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Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0

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I've been battling alcoholism for around 15 years. I've bottomed out drinking a fifth of vodka a night, to just drinking a six pack of beer every other night. I actually met with my old sponsor tonight, and he brought up some good points. When I was attending AA every day and not drinking and working the 12 steps, I was happiest and just felt better spiritually, physically and mentally. I stopped going to meetings because some jag off said something to me that I didn't like. Therefore, I was like "F*ck AA."

"Rarely do we see a person fail who has THOROUGHLY followed out path..." I can't seem to put 5 months together. I'm sick of failing and having to walk back into the room and explaining to everyone what happened...yada yada. I need to get my act together. Period.
 
Jspun, that was an excellent response to the religious/cult misconception of AA. Thanks for typing that out here...
 
Vaya - do you have a private lawyer or are you represented by the PD? Are you planning to go to trial? If it's 3rd tier that might be an awfully high number, but if you have not already, most DUI defense attorneys offer free initial consultations. There are so many factors involved, and I hope that before you decide to go into a diversion or work-release program, that you at least talk to a lawyer about facts specific to your case. Maybe there was no probable cause for the stop. Maybe you weren't read all your rights in addition to Miranda. Talk to a lawyer! I've seen people walk who got a second DUI while in diversion because they had a good lawyer. I've seen others spend fortunes on fines and diversion because they didn't. I wish you the best with your case and your personal situation.

I've pretty much lost the urge to drink; the last big bout, my stomach felt awful for days. I'm not hanging out with heavy drinkers or in bars - a HUGE help. I'm not sure how many days abstinence now... that's a good thing. I'm under a lot of stress, the time I am most prone to drinking. Instead, though, I'm being active and concentrating on the many tasks at hand. I have felt a little socially isolated, since most of my friends up here drink like fish. I've gotten closer with my friends that drink less and are more inclined to go for a movie, dinner, hike, whatever... staying busy has helped.

I was a little irritable at first for sure. I've had no real choice other than to shift my focus.
 
Dragon Slayer Good Luck with sobriety. Don't go out over a resentment over some jackoffs comments. I know- the room is full of them. Stay sober and be the one to make them resentful. By the way, for me personally I'm scarred I'm one of the constitutionally incapable ones they talk about regarding thouroughly working the path. But I guess I got to follow that path to completion and stop doing things my way to find out. Otherwise my life is still prety fucking good. Can't seem to explain to people why I still post on bluelight.

Vaya Thanks for the kind words. Good luck. Mariposa has a point. My brother-in-law defends drunk drivers out here. The attorney can make all the difference especially with such stuff as knowing what the judges are like, ect...

Mariposa- When I drank I had chronic nausea from hepatic involvement and gastritis. Anyway was at the AA Southern CA convention last night and this morning. Really good speaker from Santa Monica at young people's main speaker meeting. Now I have to go to a coworker's birthday and there is gonna be alot of drinking so this is gonna be a test. You still living in the Bay Area?

How's it going blahman, sephr, rc, et al?
 
Hey jspun. Well, I'm still drinking. I hope you're doing alright. I'm back to battling this and just want out. At least part of me does.
 
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I don't know why but all my favorite people hang out in this thread.=D I just came in to say Hi and to give each of you a hug. A hug is such an all-purpose form of touch. It can mean congratulations and be celebratory, it can express empathy and be meant to as a way of symbolically sharing your own strength with a fellow human being that needs some, or it can just be a hey-glad-I-share-the-planet-with-you kind of all purpose expression of affection. I came in here today wanting to give out all of the above. I'll put a quote in here from an inspirational guy we are all lucky enough to share existence with right now:


“We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.”

Thich Nhat Hahn

<3Sepher<3Blahman<3n3o<3Vaya<3Vanweyden<3Jspun<3Mariposa<3Dragonslayer
 
Thanks for the hug Herb, it was a good one! :)

*squishes back*

Jspun, I'm doing good still, thanks for asking. Coupla days will make it another week under my belt, another week closer to the 3 month mark which is my next goal. Not gone 3 months yet, fell off the wagon just 2 days short of it last attempt, so it will be a significant little milestone for me when I get there, and I have no doubt whatsoever that I will be able to make it this time. It will be a good moment, something of a relief when I get there, and proof I've got a better grip on things this time out. Looking forward to it. :)
 
Sepher You'll do it. I have great faith in you. Your my sobriety partner. (Kinda like a crime partner but were sober). You bring good news.:D Are you from the UK?

Herbavore Thanks for the uplifting quote and for spreading the good vibes- keeping this thread loving and upbeat.

I'm fine. Couldn't be better Blahman. Your post brings back memories of the shakes, the anxiety, the isolation, and the having to grit your teath and bear the misery of withdrawl/ carving/ irritability when you have to get through stuff sober- just kinda feeling shitty all the time. But anyway, your honesty, I believe is a great asset. Maybe the benzos might help just don't do what I did and start mixing them with alcohol because its like getting a double habit when chipping on top of MMT- plus its potentially a deadly combination- though this is less likely when you have an EtOH habit.

You can do it my man. Good luck.

Went to the convention yesterday and heard all kinds of crazy shit. 20 year old girl who was getting coke delivered to her hospital awaiting her 4th heart transplant (how she kept getting hearts given her history is beyond me), but she's been sober for like 5 months. Heard some other intense stories as well.

