"Friends!"
I am not generally happy with my life. There are good things and bad things. I need to do a complete re-evaluation, change a lot of things. One thing that's really bad is that I'm too busy to take care of myself, so I get strung out and anxious a lot, but I don't know what to cut out of my life to have more time. I also think that my friends aren't really good people, but I am close to them so I am afraid to give up any friendships. Maybe I am just being too critical though... Anyways I definitely need to change my life and then I will be happier with it. I hope...
Making a Big Change where Friends were concerned and Who i accept around me full stop even to work with, or associate with in any way - even who i choose as my gas and electric suppliers as i have to speak to them about bills etc
this! has really changed my life and my world for the better and how i FEEL about myself my own self-respect has gone up massively and that is having an impact on my work and what i now want to do etc and my relationship - everything
its taking responsibility in a way for your world and how you want it - you can , you have the right to say what goes - only you do in your world, (not even my dad really gets the say - though for some reason he still at my age of nearly 43 wants to think he does maybe he is just worried still bout my mental health or is he just controlling i hope not)
well - i had this problem - non-friends appearing to be friends or as the recent Demons episode said - something nasty appearing to be something nice
i"m not saying any of ur existing friends are nasty but i bet now and then you have winced at a suprisingly sharp comment
that!s wen i realised that some of my very closest esp female friends i absolutely trusted literally with my life - were NOT wot i was to them
& i had wot someone has described as a personal tsunami to separate myself from everyone who was not faithful to me - because Friendship to me - to be honest the Friends I choose are almost more important than family, except for boyfriend etc who is my best friend of course in many ways anyway
I had to buy a copper plaque i keep on my fire it to remind me of the true criteria of friendship and i look at it multiple times a day at the moment
"A friend loveth at all times"
they shud never let u down or make u feel bad or feel bad about yourself
they shud bolster u up - not bring u down
or make u feel less confident
i mostly had issues i realised i had somehow collected a lot of older seeming and genuinely much older female but very masculine bossy women who wanted to direct my life coz it was more interesting than their own and they liked bossing a younger feminine vulnerable woman around
and 2 - grotty pretending to be friends but really left on the shelf around their 40s "men" who wanted to own me, have me as their mum, their healer, their fixer, their earner who were essentially lazy and all twisted sexually or repressed - certainly unhealthy sexually which makes me feel sick, & the kind who fox me coz they never even bother considering if they are right FOR ME! OR if I am interested or attracted to them - like its all One Way - Selfish I guess totally
the trick - is to take a good look at each one, and even group some of them and you will see who is who to you
but i have been bold and cut nearly them all out - and then one by one the true ones stood up quietly again in the background with the noisy untrue ones gone from the foreground around my face
plus some lovely more gentle and kind, new ones , younger ones or younger at heart ones came in - are coming in - who I know I can trust implicitly with anything

