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AADD Moderators: Tronica
Bluelight Singles - from begining to end! don't we love the merge feature!
- Thread starter Adz-O-Rama
- Start date
katmeow
Bluelight Crew
Originally posted by SteveElektro:
Reading guys minds Lesson 1:
Me want drugs
Me want dance
Me want sex
Me want sleep
Throw in snuggles and a bit of decent conversation and my wants list isn't too different
***
As far as soulmates go: I think for some people they do exist, when I look at my parent's r/ship, I'm certain that they were soulmates and I only hope that one day find something that special. Maybe I'm naive and a little idealistic, but I don't think that's a bad way to be. However, I also think that soul mates are like best friends... the period of time they come into your life for is not nearly as important as the impact they have on it.
***
I can't wait for next wednesday
I believe that it's more than possible to meet and spend the rest of your life with just one person. Why is the idea so hard to accept when we so readily accept the idea that we have friends for life?
The way I see it, divorce and seperation are on the rise because people get married for the wrong reasons. You'd think in this day and age people who grew up in a generation that had so many choices and opportunities would take some of those opportunities to make sure the person they're with is the right one before taking such a plunge; marriage/kids.
Yet I still look at the back of the Sunday paper where they feature couples who have just been married and the little blurb that says where they met, still too often reads something like "six months ago at Frostbites".
From what I've seen, those that last the distance are those who understand the importance of putting friendship first; before sex, money and looks.
Sure, we all grow and develop at our own pace, which sometimes neccesitates the need to go in our own direction, but when you look at the reasons why couples seperate or get divorced the reason "different direction" is listed a lot less often than things like infidelity, money problems or mismatch of sexual enthusiasm.
Making it last takes compromise. It means not going out drinking with your mates every night of the week, or knowing that it's not life threatening if you *don't* buy that new pair of shoes. Yet in a world where so often we're told that we should get what we want because we DESERVE it, more than anything else, I'd say it's the way we are brought up that conditions us to think we can have it all.
People are too selfish to commit to someone else for life, so let's just do away with marriage altogether.
>> midweek post Two-Tribes jaded grumble grumble <<
The way I see it, divorce and seperation are on the rise because people get married for the wrong reasons. You'd think in this day and age people who grew up in a generation that had so many choices and opportunities would take some of those opportunities to make sure the person they're with is the right one before taking such a plunge; marriage/kids.
Yet I still look at the back of the Sunday paper where they feature couples who have just been married and the little blurb that says where they met, still too often reads something like "six months ago at Frostbites".
From what I've seen, those that last the distance are those who understand the importance of putting friendship first; before sex, money and looks.
Sure, we all grow and develop at our own pace, which sometimes neccesitates the need to go in our own direction, but when you look at the reasons why couples seperate or get divorced the reason "different direction" is listed a lot less often than things like infidelity, money problems or mismatch of sexual enthusiasm.
Making it last takes compromise. It means not going out drinking with your mates every night of the week, or knowing that it's not life threatening if you *don't* buy that new pair of shoes. Yet in a world where so often we're told that we should get what we want because we DESERVE it, more than anything else, I'd say it's the way we are brought up that conditions us to think we can have it all.
People are too selfish to commit to someone else for life, so let's just do away with marriage altogether.
>> midweek post Two-Tribes jaded grumble grumble <<
doon
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2002
- Messages
- 350
i have two soulmates.......my left and my right hand, they have been with me my whole life, through thick and thin, and will be with me for the rest of my life *hugs hands*
i think the idea of soulmates is nice, but fuck there is so many people in this world how do you really know?
a soulmate is someone you share a special bond with, a profound understanding, they dont always have to be your partner, so you dont have to look for that quality in potential partners, if you find it in them then it is a bonus!
and really at the age we are at now (this doesnt apply to everyone i know!) do we really have to find someone that we could spend the rest of our lives with? this is the time to have fun, and not worry about all that shit!!
i still think friendship is the most important thing in the world, girlfriends and boyfriends come and go, but friends are the constant, and friends are always there to make you feel better
*hugs hands*i think the idea of soulmates is nice, but fuck there is so many people in this world how do you really know?
a soulmate is someone you share a special bond with, a profound understanding, they dont always have to be your partner, so you dont have to look for that quality in potential partners, if you find it in them then it is a bonus!
