alcoholism thread [merged]

[phactor]

There are very clear ties for me between my relationship with alcohol and my relationship with stress. When I manage my stress effectively, I drink less and enjoy it more.

I am pretty much the same way. I work for a non profit that works in the Foster Care system, so you could imagine some of the not so nice shit that I have to see and the type of stress that sometimes arises. I do enjoy it for the most part though, not something I can do for the rest of my life.

I found Kava Kava root really helped me with the stress when I took a few months of from drinking. I'm talking about the root and whatnot. I started using it every day but eventually phased it out, more like it phased itself out.

Anyways I went out to a bar last night and only had 3 beers spread over the course of about 4.5 hours. I'm pretty proud of myself.

 

[db2305]

I've been reading this thread for about two hours, I've only just come across this site and it's been enlightening reading other people's experiences. I'm 38 and I know I drink more than I should; alcoholism runs in my family and although I can go without drinking for days without any problems, once I have a few I get into drinking way too much. Recently I've started to get hangovers for the first time (anxiety etc) and it's really discouraging me from drinking like before. I can go out for the evening now with friends and drive and enjoy not drinking, which I assume is a good sign?

However sometimes I finish work (I'm self employed, could get hammered every night if I wanted to without worrying about employment etc) and I find the thought of the evening ahead frightening, totally without purpose without a few glasses of wine. All I have to do is have a bite to eat and a pint of water and after that the urge goes away...will this go away in time? Some nights seem so boring.

I've been getting panic attacks for the past 5 or 6 years too, Dr put it down to stress and / or hypochondria, but reading some people's posts on here makes me suspect it might be something else.

Thanks all it's really helped reading all this, I thought I was the only one.

Edit: Just reading on and OMG you get the same insomnia, tingly hands etc - I'm so glad I found this thread. If I have what I call a bad weekend; start drinking Thursday evening, usual bottle to two bottles wine Fri / Sat eve, Sunday afternoon beers with friends then I can kiss goodbye to Monday; Sunday night is wretched as I wake early hours feeling remorseful and Monday I feel anxious, twitchy, then Monday evening I just can't get off to sleep. That's what made me think it might be time to cut it down a bit and stop those weekends...sorry to go on, I've not really admitted this to anyone before...

 

[phactor]

I've been reading this thread for about two hours, I've only just come across this site and it's been enlightening reading other people's experiences. I'm 38 and I know I drink more than I should; alcoholism runs in my family and although I can go without drinking for days without any problems, once I have a few I get into drinking way too much. Recently I've started to get hangovers for the first time (anxiety etc) and it's really discouraging me from drinking like before. I can go out for the evening now with friends and drive and enjoy not drinking, which I assume is a good sign?

However sometimes I finish work (I'm self employed, could get hammered every night if I wanted to without worrying about employment etc) and I find the thought of the evening ahead frightening, totally without purpose without a few glasses of wine. All I have to do is have a bite to eat and a pint of water and after that the urge goes away...will this go away in time? Some nights seem so boring.

I've been getting panic attacks for the past 5 or 6 years too, Dr put it down to stress and / or hypochondria, but reading some people's posts on here makes me suspect it might be something else.

Thanks all it's really helped reading all this, I thought I was the only one.

Edit: Just reading on and OMG you get the same insomnia, tingly hands etc - I'm so glad I found this thread. If I have what I call a bad weekend; start drinking Thursday evening, usual bottle to two bottles wine Fri / Sat eve, Sunday afternoon beers with friends then I can kiss goodbye to Monday; Sunday night is wretched as I wake early hours feeling remorseful and Monday I feel anxious, twitchy, then Monday evening I just can't get off to sleep. That's what made me think it might be time to cut it down a bit and stop those weekends...sorry to go on, I've not really admitted this to anyone before...

So are you usually drinking a few glasses of wine every night and then a bottle or two on friday and saturday? Or are you able to take off a few days a week?

If you are drinking every night and also having two bottles worth on friday and saturday then depending on time I would say this is enough to cause some dependence.

