I personally think amphetamines are the spawn of the devil. Yeah, I've seen some people post on this thread about how we should not 'accuse' the molecule, but whatever, I feel like you do have some justification to accuse amphetamines, Adderall, Vyvanse, Focalin, etc., but esp. Adderall, in America's drug culture. When I was a kid in the 90's, and a young teen in the first half of the 2000's, I heard news reports about coke, crack/crank, and meth, sure, but not Adderall - I've never touched crack or meth, only did coke about 5-6 times in my life (really a stupid drug, surprising it ever got as popular as it did), but I definitely played around with Adderall for a time, went through two short periods of idiotic abuse (one time did 600 mg over around half-a-week, another time of three instances of 150-200 mg over the period of a day, these instances spread out over a month and a half, in the course of which, collectively, including these short binge episodes, I did about 1200-1300 mg of Adderall overall - in retrospect, the relapse only occurred because I was smoking weed for a few months between the two binge periods, which were thankfully separated by a half-year, I logically knew what I was doing again was not smart, but my ego was pretty damn well over-inflated at the time, toking up at least 2 grams of prime hydro a day), which capped off around a year of using in definitely prescribed doses, just doing 20-60 mg every other day. And I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm human, but, just from an outward mind-set of observing my own life, I am pretty much the last person I would have thought who could have succumbed to Adderall, for a time, like I did. Perfect student in high school, great at extra-curricular stuff, still a great student in college despite my down-turns (the semester I did the 600 mg binge I got some B's and a C-, which was just crazy for me), just finishing up with college, now been sober off of everything, been doing very well, relatively, recently. Only thing's that kept me above the manic depressive line has been exercise - after the first binge I had, I gained 30-40 pounds of muscle (literally, yes), getting up to 215 pounds (also - wanted to add, just being at this pretty large weight probably helped me out tremendously when I binged again, which was still a stupid mistake on my part emotionally and psychologically if anything, even though I stopped exercising for around three weeks when I was doing Adderall again, if only because it wasn't like my body received the full brunt of the shit I was taking relative to my internal organs), and that helped me to continue smoking weed, no problems. It was a great time, honestly. But then I binged again, like I said, with three spiked occurrences over a month and a half. I was not doing it purely for recreational activities - I was reading for papers, writing these 20-pagers, stuff I didn't want to deal with. Ironic part of it is, after going through another semester, no substances, not even caffeine, at all, I've actually had an easier time with it all, which definitely reminds me how I was giving into my own illusions about not being able to do the work naturally. Anyway, yeah, for people with ADHD, I feel sad/bad for you guys, I couldn't imagine having that condition and being completely clean. Long story short, I'm just saying that if you're reading this and you think that you've fucked yourself up mentally/physically for the rest of your life, yeah, you might have. But just because of that, it doesn't mean you're brainless. It means you're a product of the environment you live in, and shit happens, for better or worse. I'm currently still recovering from my last run-in. Can't smoke weed anymore, as far as I'm concerned, just because I have overwhelming waves of guilt (just mental) and a little bit of anxiety/chest annoyances, nothing major though, and it just comes with trying to smoke, so, I mean, I guess, I'm pretty fucking lucky. I definitely, as far as I know, did not have any damage after my first binge, but I'm just going for the best this time around, this is my fucking life after all. Gained ten pounds again in the gym since I started up in there a month ago, other than relapsing in the first place, my biggest mistake would have been stopping my constant exercise routine of working out, something which I have been able to get back into, thankfully, but which has certainly been marked by hardship in just terms of dealing with putting on muscle again. Sorry, this post got a little longer than I expected. My end-advice, don't do amphetamines, just smoke weed, that's much more enjoyable. If that doesn't work out for you, and I'm supposing it wouldn't have since you're here, no, you are not a total dumb-ass for having done what you did, but, still, you have to survey your workable options from here on out. If I could have done it again, I would have just helped myself out after I knew I had a substance abuse problem post-first-binge and quit drugs completely. That would have saved a lot of doubt and life-questioning on my part. Other than that, post-binges or amphetamine use, either get yourself medical help/treatment if it seems like it's gotten that bad, e.g., you have circulation problems, definite chest pains, full out anxiety attacks, etc., or, if that stuff isn't happening and you just have a shitty attitude, or a score of other minor problems but which don't seriously impede you putting on muscle or which can actually be construed as pain (don't quote me though..), then, by all means, go and work out 4-5 times a week, put on muscle, boy or girl, and just never touch uppers of any kind for the rest of your life. And that will help. Live your life, fuck drugs...unless you just smoke weed (and when I say this, I'm talking about JUST smoking weed, you've never done anything else, nothing at all, unlike me, who went back to just smoking weed after I KNEW I had an issue with harder stuff - this can make you think that you can return to harder drugs, of any kind, which really isn't the case - things ain't gonna change for you in that respect, don't make my mistake there...really an easy mistake to have corrected on my part, trust me, I think about it every day), as a former pot-head, I personally don't think that that is a big deal UNLESS you get caught up with ANY harder drugs, of course, including amphetamines. Do yourself a favor in that case, and mind you...weed DOES cost money, so honestly, being frugal is beneficial to all of that too. Life's going to blow, but it doesn't have to erupt, like amphetamines can often lead to, even with those who feel they've gotten lucky post-high-amphetamine usage.