and really at the age we are at now (this doesnt apply to everyone i know!) do we really have to find someone that we could spend the rest of our lives with? this is the time to have fun, and not worry about all that shit!!
i still think friendship is the most important thing in the world, girlfriends and boyfriends come and go, but friends are the constant, and friends are always there to make you feel better
Leprechaun
Bluelighter
Hmmmm, left and right hand hey! I wish it was my soul mates hand.
stacyrox
Bluelighter
I'm definately with hoptis in this whole debate.. I think most people nowdays have a tendancy to make their decisions based on what feels good at the time. I find it very interesting to hear people's differing opinions on the whole soulmate/marriage/being with one person for 50yrs topic and I always find there is a lot of correlation between their views and the background they have regarding their own parent's relationships. For instance, my parents have never divorced and never will and I have never seen them fight or raise their voices at one another, therefore, I fully believe that 2 people can meet, fall in love and stay together through thick and thin. While friends I have whose parents have divorced (and some re-married) see relationships in a different light. Thats not to say one opinion is better than the other..
I find a lot of people enter relationships with purely selfish motives.. so that THEY can be satisfied, without fully considering the fact that there are infact 2 people in a relationship and the best way to make it work is if you satisfy EACH OTHER. People always talk about how they want a bf/gf that can do something for them, not someone that they can do things for. A relationship is all about the give and take.. and a lot of people are happy just to take, with a mentality that giving and compromising is somehow letting go of their independance and individuality.
We live in a selfish, hedonistic society, where almost everything in life is done in persuit of personal gain, where good and frequent sex is more important than companionship, where it is more convenient to end a relationship than to put the time and effort into making it work, where those of the opposite sex (or same sex even) are viewed as objects of pleasure, not as people with their own feelings and desires.
I know that one of the reasons my friend's marriages have worked is because they arent as caught up in the world as others are, they live a simple and somewhat naieve and ignorant life compared to us. The thing about them is, tho, that they dont live for themselves, they live for each other and respect each other. They work hard at being in love and staying in love.
I'm jaded with people being jaded about love. Good and lasting relationships are hard work. They take effort, dedication and patience.. and I think the reason they dont seem to work nowdays is because people are too caught up in their own lives to want to make the effort.
Yes, I've made a lot of generalisations and broad statements.. but I'm just putting my view into the best words that I can and I'm not very good at writing things down. Dont waste your time taking offense, just read it and find something you can actively discuss. Being as I wrote this purely to promote discussion on how things are, and to get my view clumsily off my chest.
stace.
I find a lot of people enter relationships with purely selfish motives.. so that THEY can be satisfied, without fully considering the fact that there are infact 2 people in a relationship and the best way to make it work is if you satisfy EACH OTHER. People always talk about how they want a bf/gf that can do something for them, not someone that they can do things for. A relationship is all about the give and take.. and a lot of people are happy just to take, with a mentality that giving and compromising is somehow letting go of their independance and individuality.
We live in a selfish, hedonistic society, where almost everything in life is done in persuit of personal gain, where good and frequent sex is more important than companionship, where it is more convenient to end a relationship than to put the time and effort into making it work, where those of the opposite sex (or same sex even) are viewed as objects of pleasure, not as people with their own feelings and desires.
I know that one of the reasons my friend's marriages have worked is because they arent as caught up in the world as others are, they live a simple and somewhat naieve and ignorant life compared to us. The thing about them is, tho, that they dont live for themselves, they live for each other and respect each other. They work hard at being in love and staying in love.
I'm jaded with people being jaded about love. Good and lasting relationships are hard work. They take effort, dedication and patience.. and I think the reason they dont seem to work nowdays is because people are too caught up in their own lives to want to make the effort.
Yes, I've made a lot of generalisations and broad statements.. but I'm just putting my view into the best words that I can and I'm not very good at writing things down. Dont waste your time taking offense, just read it and find something you can actively discuss. Being as I wrote this purely to promote discussion on how things are, and to get my view clumsily off my chest.
stace.
Cosmic Mist
Bluelighter
^^ but i think that the most important thing here is to balance between selfish hedonism and selfless codependancy... because we all know that there's no point to being completely about the other person and not keeping your own feelings in check - you'll only hurt yourself.
I do agree though to a certain extent - people need to consider both halves of the relationship if it is ever to work properly...
I do agree though to a certain extent - people need to consider both halves of the relationship if it is ever to work properly...
