settle down a bit. (Yeah right!)
Adikkal
Bluelighter
In regards to Pleos concept of fear of rejection, i gotta say that is quite true.
I think it's entrenched in the human way of thinking. All of us have this fear of rejection, not just in the relationship sense but in other areas aswell. We fear what MAY happen and this results frequently in in-action.
We are subsequently left pondering it all in our minds and over-thinking. This probably isn't true for all people, but i'd say i'm an over-thinker.
For the record, i've never been in a relationship. I've had the opportunity several times but i haven't because i felt i didn't get along with the person well enough to have a relationship. I regret this with one girl, who i had the opportunity with and blew it. She's now my best female friend and she's in a long term relationship with a guy who's great for her.
Yeah, i have regrets.
Being single is kinda sucky but i'm not looking for a relationship for the sake of having one, i actually want to find someone i really like.
There has to be someone out there!!!
Anyway, enough whining from me.
Ohh one more thing, the fact i've never been in a relationship tends to help be give good advice to people in relationships as i'm from an objective standpoint, guess i'm a decent judge of character too. Cos i've given my fair share of relationship advice....
*rests chin on thumb and index finger and ponders the possibility of an "Adikkted to Adikkal Lurve Advice" column*
Adikkal
I think it's entrenched in the human way of thinking. All of us have this fear of rejection, not just in the relationship sense but in other areas aswell. We fear what MAY happen and this results frequently in in-action.
We are subsequently left pondering it all in our minds and over-thinking. This probably isn't true for all people, but i'd say i'm an over-thinker.
For the record, i've never been in a relationship. I've had the opportunity several times but i haven't because i felt i didn't get along with the person well enough to have a relationship. I regret this with one girl, who i had the opportunity with and blew it. She's now my best female friend and she's in a long term relationship with a guy who's great for her.
Yeah, i have regrets.
Being single is kinda sucky but i'm not looking for a relationship for the sake of having one, i actually want to find someone i really like.
There has to be someone out there!!!
Anyway, enough whining from me.
Ohh one more thing, the fact i've never been in a relationship tends to help be give good advice to people in relationships as i'm from an objective standpoint, guess i'm a decent judge of character too. Cos i've given my fair share of relationship advice....
*rests chin on thumb and index finger and ponders the possibility of an "Adikkted to Adikkal Lurve Advice" column*
Adikkal
Adikkal
Bluelighter
So i'm not alone! Woo!
My sister is the same as me in that respect aswell. More moody though, heh.
Dante, in the capitalist society in which we live, its obvious what we have to do with this situation. Charge a handsome fee for our advice, and royally screw over the consumers! Yay for capitalism! Heh
We will become revered and worshipped for our quality advice and...*Adikkal ducks as a plane flys towards his head*
Or i could keep my head out of the clouds.....
That's only for special occasions
Adikkal
My sister is the same as me in that respect aswell. More moody though, heh.
Dante, in the capitalist society in which we live, its obvious what we have to do with this situation. Charge a handsome fee for our advice, and royally screw over the consumers! Yay for capitalism! Heh
We will become revered and worshipped for our quality advice and...*Adikkal ducks as a plane flys towards his head*
Or i could keep my head out of the clouds.....
That's only for special occasions
Adikkal