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Bluelight Singles - from begining to end! don't we love the merge feature!

I can agree with most of the post above, I fear rejection/acceptance probably more than most and also would explain why I have quite a number of very close female friends (most that I am attracted too and love very much) but am unable to convert (not the correct word but it will do) into a relationship, mostly its because I cherish our friendship so much that I don't wish to ruin it by stepping over the line in order to find out if it can possible progress any further. I have been burnt before in doing this and lost one of my only childhood friends because of it. I don't think that I will ever be friends with a girl prior to going out with them due to this, well unless she makes the first move and so far this has never happened.
Mostly I'm just a plain scaredy cat when it comes to girls, the more I like them the harder its seems to be to show my intentions, to the point that I am usually a little stand-offish if she is single.
I also seem to get along really well with other peoples girlfriends, probably because the pressure is off and I don't need to consider if there is a possibility of a relationship.
On the part of being single, I gave up years ago and now just go with the flow. Not even sure if I know how to have a girlfriend anymore.
 
Fear of acceptance hey? *ponders*
Nope, not relevant for me... If I was truly interested in someone and thought that there was every chance I would be accepted, I'd take the chance and deal with the future when the future comes... Perhaps I might not be good enough for her, but i'd give our relationship my best shot, and if it didn't work out, oh well, being given the chance is better than wondering 'what if?' IMFHO...
Fear of rejection ain't so much of a problem either, I've managed to bring the issue up with the last two girls I've been interested in... Granted it did take a while and a lot of internal egging on ;)
 
I don't fear rejection, really. If I get my heart set on something, I tend to go for it. The bad news here is that I tend to go for it and keep going for it.. and keep going for it. I'm the sort of person who doesn't give up on a relationship until it gets to the point of "Well, I can't see myself actually existing happily with this person."
And like miss apple, I don't meet boys I really like very often, and I always know as soon as I meet them that I'm going to fall for them and/or end up with them (ask Thoth the story). Which is possibly why I never go out with the intention of picking up. I never settle for "what's available" (which doesn't necessarily mean I'm not settling for what other people may see as "second best", I've been known to do that, not referring to anyone on this board :p).
But, on nights like this (ie. Thursday, Peach) I do miss having someone I can go with and huggle with and share cigarettes with, and go home to bed with afterwards. That's the part that breaks me.
 
I rejoice. I'm now free and single. Well, not yet, but soon be, as long as I work up the courage and be brutally honest to break up with my current boyfriend. I'm the sort of girl who can't stand being single for long, nor have any reason to. But I really want to be free and single for a while. So, potential male (or female) bluelighters, please queue up! haha.
 
Well I've be celebate for 1 year, 1month, and 10 days and I don't regret it. Like most people say I don't feel the need to be in a relationship all the time. I figure relationships for me are like drugs, they only suppliment my life, not a core element of my personality. If I find someone then good, if I don't I still enjoy my self.
And CQ after reading your post in one of the other forums, you know which one, give us a call. Just joking, honest!
 
well its 3am and im sitting at home eating a meat pie.. so i thought i'd add a bit of enlightenment (or just some random waffling) to this thread.
i do agree with the fear of rejection idea, since i am *chronically* afraid of such a thing. but thats me, its who i am, and i've come to accept it and try to make do.
however, it does make me somewhat happy to see people who are really happy just being single. i got out of a 3yr relationship and prettymuch went straight into the "quick i need someone else!" kinda mode. which ended up as a huge mess. after that i thought "its ok, i can do this single thing for a while and maybe i'll learn something." and it was great coz i actually did. i actually found it somewhat comforting to be not spending my days looking for "my next boyfriend" - which really does take a lot out of you. it was actually nice to not hafta worry about someone else and what they wanted to do or felt etc.
ofcourse as some may know, things are a bit different atm, but at least now i know that i dont necessarily *need* a boyfriend in order to be happy and have fun. its just like a bit of an added extra really.
and anyways, from what seems to happen often, its the people who *stop* looking who seem to end up with someone. :)
try not to base your happiness on whether you have someone. life is far too complex for that.
stace.
 
You made some damn good points there Punchy...
Im starting to doubt that i will ever be happy again, considering i am going through one of those real rough patches that i thought i would never experience. But something in me says, hang on dude, you'll be right.
All in know is that i miss my gerl, and if you're reading babe - i miss you...a lot.
It's okay, i will survive....or die trying.
 
Originally posted by stacyrox:
and anyways, from what seems to happen often, its the people who *stop* looking who seem to end up with someone. :)
I've been 'not looking' for about 2 years now and I still don't have a boyfriend. And one of my boyfriends I found when I was really really looking. So as much as everyone tells you that's how it is, I don't believe it.
They just come along when they come along....whether you're looking or not.
Click to expand...
 
uhm, ok i didnt actually mean it as a universal rule or anything. its just a general observaton that i have made. i've had a lot of friends say "thats it im sick of looking for a boyfriend!" and a few weeks later they end up with someone.
ofcourse thats not *always* how it happens. thats not what i meant.
stace.
 
Well, this little horsey has now got a rider so to speak.
I have been walking around the stables for a while, with no one game enough to ride this wild buck. Now however, things have slightly changed.
I am blissfully reporting me out of this place. Not sure for how long. I am sure I will be back at one stage, and when I do... will you accept me back, hooves and all?
A special someone has entered my life and the feeling is quite nice to have someone to hold. I wish you all luck in singleland. Wish me luck in Couplesland. I hear it is pretty ruff.
 
