zeroblackstar
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2010
- Messages
- 5
I really understand now what people were saying about the addictive qualities of this drug.
It seemed the lower doses I was taking weren't breaking through to this barrier, like all my other doses had only been the tip of the iceberg. I can now see how some people can take higher doses (although the level they take still baffles me I would not want to temp fate with this substance).
At home today I took 200 mgs of a .5 g I bought earlier in the week. I had not taken it since monday (now sunday) so I guess my neurons had grown back.
After bout 10-15 mins I felt the come up and up and up. I was feeling great but for some reason I thought why not try and get higher! so I took another amount on the tongue to total about 250.
So this caused me to come up even more. I began walking around and my vision was a little blurred from the intensity. I kept muttering to myself 'fuck fuck fucker, muther fucker' as I rocked my way into the living room. I felt so good I had to lie on the ground on my back and just stay still still swearing to myself.
I see what people mean about the full body orgasm thing. On lower doses I felt horny and wanted to masturbate but with this higher dose I lost that urge cos it felt like I was having a full blown orgasm in the body right there.
I walked back into my room after a bit still peaking and again felt I had to get on the floor so I lay on the floor on my belly wriggling in ecstasy still swearing to myself at the good feelings.
Now even though I was this high I still wanted more. I felt my heart beating really strong but I didn't mind cos I could feel the bliss flowing through me. I checked my heartrate and it was about what it had been on lower doses at about 130 or so but my heart was def beating harder.
I managed to crawl into my computer chair while still enjoying this great feeling. The really high high had slightly subsided so still I wanted more, just little bits, but more. The problem I think is that when in such ecstasy you lose your reasoning capabilities somewhat- and I shall come back to this in a minute. So there was still 50mg left in the bag as I had separated another 200 mg in pill for another time. So every few minutes I kept dabbing in the bag and INSTANTLY I'd get another rush.
The worst thing about it was it felt so clean that I would think all my thoughts were my own and that everything was a good idea in this state. Not so. I was walking around cheerfully thinking to myself 'I'll have to get myself 5 grams of this before it gets banned!'
I had a great epiphany in that I realized how much of a dick I have become with people. I knew I was becoming like this but I was not impelled to do anything about it. I spoke to one guy online and told him this and we had a good chat. That is fine and all but then I decided to text a girl who I broke off with and started gushing to her about how I might wanna consider seeing her. This is annoying because I don't wanna mess her around and my feelings felt so real at the time I was like 'of course! I'll thank myself for doing this when I come down!' So she replies and is quite confused but entertaining of the idea. This is what pisses me of that the high feels so REAL at the time but when you come down you think 'oh shit, shouldn't have done that'. So in terms of body load no there isn't really a comedown but just by virtue of being HIGH you will not feel as good when you're not high.
So I am sending texts back and forth to her and to other people, but the others weren't so gushy as this one just 'how are you' stuff (but again even that is out of character for me cos I'm so closed off usually). Once I started to come down I could feel that shit like being kicked out of eden. Again I started swearing to myself 'fuck fuck fuck' but this time cursing that I was sending this girl texts as now I would have alot to explain my way out of it. I may wish to see her again but the impetus is nowhere near the level when I was high. See I still slightly feel I might but I don't want it to be cos I'm still high and arrange a meet which I'll regret later.
I started becoming angry because the clarity I had was fading and things began to become a little more 'normal' and my goodwill towards peopel began dissipating. As it faded more I would get little rushes as I thought about things but I had to second guess them every time cos I would think 'is this just cos I'm high?' That sucks.
I was slowly coming down again and I started eating and felt more normal but kept going up and down but gradually less so.
The high was fucking immense but it's so frustrating that you have to leave it. It is really dangerous that it's only a few clicks away to get more.
The worst thing imo is thinking I have gained clarity then realizing it was just the drug talking and also taking actions while on the drug which will later have to be 'cleared up'.
I was gonna buy more but don't want to now even though the high is great and little comedown I see how addictive it is now.
So I had 300mg approx in all that time. Another dangerous thing being the more you take the better you feel and also that the higher you get the more you lose your reasoning capacity. That is a recipe for disaster methinks.
I am pissing it out now.
oh fucking snap