SupaDiscoBreaka
Bluelighter
Isn't it funny how some girls say that talking is overrated and after you shag it up they want to talk for hours?
Clever deception
Clever deception
belisimo
Bluelighter
The only deception here is that SDB is actually getting a shag.
anna!
Bluelight Crew
I agree with stacy and agree in bits and pieces with hoptis.
I don't agree that people are too selfish to commit to another person for life, and I say this as a result of my conditioning. No one in my family has ever been divorced. My parents have been married for 32 years, grandparents for 55 years, my grandfather killed himself when he lost his wife to cancer, all of my parents' brothers and sisters remain true and loyal to their husbands and wives through death and serious illness. I really don't see a lot of selfishness in the way these people feel about each other.
Had I been brought into a broken home by a mother who'd been married 3 times, I'd probably feel differently. But in my house, we've always been taught that marriage is forever, and that it's hard work.
I think a lot of the problem is that people are quite willing to go out and get married - whether it be because weddings are pretty and exciting, or because he accidentally knocked her up, or because they've "never felt this way about anyone" (and truly, after 2 months of a relationship that's generally how one feels, but IMHO it doesn't justify getting married) - without any notion whatsoever of just how much work is involved. We don't have to (unless we're Catholic, I guess), go to "Marriage Classes" to learn how to be a good spouse, and I think that a lot of the time people dive headfirst into a very serious legal agreement with little to no foresight and 6 months down the track are left thinking "Shit, this sucks."
And when it seems that the majority of people my age who are getting married are spoilt little rich kids, the notion of "Well, now I have to put in some effort and make it work" is a lot less appealing than "At least I know I can just get divorced", and that's so unfortunate.
I'll just briefly add in some personal experience here. I'm not married, but I'm pregnant to a guy who was raised a Catholic. Now, his parents went spare, as one would imagine. Every time his mum calls, she hassles him about getting married, and I think she's scaring him or threatening him with knives or something, because he's started to hassle me on her behalf. Having a baby is not a good reason to get married. I absolutely love this guy, and I do want to get married to him eventually, but I always promised myself I wouldn't do it for the wrong reasons, and this is a wrong reason. If we were to go and get married next month because his crazy Catholic parents wanted us to or they'd disown us, surely that wouldn't be a good basis for a marriage? And it just seems apparent to me that too many people are getting married for these stupid, stupid reasons.
What's the general consensus re: living together before marriage? I've been living with Michael since July 2002 and really, it's not easy. It's expensive and it's stressful and it's hard work, and there have been times when I've just wanted to go home to my parents and sleep in their bed. I do think it's a good indication of what life will be like when we've been married for a few years, though. It's ugly and it's messy and the TV is bad, but it's helping me to understand what adjustments we both have to make to our way of life to make our relationship work. And learning to compromise before one gets married can only be a good thing, no?
I don't know if Michael is my soulmate. I usually think that my Dad is my soulmate (not romantically, obviously). Unfortunately, I think the notion of "soulmate" is far too broad to be applicable to everyone - what if your soulmate is your grandmother? Do you wait until your next life in the hope that you'll be able to be with her forever then? If your soulmate happens to be the same sex as you and you're straight, do you compromise your heterosexuality?
I love, respect and try to understand Michael more than anything, and can't imagine feeling that way about anyone else, but does that make him my soulmate? There's bound to be someone else out there who I'd click with just as well - are they my soulmate? Is it even worth worrying about whether anyone is my soulmate if it means I'm missing out on feeling happy about my love life (whatever that may be) at the time? Who cares if my soulmate is out there?
In my opinion, a good relationship should be feeling good about what one has and working really hard to keep it that way.
I ramble!
I don't agree that people are too selfish to commit to another person for life, and I say this as a result of my conditioning. No one in my family has ever been divorced. My parents have been married for 32 years, grandparents for 55 years, my grandfather killed himself when he lost his wife to cancer, all of my parents' brothers and sisters remain true and loyal to their husbands and wives through death and serious illness. I really don't see a lot of selfishness in the way these people feel about each other.
Had I been brought into a broken home by a mother who'd been married 3 times, I'd probably feel differently. But in my house, we've always been taught that marriage is forever, and that it's hard work.