Alot of this stuff is personal comfort level. For example, I usually have 3 to 6 a night, usually 4 to 5 depending on the ABV of the beverage. For the time being, its fine with me because a few years ago I was abusing everything under the sun. Now just drinking and the occasional puff of cannabis is enough for me. Though I do have plans to start taking more off days soon, probably starting around next month if not earlier.

I do not wakeup hungover with this amount and it doesn't interfere with work. So I'm alright with this. It is enough though to require me to taper though which can be a pain.

If you do plan on reducing the amount you drink or the days you do then I would suggest tapering down if you begin to feel physically crappy without. Then take at least 2 weeks off and see how you feel then. Also, I suggest you do it now in the summer. For whatever reason the colder climate makes this harder to do IMO.

 

[db2305]

Hi Phactor - four or five years ago it was a bottle a night then more at weekends. I started to worry myself at that level and cut down. Now, as I say, three or four "heavy" sessions leaves me with disturbed sleep, anxiety, guilt etc. I should also say, I'm married, two young boys, so it's not really an appropriate way to be. I generally manage 2-3 days off with weekends being the time I "allow" myself to drink. However I've noticed I was becoming less keen on drinking in social situations as loss of control worries me. I'm trying to pretty much give up; I think a lot of the advice on this thread makes sense, if I have a bottle or two of wine in the house, an empty evening ahead and nothing on the next day, they won't be there in the morning. So I need to avoid wine I think, that's my downfall. I'm going to stick to beer if I go out fro a drink. I remember reading an old saying somewhere along the lines of: if you drink; drink beer - beer is mostly water; liquor is mostly alcohol. Not strictly true of course but you get the point.

It's a funny thing, alcohol. When I look at it rationally it gives me nothing. I do it for fear of boredom and routine. But it's become a boring routine...

I can't face AA at present, I want to do this on my own. And I've developed a terrible fear of having given myself liver damage...

 

[phactor]

Hi Phactor - four or five years ago it was a bottle a night then more at weekends. I started to worry myself at that level and cut down. Now, as I say, three or four "heavy" sessions leaves me with disturbed sleep, anxiety, guilt etc. I should also say, I'm married, two young boys, so it's not really an appropriate way to be. I generally manage 2-3 days off with weekends being the time I "allow" myself to drink. However I've noticed I was becoming less keen on drinking in social situations as loss of control worries me. I'm trying to pretty much give up; I think a lot of the advice on this thread makes sense, if I have a bottle or two of wine in the house, an empty evening ahead and nothing on the next day, they won't be there in the morning. So I need to avoid wine I think, that's my downfall. I'm going to stick to beer if I go out fro a drink. I remember reading an old saying somewhere along the lines of: if you drink; drink beer - beer is mostly water; liquor is mostly alcohol. Not strictly true of course but you get the point.

It's a funny thing, alcohol. When I look at it rationally it gives me nothing. I do it for fear of boredom and routine. But it's become a boring routine...

I can't face AA at present, I want to do this on my own. And I've developed a terrible fear of having given myself liver damage...

I would say half of your problem on mondays occurs because you drink heavily two days in a row. If you either stuck to one night and weekend or cut back the amount you drink I think you would find improvement.

You can totally quit drinking if you want without AA. Its just going to have to take some behavior changes. I really would try to stick to beer if your going to drink. Also, if you feel its a problem only buy what you need for the night.

I can tell your a bit nervous and scared. You may want to talk to a counselor about this or a really close friend. Please stick around here and update us on how you are doing. We are here to help!!!

 

[phactor]

I decided I'm going to stabalize myself on 4 beers or less this entire week. I already started over the weekend. Noticed a slight slight headache and a little bit of anxiety during my "drinking hours" (basically my brain was asking "where is the rest of the booze dude?") and a little less the next morning (this wasn't because I drank to much either) but the cut wasn't drastic so nothing too bad. However, I was bored as hell. Thank god the weather was great and I was able to occupy myself with chores and stuff.

I have a test at the end of this week that I have to pass so I need to be able to function but also want to study a little bit at the end of class every day. After the test is over I'm going to taper again, my last taper went fine but I started drinking daily too quickly. I think the last taper was a little fast so I'm going to reduce the doses slower this time. As always I stick to either one or two types of beers to standardize dosing.