I am finally going to add a little section to this thread........
I've been on the bandwagon now for 6 months, and i have been having a great time being single.... but there are definitely times when company is great.
I've got to agree with Miss Apple - i have always had instant sparks with anyone i've seen. You just can't beat it. And it always happens when you least expect it.
My greatest problem is definitely the rejection factor - the fear of reciprocation. As humans, when we are afraid of something, we become more indicisive, unable to make a decision. we either face this fear head-on or run as fast as possible from it (i usually run, but i'm getting better). example one comes with this great friend of mine who i have liked for ages, but never told her my true feelings. i let her know about how i felt about a month ago, and things have been great - she is really understanding and now i wish i'd gotten off my arse sooner. She leaves for England tomorrow...... starts work in a week........ *ah well, life goes on*
what i am trying to say here is don't waste time, if you find that person, let them know and if they are truly understanding and caring people, they should be able to respect how you feel, regardless of what the outcome is.
Don't run out of fear, learn to turn and face that fear! control it and defeat the fear!
Something i've found is that if you mess around with someone's feelings, then you are merely wasting time and simply placing a greater distance between you and them. (you're also more likely to hurt them). be considerate of others feelings, let them know how you feel, and NEVER prolong ending a relationship. my ex was great at causing me much grief because she was immature in dealing with my emotions.
For the time, singlehood rocks. And anyway, i haven't the time to do anything about it (50hr working weeks sorta kill your spare time.....)
i'm content. (sort-of)
Never give up, just enjoy where you're at. The right person may just be a day away....
LV
[ 20 January 2002: Message edited by: Little VEGEEmite ]
 
I think the more you try and analyse your current situation/relationship, the more you stray from the real reasons that you actually get into relationships in the first place...IE: As alot of people have been saying, usually you know very early on that you want to be with someone, or at least want to pursue a relationship with them. I think it's these instinctual feelings and emotions, which drive us initially, which are the real backbones of personal happiness. Although it's inevitable that the 'new feeling' sensation wears off, the little spark when seeing someone for the first time that day/night/whenever is probably the most telling factor in a long lasting relationship.
Although, I am the first to admit that these opinions come from someone who has hardly had the experience to claim any sort of expert opinion, but you don't have to have a Phd to know when you're in a bad relationship, or one that's doomed to fail. However you can argue that some relationships are not meant to be forever, and just because they end means that they have failed, but as long as you learn from it, enjoy it while it lasts and become a better and more knowledgable person, then who is to say what's good or bad, or right or wrong.....
But then again...these are only the opinions of someone who's had one semi-serious real life relationship, and too many superficial online relationships to name :)
 
heres my story.
friday night at kandy (kandy man's mission night) i met this girl..i had seen her a feww weeks before and kinda been keeping an eye on her. Well i got chatting to her and we were both very friendly and it felt good. Well i got her number, but in my scattered state i somehow didnt save it..DOH...so come saturday i tried to call her, but her number wasnt there...Oh and i dont remember her name either, cos the musik was too loud and i couldnt hear it properly.. seriously, hhehehe.. it Started with "sh" was not a common name...
Mission: Find Sh.....
 
Meow,
I have been reading throught the posts with intrest.
And my (however insignificant) opinion on the singles matter is..... i like it. :)
I have been in a few relationships, most have which have sucked dick. I much prefer being single.
The only downside, is perhaps the "meat market" singles scene. When ppl go out to clubs to pickup, rather than have a good time. It's disgusting to watch 3 or 4 guys approach a girl on the dancefloor, only to be rejected, and move on to the next one. That's just sick. Or maybe i should just stop going to dodgy clubs :P
As for meeting the right somone, sure it would be nice, but i am not stressing about it, if it happens, it happens if not then i'll happily cruise through life.
Although, i think the ULTIMATE setup would be to have a fuck buddy, and be single.
/me ducks
All this thinking is making me thirsty..
 
Why is it that after being in so many realationships over the past years you end up only liking half of the people you where dating, you realise that u never even loved any of them-eventhough at the time you thought u did, and then suddenly this amazing person comes into your life and you start to think- oh my god- his the one...and it just fucken hits you, you never experienced any feelings for anyone like this!
So you go out enjoy life together for a few months then next minute he suddenly decides that "hey, this isn't what I want" then you start to wonder whatever happened to the friendship you had before this whole going out thing happened???
The next minute its over, finished wahoo! :(
After a couple of weeks you get together (dam drugs) with him and everything is even worse than when u broke up-Im confused!
SINGLE LIFE ROCKS!
"You cain't find anyone until you find yourself first"
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
 
^
^yeh, spot on, mate, spot ON!!!
so many people spend their lives looking for partners and trying to get into relationships that will make their lives complete.
when they cant find someone to be with, they wonder what's wrong with themselves.
when they do find someone, they get so caught up in looking at (or imagining)themselves through another person's eyes that they forget who they really are.
i guess i was like that once, but i see so many people who go through their whole lives caught in that cycle. and it seems to be more common in girls, perhaps because, once upon a time, most females were raised to think that way.
 
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