I think a lot of the problem is that people are quite willing to go out and get married - whether it be because weddings are pretty and exciting, or because he accidentally knocked her up, or because they've "never felt this way about anyone" (and truly, after 2 months of a relationship that's generally how one feels, but IMHO it doesn't justify getting married) - without any notion whatsoever of just how much work is involved. We don't have to (unless we're Catholic, I guess), go to "Marriage Classes" to learn how to be a good spouse, and I think that a lot of the time people dive headfirst into a very serious legal agreement with little to no foresight and 6 months down the track are left thinking "Shit, this sucks."
And when it seems that the majority of people my age who are getting married are spoilt little rich kids, the notion of "Well, now I have to put in some effort and make it work" is a lot less appealing than "At least I know I can just get divorced", and that's so unfortunate.
I'll just briefly add in some personal experience here. I'm not married, but I'm pregnant to a guy who was raised a Catholic. Now, his parents went spare, as one would imagine. Every time his mum calls, she hassles him about getting married, and I think she's scaring him or threatening him with knives or something, because he's started to hassle me on her behalf. Having a baby is not a good reason to get married. I absolutely love this guy, and I do want to get married to him eventually, but I always promised myself I wouldn't do it for the wrong reasons, and this is a wrong reason. If we were to go and get married next month because his crazy Catholic parents wanted us to or they'd disown us, surely that wouldn't be a good basis for a marriage? And it just seems apparent to me that too many people are getting married for these stupid, stupid reasons.
What's the general consensus re: living together before marriage? I've been living with Michael since July 2002 and really, it's not easy. It's expensive and it's stressful and it's hard work, and there have been times when I've just wanted to go home to my parents and sleep in their bed. I do think it's a good indication of what life will be like when we've been married for a few years, though. It's ugly and it's messy and the TV is bad, but it's helping me to understand what adjustments we both have to make to our way of life to make our relationship work. And learning to compromise before one gets married can only be a good thing, no?
I don't know if Michael is my soulmate. I usually think that my Dad is my soulmate (not romantically, obviously). Unfortunately, I think the notion of "soulmate" is far too broad to be applicable to everyone - what if your soulmate is your grandmother? Do you wait until your next life in the hope that you'll be able to be with her forever then? If your soulmate happens to be the same sex as you and you're straight, do you compromise your heterosexuality?
I love, respect and try to understand Michael more than anything, and can't imagine feeling that way about anyone else, but does that make him my soulmate? There's bound to be someone else out there who I'd click with just as well - are they my soulmate? Is it even worth worrying about whether anyone is my soulmate if it means I'm missing out on feeling happy about my love life (whatever that may be) at the time? Who cares if my soulmate is out there?
In my opinion, a good relationship should be feeling good about what one has and working really hard to keep it that way.
I ramble!
El Scorcho
Bluelighter
Hello all - I'm new to BL, and it's bloody nice to be here...!
Just wanna add my 2cents to this thread...
Yeah - I reckon there's a soulmate out there for all of us. More than that, I reckon there could be several soulmates out there. I reckon ya just gotta find someone who is really close to your level (I don't think any two people could EVER be on the exact same level, but they can be close). Personally, I can't wait to find me one of those people...!
Just wanna add my 2cents to this thread...
Yeah - I reckon there's a soulmate out there for all of us. More than that, I reckon there could be several soulmates out there. I reckon ya just gotta find someone who is really close to your level (I don't think any two people could EVER be on the exact same level, but they can be close). Personally, I can't wait to find me one of those people...!
Russ
Bluelighter
Boo!
Donny Don't
Bluelighter
I reckon we all have about a million soulmates out there. The problem is the world is so big we're never ever gonna cross paths. Instead you have to settle for somebody in the minute fraction of members of the opposite sex that you actually meet.
star_beats
Bluelighter
^^^ I concur. I pretty much said it before
Cosmic Mist
Bluelighter
^^ Dude! What happened to tall the opimism you seemed to have a thread or two ago??
I don't know if there is a soul mate for me out there. Maybe there is. If there is then one day I guess we'll bump into each other and take it from there. But inorder to bump into them in the first place I need to be out there bumping with people.
The future is a funny thing, you never quite know what's going to happen next.
Man that was confusing.
The future is a funny thing, you never quite know what's going to happen next.
Man that was confusing.
doofqueen
Bluelighter
i want a soulmate *pout* its easy to have plenty of playmates but in the end what do u get out of it? a fuck and thats it...till the next time *sigh*