I've been staying in a hotel in a suburb of Chicago for 5 of the last nine weeks (well mon thru fri), the hotel is in the middle of nowhere so I may get bored. This is my final week there thankfully. I'm going to just have to exercise and take walks like I have been over the last weekend here. I am also going to go shopping today and buy myself something nice.

 

[db2305]

Thanks for that. I am a bit. I don't really have anyone I could talk to in that way. As it is I've had nothing at all since last Thursday despite going out for the evening on Saturday and watching wife, friends polish off some (very nice looking lol) wine with a meal. I drove. I even have beer, wine in the fridge so going a whole long weekend (Bank Holiday here in the UK) without has made me feel a lot better. Having quite a bad gout attack (3rd ever, been getting them3 yrs) is motivation in one way but six months ago would have been ample justification to think f*ck it why not have a drink anyway. Maybe the gout meds are helping? Although maybe not, I still can't walk properly, at least it entertained everyone Saturday evening.

Bloods come back from the gout related tests tomorrow...expecting to be told my liver's about as much use as a worn sock full of charcoal....gulp.

I've spent practically the whole weekend on BL, mainly TDS and the Healthy Living section - boy do I have great plans if I don't find out tomorrow I'm f*cked anyway.

So glad I came across BL.

Edit to say good luck with that Phactor, being bored is what sets me off in a big way...

 

[Ryka]

Working on day one clean and sober, not to 24 hours yet, but it's getting to be that time...Almost done with work, no obligations for another couple of hours. It would be a good time to have a drink or 5. Think I'll try going on a walk...

 

[ocean]

Good Luck Ryka!
Walking and keeping yourself occupied is an ecellent idea
Keep us posted!

 

[db2305]

Yes good luck from me too, walking's good.

 

[Ryka]

Well, I'm almost there! And no temptation in sight (or accessible tonight). Amazing how many things in my life I associate with having a drink/beer/glass of wine in hand. Would like to make it through tomorrow too. Can't tell you how long it has been since I went 48 hours without drugs or alcohol.

db-how you doing today?

 

[db2305]

Well done Ryka - I'm the same - drives you mad doesn't it. Sunny day = go to the pub; watching football = grab a beer from the fridge etc etc

OK thanks, but nearly had a beer last night, thought well just one won't do any harm, luckily I mentioned it to the Mrs and she encouraged me not to. I think I might aim for 23rd, that's my birthday.

 

[Ryka]

Way to go db! Good to have your family supporting. I'm too embrassed to get mine invloved...feel likes it's my demon to fight. I know that goes against what everyone says. Good luck making it until the 23rd. I'm shooting for the 13th!
The hard part will be this weekend. Especially since it's mother's day, and we are hosting a backyard BBQ. Not going to think about that yet, let's work on today!!!

 

[db2305]

Well to be fair it was my wife who made me think about whether I was drinking sensibly or not...but it's your shout, I didn't think I'd want to confide in any other family members too much but I've mentioned it to a few and been surprised at how understanding, accepting and supportive they've been.

It reminds me of what they say about "if you think there's a problem, there is one" - by the time we get there, surely those close to us must also have an idea.

The day at a time thing's so true and a day's just a day, you can face that, rather than what seems like a very bleak, joyless (right word?) future of never enjoying a drink again. At least, it's really helped me.

Do you find at social events you put off eating in favour of loading a few drinks in first? I'd imagine if you're like me, if you eat early you've less appetite for drinking? That might be a good strategy for a BBQ, I'll certainly be trying it. It's one of the things I've been doing this week, keeping myself full with healthy food, it knocks the edge off of wantihg a drink.

Best of luck, keep it up!

 

[Ryka]

Before a social event, I'll do what I call pre-loading. I'll have 2-3 shots or pretty strong drinks before we even head to the event or before people get to my house. So then I've got the start of a good buzz going and then only have to maintain it with a beer/drink/glass of wine or 2 an hour while we are there, and chances are I'm not drinking anymore or at least not too much more than anyone else there. I also drove to the last event, so I didn't drink at all.