Two additional notes for anyone (else) out there interested about dealing with the side-effects from amphetamine addiction or withdrawal:
1) Age seems to be a huge contributing factor to how easy/fast you can bounce back from this stuff. I was a few months into being 21 when I got out of my first binge and it really was not too/that difficult - I did have to work my way out of it but it certainly wasn't that psychologically trying, just trying in terms of devoting myself to the task at hand. However, after my second binge/relapse, I was (and still am) 22, just six months older, and it was/has been much more difficult - I understand I was also basically subverting my normal system of dealing with getting out of drug problems by not working out for the first time in four years as well (I'd always worked out ever since I started doing drugs...which was 90-95% overall weed, including when I drank - I always considered alcohol a drug) so I know my empirical data is a little skewed, but nonetheless, from what I've picked up by reading a lot of posts/threads on this website, this age thing with post-amphetamine use definitely seems to be a common trope to be sure. If you're 20 or younger, i.e., a teenager, get the fuck out now, other than psychological bullshit, you'll likely come out Scott-free from any physical problems. If you're 20 or older don't even mess around with amphetamines point blank, it just isn't worth it plain and simple - take the bad grades, the awkward social situations, they are preferable to the consequences which you may/can endure from dealing with amphetamine withdrawal or mental/physical health scenarios.
2) Working out is easily, as far as I'm concerned, besides going out and getting medical treatment for serious problems (like I mentioned above - for real, if you feel like your chest is collapsing when you try to exercise or you have swelling of your feet or something, yeah, you might have already had a heart attack, that is VERY serious, and dude, what can I say, if you don't go out and get some medicine to help you out, you might get bit in the ass medically in a few months or years down the road pretty easily, we're all going to die, it's just about building yourself time and confidence regarding the end, however, sometimes you can't build that time by yourself, so just deal with it), the best way to deal with physical side-effects. However, emotionally and psychologically, you often cannot do this (quitting the abusive, or otherwise, amphetamine demons) by yourself. From experience, it seems like most of the people who ACTUALLY get deep into Adderall or any type of hard drugs usually insulate themselves from loving relationships. But, even besides a loving girl or boy-friend, you really need your family as your rock. If I had come back to live with my family after my first binge and recovery, even if I had kept smoking weed (but whatever, seriously, forget about how I keep on mentioning weed, if it hasn't been apparent, I do just miss smoking weed, my life revolved around the toke), I'm pretty sure, 85+%, that I wouldn't have dared to relapse on the amphetamines again. Having stayed with them [my family] after my second relapse, I mean, shit, you just realize how important your family is to you and your life. Honestly, I had a huge cathartic experience looking at some baby pictures of myself from back in the day. Egotistical, no doubt. Helpful in getting me to look at my life objectively, hell yeah. Spend time with the parental units. Get back into the familial mix. That helps some. Ultimately, though, it's all about you, what you do, how you feel about what you do and what you have done, we're all idiosyncratic, I don't pretend to have any answers, so it is what it is.