At another meeting tonight had some guy take 90 day chip. His fiancee died of an overdose last night. They got clean together. Its a potentially deadly disease that fools us (at least me) into complacency.

Hearing you describe what your going through helps me Blahman. Hope you get a break!
 
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herbavore - Thank you :) You always know how to bring some positive energy here, and it's much appreciated by all of us.

jspun - Thanks for your reply. I ended up editing out most of that last post of mine because it seemed too much of a bummer, and I tend to do that a lot when I've been drinking. But I'm definitely feeling pretty low lately. I do feel like benzos would help with the anxiety, instead of having to drink a beer in the morning and 1 or 2 on my lunch break. But benzos certainly won't help with the depression, which is what makes getting up in the morning feel impossible. I'm sure my mornings would be easier if I wasn't drinking so much at night, yet I don't know if I'd sleep at all if I didn't. But this is how the habit always takes over, every time.

Well, it's Monday morning, and I've got work soon. Hope you all have a good day.
 
Nothing to add except i think if i stop doing H, ima go back to beer
 
^Its not a perfect option for everyone, but could you try subs or methadone maybe? Some people just need that chemical assistance in one form or another, and its probably better to get it from a doctor than scoring on the streets or going back to the booze. Anyway, just a thought. Good luck.
 
jspun said:
Sepher You'll do it. I have great faith in you. Your my sobriety partner. (Kinda like a crime partner but were sober). You bring good news.:D Are you from the UK?
Click to expand...

Thanks for that. Sobriety partners it is then. Do we get to go on adventures and stuff? Matching outfits, anything like that? I'm probably thinking more along the lines of Batman and Robin, or Men In Black there than crime partners maybe. Never was a very good criminal and from what I've seen of Goodfellas and Mean Streets and Pulp Fiction and what have you crime partners tend to have the most appalling dress sense. I'm not wearing a shiny suit for anybody, I'll tell you that for free! ;) And yeah, I'm from Leeds in the North of England, God's Own County ( more commonly known as Yorkshire ). Quite where God comes into I do not know. Nice bits out in the country right enough, but you'd struggle to find a divine presence in the cities. Most of 'em are shitholes in decline in the main. It's grim up north!
 
jspun said:
Mariposa- When I drank I had chronic nausea from hepatic involvement and gastritis. Anyway was at the AA Southern CA convention last night and this morning. Really good speaker from Santa Monica at young people's main speaker meeting. Now I have to go to a coworker's birthday and there is gonna be alot of drinking so this is gonna be a test. You still living in the Bay Area?
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I hope you passed your test. :) When I'm asked in social situations why I'm not drinking, I default to a few different answers. Generally, I say I'm on a medication that is contraindicated with alcohol, which is true. At my last physical about 6 weeks ago, no hepatic issues. Alcohol, being a solvent, can tear up the stomach lining. Otherwise, I say I'm the designated driver, and that's also usually true. Many people here do not drive by choice. I have to, because I split my time for work and school between two cities. Yes, I am based out of the Bay Area. I don't have to go home until next month, and in the meantime, I'm concentrating on school. I work for my family for a fraction of what my skills are worth. They're 10 hours away and I can actually have a life now!

blahman - it is a constant battle, isn't it? I hope that you feel better soon. Please do not give up.

Vaya - as jspun reiterated, it's so important to have an attorney who will aggressively represent you. You can find some of those in the PD's office. Some states allow plea deals to lesser offenses, which wouldn't mess up your insurance rates as much as a DUI conviction would. Hiring a private attorney will likely cost you less in the long term than the increased insurance rates, SR-22, and ignition interlock device that are a mandatory part of most diversion programs.

herby - once I've got all my scheduling figured out, I'm thinking it would be great to meet you and your family, to see my friends in SoCal - we can meet up at an ice cream shop so that none of us who have temptation issues with alcohol get into any trouble. :)
 
Mariposa said:
herby - once I've got all my scheduling figured out, I'm thinking it would be great to meet you and your family, to see my friends in SoCal - we can meet up at an ice cream shop so that none of us who have temptation issues with alcohol get into any trouble. :)
Click to expand...

Yeah but what about the one that has a terrible ice cream problem? =D I would love to meet you. Figure out that schedule!
 
I didn't act on a really strong craving to pick up a small bottle of liquor on way home from work, today. I wanted to post about it, as the strength and speed with which this sick desire ambushed my senses has left me still off-kilter.

I managed to pray about it, remind myself of what my abuse of liquor has recently robbed me of, and to practice Mindfulness on the thought to prevent it from consuming me. I was so, so close to relapse I could *taste* that burn which my esophagus finds so masochistically thrilling.

Thanks. I hope everyone's day was met with an element of tranquility :) Take care,
~ Vaya
 
Good, inspiring stuff Vaya.
You definitely made the right decision.
I hope this placed a little more strength in your life.
 
Hey, sweet Herbavore, no reason for this message except I read wise and kind posts of yours all over the place, you are a source of light and goodness, so bowing head and sending homage to you. Not even pertinent to me, this post, but: thanks. You're a good one.

<3<3<3
 
Its my 36th sober day.
any tips for insomnia?
Its really hard to fall a sleep and I always feel tired.

thanks :)
 
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