I been able to use successfully but it took me years n years of addiction of a IV dope habit to learn how.
Honestly i feel like the best chance you got at ever bein able to do the occasional once in a while shit, where you have yourself a lil "high day" and then dont do it again for a while , is to go thru a addiction first....that might sound crazy but just hear me out
when u start at the beginning u really dont know how it is to get addicted, u dont know when you are startin to fall into it, u just dont know shit. Its easy to have that false security like "i got this" when u dont.
But once you been a "hard core" addict, and u live that life for a few years, get arrested, go to jail, lose your friends and familys trust, have people you care about die from OD's and get locked up for years n years so u never see em again, and all around just live that miserable life, and IF you manage to get your shit together and stop using, ONLY THEN , (and only SOME PEOPLE can successfuly do it) do you got enough real incentive never to go back to that.
And dont get me wrong, i aint sayin that (ex)addicts are the only ones who can control their use n use successfully. becuz many, many addicts end up never bein able to contol their use again. once u pop the fun dont stop, ya kno?
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
they end up in a life time of quittin, goin on a run that lasts weeks, months, or years, then quittin, usin, etc, on and on, and never quite master the "just for fun, once in a while" shit.
BUT--There is also some people, a rare breed sure, but I seen plenty of em, who IS able to do the once in a blue moon shit after they get clean. Also I am (well, not am, WAS, since i am havin a baby and stopped using cuz Ima be a mom!
) one of those ppl.
Ill give a lil bit of my story and how i was able to do it....
I had got arrested 3 times , some of yall kno my story since I have told it on here before. I was facin state prison time, less than 10 years but more than 2 or 3, on some conspiracy and distribution charges. I got off on those since the wire tap that the cops got, ended up bein no good bcuz they didnt follow the proper procedure to get it, so i got off with 3 yrs probation when i copped out. When i got popped again with a brick of dope I got concurrent probation , 2 yrs, and a whole set of shit that would happen if i fucked it up like gettin my plea deal revoked and gettin re-sentenced to the prison time i had avoided, losin my license for 24 mos, etc. So i had some heavy shit on my hands.
Well, I kept gettin high even tho I was on probation every wk, i would use for 2 days then get clean for 5 to pass the piss test, n so on. I got one dirty and i caught a break on it, only had to get a drug evaluation. But how ever somehow i calculated the days wrong, and ended up pissing dirty on the day that I had to get the drug evaluation ( *facepalm*
) So I was about to catch a VOP and lose all that shit that ijust said before, go to state, etc all that, and I talked my PO out of lockin me up and said i would do IOP.
So from that time I realized, i REALLY couldnt use. i actually, REALLY HAD TO take a break for a while. So i got on methadnoe and stayed clean and really didnt use for months .
Once i got down to only seein my PO once every 2-3 weeks, i decided i had earned my self a high. So i would cop and get high as i wanted to get for a day then the next day, that was it. Throw away the needles, get rid of the empties, and get back on the Done and dont look back. i did it like once a month at the most but sometimes less often. And that was really it. i enjoyed my high when i had it, but i wasnt thinkin about it afterwards. i wasnt lookin forward to it like OMGOMGOMGOMG Ima get high tomorrow, yea yea yea yea woohoo, like i use to do when i would go piss for my PO, come up clean and then go do the fat shot i had prepared for myself as soon as i left probation office back when i was still a addict.
Becuz i finally understood , REALLY truly recognized, how much i had to lose, it just stopped bein a way of life that i could let my self live no more. I am on the methadone and it really does its job and then some. I dont get the cravings an shit for dope no more. i am truly happy and aint got that depression that all of us seems to get hit with when we cant do dope. I am actually satisfied in my life, i feel fulfilled, WITHOUT dope. when in the past it was like if i couldnt use, i always felt like somethin was missing.