For me it depends on the food, since I'm not stuck on beer, which does fill me up, I can eat and drink at the same time. I'm going to make sure there is a lot of sweet/ripe fruit this weekend because that will allow me to have something there I want to eat without the booze. Of course I bought a watermelon yesterday and was ready to stick a bottle of vodka in it, to soak for the next few days, alas, no vodka in the house. And I won't have to make the claim that this is kids watermelon and this is adult watermelon! But you may be on to something, I'll try the eating thing first!

Agreed "if you think there is a problem, there is one" but I'm also not convinced I'll ever reach a point where I'm ready to commit to never having a drink again. My dad did when I was 4-5 and stayed that way until I was 20 or so, he was dying of cancer so I can't fault him for picking it up again. My husband's dad has been sober for 25-30 years, but again I don't see my drinking as such a problem that I'm ready to give it up completely.

Glad I found this site and this thread!

 

[db2305]

I'm not aiming for a totally drink free life either Ryka, I don't think I'd enjoy that. However I set out wanting to "prove" to myself that I didn't have a problem. Finding this site and reading everyone's accounts stopped me trying to fool myself and now I want to establish the damage I've done to myself, if any, and then set out on a healthier path. If I could become a social weekend drinker - is there such a thing? - I'd be a happy man.

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad Ryka.

I don't feel qualified to give advice really but I've found driving when out socially and enjoying watching my friends having a good time while looking forward to having a hangover free morning quite a good distraction. Also getting home from work and having a big non alcoholic drink followed by something to eat, that really knocks the urge off. I wonder about the empty calories I must've been consuming practically all the time.

How are you doing staying off it Ryka?

 

[db2305]

Wow - just got my blood test results back. Nothing wrong. I must have quite a liver, that's all I can say. I'm so relieved...

 

[Ryka]

Glad to hear your blood work came back okay! My dad passed 14 years ago but thanks for the thoughts anyway.
Yeah i finally stopped fooling myself with my drinking too. More worried about my health and weight than the amount I've consumed. I've been slowly consuming less and less in the evening but I realized I can't remember when i went more than 24 hours without a drink (or some other high).
So last night was hard but I made it. And now it's 48 hours and I'm ready to make it today. I've been keeping busy and I don't have anything in the house. So if I want to drink i have to go buy something. I work from home so I don't have to leave the house and that helps.

 

[db2305]

Well done, stick with it. It's a week tonight for me and with the good results I have to say I'm sorely, sorely tempted. You sound like you've got the same reasons as me for wanting to give it a bit of a rest, hope you're not finding it too tough.

I worked from home too until January, when I moved into an office in our town / village High Street - from which I pass two pubs and two "convenience shops" on the way home (yes they sell beer, wine)...and one of the pubs has a busy happy hour just as I walk past of an evening! Doh!

 

[angelsmoke]

Do you find at social events you put off eating in favour of loading a few drinks in first? I'd imagine if you're like me, if you eat early you've less appetite for drinking? That might be a good strategy for a BBQ, I'll certainly be trying it. It's one of the things I've been doing this week, keeping myself full with healthy food, it knocks the edge off of wantihg a drink.

Yeh, I'd do that, sort of. It was more that after a couple of drinks, I would completely lose my appetite. So I'd keep saying "oh, I'll have some food in a little while" because it sounds better than "I don't feel hungry when I'm getting hammered".

The association-with-drink thing did take a while to go. But that's not to say it was painful and difficult every step of the way. I just accepted that for a while my life was going to completely revolve around not drinking... mostly filling the evenings with carefully structure time-passing things.
It does pass though... I went to the pub yesterday for after-work drinks with some friends - I had diet coke and they had beer. I haven't banned myself from social drinking, but after-work drinks **always** lead to binges, so I avoid. I would have expected sitting in the same pub, with the same people, but not drinking would have been horrible. But it was fine - completely fine.

Anyway, it sounds like you're both doing really, really well!! :D
I don't think that "I'll never drink again" is necessary for a lot of people -- but I'd say you should give yourself some time before you drink again. Maybe a month or more. If you can't... well, that's not so bad. Drinking at the weekends means 5 days without drink. 5 days without drink is a great amount of time!

*hugs to all*