So, once i got on the right track, on the done, stayin clean for probation, stayin outta trouble, walkin the straight path or w/ever, i could afford to have a lil enjoyment once a month or so. But I didnt start doin it more. i didnt want to do it more. its less fun the more u do it. and also, if it didnt work out for w/ever reason, i wasnt sad or mad or disappointed, i could take it or leave it, u kno? I was still cool with it if i couldnt cop or didnt have no money to get nothin that month. And it wasnt even on a monthly schedule really, it was more like when ever it would be the right time and right place--i had just seen my PO, and i happened to have money and my friend hit me up tellin me he was gonna go get somethin , I would be like, aight, that sounds good. But i never really went to go seek it out or try to MAKE it, FORCE it to happen, you know? I didnt need it , didnt want it bad enough to really go all outta my way to try and make it work, so if it worked, it worked, if not, i was perfectly happy to just keep doin me without the high that day.
Like I said I stopped usin when I found out that Ima be a mom
But i would definately call my use before that, Successful. I was a horrible junkie for quite a few years , i mean just a major fuck up, shoot dope til i die, dont care if i OD with a needle in my arm, etc type of user. I OD'ed and my first thought was, where is my dope at, that shit was FIRE i need to do that again! you know, that kind of "hopeless" junkie, shootin half a brick or more a day not carin about nothing except dope, not care if i live or die , etc.
And I think that goin THRU that life, made me really understand just how much i never , ever wanted to go back to livin that way. so it was a really good motivation to stay straight and when i did use, honestly, it wasnt even like i had to CONTROL it. It controlled itself. Becuz that urge, that desire to overdo it, to keep doing it, that voice that tells you just one more day, just cop one more time, that voice wasnt even THERE. So I didnt have to keep myself in control, didnt even have to work to moderate my use, becuz i didnt want to overdo it no more like I use to. It was like it was self-moderating by the fact that the way my mind worked had changed so that i didnt have that tendency to go overboard like i use to.
I think that if you realy have to consciously, specifically take note and go out of your way to make sure you control your use and keep it in check, then you got the chance of goin out of control. If you like it that much that you HAVE to control yourslf, as opposed to just naturally not having that desire in the first place that makes you want more than you should, then you got the potential for a addiction there.
IME the most successful users, aint got to "CONTROL" their use becuz its already controlled by the fact that they dont WANT to do it again the day later, they dont WANT to overdo it, they dont WANT to keep gettin high after they said they would stop--its like the person who eats when they are hungry, and stops when they are full, and never counts calories or goes on a diet, vs. the person who eats the exact same amount as the first one, but they got to restrict wat they eat, and not let themself eat this or that, etc.
To keep with the whole "diet" anaolgy, the best way I can describe the attitude of the "successful chipper" is this.
the person who is the potential addict, who is tightly controllin their use, will say "Haha! I WANTED that second piece of cake, but I didnt have it. I used my self control and discipline to hold back and not let myself do it. I am in control. I fought my urge to eat more than I shoulda."
but the successful chipper, only wanted one piece to begin with, so they never even had to stop themself from havin the second one.
the potential addict eventually, their willpower wears down over time and they just start havin less and less control as the drug gets more and more into their mind and body. Or , they get to a point where they just say "fuckit, i really dont give a shit if i get addicted or not, i dont WANT to control it no more." And their desires to use, finally busts out of the restraints like a 400 lb dude on PCP bustin thru the fence on COPS, and then its game over.
But the person who never wanted more to begin with, they never had that urge that they had to keep in check.They aint got to consciously control or restrict wat they use, becuz its naturally regulated. They use and get high for a day and that satisfies them, its enough for them that they say, OK, that was good, now its done, on to the next.
Both of the users got the same outcome--they use, and then they dont use afterwards. But one of them got this urge , bubbling right under the surface, that they gotta somehow keep in check, wrestle it down and hope that they stay on top of it, and the other one is just chillin without nothing to worry about. So even tho they both got the same pattern of using, the mentality behind it is different, and that mentality seems to be the difference between ppl who can chip successfully and the ones who cant.
I hope that makes sense...
